News, Poems

POTUS Minimus

26 Comments

Tonight the President of the United States will deliver his annual State of the Union address.

This is a ceremonial event that has it’s own set of routine features:

  • The president will trumpet his accomplishments and challenge his many foes.
  • He’ll introduce a list of guests sitting in the gallery.
  • The phrase “My fellow Americans …” will be included, even though roughly half of all Americans are not fellows.
  • Media reports will list the number of times he was “interrupted” by applause.
  • It will take a while.

Or he could set a precedent for State of the Union addresses, which are causing less and less of a stir news-wise because they are so predictable.

He could boil it down to three lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables.

I.
Hey Americans,
Skip fancy salutations.
State of the Haiku!

II.
Legislation? Eh.
A divided government
means more golf for me!

III.
Posturing feels good
Until your talking points meet
My sharpened pencil.

IV.
Everyone stand up!
I’m so pleased to have you here
Sitting by Michelle.

V.
The Union is strong!
Good, Tops, Awesome, or The Bomb.
Not many options.

Anyone can be president. Write your own State of the Union!

26 thoughts on “POTUS Minimus”

  3. Some things are good now
    Some still have work to be done
    I will get more done

    OR

    Speeches are nifty
    You have to listen to me
    I am resolute

    OR

    Decisive, crucial
    Significant, critical
    Pressing, momentous

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  7. Hey dudes and dudesses,

    We’re broke and owe up to our eyeballs. Send as much as you can now. We’ll nick you for more later. And we promise we’ll cut up the credit cards. Seriously. No really, we mean it this time. *sigh* I know we’ve made this promise before, but we always had a good reason. All these wars we’ve been fighting for you in the name of peace, love and harmony. And that darn War on Poverty! Whew, that one’ll never go away. But this time’ll be different. We really will cut spending (meaning we’ll spend less than we told you we would before, but we’ll still spend more than we did last year. After all, government bureaucrats have mortgages and iPhones too. Think of the unemployment rate spike if the government stopped wasti–er, spending money on all our wonderful programs like the F-1,999 Fighter jet, which will be the state of the art in aerial warfare in 2115!

    Oh, by the way, we won’t send you a tax bill as such. We’ll just inflate you to death and slowly erode your standard of living like we’ve done since 1970. Who knows, we may have to sanction marriage as a union between any THREE people so your combined household incomes have a better chance to not quite keep up with your inflated cost of living.

    Rock on!
    (and we really, really,really promise to try to think about maybe spending a few dollars less this yeaer than we thought we could get away with.)

    Chris in Owatonna

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