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The Tale of the Mail

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Today’s post comes from 9th District Congressman Loomis Beechly, representing all the water surface area in the State of Minnesota.

Greetings Constituents,

Getting out ahead of the inevitable demands, I’m releasing all my e-mail to the public today.

In terms of the amount of text produced, I’m not nearly as prolific as the former Secretary of State, but I hope I’m in better political shape than she is by being more open more quickly.

Hillary released 55,000 pages. I think I’ve got about 235, total. That’s not a lot, until you start reading them. Then it feels like Moby Dick. Say what you will about the varied talents of politicians. Some have a literary gift, but there’s a reason I kiss babies for a living.

Anyway, anyone who wants to is fully entitled to read through everything I’ve written. I’ve got absolutely nothing to hide, and there are a few things I can’t find in the e-mails that I wish someone would locate for me.

  • The address of my second cousin in Minot. Aunt Sophie sent it to me about two years ago and I thought I put it in the “Relatives” folder but apparently not.
  • My Linked In password. I kept forgetting it so I got cagey and sent it to myself in an e-mail message that had no outward reference to Linked In. That’s the problem.
  • A recipe for making a Crock Pot chicken that looked so good I made a special effort to save it, but now all the chicken recipes I can find look incredibly boring. Was I dreaming?

Seriously, pore through the texts and give a shout if you find anything interesting. The better you know me, the more you’ll realize I’m just an ordinary, good-hearted guy who bumbles along from day to day and struggles to keep track of things.

Maybe not just exactly like you, but close enough for government work.

Your Congressman,
Loomis Beechly

Influential critics have demanded you turn over all your correspondence, electronic and otherwise. Will you?

37 thoughts on “The Tale of the Mail”

  1. I’m thinking just giving them the archives from the blog might be enough to scare them off. Who wants to read about my misspelled opinions on the topic of the day.
    As far as finding things, could I put in a couple requests and instruct them on how id like things filed. Just yesterday I had to scan in a doc for someone and in looking for where’re the scan downloaded to I found myself in the midst of photos of ots of stuff I’d like help identifying… If I agreed to give it to them it’s only fair they agree to tell me what they find , …right?
    They may want to follow up a bit on my emails about tomorrow’s from years gone by. I think I’d like to do that too. Maybe senator and I could ask for some help getting organized together.
    Can we do a search for my Christmas mailing list?

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Good morning. Are these influential critics who want my email and correspondence agents who work for the National Security Agency and why do they want my correspondence and email? Maybe they think I am a whistleblower that should be locked up because I have released information that is embarrassing to the government. Should I start making plans to go into exile like Edward Snowden?

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  4. i sure enjoyed the discussion on kids and upbringing yesterday. nice to see clydes fingers working so well.
    i am in a busy stretch for a while and miss the ability to stick my head in while its relevant.

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  5. No. I want no one to interfere with my continuing negotiations with that Nigerian businessman who needs help transferring $15,000,000 out of Nigerian to the United States. He only wants to give me a third of the amount but I’m holding out for half.

    Liked by 3 people

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  6. All my work emails will be stored in Bismarck in an archive of State employee email. This is true. We are somewhat like Rep. Beechly out here, and I bet there are lots of chicken recipes in that archive.

    Liked by 3 people

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  8. I am part of the Department of Human Services, working in one of 8 human service centers across the state. We are connected by email. There are multiple email groups within each center to aid in mass email dissemination in each center. Sometimes people mistakenly send emails regarding bake sales and retirement parties or other sort of non-work events to every DHS employee instead of to the people at their respective human service center. It is nice to find out that there are homemade carmel rolls at the state hospital, but the three hour drive to get there is a little hard to do during a week day! Once, intending for the message to go just to our agency, one of my coworkers accidently sent out a plea across the State for a toupee that her granddaughter needed for a dance recital.

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  9. This is a gotcha question if ever there was one.

    If I say no, you will all think there must be some good stuff stashed away in there. If I say yes, I am exposing all those incredibly bright but never acted on ideas for someone with more gumption to steal and found their fortune.

    I will however note that my part-time workplace is most adament that one clear one’s email out frequently so as to minimize the costs of all that virtual storage, so there is precious little to be found there.

    Probably just as well, as so much of it tends to be people insisting on hitting “reply all” to express their joy at the advancement of someone I have never met.

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. No, you cannot have my correspondence. I will resign from whatever I need to resign from to protect my privacy. I have many deep dark secrets, including a large sum of money I’m trying to get out of Nigeria.

    Liked by 3 people

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  12. I really don’t have much to hide but I wouldn’t do it just on the principle that it’s none of their business. “Influential critics”…BAH!!!

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  13. It further strikes me that this is a lot like eavesdropping-one is unlikely to hear much that is pleasant if one goes poking ine’s nose into something not intended for their ears or eyes.

    Does the House GOP gang really want to know what the opposition thinks if them?

    I should think what they imagine would be scary enough.

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    1. They know full well she’s not hiding anything, it’s just the usual witch hunt.

      On a related subject, one of the brightest and most distinguished lawyers I know, a litigator, believes that the 47 Senators who signed that letter to Iran did, in fact, break the law. He doesn’t believe it rises to the level of treason, as some tabloids have claimed, but he cites another law (18 U.S.C. 953 ) that he thinks they clearly violated, a law that would result in three years in prison if they were convicted (as opposed to treason which carries the death penalty). Will that happen? He doubts it. Doesn’t believe that Eric Holder will bring charges.

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        1. Here is the full text of what Bill Pentelovitch, a partner with the law firm where I worked, had to say about the matter:

          “One of the New York tabloids accused the 47 U.S. Senators of treason for sending their obscenely stupid letter to the government of Iran. Was it treason? If you look at the statutory definition (18 United States Code 2381), I would say it is doubtful. But I don’t think there can be any reasonable doubt that all 47 of the Senators who signed the letter violated 18 U.S.C. 953 (pasted below), should be indicted for doing so, and be sent off to the slammer for three years (which would beat being convicted of treason, which carries the death penalty):

          18 United States Code §953. Private correspondence with foreign governments
          Any citizen of the United States, wherever he may be, who, without authority of the United States, directly or indirectly commences or carries on any correspondence or intercourse with any foreign government or any officer or agent thereof, with intent to influence the measures or conduct of any foreign government or of any officer or agent thereof, in relation to any disputes or controversies with the United States, or to defeat the measures of the United States, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both.
          This section shall not abridge the right of a citizen to apply, himself or his agent, to any foreign government or the agents thereof for redress of any injury which he may have sustained from such government or any of its agents or subjects.

          Will the Department of Justice do its job and actually indict these clowns? Doubtful. But they ought to.”

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