News, Poems

Party Envy

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The president’s obsession with the crowd numbers for his inauguration makes sense when you realize party turnout is a crucially important status marker for 12 year olds.

My party was bigger than Barry’s.
It was better than George’s or Jack’s.
Every guest loved the cake.
And they cheered when I spake.
That’s the truth because I make the facts.

Everything that I did was tremendous.
All my bunting and streamers were best.
All the boys I out-famed
felt a little ashamed
by my better-than-everyone’s fest.

Every party through time’s been less super
than this best-of-all parties I threw.
The invited said “yup.”
No one didn’t show up.
except whiners and losers like you.

The attention I got was amazing!
No lame gifts that you wear or you read.
Celebrated for days.
I got love, I got praise.
It was almost as much as I need.


Best party you’ve ever thrown?

62 thoughts on “Party Envy”

  1. We invited friends and family for a party with no specific celebration announced. We wanted a party to celebrate 11yrs of marriage on the 11th of the month-October…not an 11! Our family knew…sent flowers and cards, but friends who came were unaware until husband popped.the champagne cork and toasted to ‘us’. It was a fun evening…our own surprise party.

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  2. Hmm…I’ve managed to pull off a couple of surprise parties (a couple 40th birthdays, anniversary for my parents, 75th birthday for my mom). Aside from my wedding reception, which was a fun party, probably the most fun was the 10th anniversary party my book club threw for ourselves. We rented a space, hired a DJ, did potluck for beverages and food and danced all evening. And laughed. A lot.

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    1. An addendum of sorts: while I did not plan the party, I did attend the party that out-shined our 12-year-old-in-chief. We tried to go knock on his door, but I guess he didn’t want to come to our pink hat party. 🙂

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      1. A few. End of season party, for years there was an after hours party thrown by one of the crafters, impromptu events…and every night over the weekend at an on-site pub that had permission to open for participants…

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  3. I once threw a party for me.
    Delightly entertained you see…

    I’ve multiple beings inside
    And they all attended with pride.

    Celebrities at their grand fete
    Could…all of one…eat the cake.

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  4. AS mentioned in my Birthday Specials post…my 60th, 64th and 70th…all were excellent and memorable parties, I think even for others. At a recent gathering of our bookclub, the 60th was brought up again.

    OT: I am no longer getting notified when a new post is posted as I once did. Is it something I did or didn’t do? I need the reminder. Please advise.

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    1. Hey Cynthia, Word Press just inconsiderately drops the notifications. I have had this happen a few times. After the last time I signed up for them, it stopped notifying me forever. I have to go to the site daily to check for a new post.

      It’s a mystery.

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      1. If you follow a site then go to the Reader and click on sites you follow, the new posts are always there. It is less clutter in your email in box says the person obsessed with clutter this week. “My clutter is far superior to any clutter you have ever seen before or ever will again.” Say that last line as Jimmie Falon would as he is holding his thumb to his middle finger and pursing his lips.

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  5. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    I don’t think throwing parties are my forte’, although I have thrown a few.

    However, there is a New Year’s Party that lives on in my memory. It was thrown by someone else while we were all in grad school. We were poor. Nobody even had furniture to sit on–we sat on the floor and boxes of the hosts’ belongings. And at that party we drank cheap Gallo wine and played Charades. Ever after that game of Charades was referred to as “Psychic Charades.” I have never played a game of Charades like it.

    It was as if we all had a mind meld going. Someone would look at their slip of paper with the title, gesture “book, film, song,” then pantomime the clues. Within seconds someone would have the title after a minimal clue.

    Such great titles as “Does Your Chewing Gum Harden on the Bedpost overnight?” and “Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” and D-I-V-O-R-C-E appeared. Hard concepts, right? One clue and someone would get it.

    I drew “Magnificent Obsession.” I signed “book,” then opened my arms grandly to pantomime magnificent. And someone got it.

    We played for hours and hours, saw in the year 1980, then played some more. I love that memory.

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  6. I think the rehearsal dinner we threw for son and daughter in law when they married was a great deal of fun. There was good food, dancing, and just enough, but not too much, alcohol.

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  7. I’ve written before about the only remarkable party I ever organized. I failed to recognize my erstwife’s birthday appropriately in 1989, a fact she communicated eloquently. The surprise party I planned in 1990 represented my desperation to compensate. I no longer remember all the details, but I had arranged for every friend she had in the world to call her sometime in the day to wish her well. Several calls came in from Europe and Latin America. I threw a big party. To add a bit of class to the guest list I invited George H W Bush and Barbara to attend. They sent a nice note of regrets. After we’d had several bottles of wine at the party I read the note, and it got a nice reaction from that crowd of tipsy Democrats.

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        1. You realize that as a statement that only works as an alternative fact, or by now maybe it is an alternate alternative fact, in other words truth.

