News, Poems

A Vocal Point

105 Comments

Every now and then a bit of research comes along that turns commonly accepted wisdom upside down. And so it is with a recent study of howler monkeys and chimpanzees.

According to the New York Times, the researchers concluded that to gain a mating advantage, species evolved either to make very low frequency sounds, or have much larger testicles.

But none had both.

For human men, the possible ramifications of this conclusion are world-altering, even though the Times article clearly states the research examined differences between species and so it has no application to human beings.

But our imaginations are not limited by such inconvenient facts.

When I mentioned this to Trial Baboon’s Singsong Poet Laureate, Tyler Schuler Wyler, he was moved to adjust his rather snug jeans, and pen a few timeless lines to extrapolate the findings:

It’s obvious, when all’s compared,
that “E” equates to “MC squared.”
And likewise, with a monkey’s calls,
A sexy voice means teensy balls.

If human beings follow suit
the big-balled man sounds like a flute.
and deep voiced guys (like Barry White)
can wear their trousers extra tight.

While penny ante Pavarottis,
(Never seen by girls as hotties)
Make their trade-off down below –
With every squeak, cojones grow.

So fellows with a treble voice
must favor baggy slacks by choice.
Though baritones may get romance,
the tenors need room in their pants.

How do you like your clothes to fit? 

 

105 thoughts on “A Vocal Point”

  1. What silliness! Tee hee! I like loose clothes. My goal this morning is to decide in what clothes i will be comfortable while sitting for another 6.25 hours listening to lectures on autism.

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  2. Super-perhaps, indeed.
    But, I ask with some I interest, is the obverse possible? We cannot discover a testicular tuba but can we find piccolo peas?

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  4. There is a sweet spot between “a little too snug” and “loose enough to make me look like an unmade med” that I try to hit. I have a low tolerance for things that pinch or bind or restrict my ability to move. So my shoes of choice tend to have big roomy toe boxes and no high heels of any stripe, jeans aren’t overly roomy but don’t have the “painted on” look of the 1970s, some things are just avoided because I so rarely find something that fits well (anything in the “khakis” family – all are either to low waisted, too close fitting or so generously cut as to make me look like I am wearing a sail and not pants).

    Today I wish I could stay in my pajamas all day. Alas, pajamas are not allowed even on “casual Fridays.” More’s the pity, my sock monkey footie pajamas are just right for a cool rainy day.

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    1. Touch can be a major irritant for me. All clothes loose as possible, like Anna. Hate socks. Wear light-weight overs-zed sweat pants and an over-sized T all summer at home. Winter wear true sweat pants and over-sized long-sleeve T under one of my loose short-sleeve Ts.

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      1. I wonder, on what other blog would fellow bloggers immediately have made the connection between Wessew’s response and this song? Not many, I bet.

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  6. Oddly, I like fitted t-shirts, but I prefer to wear them under something–usually men’s Hawaiian shirts in summer, men’s dress shirts at work, and men’s flannel shirts in winter, rarely if ever buttoned up. I hate turtlenecks, and if I’m wearing something with long sleeves they inevitably get pushed or rolled up. My jeans are “relaxed fit” so I can fold up my legs in chairs without cutting off my circulation. I’m considering trying men’s jeans as well, since women’s jeans now barely last a year before fading and fraying; I like durable stuff so I don’t have to shop any more than absolutely necessary. I do prefer shoes that lace up or otherwise fit snugly, as opposed to clogs or something like that, perhaps because I had weak ankles as a kid and needed stable footwear. Flat shoes only, of course, and with room for arch support insoles, thank you so much plantar fasciitis.

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  8. It’s amazing the range of topics that STW can cover – well done, we’ve missed you.

    I love elastic, but I think Anna’s “sweet spot” is what I aim for, too. Bought a thrift shop jeans recently that I had to add elastic to, but they still feel floppy and I know I won’t wear them till I’ve fixed… I like narrow legs in the pants, though, as that’s the only thin part left and I like to see it. There are all kinds of shoes I can’t wear anymore because of various foot issues… should probably do tie-ups but too confining, and I avoid socks until absolutely necessary.

