After three straight days of headline news about the worldwide antics of Bad Weather, a frustrated sibling challenged the media, particularly those that cover the family business, to “stop enabling this extreme behavior.”
At a hastily called press conference on a bright beach in Belize, Good Weather uncharacteristically blasted the world’s press for focusing almost exclusively on blizzards, rain storms and cold snaps that have interfered with air travel and inconvenienced millions of people across Europe and the United States this December.
“What does it take to get a little attention?” the sunniest offspring of the Weather clan hotly asked reporters. “I’m keeping the skies crystal clear over Hawaii and all I hear is how they’ve got too much rain in Los Angeles. I whip up some mild, fragrant breezes in Tel Aviv and there’s a live shot on ESPN of people pushing snow off fake grass in Minnesota. A bunch of travelers get stuck in airports all over Europe and it leads the news. Meanwhile, the neighbors of those very same people are relaxing on a patio in Thailand, enjoying tropical fruit drinks and an amazing sunset they’ll remember forever, thanks to ME, and there’s not a mention of it anywhere – not even in a friggin’ blog, the lowest form of news coverage on the planet.”
During this tirade, a brief thunderstorm erupted on the beach, sending reporters scurrying to the hotel lobby. The episode quickly turned to a light mist, followed by rapid clearing and a breathtakingly calm twilight perfect for a romantic walk in the surf, but by then the world’s media had started their bar tabs and many refused to return to the outdoor briefing room.
In a press release distributed at the bar an hour later, Good Weather apologized for the outburst but noted that “my best attempt at producing something inclement only led to a more beautiful evening,” and warned the media that rewarding Bad Weather’s “over-the-top, attention-hogging theatrics that create crop damage, erosion, destruction of property and massive population displacement” will only lead to more of the same.
Efforts to contact Bad Weather for a comment were unsuccessful, as most of its locations were under some sort of service outage yesterday.
Mother Earth declined to express an opinion on the disagreement, but pointed out that the Weather family is quite extensive. In addition to Good and Bad there are more moderate siblings, Mild, Heavy, Beautiful, Rough and Balmy. “Bad and Good have always been carping at each other and begging for attention,” said the matriarch of the Weather family. “I love all my children. Good has always been best behaved but is extremely sensitive, and Bad is by far the most interesting.”
Who was the favored sibling in your family?