Category Archives: Spin Williams

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Windmill Tattoo

Today’s post comes from marketing wiz and idea generator Spin Williams, who is always at The Meeting That Never Ends.

Today is a great day to be alive!

Why? Innovation and technology!

I’m constantly amazed at the exciting new technical possibilities that just keep on emerging in a never-ending stream of inspiration – like sweat pouring from the brow of a long-distance runner.

No, literally!

There’s a new bit of research out there that demonstrates how to generate a small amount of electric current from the lactate in the sweat of people who are exercising strenuously.

This caused quite a bit of excitement at The Meeting That Never Ends, because we’re always looking to capitalize on the next big thing, and also we sit around a lot.

But that would change pretty quickly if technology created systems and techniques that could turn every person on the planet into a bio-battery. The researchers used special enzyme imprinted on a temporary tattoo to create a reaction that delivers the charge. The amount of electricity produced is very small right now, but wait a few years.

I mean literally – don’t do anything right now!

Save your strength for later, when it will pay. Imagine it – your sweat could provide the fuel to run your phone, or your watch. Or, you could sell your current to the electric utility by plugging your tattoo into a socket.

Amazing!

And here’s the best part – there is a kind of lazy man’s justice in the way this works. The more out of shape you are, the more electricity your exercise creates! That means there will be lots of efficiency-enthralled guys like me who will be doing the same numeric calculation in the name of trying to stay just broken down enough to be a top producer of juice. Young people – figure this into your future.

The day is coming when your armpits will do the very same work as nuclear reactors!

I love the future. If I could patent the whole thing, I would!

Your energetic optimist,
Spin

To become a bio-power plant, you’ll have to get a tattoo.
What does yours look like?

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Tipping Point

Today’s post comes from idea man and marketing expert Spin Williams, who is constantly trying to stay ahead of the future at The Meeting That Never Ends.

I’m excited, because giving management advice is always a money maker! That’s why we love, love, love this New York Times article about unhappiness on the job.

It has started a new conversation that’s going to make it possible for us to charge clients some hefty fees! And the basic premise is SO TRUE – everybody is depressed about the way things are going at work.

That’s right – everybody! That’s why I believe we’ve reached an economic and employment tipping point. Everything in the workplace is about to go topsy-turvy, which sounds like a great calamity but it’s actually a wonderful money maker for us if we can spin it right and get enough CEO’s into panic mode!

A couple of years ago in the Bad Old Days when there was no money, I was one of those managers who thought the disgruntled employee set was a bunch of selfish crybabies. Setting up daycare centers, fitness clubs and free transportation for the workforce made no sense to me. “Employee Coddling” is what I called it – a misguided HR strategy that I thought would totally undermine the bottom-line focus of successful corporations.

After all, the business model we inherited from the 19th century is built on exploitation of labor. Every mogul has been taught to consider the workforce with this thought in mind: “If they’re not miserable, we could be making more money!”

But now we know businesses that help employees feel valued and successful are the ones that prosper most. It seems employee coddling can be good for the bottom line! In fact, this particular quote in the New York Times story really hit home:

A truly human-centered organization puts its people first — even above customers — because it recognizes that they are the key to creating long-term value.

Of course! Everything you thought is now the opposite. The employee is now the customer, and a modern workplace should sell their employees the feeling of being valued. Here’s where the math comes in – we’ll create a package of automatically deductible employee fees.

  • Workers can buy a thoughtful boss upgrade.
  • They will be charged a sane workload assessment.
  • And their pay will be docked for the meaningful work surcharge.

And the best part is – if we can get back half their wages through these fees, your business is suddenly breaking even!

This is a genius idea because Americans are so moved to do work that improves the lives of others. So in the future, we advise smart companies to hire people to play the role of grateful customers to help employees feel even better about their jobs!

Yes, I’m promoting the idea that employees will become the firm’s actual customers, and their current customers will become their employees.  In a weird way, it all makes perfect sense, and it’s inevitable!

You probably need our management advice to deal with it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Future Ahead, Over and Out,
Spin Williams

What is it worth to feel happy in your work?

