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Whither Wendell Willkie?

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Here’s a guest post from Willkie High School’s perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden.

Hey Mr. C.,

So we had this all school assembly because February 18th is Wendell Willkie’s birthday, and I got to give the Willke Day speech because I’ve been a sophomore, like, forever, and they’ve never asked me. Now that the older teachers are getting pretty clear signals that they’re going to get set out at the curb the next time there’s a downsizing, a couple of them pressured principal Peepers to give me a shot. I think hearing me speak to the whole school was on somebody’s bucket list. So anyway, here’s my speech:

Parents, Administrators and Fellow Students,

Today we honor Mr. Wendell Willkie, our school’s namesake.
He was a famous loser. He ran for president and lost to Franklin Delano Roosevelt in the 1940 election, just before the United States got into World War II.

So our man Willkie was the almost-President of the country that won the biggest war the world has ever seen. He lost an ocean of future textbook ink, he lost having his own presidential library, he lost a starring role in all those History Channel documentaries, and he lost having a Wilkie Monument on the National Mall.

What did he get as a consolation prize? He got our high school. That’s it. And when you think about it, that’s a pretty big burden for us to carry.

Wendell Willkie was a moderate Republican, a weird kind of creature not quite as ancient and disappeared as a Stegosaurus, but close. For some reason they couldn’t reproduce.

But coming up short is cool today. Career counselors say our failures make us great. The key is what you do AFTER you lose. Wendell Willkie recovered by taking a job with the man who beat him. That’s right – Roosevelt hired Willkie to travel around the world as his personal representative. How’s that for bouncing back? You get to have the perks of a president without the responsibility – not a bad rebound.

And he didn’t give up, at least not in his mind! Willkie still wanted to be President, and maybe King of the World, too. There’s a pretty reliable account that during a State visit to Asia, Willkie dallied with Madame Chiang Kai-shek. She reportedly told a confidant later that she thought she and Willkie could take over the planet together. She’d run Asia and he’d take the Western world.

Ruler of Earth in cahoots with a temptress from the mysterious East. Not a bad daydream for a guy from Elwood, Indiana.

One other cool thing about Willkie – he had a heart attack on a train, and died because he wouldn’t get off to seek help. The story is that he wanted to get back home to his own doctor. A true Republican hero at the end – resisting One Size Fits All health care. And I can think of just one other famous American who died of a heart attack on a train – Fats Waller.

Pretty good company for a really big loser. First in Failure! That’s our Willkie!

I thought this was a decent speech, but they stopped me when I got to the line “He was a famous loser”, turned off my microphone, sent everyone back to class and gave me extra detention for being inappropriate. In the best Willke tradition, I failed big on a really big stage. Pretty good tribute, eh?

Who would you choose as your partner to take over and rule the world?

76 thoughts on “Whither Wendell Willkie?”

  1. Good morning baboons! I actually loved Bubby’s speech. The boy shows signs of becoming educated.

    My partner for ruling the world would be my friend Artshot Sue, a sculptress who lives in New Jersey. She has every quality I lack—being young, artistic, athletic, gorgeous and scientifically savvy—and her politics are definitely leftish. She’s deft with iPads and iPods and all that modern computer stuff that confuses me.

    We’d need help, as running the world is a big job. I’d like a thoughtful and vigorous vice president, someone like Steven Colbert. For Secretary of State I’d insist on getting the best: Lady Gaga. My first choice for Secretary of Defense (we don’t have to stick to living figures do we?) would be Paul Wellstone. My speechwriter would be Abe Lincoln, although I’d urge him to put in a few more jokes than he’s be inclined to use. Jay Leno would be a good press secretary. Our cabinet meetings would be fun.

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    1. You seem to have this well thought out…clearly you have been planning your overthrow of the world’s governments. I think your mild mannered demeanor and “arthritis” is a clever ruse covering up your nefarious schemes and underworld organization.