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  10. That poem was fantastic and the sentiment behind it was spot on. I only ever remember one time when I initiated a party. I was probably 14 and we were returning home from a band contest and I invited 3 friends over for a sleep over. We were commiserating our poor performance. It happened to be my birthday, a fact I forgot in the devastating loss of a 1+ rating. My friends turned it into a birthday party, and I have not done one since. Some things just don’t matter.

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  11. OT – Thought this might be of interest to Twin Cities baboons.
    Saturday, January 28
    6:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
    Milkweed Books & Conexion Café
    Open Book, 1st Floor
    Milkweed Books and Reading Group Choices present a literary extravaganza to celebrate readers, writers, and the book groups that bring them together. We want to celebrate you—eager and engaged readers—with a FREE evening of fun giveaways, refreshments, and rounds of “speed dating” with eight terrific authors:
    Hala Alyan, Salt Houses
    Emily Fridlund, History of Wolves
    Marina Benjamin, The Middlepause: On Life After Youth
    Ashley Shelby, South Pole Station
    Heather Harpham, Happiness: The Crooked Little Road
    Beth Dooley, In Winter’s Kitchen
    Deepak Unnikrishnan, Temporary People
    Jamie Harrison, The Window Nash
    Reading Group Choices Featured Books
    WHAT IS “AUTHOR SPEED DATING”?
    Readers will be placed in small groups. Authors will speed “date” with each group, but instead of talking about themselves, they’ll tell readers about their new books! It’s a fun way to hear about great new literature straight from the authors who create it.

    We will have newly-released books for sale, along with tote bags, advance copies of forthcoming titles, and other bookish goods available as prizes and giveaways. Authors will be available to answer questions and sign books. Milkweed Books will offer a 10% discount on single copies and a 20% discount on bulk purchases of four or more copies of any book. Book groups are encouraged to attend, but you need not be in a group to join us—all readers are welcome!

    RSVPs are encouraged.
    Please email Mary Morgan at mmorgan@readinggroupchoices.com.

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  12. Also OT: Some of you have likely seen this. Robin was forwarded it on Facebook. I’ve sort of been haunted by it ever since. I’ve known some four-year-olds and I find this astonishing. (The ad is pretty good as well):

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      1. It’s not just that she’s mostly on pitch. She also sings with feeling and rhythm. I also like to watch her unselfconscious squirmy four-year-old body language.

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    2. There are two different videos on FB with this little girl and her dad. It’s so obvious, especially from the other video, how much she adores her dad, and he her. Just precious.

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  13. Trumpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Trumpty together again.

    For the sake of our country, let’s hope this man child implodes before America does.

    That being said, the single greatest party I’ve ever had – the kind where you feel like a guest not the hostess – was my HS classmates’ 45th. reunion. This was the classmates only party the night before the more formal dinner.

    Expecting about 50 people, a few of us set up tables with umbrellas, a huge tent, and rows of lawn chairs. The weather was gorgeous. Until, that is, it turned into a tropical storm with such high winds that the rain was going horizontally. We’d just started to barbecue. All 50 rushed into my 1700 square foot cottage (actually, if the upstairs bedrooms are subtracted, the first floor is more like 1400 square feet). Because it was so crammed with people, everyone engaged in multiple conversations with everyone there throughout the hours. With a 360 degree turn, each of us could talk to three or four more people. Unlike high school, there were no cliques or besties off on their own. We were quite literally all in this together while the storm raged on. At one point, someone started a snake dance through the living room, the dining room, and the den.

    Imagine at least 25 people dancing in a long formation through the whole cottage! I got to know classmates I barely spoke to 45 years ago. People bonded anew and heard each others life journey. Because of the tight quarters, the storm, and the dancing, the whole evening was sweetly intimate.

    After everyone finally left, I just sat there beaming and saying to myself; “This was the best party I’ve ever been to!”

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      1. I’ve thought for years that this freak storm was exactly why it was the best of all parties. Bless the few men who rushed in and out of the cottage with the barbecued chicken!

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  15. Morning all – great rhymes as always, Dale!

    I’ve given LOTS of great parties (I love parties) but I suppose the most fun was the surprise birthday for my Mom on her 75th in St. Louis. Planned it from here w/ some help from my sisters (one of them broke into my mom’s place and “borrowed” her address book for two days). I sent Child down on the plane as usual for her summer trip and I drove down two days later, stayed w/ my other sister, picked up all the goods the morning of the gala (after ordering it over the phone earlier in the week). Nonny was so surprised by the party itself and even more surprised that I was there. Great fun.

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      1. At my company we have a “floating holiday” which pretty much means one extra day off (it was to replace Good Friday, which used to be a holiday here). I always use my floating holiday on Pi Day!!