No_more_woof

Fido, Speak!

Today’s post comes from the dealmaker and marketing genius Spin Williams, who is always in residence at The Meeting That Never Ends.

We’re always on the lookout for sparkling new ideas that have great potential but seem so ridiculous at first blush that most venture capital firms decline to get involved as a matter of image preservation – they simply don’t want to look silly.

No_more_woof

Well at the Meeting That Never Ends, we don’t have that problem. We know that the people who make BIG money must be willing to appear foolish sometimes – and maybe all the time. That’s why we love this Scandinavian dog communication project, called No More Woof.

Not only is it a creative and technologically feasible idea – it’s totally charming and completely fund-able. And if you don’t believe me, watch the video. It’s worth it just to hear the beguiling way those Swedes say the name of the product. If only my dog barked like that!

We think this product has great potential, especially since making the connection between your dog’s thought patterns as measured by the EEG and actual sentences using words and complete ideas is an act of translation that is wide open to artistic license, and what’s more, commercial influence!

For instance, we all know that when friends come to visit you at your home, Fido will greet them with excitement and his thought patterns would likely translate into something like “Do you have anything to eat?” and “I’d like to sniff your butt!”

But who could prove that he didn’t also want to say “Forty Per Cent off selected Lady’s Shoes this weekend at Famous Footwear” or “Degree™ antiperspirant and deodorant is engineered for superior long-lasting protection!”

It’s possible, especially if Famous Footwear and Degree Antiperspirant decide to sponsor some time on your dog’s Stream of Consciousness. After all, who could resist a product when it’s pitched by your best friend?

Mark my words – Ad Mutts will someday completely take the place of TV. Recognizing that obvious truth before everyone else does is the thing that separates great entrepreneurs like me from always penniless consumers like, well … you!

That’s a free glimpse of your future. Don’t say I didn’t tell you so!

Your farsighted friend, Spin

Spin may have a point here, though it’s a horrifying one. But corporations would likely demand some kind of advertising override feature so Fido isn’t yammering on about getting low insurance rates through Geico while he’s shredding your new down pillows and chewing up your iPhone.

And although the name of the product is charming, what if it turns out that the word your dog is REALLY thinking of happens to be … “Woof”?

Given the power of speech, what would your pet talk about?

x_and_y_chromosomes

Brand Loyalty

Today’s post comes from marketing whiz Spin Williams, a wheeler-dealer who is always in residence at The Meeting That Never Ends.

The economy is picking up! It’s a world full of great opportunities for smart people who are willing to embrace risk and do deals. But it’s also important to know when to walk away.

Case in point:

I’m not at liberty to say who made the offer, but during a recent new business discussion at The Meeting That Never Ends we heard from a very well-known genes manufacturer who was shopping around the famous Y chromosome for a possible takeover.

x_and_y_chromosomes

Naturally, we considered it. The Y is a well known brand name in the chromosome industry, making up a significant portion of all the chromosomes out there. It comes in second only to the X chromosome, which is the runaway market leader. In fact, the X is so reliable and effective, it has a 100% market penetration. Some people love the X chromosome so much, they have two! But there is a foothold – around half the population has at least one X and a Y. It was a bit disappointing to us to learn that very few people have two Y chromosomes, and we noted that as a possible marketing goal, should we decide to do the deal.

Doing our due diligence, we discovered that the Y was for sale because its maker has come to the realization that the chromosome is almost worthless, having been shown through scientific studies to contribute very little to any sense of individual well-being or overall usefulness. Most organizations considering a takeover would have walked away at this point, but my experience has shown me that marketing is more powerful than science. As proof, I offer the fact the we still have a tobacco industry! The value of any particular thing is in the eye of the beholder, and there is solid survey information to indicate that most Y chromosome users love and defend it simply because they already have one, and not because of any inherent benefits it may bring to the table.

And there’s a sizable portion of the chromosome-consuming public that doesn’t understand the product and doesn’t know which brand it prefers.