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  2. either bob dylan or the splendid table lady lynne rosetta casper. dylan has endless conversation about nothing and everything on his radio show on xm and i enjoy his humor and lynne because it would be good just to sit in the kitchen all day and solve the worlds problems. what is this conference table stuff. give me a bowl of mushrooms and some wine, throw in some garlic and decide what kind of soup to make while we are discussiing the best alternatives on the tax appropriations for the next century. world issues always go better with a lttle salsa dont you think. when you get stumped on iran invite someone over to bake bread and make a tea party with darjeeling not michele present. and maybe bob could join us as the secratery of rhyme to add poignant moments to the discussion. once upon a time i had a lime didn’t i, made some juice signed a truce didn’t i people say we don t need taxes dont drop that bomb wine just relaxes . my kind of political framework. if i ruled the world…

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  4. I’m thinking I’ll just turn the world over to you two. It would be a huge weight off my shoulders. And I’d wake up smiling every morning. 🙂

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    1. Yeah – what Robin said. I have no interest in ruling the world. I have a hard enough time trying to take charge of my own life.

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  5. Hmm,-when things aren’t to my liking-too many different iterations of credit card swipers or my inability to magically arrange free care for a needy family I am likely to say, “When I rule the world this won’t happen.” I never considered having a partner in this endeavour-could that be why folks always laugh at my approach to the issue?

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    1. Same here, Beth Ann. My husband inquired rather wistfully if I would choose him as a co-leader. I said of course, but I don’t know if i could share that kind of power well. I can be a little bossy. I think it comes from being an only child.

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  6. you know if we could get a group going with the conscious and integrity of obama and someone like rt rybek we could build a lasting power that would be able to help do the right things for the right reasons and not all the weird stuff that the gop and the tea party try and lead the hores to water with. the idea of ruling the world has stopped being about doing what is right and has become doing what is advantageous. it is incredible that we have people starving all over the globe. if the starvation were going on in iowa we would have it fixed in a minute. the fact that is in africa, south america, eastern european and the distant asian corners of the world seems like an excuse but i guarantee if there was gold or oil or diamond mine discoveries there they would be overrun with foriegn bodies like eastern north dakota is today. nobody starving in williston this week. we got the next chinese guy in here last week mukateen is as good a place as any to have as a refference as to how america works. certainly preferred over nyc or cheyanne or birmingham. wouldnt it be nice if he turned out to be a forward thinking world view guy instead of the same old stiff we get normally, dick cheney we dont miss you at all, george w , were you ever even here or just your talking head on behalf of those who put you in place and told you what you think. if the world would let the good guys go and give a disciplinary action to the jerks who steal plunder and pillage the world because if they get caught all they have to do is pay there way out and send their kids to yale. it would certainly be refreshing to see but heck who am i kidding , i cant stand the bs there is in the pta or the council that runs the basketball board of directors. i would like to see huge actions against bad behavior and self interest and then i think the me me me guys would go to some other arena where it is understood that it is all about cut throat tactics and the ends justify the means so you had better cover your butt, but does that really have to be the way it is in helping to set up the world plan. too bad. obama found out the reality the day he stepped into office. 3 years later he hasnt given up but a good guy standing in front of a broken machine is enough to make you cry.

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    1. Wow! Your stream of consciousness is like microwave popcorn, Tim! Pop, pop pop, pop pop pop pop – BLAM !! I love it, especially when you write, “The gop/tp weird stuff trying to lead the HORES to water”. Keep it up!

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  7. you know what is needed in the world now is a new perspective. a new leadership. dale connelly as head of the baboon party could offer just such a perspective. i think we send up as his vice presidental partner abraham lincloln. no more truely loved republican and as we discussed recently just cause youre dead doesnt mean youre not still the best choice for the job. abe left us with the answers to all the questions dick cheney faild at and joe biden has avoided even being around to discuss.
    also as per anna fan of the norweigen curling teams pants i think baboon pants are in order to be worn as evidence of your political stand without youre having to speak up. i think a lot of baboons would appreciate that.
    hey how about those lutherns voting for freedom of sexual choice. i would have lost a dollar on that one. good for them.
    attached are the baboon fabric choices. we can vote on the pants over the weekend/

    http://www.fabric.com/SearchResults2.aspx?Source=Header&SearchText=monkey&CategoryID=1d5f47dc-9991-4088-93f3-26a376046a5e&cm_guid=4-_-4515407886-_-270200099-_-e&cm_mmc=MSN-_-Designer+Quilting+Fabric-_-Monkey+Fabric-_-Monkey%20Fabric

