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Anger Management

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My husband is a gentle, scholarly person somewhat lacking in manual dexterity and mechanical know-how.  He married into a family of impatient, dexterous, mechanically inclined hot-heads. The Boomgaardens are famous for their tempers.  I have a farmer cousin noted for throwing tools. I have great aunts who had hair pulling fights in ditches. I have great uncles who shot at each other with rifles.  I manage to keep my temper pretty well, but last weekend was a challenge for me. I am thankful no one got hurt.

It was hot last weekend. We did a lot of outside work in the yard over a four day period. It involved planting seeds and shrubs, spreading mulch, laying out soaker hoses and sprinklers, digging holes, and maneuvering around piles of bagged topsoil, composted manure, and bales of peat moss with tools and wheel barrows. For each task I saw clearly how we had to do it, in what order, and what physical and mechanical actions had to be taken. I was pretty driven to get it done as fast as we could before the heat of the day made it unbearable to work outside.  When I get like that, I forget my theory of mind, and assume that everyone around me sees the tasks and the procedures that need to be accomplished exactly the same way I see it. I get impatient when the people I am working with don’t seem to get it the way I get it, when they fumble around and look ineffectual and dithering.  As Husband said “You do things and you don’t explain what you are doing until afterwards.”  Why should I have to explain what I am doing if it is plain what has to be done?!! Why can’t you think like I think?!!

A very alarming ear worm took hold last Friday as I became increasingly frustrated with Husband and his inability to read my mind.  I decided I had better sit down and have glass of water and reel in my temper. I have no idea from what odd recess of my brain I dredged this up:

The chorus from this went through my head all weekend.  It made me laugh at myself and my irrational assumptions, and forced me to see how unreasonable I can be.  Perhaps all anger management classes should include Broadway musical soundtracks.

How do you manage your temper? What is the angriest you have been? What is your favorite Broadway song at the moment?

99 thoughts on “Anger Management”

  1. The last year of my marriage was all anger so nothing really stands out as the angriest I’ve ever been but leaving the proximity of the anger inducer is my best stratergery (sic).
    People Will Say We’re In Love

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  2. I deeply distrust anger for I have seen it turn good people into braying asses. It is easy for me (for reasons having to do with my childhood) to keep calm in a disagreement. Then I can be rational with whatever the disagreement is . . . and of course that can cause the other person’s anger to escalate! Since I’ve never seen good come of displaying anger, I’m not tempted to do that. When things begin to get nasty my usual response is to withdraw, promising to deal with the problem when people aren’t gripped by rage.

    In my life I can only remember two times I let anger take over. In 1989 my daughter came home from school in tears. I phoned the teacher whose idiotic assignment hurt her and ripped him for his technique. I was so furious I became articulate and unkind. That teacher not very later suffered a psychological breakdown and had to be hospitalized. I apologized for my hotheaded attack and formed a sort of friendship with him. But I have felt terrible about my conduct ever since. Any time I feel anger rising I remember this moment and pull back.

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    1. I’m sure you all have heard the classic advice: “don’t go to bed angry.”
      There’s a twist on that that comes (I think) from comic Rita Rudner: “Don’t go to bed angry. Instead, stay up all night fighting.”

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  3. I’m not a thrower or a yeller. The worst I ever get is annoyed. When my girls were young, they would break into tears and accuse me of yelling whenever I spoke to them in a firm imperative voice, but that was only because they had never experienced genuine yelling.

    When in movies or on television someone throws a glass against the wall or sweeps the top of a desk onto the floor to demonstrate their rage, my first reaction is, “Well that was immature. When you have to clean that all up later, how satisfying will your pique be?”

    Asking my favorite musical is like asking my favorite aspic. I don’t universally dislike them, but I don’t as a rule seek them out. Musicals are responsible for a lot of bad music and inane story lines that somehow get excused because they’re in musicals.

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    1. Well, I actively dislike musicals, with a few exceptions (I’m thinking of movies; never seen a Broadway play). It seems that musicals are about 5 minutes (or less) of plot stretched out to fill 3 hours. And the dumbest things can make them burst into song. And I’m usually not crazy about the songs in the first place.

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    2. Perhaps listening to musicals would be deterrent to some people lising their tempers “If I blow up, I will have to listen to The Song of Norway again in Anger Management class!