So in spite of the Y chromosome being inferior, we felt certain we could develop a marketing plan that would boost brand loyalty and make the Y seem more fresh and hip than it does today. Whether we would get to a point where X-only consumers might actually feel some envy for those with a Y was hotly debated at the meeting, with one side expressing certainty that such envy was impractical and impossible, and the other group adamant that Y envy pretty much drives all decision making by X’s. It turns out one of the side effects of having a Y is an outsized enthusiasm for the supposed benefits of Y-ness that X’ers don’t generally seem to share.

Similarly, it was the Y-freindly crowd that was all Gung-ho for immediately pulling the trigger on this deal and sorting out the consequences later. The double-X’s in the room were feeling less impulsive, constantly asking ‘How do we monetize this?’, ‘Where’s the benefit?’ and other fun-stifling questions like that.

Because there was no getting around this fundamental conflict, we walked away from the deal. First, though, we made a surprise bid for the X chromosome, thinking a seller in the mood to divest one of His low-performing properties might take the bait on an unexpected left-field offer for the most popular genetic product in the world.

That was a non-starter, but we all had a good laugh over it.

What does it take to get you to switch brands?

See-saw

The Sad/Happy See-Saw

Today’s post comes from Idea Man, Marketing Genius and Convener of The Meeting That Never Ends, Spin Williams.

See-saw

Wow, I couldn’t believe it the other day when I read that Facebook makes its users sad! A study reveals that people are so annoyed by friends who are traveling, going to nice restaurants, surfing, skydiving, adopting a puppy, and living life with joyous ferocity that they begin to feel, well … ordinary.

‘Why can’t MY life be so fabulous?’, the Facebook Frowners ask, just before they sink into an irredeemable trough of self-loathing. And of course their lives are a disappointment because they spend far too much time watching and worrying about what OTHER people are doing on Facebook!

We brought this up at The Meeting That Never Ends because it puts hundreds of millions of people on an emotional see-saw, and there has to be a way to make some money off that.

The question:
Which came first, the Facebook or the Sad?

The answer:
Where do you get off asking such a dumb question? It doesn’t matter. Why aren’t you out dancing every night like your attractive, energetic friends Bob and Carol?

Did you know this? Only some Facebook users were bummed by the interesting activities of their friends. However, ALL Facebook users were made sad by the news that Facebook makes you sad! Why? Because now they’re lumped together with a bunch of envious losers.

AND the Facebook = Sad equation makes non-Facebook users downright giddy when they find out about it. Presumably NOT through Facebook.

But before you begin to gloat, take note – most of the non-Facebook users spent what would have been their Facebook time watching TV, which also promotes impossible comparisons with beautiful people. TV can make you feel sad AND stupid.

Here’s the kicker – not only are most of these additional statistical details remarkable, they are also totally made up and were never in the study to begin with. Does that make you feel like a chump? It should – because that’s what you are if ykou believe anything you read on the Internet!

Now don’t you feel a little down?

The difference between Facebook sadness and TV sadness is that the impossibly beautiful people on TV are folks you don’t know and can NEVER know. Of course they’re smiling – they got on TV. The people on Facebook are your friends. They’re a lot like you. So it stands to reason their happiness would make you furious.

Which brings me to this great new personal service idea – Facebook Fact Checking! What if you could hire someone to uncover the dark side behind all those smug faces you see? Wouldn’t it make you feel better to know that trip to Paris they gushed over by posting all those gauzy photos was actually a rainy, bitter nightmare that left them barely speaking to each other? They didn’t say any of that in the captions to those pictures at the Louvre or the Eiffel Tower. Why would they? It took FikkiLeaks to find out!

Of course, hiring one of these Personal Information Gathering Surrogates (P.I.G.S.) might feel like arranging with a private investigator to spy on your friends. But it seems so tawdry when you put it that way. And sad.

Don’t be sad. Let’s turn the page!

Your pal,
Spin

What makes you sad? What gets you out of it?

Tiny Flying Robots

Today’s post comes from idea man and envisioneer Spin Williams.

