Today’s post comes from Bart, the bear who found a smart phone in the north woods. Bart’s entry has been translated from its original language, Ursus Textish.
As Summer gets closer to Fall, I’m seeing even more Bears in the News. It’s getting kind of old, because what I’m hearing is the same old thing. The media say that we’re hungry and looking to stock up on body fat before we hibernate.
How do they know what we’re really looking for?
I’m not a big fan of the mainstream media, mostly because their name promises a stream and then doesn’t deliver. I’d love to have a real cool stream to wade in right now! But that thing about wanting to get all fatted up – that one is probably true. I know I’m feeling the urge to eat stuff that I shouldn’t eat so I can get bigger than I’m supposed to be. Or maybe AS BIG as I’m supposed to be.
With all the human-made media I’m watching, I’m getting sensitive about my weight because you people put pressure on yourselves to be thin all the time. But that’s not the bear way. We’ve got a skinny season and a fat season, every year. Right now we’re definitely moving from the Stout Weeks into the Chunky Time.
I’m not saying we bears are better than you or smarter than you or even more realistic than you, but wouldn’t it be less stressful to just give yourselves permission to be ready for exposure to the elements?
The weather is still pretty nice – so why not use this time to go around foraging for high calorie additions to your diet? Heaven knows you can’t save any money for retirement right now or do anything else to insulate yourself from the unforgiving shock of cold, cold weather and possibly no job!
There should be a place where you can just go wander around and choose the most exotic, outrageous and fattening food that humans eat, as a way to prepare yourselves for the inevitable.
Oh wait. You’ve already got that.
Your Bulky Buddy,
I told Bart that he’d better not come to our State Fair this year unless he wants to get a few dozen quick tranquilizer darts from antsy security guys who would like nothing better than to start Bart’s hibernation a few months early. But he has a good point. What’s wrong with designating a fat season and a skinny season, other than the fact that we’d all probably just go from a fat season to a fatter one?
How does your diet change through the course of the year?