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    3. I have only once thrown something in Anger. It felt like an explosion that I needed to get out of my body. Unfortunately the thing that I threw, a vase, did not break when it hit the wall. I have no idea why. But having released all that energy and then not have the glass break was a real disappointment.

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      1. A dud. That reminds me of a time when I was in high school band. The band director regularly got red in the face and yelled about something—so often that it no longer made much impression. One day, in one of his outbursts, he threw down his baton. It landed on the tip,which was springy, and bounced directly back into his hand. He, and we, were all so shocked by this miraculous occurrence, everything stopped and we burst out laughing.

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  4. Speaking of Bill and Story lines. He gave me a book called Vacation Land by Sarah Stonich, author of These Granite Islands. He sent it because it is good and because it has a similar concede as my collection of stories: a series of interlocking short stories about north woods. It is very good. Bill said he read it in one compelling read, which is the way to do it. I have spent weeks reading it due to my vision issues, I have sort of lost track of characters from early stories who are referenced in later stories. Her’s is about a lodge in the woods over about 60 years I guess.. Mine are about all of the Arrowhead through a few hundred years. Good wordsmith and plot constructor, but more about characters, her strength. Mine are about setting and characters. At first she does not really engage in setting but gradually does.
    Any way, I will force myself to finish it over the next 9 days or so. Who wants it next, passed on free?

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  5. Anger is exhausting. I was angry at a toxic coworker for about 10 years until I figured out how to insulate myself and not allow anger to incubate about it. It took another 5 years for the person to quit and take another job. I regret letting myself be angry for the first 10.

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  6. Well, all these people who have such good control of their temper (or don’t have a temper) put me to shame. I yell. I throw things. Not often, but sometimes. Sometimes things just build up inside of me and I have to let it out. I’m not proud of that, but there it is.

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    2. I would not argue or anyone else should be ashamed of expressing anger. Many would argue that getting angry is healthier than bottling up anger or withdrawing from conflict.

      Many of us do not have a choice. Many give in to anger because it is so powerful and venting anger feels good. I don’t have any way to blow off anger because I’m not able to build up anger (except in truly rare circumstances). Keeping a clear head when others are angry is not a choice I made; it is something that happened to me early in life.

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      1. I know what you mean. Before I build up any sort of head of steam, I see how an outburst would likely play out and it dissipates. I gues I’m impulsively rational.

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        1. Well put. A friend had to cancel a dream wilderness fishing trip because he had gotten so angry with his dad that he punched the wall. The wall won that one, as my friend broke some bones in his hand. I err frequently in all kinds of ways, but that’s a dumb mistake I’ve never made.

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        2. I find this an interesting topic. Here’s another way I would describe my relationship to raw anger, which seems to me a blunt instrument:
          I can’t envision myself as an angry person; it’s just not a role I know how to occupy.

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  7. Oh, this is good. Thanks Renee.

    I have a temper although it’s ‘tempered’ over the years. I flare up and it’s over. Kelly doesn’t get mad, but she’ll hold a grudge for a while. I was talking with a female college student and mentioned that Kelly could hold a grudge for a few days. She laughed and said I was lucky; her mom can hold a grudge for months!

    I remember a few times that surely there was smoke coming out of my ears and I think my eyes were bugging out. There was probably spittle too. And it’s always funny in hindsight.
    Back when I was milking cows I remember some terrible tantrums. The hot weather and mud didn’t help. And then add in machinery breakdowns or something and I’d blow a gasket.

    Ear worms; I get them all the time.
    Just last week it was the Hollies ‘Bus Stop’ for several days.
    Then it was replaced by one particular song from a dance show I was working. Then it went into Cher’s ‘Gypsies Tramps and Thieves’ because Kelly and I were talking about it.
    Back about 1992, a wet summer, trying to fill silo and having problems plus I’m lighting a production of ‘Into the Woods’.
    The silo pipe plugged up, again, and I would just be terribly angry. I don’t throw things, but I yell and swear. (Kelly and I joke; we don’t “fight” but the pitch of my voice may certainly go up.)
    And all the while I’m fighting the silo pipe and all the problems, music from Into the Woods is going through my head.
    “And take extra care with strangers even flowers have their dangers, and though scary is exciting, nice is different than good.”
    AAarrrrrggggjjjhhhhh!
    I’m so mad!! And all this happy music in my head.
    Drove me crazy…

    I don’t think I get as mad these days. Here at the college I certainly get frustrated; especially with people and situations. I don’t swear and yell, I just get intense… and quiet. And I have to sit on the driveway with really loud music playing in the car for a while before I go home.
    I mean I’ll still get mad… but you have to really work me up into it. And then I get tongue-tied and so many thoughts rush into my mouth that I can’t get any one thought out. And my throat clenchs up and I can only whisper-shout.
    Again, kinda funny really. I’ve even had students tell me that they knew they were supposed to be scared because I was yelling, but they know me so well that seeing me like that is kinda funny.
    And I think that’s ok.