Here at The Meeting That Never Ends we’re thrilled to pieces over advances that have been made lately on the creation of very Tiny Flying Robots (T.F.R.)!

these-flying-robot-flies-will-haunt-you-video

When I was a kid, I was allergic to bee stings. I used to get totally freaked out when a bee came anywhere near me. I would react by running in circles, waving my arms wildly over my head, and crying for mercy. My brother would weep with laughter as I panicked. My terror was wonderful entertainment for him – as it always is with older brothers and their little siblings.

My mother encouraged me to calm down by trying to picture things from the insect’s point of view.

“Imagine, ” she said, “that people ran away whenever you approached. How would you feel? The bee can’t help being a bee, so why make it worse for him by having such a fit?”

I’ll always love my mom for having such a good heart, but this bit of advice never worked for me. I suffered with a severe case of Grade School Cooties from the time I was 5 until about age 12, so people DID run away when I approached, and I knew it sucked. So I didn’t care about the bee’s feelings. I could keep humans at a distance, but bees were so small and fast my defenses were useless against them. The notion of one getting too close to me was positively mortifying.

To this day, I cannot think about anything but my own sudden death whenever there is a bee around.

But if I had my own swarm of T.F.R., I could deploy them as a cloud to surround my head and keep the REAL bees away.

I know people worry about the possible unprincipled government use of Little Insect-Like Drones to invade the privacy of law-abiding citizens, but I see them as being so much more useful for individuals like me. T.F.R. could be configured as a potential force field, a personal space-maker, and an affordable airborne army.

Or they could become an especially fierce substitute for hair.

I can think of all sorts of reasons why everyone would like to have their own squadron of diminutive flyers. Filling the air with tiny buzzers that are at your command would be extremely empowering. And like our very own Defense Department, I refuse to think about how enemies might eventually use the same technology against me.

But they wouldn’t dare. We’re America!

I love the future – I wish it was here already!

Your pal at T.M.T.N.E.,
Spin Williams

I suspect Spin will soon get his wish – T.F.R. will be available on a widespread basis within five years. How do I know? I little buzzing machine whispered it in my ear!

How would you deploy your Tiny Flying Robots?

The Mailman Dresseth

Today’s post comes from idea man Spin Williams, who is always in residence at The Meeting That Never Ends.

I was sitting in The Meeting yesterday considering the disappointing retail numbers from the fourth quarter of 2012 when I finally understood the source of all our problems.

Not enough marketing.

You heard me. People who hate marketing because it’s artificial will argue with me on this, but I believe marketing is the only thing that can revive our sluggish economy. If consumers aren’t consuming and spenders aren’t spending, you have to do something to make them WANT things. Ideally they will want things that can be manufactured cheaply and sold at an enormous profit. And all you have to do is convince them this cheaply made thing will turn them into the people they long to be.

Simple, right?

Not so. Our recovery is being held back by an absence of role models. We’re finding out that athletes, movie stars, and even politicians are not the sterling examples we wanted them to be. Why buy an actor’s name-brand body wash or a football star’s replica jersey when the chances are so good that they will be in disgrace before the week is out?

With constant surveillance and the 24 hour news cycle contributing to overexposure for everyone, it is simply too risky to identify yourself with anyone known. That’s why this idea struck me as pure genius.

Letter Carrier by Dolarz via Flickr
Letter Carrier by Dolarz via Flickr

The US Postal Service is about to launch a line of branded clothing. Soon you will be able to buy garments that resonate with the Postal Service motto about persevering through snow, rain, heat and gloom of night. The idea is not to look like the mailman, but to carry the mailman’s determined reputation through to your everyday outerwear.

Brilliant!

Here at T.M.T.N.E., we want to solicit other public servants to license clothing brands of their own, just in case the postal idea takes off!

I’m thinking selfishness is going out of fashion. Today’s buyers want to identify with people who work to serve the common good. All we need to do is list some of those noble individuals, figure out how they dress, and get the to sign before it’s too late!

Any suggestions?

I happen to think garbage haulers are heroes, but I’m not sure I want to dress like one. Not head-to-toe, anyway. Ankle-to-toe? Maybe. Could a line of hypo-allergenic steel-toed boots have some appeal?

Today’s marketers want to sell you on the idea of dressing in someone else’s clothes.
But whose?