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  9. Rise and Vocalize Baboons!

    Wow TSW–you have outdone yourself. Now I have to finish my blog post about Philly! Keep up with the Wylers and all that.

    I love knit clothing. I have even been in the process of giving up my blue jeans for the soft, comfy knits. Nothing uncomfortably tight, although knit leggings are the best with a large loose shirt. No high heels anymore. and no shirt tags. NONONONO. No scratchy tags or sock teams that bind.

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  10. So here is a question for the researchers: I am a woman with a low, low singing voice. Are there implications about the size of my ovaries due to the low voice?

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  11. Morning – I’m a loose clothing gal. I like layers, loose t-shirts, sweat pants. Abhor socks; I pretty much resist socks until it starts snowing.

    OT – I’m in the travel industry so my world today is all about Puerto Vallarta and Manzanilla and Hurricane Patricia. Not everyone is evacuated yet because the government is still trying to arrange places for everyone to evacuate to. My friends there are safe, but we’re all expecting PVR and Manzanilla to be completely destroyed if the hurricane hits them straight on with 200+ mph winds. I’ve lit a few cyber candles already. Think good thoughts!

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  12. Oh, Dale, you’ve outdone yourself. This is absolutely hilarious. I’m in awe of your fun and creative spirit.

    I’m still wearing my Mephisto Helen sandals. Dread the thought of having to don socks and shoes. Ugh! Heels? No way.

    Clothes must be comfortable, roomy and not restrict movement. If they have a little pizazz, that’s a bonus. Nothing frilly or busy, please.

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  13. OMG, Dale — I couldn’t very well laugh out loud in my quiet office, but now I’ve ruined my mascara trying to hold in the laughter. Most excellent poem, TSW. I like my clothes slightly fitted, but mainly soft knits. Drapey and flowy, but not frumpy. It’s hard to find jeans that actually are comfortable, fit at the waist and are long enough. Shoes need to be wide width, have arch supports, low heels and look pretty.

    Geez, we sound like a bunch of old codgers complaining about how our clothes fit. I, too, have a low singing voice.

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    2. Thanks Joanne. When you consider what codgers can complain about (everything!), the way our clothes hang is a pretty mild topic. I’ll take it over an organ recital any day!

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  15. One of the first dismaying lessons arthritis teaches us is that getting in or out of clothes can be a surprisingly challenging athletic feat. At my age I am not up to athletic feats or challenging feets. Give me clothing so comfy and stretchy even I can jam my extremities through the right holes on the first shot. For a decade or so I had to be stylish enough to meet the approval of an English setter. Now I don’t even have to dress up that much.

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  16. Morning–
    My mind immediately went to a gentleman I know who just OOZES smaltz and false charm. Some women swoon over his deep gravelly voice– and he does get teased in a good way– about his voice.
    So I giggled about the innuendo this has created for me now. Thank you Dale.
    Personally, I can’t stand sleeves.
    And the polyester sweaters my mother put me in for picture day in Elementary school has ruined sweaters for me; I can’t stand things too tight around my neck.

    Thanks for the laugh today.

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        1. when ever I see those sleeveless shirts I always think of my grade school teacher who would jiggle when she wrote on the chalkboard and I would have to restrain my laughter. garrison had a teacher whose arm jiggles had names like hoppy and something else that fit. if a woman has great shapely arms and shoulders I notice if a man wears a sleeveless shirt and doesn’t… I notice, not pointing the finger Ben but a little tricep work with a 10 lb weight might gonna long ways. kind of like a comb over for the appendages.

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  17. I used to make a game of guessing if women in the checkout lane of my grocery store were married or not, based on their appearance. After making my guess, I’d look for the wedding ring. (At my age, it doesn’t take much to amuse me.) If a woman had applied false lashes, put on stylish clothing and was wearing shoes with elevated heels, she was trying to sell the product (ie, she was single). If her clothes were frumpy, her makeup nonexistent and her shoes chosen strictly for comfort, she was married and was now just trying to get through her day.