    here again are the norweigen curling pants:
    http://www.usatoday.com/sports/olympics/vancouver/2010-02-16-talk-of-vancouver-wednesday_N.htm

    get on the trail with dale

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  8. you know what is needed in the world now is a new perspective. a new leadership. dale connelly as head of the baboon party could offer just such a perspective. i think we send up as his vice presidental partner abraham lincloln. no more truely loved republican and as we discussed recently just cause youre dead doesnt mean youre not still the best choice for the job. abe left us with the answers to all the questions dick cheney faild at and joe biden has avoided even being around to discuss.
    also as per anna fan of the norweigen curling teams pants i think baboon pants are in order to be worn as evidence of your political stand without youre having to speak up. i think a lot of baboons would appreciate that.
    hey how about those lutherns voting for freedom of sexual choice. i would have lost a dollar on that one. good for them.
    attached are the baboon fabric choices. we can vote on the pants over the weekend/

    http://www.fabric.com/SearchResults2.aspx?Source=Header&SearchText=monkey&CategoryID=1d5f47dc-9991-4088-93f3-26a376046a5e&cm_guid=4-_-4515407886-_-270200099-_-e&cm_mmc=MSN-_-Designer+Quilting+Fabric-_-Monkey+Fabric-_-Monkey%20Fabric

    get on the trail with dale

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  10. sorry for the duplication
    i found a way of getting around dales needing to approve the entry with two links but he is on the stick this morning and the duplication was not needed. sorry for questioning the next leader of the free world!!!!

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  11. If I were to rule the world, there would have to be tiaras. Many tiaras. My entire cabinet would have to wear them. I think my co-leader would definitely have to be someone better at project management than I, so perhaps my best friend Steph. She and I work well together, and she likes to use Gantt charts and freakishly organized things like that. There would, if she and I ran the world, likely need to be regular pauses for things like dancing to Abba – which would be good because it’s just fun to dance, and it’s hard to be cranky with your neighbor when “Dancing Queen” is blasting (even if you don’t like the song – I triple dog dare you to stay grumpy through the whole thing). Perhaps Miss Richfield could be our Secretary of State (and Tiaras). Bill Bryson would have to be my Press Secretary since he can make everything sound so dang charming. Defense, um, let’s put the Muppets on that – Big Bird is especially good at helping people with things like being scared, feeling insecure, and sharing and Miss Piggy can be tough when we need her to be. I think Sam Bergman, the violist from the MN Orchestra who co-hosts the Inside the Classics and is so good and explaining archaic musical stuff in an entertaining way, would be a good choice for Education (plus, he’d totally get the whole “arts are important to education” thing). Health and Human Services…hmm…think I’ll sic you lot on that. With the combined understanding of the weaknesses of the current system, knowledge about complimentary medicine and nutrition, and great insight into the notion that “laughter is the best medicine” I think you’d get things cooking there quite nicely. Oh, and if I ran the world, Newt Gingrich would be sent to colonize the moon. All by himself.

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    1. Anna, rather than sending Newt to the moon all by himself, why not fill the spaceship with the likes of Donald Rumsfeld, Michelle Bachman and other troublesome individuals?

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    2. put newt in a room and he is so full of himself there is no need for any additions. he is the kind of guy who improves every room he walks into, when he walks back out again.

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  12. Love it that several of you have thought through your whole cabinet!
    I would choose my (late) son Joel – he and Husband used to have hours of conversation that started with Joel saying “If I ruled the world…” and he had some great ideas. (Please don’t be sad, Baboons, when I post about him – it give me great pleasure to tell stories about Joel.)

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    1. I think I treasured most his sense of humor, Cb. You’ve got me thinking, and maybe it’s time I did a guest post about him. We’ll see.

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    2. joel was her son crystal bay. died 4 yers ago wasnt it barbara? we hear about him every now and again. he is not an insignificant blog member. we like having him around.

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      1. Oh, yes, I forget who knows what about him… He died 4 years ago in an alcohol related accident, was 26.

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  14. As to world leadership, I’m casting my single vote for Obama as I’ve never witnessed a more intelligent, mindful, steady, or adult president in all my years. His integrity, values & character are
    more amazing to me over time than ever.

