Chunky Time Cometh

Today’s post comes from Bart, the bear who found a smart phone in the north woods. Bart’s entry has been translated from its original language, Ursus Textish.

Hey!
Bart here.

As Summer gets closer to Fall, I’m seeing even more Bears in the News. It’s getting kind of old, because what I’m hearing is the same old thing. The media say that we’re hungry and looking to stock up on body fat before we hibernate.

How do they know what we’re really looking for?

Me During My Slim Months – last Spring

I’m not a big fan of the mainstream media, mostly because their name promises a stream and then doesn’t deliver. I’d love to have a real cool stream to wade in right now! But that thing about wanting to get all fatted up – that one is probably true. I know I’m feeling the urge to eat stuff that I shouldn’t eat so I can get bigger than I’m supposed to be. Or maybe AS BIG as I’m supposed to be.

With all the human-made media I’m watching, I’m getting sensitive about my weight because you people put pressure on yourselves to be thin all the time. But that’s not the bear way. We’ve got a skinny season and a fat season, every year. Right now we’re definitely moving from the Stout Weeks into the Chunky Time.

I’m not saying we bears are better than you or smarter than you or even more realistic than you, but wouldn’t it be less stressful to just give yourselves permission to be ready for exposure to the elements?

The weather is still pretty nice – so why not use this time to go around foraging for high calorie additions to your diet? Heaven knows you can’t save any money for retirement right now or do anything else to insulate yourself from the unforgiving shock of cold, cold weather and possibly no job!

There should be a place where you can just go wander around and choose the most exotic, outrageous and fattening food that humans eat, as a way to prepare yourselves for the inevitable.

Oh wait. You’ve already got that.

Never Mind!

Your Bulky Buddy,
Bart

I told Bart that he’d better not come to our State Fair this year unless he wants to get a few dozen quick tranquilizer darts from antsy security guys who would like nothing better than to start Bart’s hibernation a few months early. But he has a good point. What’s wrong with designating a fat season and a skinny season, other than the fact that we’d all probably just go from a fat season to a fatter one?

How does your diet change through the course of the year?

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84 thoughts on “Chunky Time Cometh”

  1. It’s pretty obvious that out of the whole Baboon tribe, I’m the only one still awake really late. My normal bedtime is 3AM and I get up at 10AM. My response to today’s question is that I’ve been in “hibernation” for two years now. I wish it were otherwise, but ever since my esophagectomy, I have no appetite at all. Ever. I wander around the kitchen, gazing in the fridge or into a cupboards in search of anything at all that I might be able to force myself to eat. So many doctors have told me, “Food is medicine”. I used to be able to eat as much as two men (and my weight reflected this!). Now, it’s a good day if I can get two small meals down.

    The good news is that I’ll be the most slender classmate at my 50th. high school reunion in about a month. Also, I spent most of my adult life wishing I had the motivation to lose those 5, 10, or 15 pounds and this isn’t an issue anymore!

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    1. I guess you are not a good candidate for putting on weight in the fall like a bear, CB. You do seem to have the sleeping habits of some wild life that is active at night.

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    2. say cb i see by your post yesterday you are in a new mind set about your political tirades now that the post has banned your stuff. if you want to put it to some use let me know and i will offer you a constructive application to your venting

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    3. Cb, is your lack of appetite due to diet restrictions, pain in swallowing, or loss of taste? Even though I’d like to shed fifteen to twenty pounds, I sure wouldn’t want to lose my appetite to do it. At some point slender turns into emaciated, hope your appetite returns before that happens.

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      1. It’s strictly due to feeling full and having no “hunger-triggers” at all. A good-enough analogy would be having no taste buds (although I do). Actually, the perfect solution would be to partner with a gourmet cook because the only time eating is tolerable is when someone provides a meal with company.

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  2. On Friday I am inaugurating my State Fair diet. I will be going to Kemps to taste the first batch of Mini-sota Donut Ice Cream. I will also learn more about the free samples of cold ,creamy donut -filled pleasure that will be given away at the Great Minnesota Get Together. There will be a voting option at the Fair , but until then thanks for your continued support at http://www.kempsnextflavor.com/ and https://apps.facebook.com/kempsfavs/contests/

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    1. Let us know where we need to go to vote at the fair. I want to vote (and, perhaps just as important, I want to try the ice cream).