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    1. Mine has tempered away to nothing. Not anger as such, just the loss of control and perspective. I had a violent temper as a child, learned at my father’s knee, or inherited from the DNA therein. Early in our marriage Sandy and had would lose temper, her, strangely, more than I. But we learned and avoided the touch points and allowed each other different points of view. Some things we have lived with not resolved. No force on earth is going to make Sandy be on time. Oops. See there is my gorge rising a bit inside me.
      Musicals. Not fond of them despite appearing in two, fill-ins for weak or dropped actors. And directing Bye Bye Birdy, or Let Us All Retch Together in Time to Immemorable Music. Again a fill in. I like My Fair Lady, although I prefer the straight play. Rent and Chorus Line are rather interesting variants on the concept, sort of.
      Speaking of Rent, I really dislike opera, except in Moonstruck. In about 1980 I quit MPR. I got a call asking me to rejoin. I said I did not want to subscribe to the whale and Opera service anymore. The caller said he heard that quite often. I know this makes me a cretin. At that time MPR was playing opera two nights a a week and Sat and Sun. Remember the music that incorporated whale sounds? They overplayed that sort of music too. Soon after they cut back opera and dropped the whales. Then I felt guilty.

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  8. I’m struck by my brother’s post because I, too, have only shown my anger twice in my life; once 30 years ago, and once two years ago. Anger was not allowed in my childhood home. I recall my mother separating Steve and me if we so much as snipped at each other.

    Not having learned how to handle angry situations has greatly impacted my life. In fight, flight, and (my addition) freeze, I freeze like a deer in headlights. The absence of this life skill has also shaped my relationships because I overcompensate by behaving in ways which lower the risk of making anyone angry at me.

    Instead I, too, stay rational, seemingly calm, and try to explain away the other person’s angry reaction to me. This always causes him/her to escalate. I’ve learned that when someone’s really angry, the last thing they respond well to is me rationalizing whatever triggered the anger to begin with.

    I recall an example of Mom’s refusal to even admit she was angry. She’d heard that a bridge partner had gossiped about her. On the phone, she furiously attacked her friend in a loud voice. I said, “You sound angry, Mom”, to which she loudly insisted, “I am NOT angry; I’m frustrated”.

    I opine that not only has this absence of conflict resolution skills has handicapped me in some ways, but that it’s also the foundation of being passive aggressive. I mean, it’s gotta go somewhere.

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    1. “It’s gotta go somewhere.” Hmm, I’m not sure of that. What if you simply don’t get angry at all? There is no “it” that has to go anywhere.

      One woman I was beginning to date suddenly stopped talking to me when I said I didn’t vent anger. That meant to her that I was a “ticking time bomb.” I appeal to those Baboons who’ve spent time with me. Do I tick? Do I blow? I don’t think so! 🙂

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      2. I’m pretty sure that there’s no such thing as never being angry! Blowing up is a whole other thing. When my crotchety old neighbors woke us up by throwing rocks and branches at our aluminum siding at 6 AM, I rushed out stop them as well as discern why on earth they were doing this. They informed me that part of our tree had fallen onto their driveway between 2 and 5 AM, and we hadn’t done anything about it. I pointed out that we were sleeping, and that this was an act of God. They kept throwing stones as my house, saying, “NO IT’S NOT!!! It’s YOUR fault!! Clean this up. NOW!!”

        Well, I went off, cursing, telling them every bad things about them being our neighbors, how much the neighborhood disliked them. They just stood there numb. I marched back into the house and, in addition to being completely startled by my own behavior, I felt proud of myself. I still treasure that stupid memory. Inside, I told myself; “See – you can do it!”

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        1. If neighbors behaved that aggressively with me, I’d probably get angry. But neighbors never have. I’ll write tomorrow about one of the times I got angry (I now can remember four incidents, not two). But people generally treat me well, giving me few reasons to get angry.

