Baboons in the News

This story from South Africa was just so charming, I couldn’t resist. A baboon breaks into the car of a guy whose job it is to follow around the baboons to make sure they don’t mess with people and break into their cars.

I, too, have been this effective in some of the jobs I’ve held.

The Daily Mail’s story says the baboon monitor is “flinching out of the way” of the thief, although the caption could just have easily said “The baboon, tired of being watched, decked the nosy monitor with a brisk right hook as he made off with the prize.”

We know that the baboon took the man’s bag out of the back seat and made off with it. We have no clue what was in the bag, but obviously it was something irresistible. Only Blevins knows. Or is this Rhonda? Or some other member of baboon society we have not yet met? Clearly, there is an untold tale here. Perhaps through bits and pieces of imagined detail drawn from our vast reserves of baboon knowledge, we can divine the true story.

Tell it.

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45 thoughts on “Baboons in the News”

  1. Morning all — missed you the last few days — finally have a little time to myself!

    This is clearly a story of a work relationship run amok. Everyone knows that a good law officer needs their informants and consultants. But after years of feeding the warden tips and giving him advice, this consultant has finally snapped. No more sitting in the backseat and not more bananas as payment!

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    1. your comment brings to mind the old Wile E. Coyote cartoon, where he and the sheepdog both clock in with their lunchboxes and bid each other good morning, then get down to the business of their daily conflict.

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  2. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    This baboon, um, distinctly male as one might notice, is named Michel Bokman. He was aware that a certain politician from Minnesota, America has the same name. This particular politician, rumored to have a book? coming out in December, was vacationing in S. Africa, enjoying the fabulous beaches there before the book? tour. The man getting whopped by Michel had the purloined sole copy of the manuscript of said book?, encased in a brown paper bag like the trash it truly would be. Michel Bokman is making off with alleged book? in an attempt to save humanity from political drivel. One can find the pages scattered across the beautiful beach, soggy, stained, and ink-smeared, as doomed as the campaign of any Michel Bokman could be.

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    1. I think that sounds right, Jacque. That seems to be a very smart and socially aware baboon that is probably involved in a lot of actions to help baboons and straighten out people.

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    2. Jacque,
      I just read the article and I think there may be a difference of opinion on sex assignment here. We may need Marcus Bokman to settle the question or at least pray it away like a good psychologist.

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  3. Good morning to all,

    I think VS is on the right track. That baboon is starting a new movement due to the way it has been treated by humans. He is setting an example for other baboons and trying to occupy the car. Soon there will baboons occupying cars all over the place. He has probably taken the bag because it contains evidence of the unfair way people are treating baboons.

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      1. Come gather ’round baboons where ever you are
        For the time has come to sit in the car
        And books must be stolen
        To save our red arse
        For the Times they are a’ repoooooorrrrrting….

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      2. There’s never enough for a baboon to eat,
        And they come for us e’en though they’ve just got two feet,
        We know how to get in
        and sit on the seat.
        For the Times they are a’ repoooooorrrrrting….

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      1. a few, Clyde – we are very sandy and hilly in our back 30, but i can see some in the low areas behind our property. and on cty road 5 there is an area where it is just golden splendid! i love that they wait until most of the other leaves are gone to do their display.

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  4. I think the baboon is pretending to be Lindsey Lohan trying to evade the papparazzi on it’s way into court to be sentenced yet again to more community service which it will never complete After court it is going to pose for the centerfold of Nature magazine.

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  5. Thank you Dale, I needed a new picture for my door bulletin board.

    There is something to be said for being observed ‘too’ closely. My daughter for instance, having some special needs there are daily reports… and things reported that, if it were any other kid, wouldn’t even get noticed. And how would you feel if every time you slammed a book or grunted someone made little check mark in their notebook? You want a check mark?? I’ll give you something to “check mark”!

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  6. It’s Baboon Spring! Haven’t you seen the Twitter Feed, the youtube, and the Al Jazeeruh covrerage (this isn’t the Arabic TV -Al is an old colleague of Bud Buck)? Soon the baboon nation will have its own flag, a relationship with NATO, and the ability to throw off not only the monitors but the banana republic repressors like Dole.

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  7. Hmmmm… story written by Wil Longbottom, no doubt an alias and the real name is Redbottom. It’s obviously a publicity stunt by the baboon community to bring attention to their plight.

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  8. I do not know if all other participants want to announce this, but south central chapter of the Baboon Society will have a charter meeting next week. Secret handshake, password, and flag will be selected.

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    1. Yes, we will be meeting and I guess it would be okay if others outside our area come if you don’t mind, Clyde. I think Krista and I are the only ones in this region and we will be there. We will also come up with a South Central pep song. It could start out with, “We are the mighty, mighty, mighty, South Central Babooners”.

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  9. Greetings! It’s a never ending circle of who is watching whom. Are humans watching baboons or are baboons watching humans? Maybe zoos are set up by primates as a way to spy on humans and find our weaknesses so they can prey on us. Leaving cars unlocked with goodies inside is a clear invitation for trouble! Baboons are rising in power!

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  10. Clearly baboon performance art, incorporating dramatic and satirical elements in the postmodernist tradition, constructing a platform for political commentary (i.e., sun cream as a symbol of global climate change), and challenging orthodox human/baboon dynamics. Authentic and original, the piece touches on issues of biodiversity and gender confusion. A tour de force for Blevins.

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