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    2. How could it NOT win? I can’t wait to try it either. A few years ago, #2son and I agreed that we didn’t NEED to go to the fair every year (unlike tim) and that we would alternate. But since they all run together, I forget if it’s an ON year or an OFF year.

      I think we did go last year (I remember the new karaoke place up beyond Machinery Hill and missing all the animals because we arrived too late on Labor Day). So this should be an OFF year but between Mini-sota Donut Ice Cream sampling/voting and wanting to see animals, I think we’ll go.

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    3. I only have a few things that are “musts” at the Fair, but Mini-sota Donut Ice Cream is on the list this year!

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        1. I just answered the foods… since that was the topic of the day. I actually have quite a lot of OTHER musts. In no particular order… cow & horse barn, seed art, Pet Center, butter heads, agriculture building (gotta love those big punkins), Miracle of Birth, parade… that’s a good start!

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  3. Good morning. I don’t know if my diet changes very much with the season. It’s my weight that changes and probably not my diet. Every summer I drop in weight and in the winter my weight increases. I think this variation in weight is due to being more active in the summer than in the winter. You would think that my appetite would increase when I am more active. That doesn’t seem to happen. In fact, if I work really hard, I sometimes have a decrease in appetite and eat less than usual. When I was young I was a big eater and didn’t gain weight. Now I am not a big eater and would put on a lot of weight if I downed the amount food I ate in my younger years.

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  4. It was a hot, dry summer in 1998 when conditions were so bad for bears that they broke into my cabin and had a food riot. The berry crop failed that year, depriving bears of the key food source for fattening up for hibernation. Obviously, we need an emergency program now to fill the woods with HoHos and Twinkies so our bears can get chubby enough to hibernate. It would be expensive, but I’d like to see us fill the woods with TVs equipped with remote controls so the bears could fatten up naturally, the way we do it.

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    1. ill bet there are a lot of those tv converters available now and the old tvs without high definition are a dime a dozen. its the extension cords and the bowls to put the chips in that would be expensive

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      1. I was thinking the same, tim. I can’t believe that an animal that is happy to eat rotten fish and maggots would insist on digital TV, and I even wonder if they’d watch black and white.

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  5. i cant believe the fair starts in a week. i was in a meeting last night and the were calling for follow up to be done the 29th and 30th and i couldnt believe anyone would schedule things for while the fair is going on. i really enjoy the fair and could easily enjoy the fair every day. when my kids were little we would go 5, 6, 7 times a year and now we go at least a couple. the animal barns the art building the flowers and of course the food. i dont usually eat a lot of garbage but at the fair the cheese curds, cheese on a stick onion blossoms bucket of cookies corn on the cob all the milk you can drink chocolate milk shake and those fries are awfully good. the falafels at falafel king often get a taste over in the food building. in real life chips call out to me, at the fair there are just those couple of other diversions
    my diet is changing currently to accept the gluten free lactose intolerant thing i have evolved into. i enjoy grilled cheese but it puts me to sleep, i enjoy the dairy queen with my daughter after softball but two sips of malt are all im good for. something about the fair where i walk it off as i am eating it allows for a bit more allowence . mine sota donuts will get a taste test for sure but i will not be one of the larger customers out there at the grocery store where it will be featured for the entire month of september in every cub, rainbow lund and byerlys in the area. should be fun, congrats in advance. if the bear in the link who raided the candy store in estes park colorado has any relatives here he can tell them to stay home. i dont think they would be so well received.

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    1. tim, I’ve been making gluten-free, lactose-free, high protein, vegan shakes for breakfast. Here’s what I made this morning:
      3/4 cup almond milk
      3 tbsp vanilla-flavored soy protein powder
      1/2 a banana
      1/2 a peach
      1/3 cup blueberries
      1/3 cup shredded Swiss chard
      pinch of nutmeg
      Whirl in your blender until smooth. Then add 1 tbsp almond butter and whirl until smooth again. I’m still full.

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      1. Sounds good, Krista! Husband has been making a double batch that uses banana, another fruit if present, cooked brown rice, a little kombucha, and chard or zucchini or whatever needs using… Yum.

