It has been a few weeks since we’ve heard from Bart, the bear who found a cell phone. Apparently he’s been scouring the news wires, and is feeling a little sensitive about inexplicable inequalities. This has been translated from its original language – Ursus Textish.
Hey, Bart here.
Couldn’t help noticing this.
A bear shows up on a college campus, climbs a tree, draws a bunch of gawkers.
A guy shows up at Niagara Falls, climbs a wire, draws a bunch of gawkers.
The guy gets a live TV show and applause from a crowd of more than a hundred thousand.
The bear gets shot with tranquilizers, which makes him fall out of the tree, and then gets trucked off to “the forest”.
I’m not saying bears and people should be treated exactly the same, but what’s up with this? The bear was humiliated for doing what bears do naturally. What’s the crime? Yet there is nothing natural about a guy walking across a waterfall on a wire. Did you know bears have very, very good balance? We do!
The guy got celebrated and called a “daredevil”. But if I said I was a “beardevil” and tried the same thing, Animal Control and PETA would have a cow (yet another violation of the natural order)!
This cell phone really troubles me. Since I got a data plan, I’m seeing all sorts of things that just don’t make sense.
How good is your balance?