Today’s post comes from the elected representative of all of Minnesota’s water surface Area, the Honorable Loomis Beechly.
I see that Presidential Candidate Milt Romney is going to announce his Vice Presidential pick through a special Veep App, and he’s offering his followers and adherents a chance to be among the first to know by downloading the software pronto!
That’s super clever! Social media is the future – at least that’s what I hear people saying around the old water cooler and over the backyard fence! Any politician who has something that people really desperately want should be like Mint Romney and have an app written to deliver it. By doing it that way, current and would-be office holders can get a head start with all their digital socializing – collecting names and addresses and matching those names up with pet issues and hot buttons so they can tailor their campaign pitch to appeal to each individual voter.
That’s where we’re going – political marketing on a person-by-person basis. Of course, selling any candidate is super-difficult because most politicians don’t have anything that the people really want.
I know I don’t.
One exception would be if I suddenly had a bunch of money to hand out.
Or if I had some good-paying jobs to bestow on people. But if I had those, I’d probably want to set up a patronage system where bootlickers and sycophants would give me campaign contributions to get the jobs for themselves or their relatives.
Aside from forking over really sweet gifts like money and jobs, politics is pretty much all about inside baseball. I don’t think your average app consumer is going to get very hyped up about being the first one to know whether the Veep is Pawlenty or Portman. How could anyone? The news just isn’t that compelling.
One thing politicians do have that people find fascinating – we have the ability to create gaffes. So don’t say Government can’t produce anything!
Gaffes are small or large-sized mistakes that turn into content engines – drawing eyeballs to websites and even old-style analog media platforms. I have no idea what I just said, but I’m told that a good gaffe can be worth millions to the media company that’s ready to exploit it. And one great Gaffe Fact – they’re always part of the GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product). Even if you manufacture a bunch of gaffes overseas like Mutt Romney just did, they’re always going to be American made.
And that’s why I’m thinking I should create an app to serve that need – a Gaffe App. Think of it – the Loomis Beechly Gaffe App would notify you whenever I’ve insulted a foreign head of state or belittled an entire city or nation, or if I’ve made policy off the cuff, or if I said something incredibly stupid or misinformed or if I just got somebody’s name wrong! The information would come to you so fast, you’d know I’ve goofed up even before I do!
I’m not sure Miff is savvy enough to come up with that kind of technical innovation, but I think I am! I just don’t know if I’m as good as he is at creating the gaffes. But I’ll try, because I think an Amercia that produces things is the kind of place I want to be from, no matter where I say or what I go!
Your Dedicated Public Servant,
Have you ever produced an app-worthy gaffe?
If not, try to identify all of Congressman Beechly’s gaffes in today’s post!