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On The iWatch Watch

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Today’s commentary comes from disgraced former journalist Bud Buck, who is a plagiarist, a liar, a serial exaggerator and a sensationalist. But still not a bad person.

I wanted to be at Apple’s Big Reveal in Cupertino, California today, but I stayed home instead.

The tension that comes from the knowledge that Great Expectations are about to meet and totally exceed (or be completely dashed by) mundane reality is just too much for me. The next frontier is said to be “The Internet of Everything,” particularly wearable objects that seamlessly interface with your life in ways that will be extremely valuable and thoroughly indispensable in the future but at this point, they are utterly impossible to imagine.

Until after the announcement is made, that is.

I don’t have enough energy for this. Plus, I couldn’t get an invitation.

But I am exhausted from the relentless build-up and all the uninformed chatter. The Apple-obsessed Geek Army that rules our technological conversation expects to see an iWatch that is absolutely wonderful and world-altering, and as soon as the announcement is made they will stand in single file to wait for the chance to buy theirs regardless of the price or the time required to get to the head of the line.

Equally enthralled Apple followers expect to be bitterly disappointed. And in some cases these are the same people!

But for this reporter, it is not too much to wait for tomorrow, or the next day. I’m already convinced that everything will change. Either Apple will do it again, or Apple will cease to be Apple. Either way – different world.

It reminds me of the night I graduated from high school. After the ceremony in our bunting-bedecked gym, all my classmates had gone off to their celebrations but I lingered, handcuffing myself to my former locker, certain that everything I knew would soon be gone and determined to hang on to every moment for as long as I possibly could. When the fire department and police officers arrived with bolt cutters and a straight jacket, I knew I had already made the transition into a new phase of life.

So I’ve decided to spend today in quiet reflection – taking a proper amount of time to carefully observe the life that I know and love before it all disappears forever. Cradling my 2nd generation iPhone in trembling hands and shedding tears for my dumb surroundings – the washer/dryer that isn’t aware of my location via GPS, the cufflinks that don’t know my current heartbeat and blood pressure, the toothbrush that has not already downloaded a list of what I’ve eaten today, and the socks that are blissfully ignorant of what I weigh, and also what I’m supposed to weigh.

I will draw out these waning moments as long as possible, for I believe we are in the last Days of Innocence, before Everything Changes.

Time Will Tell,
Bud Buck

What new thing do you look forward to?

44 thoughts on “On The iWatch Watch”

  1. Good morning. I’m in no hurry to get the latest new offering from Apple. I still don’t have an iPad or an iPhone. Some day I might get one or both of those and might even get some new device that Apple will make available in the future. I am not particularly looking forward to getting any of those things.

    Some day I would like to have a car powered by electricity that is not generated by burning fossil fuels. Cars of this kind are available as well as sources of electricity that aren’t generated by fossil fuel. I think I am not ready to change over to an electric car which I can run on the source of electricity I favor. I am looking forward to possibly doing this some day.

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  3. Morning all. I am really looking forward to a device that can vacuum and mop without me having to do it. And it has to be more robust and cheaper than the current technology which looks likes a large throat lozenge, takes all day to do one room and can’t handle the fur of four animals.

    Like Jim, I’m also thinking about better cars. My current car is 10 years old, so hoping the technology will be more advanced in 4-5 years when it’s time to level up!

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  5. I have a flip phone with a ‘pay per use’ plan that isn’t even offered anymore. Anytime I get a text chirp, my nephew tells me, “2003 is paging you again.”

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  6. I would like a Star Trek-like food replicator for the days I don’t have time or don’t feel like cooking. Not giving up my stove – I like baking and experimenting too much for that – but on a night when there is 30 minutes between arriving home and leaving again or when the day has just been too much of “a day” it sure would be nice to have a real meal instead of frozen pizza.

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  7. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    I still want the Star Trek Teleport thingie that takes you apart and puts you back together in a designated spot elsewhere. I also like the robotic maid/vacuum/duster idea. I also anticipate anything but the iPhone I now have which is a bundle of malfunctioning parts.

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    2. Yes, in a fantasy world, teletransportation would be great. I read a book a few years back that talked about the actual science involved in some of the Star Trek gadgets and it sounded like teletransporting was the least likely to ever happen. Rats.

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  8. Hi-
    Ben.
    I haven’t fallen off the edge of the Earth yet.
    But I had to respond as I have a new gadget!
    The two theaters I’ve been working at lately have the same lighting console and, when connected properly, I can use my phone as a remote. So standing on a ladder or up in a genie lift and I can turn on the light I want. it’s WAY cool.
    And plus now, since my lovely wife got a new iPad I got her old iPad and I can do the same thing with that BUT– even better, when watching rehearsal I can follow along in the cue list and take notes ON EACH INDIVIDUAL LIGHTING CUE and then I can pull up all the notes later — tied to the actual cue– and fix.
    It is also WAY cool. K.U.L.