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  16. When son Joel was turning 9, we had just moved to Robbinsdale and lived for the first time almost next to Sochacki (nature) park (now part of the 3 Rivers system). Michael created a treasure hunt that took the half dozen boys down into the park hunting for each next clue, and ending up in our place for cake and cocoa. That’s all the detail I remember, but we got a thank you note from one kid’s mom, something like: “Jeff said that was HIS kind of birthday party.”

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  17. We attended the wedding of husband’s stepbrother in Virginia in 1985. It was “Society” wedding, so there were three days of festivities prior to the actual wedding, fetes and such put on by friends of the bride’s family. It was all rather stressful and exhaustng. I felt like I was an imposter who really didn’t belong. That it all took place in a town near the Dismal Swamp, and that the town was home to a smelly paper mill did little to squash the toney attitudes.

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        1. It wasn’t that dismal looking. Of course, I only drove past it. I didn’t venture into it. There was lots of Spanish moss, as I recall.

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  18. I wrote a poem on the Trumpster,,
    Trying to be lighthearted.
    My mind went in his dumpster.
    All over Donald I farted.

    Tis wise to withhold it.
    But the truth, I told it.

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  19. The best party I put together was when I worked at Pillsbury back when money was easily spent without much oversight. This was a “Safety Party” — which means slush funds were used for us to have some serious fun. We decided on a 1920’s theme costume party with a murder mystery to solve. it was held at the gorgeous Calhoun Beach Club with a full dinner. flowers, entertainment, dancing to a live band (the fantastic Wolverines) and other fun.

    People came in full costume and those of us on the planning committee rented ours as well (company paid for) because we were characters in the murder mystery the attendees had to solve. I had a great time, dressed in this fantastic costume and we were hailed as the party planners ever!

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  20. Amazon Prime movies has in it a set of movies as a group title Global Lens. They are filmed all over the world. Some are not very good. Some are outstanding, not like movies we know. Just watched one filmed in Uzbekistan, about culture superiority and genocide. How easily we fall into ethnic/cultural superiority, what terrible places it leads us.

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  21. i was thinking of the patries i have thrown over the years. i had a partie back in the 70’s that was a hat party and it was required to ge tin that you have a hat on. it was fun and someone asked where i came up with the idea. they had never herd of it. i hadnt wither but there is something about a hat that allows for great transoformation. dr suess used to have a shelf full of hats for when he got stuck. he would put on a hat and let the jusices flow. it was a fun summer outdoor barbq kind of thing.
    i had a couple of fun holiday bashes where folks would come over and stick their head in at that time of year to say hi and jump off to the next one. my kids had sports for about 25 years and i was often the go to house for family comoradarie.thaats easy stuff and i enjoy it. nothing stands out. i dont try to create a monster impact just a forum for a nice meeting of folks. music and circular motion of people flowing with the spirits and mood. i enjoy people so its always fun to throw together a bash. mine dont out party the partiest parties. they just offer an easy spot to get together.

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  22. I got a little carried away with the birthday parties when YA was little. I figured I only had a few years before she shut me down and I might as well go for it. Cupcake, Barney, Pocahontas, Kitty, Puppy, January Tropics, Pirate. All themes w/ matching invites, activities, goodie bags, food. For the puppy party, I found very inexpensive dog food bowls and we used them for the cake and ice cream. Pirate party, they all got bandanas and eye patches and we had a treasure hunt. Purple cake for Barney. Little stuffed kitties that we made collars for with alphabet beads. For Tropics I had the kids step in colored paints when they came in and then walk on a long piece of craft paper. Then I put the paper on the table and covered it with a clear plastic tablecloth so it looked like footprints in the sand. I had a BLAST with these.

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  23. Hi Kids–

    We’ve hosted several ‘Porta Potty Parties’ and they’re always fun.
    The first few years featured live bands and funky lighting.
    The last one was more subdued because I’m older and lazier.

    But whenever we have need to rent a porta potty for some reason (farm tours, outdoor movie night) we figure we may as well have a party to go with it. Hence, ‘Porta Potty Party’.

    Many years ago I hosted a screw sorting party at a local theater. The main objective was to sort out the many buckets of used screws.
    I gave instructions on how to tell a good screw from a bad screw. And everyone attending received a condom — stapled to the instruction sheet.

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  25. I’m thinking we need a Mary Tyler Moore character party, complete with costumes in honor of the Minneapolis show. Only the over 50 crowd can attend–anyone younger won’t even know the show!

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  26. I put on a party to demonstrate glow-in-the-dark ceramic tile grout. Each person had to enter the bathroom and see just the grout lines in the whole room, floor to ceiling. The best way to describe the effect is with the holoodeck on Star Trek Next Generation. You saw just the tile lines. Better than a night lite. Sold a half dozen jobs using that material.

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