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      3. Oh man, I have so much trouble with the notion of not feeling angry at all. I think it’s a huge mistake to not recognize anger as a perfectly valid emotion, I don’t even see it as necessarily negative; it depends on what you do with it, how you express it.

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        1. PJ we agree more than you think. But while I think anger is often legitimate, it doesn’t happen for me. I think I understand that.

          Just to show I can be angry, tomorrow I’ll tell a little story about that.

          As for the healthy side of anger, I remember when my erstwife and I lived in Stillwater one summer. Four neighbor couples took a group canoe trip down the river. Three of the canoes strayed drunkenly all over the river while screaming at each other. One canoe kept to a perfectly straight line, and the couple paddling it smiled in silence. The three inept paddlers talked among themselves, agreeing that Ray and Judy were setting an example for them to aspire to. One week later Ray and Judy ended their marriage with a magnum revolver in a homicide/suicide display of anger, or this was the story we were told. The “moral” of the story was something like it is better to scream and vent than to shoot.

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        2. I would never argue that anger was not a valid emotional response but it feels to me like a binary one-dimensional response when so much nuance is possible. Interestingly, I can imagine expressing real anger on behalf of Robin or my kids or grandkids more than I can on my own behalf. That’s because, when you feel personally upset, you have to ask whether that’s because you had expectations that weren’t met, which calls into question whether your expectations were reasonable, or whether it’s because you feel affronted in some way, and that can vary with the nature of the affront and whether it’s really about you or about
          the personality disorder of the affronter and whether the affront is actual or an attempt at besmirching your honor. People you don’t respect can’t besmirch your honor. By this point, any anger you might have entertained has dissipated.

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    2. Interesting, CB. It seems to me that to be human is to experience anger sometimes (however, I may need to reconsider that after reading what Steve says). Growing up, I saw anger expressed in my family and I never thought it wrong to feel anger, but I don’t think I saw the healthiest way to express anger or resolve it when it involved more than one person. And I wish I had seen that in real life as a young person; it would have helped me deal with anger in a better way as an adult.

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  9. Ruth Bader Ginsburg said “Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade”.

    I had a director once say “Yelling crushes the creative spirit”.

    I’d agree with both of those.

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    1. It’s an apt saying, but bottling up any emotion for a lifetime isn’t healthy. I think it’s a matter of proportionality. For me, spending my entire life trying to not make people mad at me made me into an over the board people-pleaser.

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  10. I grew up with conflicting messages about how to express anger. Mom had an unbridled Irish temper; it didn’t take much to make it flare up, and it was often spectacular when it did. Yelling, screaming and throwing and breaking things were all in the mix. It usually passed quickly, and when it was over, it was over. No carrying a grudge, and no silent treatment for days on end. She was often remorseful for what she had said or done in a fit of rage and would say so, beg forgiveness and promise to do better in the future.

    Dad was the complete opposite. He rarely displayed anger in a physical way or raised his voice, and it would never have occurred to him to throw things, but he could hold a grudge for a very long time. You knew when he was pissed off.

    I have adopted a mixture of the two, although I can’t bring myself to break or throw things. But, yes, I will raise my voice if a normal tone of voice doesn’t seem to be getting my message across. In general, I’m slow to anger, and prefer to avoid confrontations. I don’t like to be a nag, so I tend to not address small issues with Hans when they come up; I try to ignore them, and be careful which fights I pick. Sometimes, that elicits the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back response. I’ll snap for some small infraction that under normal circumstances wouldn’t phase me. When that happens it clears the air, and he’ll quit doing something that he knows irritates me for however long he’s mindful of it. It’s funny how it’s often the little things that cause the most frustration.

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    1. I wonder if it is easier to vent with “the little things.” Because they are little, it is relatively safe to call attention to them. When there are big issues threatening a relationship, venting is risky.

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      1. Don’t know that I agree with that, Steve. Of course, I don’t know what you’d consider “big issues,” but I know for certain that if what I would consider a big issue were threatening our marriage, we’d most definitely talk about it. Issues around trust, honesty and mutual respect need to be addressed no matter how painful and risky it is. As far as I’m concerned, if those are missing the relationship is doomed.