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  9. On the flight back from Portland, and older man sat next to me fiddling with his flip top call phone. l got mine out and told him, “lt must be a generation thing?”. We then bot expressed a fear that these relics of time gone past would soon be extinct and “old dogs can’t learn new tricks!”

    The new thing l’m sort of looking forward to will be a brand new Macbook laptop – maybe even today. My 8-year old wants to retire, plus he’s recently very much annoyed me. His “i” key stopped producing and i altogether, sending me off to the Apple store. They said that l had 3 options: buy a new Mac ($1300); replace the keyboard ($150i)i; use the small drop down window on which an i can be manually inserted.

    Obviously, l went with the freebie. The only problem is that every single time l need an i, l have to cursor up to the fake keyboard and click on it! This is awkward, take extra time, and breaks up the flow of my rapid fire typing.

    The funeral for Mactop is upon me.

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  10. Me again – l just got an email telling me that my browser (what’s that?) has been “locked down” due to a “violation” spotted on the system. lt looked rather official and threatening. This violation was done by hackers or something like that…………

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    1. Reply to Crystalbay: Your browser is your internet cruising software, which for you is probably Apple’s Safari. My guess is that the email you got is bogus. Companies that want to sell you internet protection software will tell you that your computer is infected. If you buy their software, it will fix the problem.

      I just got email from Comcast telling me that my computer might have a bot in it. I am 99.9% sure this is a lie and represents the kind of scheme I mentioned above. If so, this is an unforgivable abuse by Comcast of a customer’s trust, and I am furious with them.

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  11. Like Jacque, I want beaming, so I guess I’ll just have to live in that fantasy world…

    I’m still trying to figure out if I can buy something (iPad or its Microsoft version) that doesn’t require Wi-Fi, whatever that is. I just want a second computer-like object that we can take on trips, plug into some connector in a motel room, etc. I know all I have to do is go out to Best Buy and talk to someone, but who has that kind of time?

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    1. Oh, dear. BiR, you do need help. You might want to try to learn what some terms (such as Wi-Fi) mean before you go to Best Buy; they probably assume a certain amount of knowledge and aren’t necessarily very good at explaining it to people.

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    1. if you werent an old idiot you wouldnt he readign about minnesota straw bale gardening in a state 2000 miles away in a different climate where you dont have a yard to garden in.
      its hard to live in a new place. your roots will always be with us

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  13. Now me, I just want the technology that allows me to tend my home and garden, hang my clothes out to dry, read books, craft the things I need and want, and not have to spend practically every hour God grants chasing money to pay for the basics required to live in my little house.

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  15. I could really use a transporter. Tomorrow I am driving to Luverne with my father where he will be admitted to the Hospice Cottage. He is just ambulatory enough to make the trip, with assistance. Husband is on the Rez for his first week at his new job, so it is just me and my dad. Husband will be back to our home Thursday night in time to cover everything from the frost. I could also use a dome to put over my yard to protect everything from the elements.

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        1. Thinking of you and all that you have gone through this year, Renee. Glad that your dad is in good spirits as far as the hospice cottage goes. It’ll be nice for him to see some of his old friends. And it’ll probably also be a load of off your mind. Hang in there.

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        3. peace. the cancer to the lungs sounds reasonable. i hope he has the nicest final days with you. and that you all enjoy the time to adjust to the next phase as it comes

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        5. Holding you, your dad and your family in my thoughts. I hope the transition to (and through) the hospice cottage is smooth and peaceful.

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  17. Today I am looking forward, not to some new technology, because I’m quite happy with my phone, laptop, and Nook, and only have those to help me, not to have the most recent and greatest technology – but to the day when I can do what i want with my own possessions (i.e. get rid of certain things) without getting flak from anyone else, especially someone who is going to be moving out in a few days anyway.

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  18. today my life is poised to pop with the launch of my new project. givcuz.com which will open in a week or two. i am participating in twincity start up week with all the twin cities techies who are helpful interested supportiveof the new biz. its a kick and i am really looking forward to it

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    1. Behind on my reading…have a blast at startup week. I will be at MinneDemo tonight, but that’s all I am able to get to. Looking forward to more news about project.givcuz.com.

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    1. 2023 is just around the corner. i know they are going to miln to set up their booth next summer. i love milan, there is something anticlimatic about having your destination be here

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