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  6. I eat more fruit in the summer, especially when the Idaho or Washington peaches are in the stores. We get Woonsocket melons (South Dakota cantaloupes), and Washington cherries. We also tend to get lamb in the fall. The butcher in Newell, SD found two local lambs for us and they will be ready to pick up in about three weeks. Newel is a three hour drive, in the shadow of Bear Butte. Our band is performing there in September at a chemical dependency halfway house, mostly playing old rock and roll selections. This time of year also means that the Swiss Chard is plentiful in the garden, so I have been making Italian greens pie with chard, pancetta, onions, and ricotta cheese.

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        1. If you find the recipe, I have added 2 c. of ricotta to the greens. She mentions it as a possible ingredient, but doesn’t specify how much to add. This tart uses 2.5 lbs of chard, and it is loaded with health and good flavors.

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        2. I couldn’t find it, Renee, but I’m sure I have 2 1/2 lbs of chard in the garden. I also have a lot of kale. Are there eggs in it? I’m imagining eggs with the ricotta….

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        3. Maybe Renee could post it but change a few ingredients with a wink-wink so that no copyright issues would be raised. (baboons = swiss chard, blevins = pancetta, etc.) I’d be interested in seeing it, too.

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    1. :) I still remember calling in and telling Jim Ed that Ed should include butterheads and crop art in the song.

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      1. 2nd verse better than the 1st

        I still remember calling in and telling Jim Ed that Ann should include butterheads and crop art in the song

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  7. We haven’t heard of any bears raiding homes and stores in Clarks Grove. We have had a visit from a skunk. There was an odor in the shed where we keep our trash can. It wasn’t a skunk. It was a dead rabbit that I didn’t know was in there.

    My wife opened the door to the shed and was very surprised to see a skunk. I looked into the shed and could faintly see the skunk looking out at me. After leaving the shed door open to let the skunk out, I pulled out the trash can and found the dead rabbit that must have attracted the skunk. I thought the shed smelled bad due to the skunk having been in there, but my wife said it smelled like a dead animal, not a skunk. She was right.

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    1. Another way to get rid of skunks under sheds is to throw some lutefisk under there. That attracts Lutherans, and they drive out the skunks. But then you have the problem of a bunch of Lutherans under the shed, and the law limits what you can do to drive humans out.

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      1. I have heard that lutefisk works for getting ride of rats and I should have know it would work with skunks. There are several places that have special lutefisk dinners once a year in this part of Minnesota. So far I have not made it to one of those dinners. Apparently skunks like to eat rotten rabbits. Are those Lutherans really eating something that would drive away an animal that thinks rotten rabbits are good to eat?

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        1. Depends on the toughness of the Lutheran……

          Some just want to support your right to marry whomsoever you choose and make sure you have enough coffee, some are downright unpalatable.

          At one time, both Michele Bachmann and Tim Walz were Lutheran. To the best of my knowledge, Congressman Walz still is.

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        2. No, I wasn’t thinking of eating any Lutherans. I was only considering going to one of their lutefisk feeds. Did you think I might make a mistake and eat a Lutheran instead of lutefisk at one of those lutefisk dinners?

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        3. Mistake? Not necessarily. I’d assume a Lutheran tastes better than lutefisk. I assume everything tastes better than lutefisk. I’ll know that the State Fair has finally run totally dry on creativity the day they announce a booth for lutefisk on a stick. That would be the end of civilization as we know it.

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        4. In Clarks Grove they have an aebeskiver dinner each year because this is originally a Danish community. The aebelskivers may be better tasting than the Danes, but not too much better. I don’t think they are the real thing. Aebeskivers are said to be a little like pancakes and the Clarks Grove aebelskivers are exactly like pan cakes except they are shaped like a golf ball. The pan cakes they resemble are the ordinary kind served at most pancake dinners. I wouldn’t go out of my way to attend the Clarks Grove feed. It is a community gathering and does draw a large crowd.

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        5. Those community eating festivals sure are popular, Jim. Put the Bayfield (WI) Apple Fest on your list of community eating fairs to avoid. That thing is so CROWDED that nobody goes there anymore.