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      2. Nawww, Linda. I said the clothes were frumpy. The women were beautiful. Drag me in front of the Benghazi Committee for hours and I’ll stick to my story! I admire women who are comfortable being comfortable.

        A small woman used to work the checkout station at my grocery store. Each day she would get up and apply eye liner and false lashes just to look good enough to ring up cans of Campbell’s soup and kitty litter. It saddened me that she wasn’t content with the face issued her when she was born.

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    3. I testified in court recently and was very distracted during cross examination by the very frilly fake eyelashes worn by the defendant’t attorney. It looked like she had woolly bear caterpillars on her eye lids. She wore glasses that magnified the wooly bears.

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  18. I prefer my clothes to be loose and comfortable, rather than snug. I guess I never thought that I had a build that would be flattered by snug fitting clothes. So, without such an incentive, comfort seems to take precedence. And I have a difficult body shape to fit well. Short and wide does not seem to be who clothes are made for…

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  20. T-shirts and jeans. Don’t care for elastic, although it’s okay in jammies and exercise clothing. In cold weather, long underwear – the thinner, modern kind, not the old, thick, cotton kind – under the jeans. Short sleeves are best, but long sleeves feel good when it’s cool or cold. I love flannel shirts. Untucked, of course. Despite being height-challenged, I have never worn high heels in my life and hope I never will.

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  21. i m feeling a bit uncomfortable here
    discussing cojones and let me be clear
    i know that testosterone is measured by some
    regarding machismo and whether the bum
    has what it takes to get the job done.

    but i sing from place where both high and low
    occur often depending on which which i go
    but cojones stay constant for that i am glad
    and testament to my main role here as dad
    that success rate of production is the best that i’ve had

    sing high or sing low those old tesitcles swing
    in blue jeans or shorts they’re quite versatile things
    the one on the left is cunning old dog
    while the right one leads the charge through the fog
    but why are we talking about it here on the blog

    i love informational studies in blog posts but dale really?
    my testicles please i mean dale im appealing
    some things are best left alone in the background
    to bring up some topics is problematic ive found
    but this is proof that diversified baboon interests abound

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    1. Lest you think we rushed to this topic, it took just over 1,500 posts before the subject of testicles was introduced. There’s some dignity in that.

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  22. i am in that post prime situation where the pot belly that wont go away make it hard to keep the pants from turning into saffers like the younger community wear as a matter of choice. because of my fashion based estore selling hats and coats i also have lots of pants and have the ability to wear them once and put them back in the somebody else pile. belts drive me crazy pulled so tight that the pants dont fall down. suspenders drive me crazy and make me feel like i have been carrying a small child on my shoulders by the end of the day
    after my heart stuff the idea of snug clothing was not only uncomfortable to think about it also had bad side effects. dont squeeze the charmin if you know what i mean. i cant stand saggy and cant do tight and my damn body keeps changing. i have a revoloving closet for the body of the week.
    maybe thats why i can sing both high and low huh?

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  23. The verdict appears to be unanimous in favor of loose-fitting clothes. But when I go bike riding, why do I see so many senior citizens in spandex?

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    3. There are a few oldsters here who ride in Spandex, to the discomfort of all who see them a couple of them wear it into Barnes & Noble. The two men have very thin but crumbled bodies, and every bit of crumpling we can see.

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      2. actually I love the idea but I’m trying to limit my new start up tendencies. but if you want to explore boomer spandex I think you are right. huge market. those gen x and millennials don’t remember the 60’s for a different reason
        we can do tasteful elegance in spandex and also psychadylic fun togs. crumbly bodies mentioned in Clyde’s bookstore can be masked with a pattern that looks like a six pack or a well defined torso
        the patterns used in spandex today is amazing . a line of products to help fat look skinny skinny look fat scrawny look robust pot belly slimmed big butt smaller tiny bodies fuller. it would be fun putting together the line to fit the needs of aging boomers
        if you want to find some people to handle the everyday details Ben I would be willing to be the voice of vision leading the direction of octotards or boomer bodice maybe Geritard. transformatard. that’s it
        thanks for letting me work through this brainstorming session
        how do I like to have my spandex fit? reminds me of oly and Sven at the dance. oly says
        ya Sven to impress the girls put a pair of sox down your pants
        Sven agrees but when oly sees him later he has to comment
        Sven the sox go in front. not in back… in front.