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  15. Me as world leader, or any kind of leader – – Ha! If I HAD to do it, my co-pilot would either be my Israeli dance teacher friend or my Zumba instructor. As with “Dancing Queen”, you can’t be sad with either of these women. I would mandate singing and harmonizing for all.
    Since Bubby only asked for “partner”, not “partners”, I will keep my leadership simple and will spare myself the difficulty of filling my whole cabinet. You others have done exemplary jobs of filling yours.
    Dancing and singing don’t cover all world-leadership needs but we’ve got a good start on the pursuit of happiness.

    I’m looking forward to singing B-A’s and Linda’s lyrics tonight.

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    1. Watch out baboons- Linda and I won rhyming dictionaries and thesauri from the wonderful folks at MN Sings. We will gloat if you misquote a goat. It was a great time to sing along with a churchfull of folks and some very encouraging musicians.

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      5. I got to meet B-A. I tried to scope out Linda (“the one in black over there”) but lost track. It was a WONDERFUL time (as always) but especially so with the enthusiastic crowd and the recent news that the Lutherans had put themselves on the side of love against the amendment. We saw people with buttons saying “No On Everything” because there’s not a good amendment on the ballot. Besides singing lustily almost to the point of voice-loss, my claim to fame was starting the hand holding that accompanied the last song, “Love Will Guide Us” (at least in the front section). Powerful stuff.
        Congratulations again to Linda and B-A on winning the lyric contest.

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      7. Thanks for the baboonish support and encouragement for this endeavor – it was great fun. Sorry I missed you, Lisa – next time I’ll wear a goat pin so as to be easier to spot.

        Favorite slogan of the evening – “Vote like a Lutheran!”

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  16. Hello to all. I left early for a meeting today and was late getting home. May be it is time to hear a little more from Al Franken. He was willing to come forward and save us from having Norm Coleman represent us. We should hear more from him. I think I would like to ask him to help me run the world. The way things are I think we need some help from a guy like Franken who can be humorous. I don’t why he has been so quiet. Maybe if I picked him to help me I could get him to apply his skill with humor to the totally ridiculous situation we are in where we have the blind leading the blind into one terrible crisis after another.

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    1. i love al and i respect his ability to grasp a situation and explain it so it is understandable to the average joe. i think his being so quiet is a wise move at this early point in his career. the tea party is not very forgiving and the way als mouth works is go for the punchline and explain the distastefulness later. not a good formula today. i think he is doing a great job of choosong his battles and i too hope we hear more from him. good choice jim. you and al wouldhave this place on the right track in no time. and rush limbaugh is a big fat idiot.

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  17. Greetings! If I were to rule the world, I would want someone as intelligent, caring and interesting as Capt. Jean Luc Picard at my side. Besides the fact, he’s still hot. So is Sean Connery and Harrison Ford.

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      3. …and Colin Firth?

        BTW – any reports from the baboons who attended the sing last night with the “Sweetheart” rewrites? (did any of our tribe get their verse in the final version?)

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      6. do we want to put in john wayne to round out the macho and plug in sophia lauren, marilyn monroe and minnie mouse for the feminine counterpart? we could add katehrine hepburn, meryl streep and glenn close to be more modern about it.

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  18. Wow. Should I be concerned how much some of you have planned this out?

    Personally, I have no interest in running the world. You’ll never please everyone and heaven forbid you misspell a word or use the wrong phrase; you’ll never live it down. 🙂

    Back to my bookwork. Carry on.
    (And what about eye candy for the boys? Jaclyn Smith for me please)

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    2. Aw c’mon…I know at least a few men who consider George Clooney “eye candy” (granted, at least two of them are married to each other, but still…).

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  19. Vignette of the Day:
    Almost tripping on their long skirts, three little girls of about 5, 6 and 8 in full Samoli outfits rushed into the Barnes and Noble and up to the active display Nooks. Each pounced on a machine and started expertly finger the buttons to control the devices.

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    3. We live across the street from a middle school.. In warm weather from our front doorstep we can see the students playing basketball after school. The Somali girls in billowing skirts and head scarves look like butterflies, with very large sneakers.

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