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    2. That reminds me of a story. Way back when, when my siblings all attended the little one room school out in our neighborhood, my Dad was on that school board. One late summer day, a day much like today, one of the women went to clean the outhouse and get it ready for the beginning of school.
      And she called my Dad to say she couldn’t get the outhouse door open. Dad goes up to investigate and what he found was a foal from a nearby farm had wandered into the outhouse, got behind the door, then, not being able to get back out, died in there.
      So they dragged the dead foal out and proceed to scrub the outhouse down with bleach. And never told the kids there was a dead horse in the outhouse.

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  8. I went and read “Tomatoland” by Barry Estabrook, so I now refuse to eat winter tomatoes. No loss, since homegrown tomatoes are divine and supermarket tomatoes are the purest expressions of the banality of evil.

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    1. CG – you and I are on the same wavelength this year! I’m in exactly the same boat after reading “Tomatoland”. In fact, it was this book that led me to the research on growing tomatoes that eventually ended in my straw bale garden this summer. Tomato plants going absolutely wild! Having fresh tomatoes every day right now and have done one recipe of roasted tomatoes for the freezer so far.

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  9. Like Renee – I eat a lot more fruit and veggies, salads in the summer. When it’s hot who wants to heat up the kitchen (no a/c) and even the summer kitchen was too hot when it was 95 in the shade. So theoretically I should be skinnier in the summer, right?

    There’s a great Northern Exposure episode (“Bon Hiver”?) where Holling is taking orders at The Brick and helping people fatten up, describing some of the high-calorie items on the menu. He also takes a poll on who might not be around come spring, so they can have enough graves dug ahead of time…

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  10. Nobody really wants to know my diet, but Dale asked nicely so I’ll answer nicely. In summer I eat way too many carbohydrates and a goodly amount of fresh green salads. In summer I eat way too many carbohydrates and a goodly amount of fresh fruit. I float this diet on a huge daily serving of Low Sodium Original V8 laced with vicious dollops of Tabasco and Tiger Sauce.

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        1. Your post begs for the traditional definition of Minnesota’s two seasons: winter and road repair. Or as Anna and I are experiencing: winter and bridge repair!

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  11. This is my first year for a while when I’m not part of a CSA group. I gave it up because I love going to the farmers’ market and I couldn’t keep up with the undefineable things in the box. I’ve only been to the farmers’ market once this year so that hasn’t worked out so well. I do eat more veggies in the summer.
    I love spring, summer and fall but i do look forward to being able to (and wanting to) cook more substantial things come late fall and winter.

    The one thing that doesn’t change with the seasons is my desire for sweets. I feel deprived if I don’t have something yummilicious at least once a day. It would really be better if I could limit it to once or twice a week.

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  12. Way OT, Sorry:
    A couple people emailed me about why I am not commenting on here. I do not have the time or inclination right now, which I do not want to explain nor explain why I do not want to explain because it would be explaining why I am not commenting. Sorry.
    I think it will be awhile before I am back on.

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    1. Clyde, thanks for letting us know that you are busy and I will look forward to seeing your comments when you have more time.

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  13. I eat heartier foods in the winter: more stews and soups and a little more meat. I start craving comfort food in October and November – especially things like roasted chicken. I eat locally in summer, looking around for local eggs at farms and stopping at produce stands and farmer’s markets as much as possible. I also try to grow, freeze and can as much of my own produce as I can. I love fresh fruit in the summer, especially the peaches and blueberries. I usually eat cold foods in summer: smoothies, salads and wraps. I bought a small gas grill and have used it to grill locally grown veggies and marinated tofu – yum!

    I only gain weight now. Losing weight doesn’t even seem possible anymore. I love cooking and will become obsessed with a recipe until I’ve tried it. And, like Bart, I’m addicted to sweets.

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  14. It was a lot of fun reading about POORTIM yesterday. I had a busy day and finally finished with the house project that started last May. I closed on my refinance (is that supposed to be hyphenated?) yesterday and will have a little money left over, which I can use to replace my rotten and unsafe deck.

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  15. While we’re talking about food we’d be remiss if we didn’t give a nod to Julia Child who would have 100 years old today. Happy Birthday, Julia!

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