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  24. Many or even most Baboons are good looking or at least damned distinctive and stylish. I have photos to prove this. Special mention has to be of Tim in one of his hats. And for wow, nothing matches Lisa in the lime green dress she wore at PJ’s garden gathering.

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  25. In the summer I’m mostly a shorts/Tee shirt or sundress and sandals kind of gal. Come cold weather, I really like slim jeans (with a touch of spandex for comfort), mid calf or knee boots (low heeled), and sweaters. Cuddle duds are one of my best friends in really cold weather. Because I literally have cold feet all winter, I am definitely a sock gal. And with very short hair, I don’t like having the back of my neck cold so I wear lots of turtlenecks. Nothing frilly, no scratchy neck labels, no collared button front shirts, and no high heels. Fit-wise, I want clothes that are comfortable, not skin tight but not baggy, either. After decades of wearing baggy scrubs at work, I do enjoy getting dressed up once in a while.

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  27. Pingback: A Vocal Point | Aneel Kumar Valasai

  29. Good morning, too, from Happy Valley, Oregon, where I’m thrilled to confirm that the soil beneath my old feet is stable today. We are at that point of autumn where the world is gorgeous in a poignant sort of way. After a small scare about my heart two days ago I am especially happy to be here today. Enjoy your Saturdays, all my beautiful, frumpy friends.

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  30. OT: For you TC theater-goers, The Events is a play currently at the Guthrie.
    http://www.guthrietheater.org/plays_events/plays/_events
    It’s unique in that the music is sung by a different Twin Cities chorus for each of the performances. My little chorus performed last Saturday. Two more baboons are in a choir scheduled to perform next weekend – Lisa on Friday eve 10/30, Verily Sherrilee on Sunday 11/1. (Please correct me if I’m mistaken.)
    A presentation of the Actors Touring Company of the UK, it is a pretty heavy-duty look at the aftermath of a tragedy – synopsis t the link above, and here’s one review I found:
    http://www.startribune.com/the-events-is-complex-piece-of-theater-in-response-to-terrorism/330741671/

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  31. OT – Husband and I just drove to White Bear Township to “meet and greet” our new pooch. It’s a four year old miniature, long haired dachshund. He’ll be joining us on Tuesday after being neutered that morning. He’s originally from Tulsa, Oklahoma where he was slated to be euthanized on Tuesday of last week but was brought to Minnesota by Happy Tails Rescue. He’s a really sweet little guy, and we’re so excited to be getting him.

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      1. As you know, Steve, we’ve had two other dachshunds (both wire-haired), and it really is true, they are big dogs in a tiny package. He seems to have a pretty mellow personality. Of course, his whole world has been turned upside down since October 9th when he was surrendered to the Tulsa shelter, so we shall see who he really is once he gets used to us. Can’t imagine why anyone would surrender such a sweet and beautiful little dog. We’re thrilled to have found him.

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    3. Both our girls are rescues from the South. I don’t know what we would do without them. One word of warning–they often don’t have great info about adult dogs and what has happened to them. Press them for information and give the dog quite awhile to adjust.

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      1. The rescue folks know nothing about his past. All they know is the date he was surrendered, not the reason why or anything else.

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  32. Took Mr. Tuxedo and sister to buy their pumpkins while their parents are at The Martian. A couple more years and they will be past Halloween.

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    1. Not necessarily, Clyde. A young couple moved into a house across the street from us this summer. Halloween is his favorite holiday, and he has decorated their house and yard with all kinds of stuff. Looking at him, a tough looking guy with a lot of tattoos, you’d never guess it, but he’s a kid at heart.

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