Today’s post comes from Dr. Larry Kyle of Genway, the supermarket for genetically engineered foods.
Let’s talk about Bamboo!
I don’t like it. Once it grows beyond the “shoots” stage, it’s impossible to eat. Most people I know don’t care for it as curtains for flooring either. So I could get through a typical day without thinking very much about bamboo, except for one thing. Bamboo is a major, major food for pandas. And we just heard yesterday that climate change could destroy bamboo forests and leave the already endangered pandas with nothing to eat.
That’s why desperate authorities begged me to take their money to apply Genway’s unique but strangely successful approach of random and unsupervised experimentation to the potential panda problem by creating a bamboo variation that can grow at any temperature.
Yes, they begged me to save these charming creatures from the ravages of climate change and starvation.
But I refused!
I did it for three reasons.
- Pandas have no money and can’t shop at Genway, so creating a new food for them is a waste of my time.
- We don’t do unsupervised experimentation using other people’s money, because it quickly becomes un-unsupervised.
- Fixing bamboo so it can grow in spite of climate change will not solve the problem.
Americans need to do less driving. That’s the quickest way to reduce greenhouse gasses. But changing that habit will be very difficult, and I’m afraid science can solve it as quickly as intimidation can. That’s why I would like to suggest that food companies and political leaders join together to take another food hostage until climate change is stopped and the pandas are saved in a proper and sustainable way.
My suggestion – French Fries.
Yes, I know it’s a cold-hearted approach. But only when there is a terrifying personal cost will we even begin to consider not taking the car. Something dear has to hang in the balance. Think about it. The complete loss of French Fries would be emotionally devastating. And it would be a great step forward in the promotion of healthy lifestyles.
In other words, win-win, except for the political penalty to whomever proposed it and became its champion.
President Obama, are you listening? You’ve just been re-elected and you can’t run again. There is political capital in the bank and you’re looking for something significant to cement your legacy. You’ve already done the politically impossible by passing “Obamacare”. You’ve done something visceral by getting Bin Laden. Why not finish with something emotional and sweet.
How does “He Saved The Pandas (and the Earth)” sound as a legacy?
It’s simple. Take French Fries hostage. As the bamboo forests decline, ration the fried potatoes. Forge a connection between our favorite food, and their favorite food. Force America to change its ways and the pandas will live!
This is certainly a departure for Dr. Kyle, who would normally avoid politics and stick to science. But perhaps he has a point – some problems can’t be solved in the lab.
Driving or French Fries. Which is more important, and why?