        Sometimes addressing the small stuff seems like nitpicking, and as I said, I don’t want to be a nag, so I’ll try to ignore it. Somehow, those small things tend to accumulate and become a source of irritation that from time to time erupt in an angry confrontation. I also think that sometimes those small things can and do become the reason a relationship unravels.

        In a marriage, as in any other long-term relationship, I think its important to recognize what is negotiable and what is not. What’s more I think it’s important for all parties to know where those boundaries are.

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        1. A very wise trainer in a CEU workshop once told us; “A couple has the same argument 1000 times”. I saw this with all relationship therapy I did as well as reflecting on my own former marriage. Before I divorced, I remember considering tape recording our spats because they all came from the same primary conflict – they just changed clothes.

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        2. That would be “a couple IN CONFLICT has the same argument…” Remember, in your business, you only saw conflicted couples.

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  11. SUCH an interesting post, Renee, and timely. The weather last weekend must have triggered all kinds of altercations – we had one here, over when to turn off the air conditioner, that made me have visual flashes of throwing things, which hasn’t happened to me in decades.

    I once thought I was not “a thrower or a yeller” (came from good Scandinavian stock, ya sure) except for maybe yelling as a teenager at my folks and sister. That was before I tried living with Wasband. Learned to throw the NYC phone book instead of a wine glass – as Bill pointed out, cleaning up the mess kind of sobers you up.

    Musicals – having grown up on them around me, I love a lot of the old ones for what they are – the plot is only an excuse to string a bunch of songs together… some are good songs, some not so much. There are often wonderful harmonies, but the lyrics kind of ruin it. I was playing some of these last weekend on a friend’s piano, and “Bali Hai” from South Pacific is still with me.

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  12. From the responses I’m reading above, I think we may not all share the same definition of “anger.” When I read a report of some asshole tossing a couple of dogs off the second floor of a parking garage, it’s fills me with anger and disgust, and I do most definitely feel those emotions. Ditto when I hear about ICE agents separating children from their parents. And yes, it also includes getting pissed off because someone sideswiped my parked car and drove off. Anger, to me, is a not a one-size-fits-all emotion, it comes in very fine gradations proportional to the offense. There’s the garden variety aimed at a spouse who squeezes the toothpaste in the wrong place, and then there’s the anger you feel when you discover that he’s also carrying on an affair with one of your friends. Not the same intensity of feeling, but still anger. Sometimes there’s something I can do about the anger and the situation, sometimes there’s not.

    The day that I can rationalize anger and not feel the actual pain of it, I’ll be dead. But I certainly agree that you have a choice about what, if anything, you can or should do about it.

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  13. I warn the new theater kids, I may yell, but it’s not “at” you, it’s to be heard over construction or too many people talking or something like that.
    I don’t get think I directly yell at someone very often.
    As Clyde said above, we learn so much of that from our fathers. I remember my dad yelling at the neighbors about cattle being out or some such thing. And I did follow that example for along time.
    And still, to a point. I catch you driving through my fields, my first reaction is going to be in your face angry because that’s really a dumb idea and I am not going to be happy you did that.
    These days however, I know it’s not wise to angrily approach a stranger.

    The kids at the college, most of the time, it’s just ignorance or lack of common sense that they make mistakes. And they’re so young. It’s easier to understand where they’re coming from and, even at 19, ‘redirect them’ to another project and fix what they screwed up later. Seldom is it so bad that I get angry.

    Interesting topic today Renee!

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  14. I’m not sure what my peak of anger has been in my life, but I think the current political climate triggers strong feelings of anger on a daily basis. When I listen to the news, I find myself clenching my teeth, and feel helpless. One song from a musical that runs through my mind lately is “Easy To Be Hard”. How can people who profess to follow the teachings of Christ still promote the politics of fear, hate, and exclusion?

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    1. Linda, I can so relate. And the anger that you feel hopeless about and can’t find a constructive way to fight back against, is really debilitating.

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      1. Much of the frustration stems from the fact that I’m not a believer myself, but I really want those who claim to follow the teachings of Christ to walk the walk. I think Jesus had a lot of real wisdom, even if I don’t personally believe he was the son of God. Yet there’s this vast disconnect between Christian teaching and political position. Let’s treat all immigrants like criminals and take their children away from them. Even if they’ve arrived and legally asked for asylum. And try to defend that position as consistent with Christian teaching and American values. Sometimes I think my head will explode.

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        1. Christian teaching and American values often don’t align. I don’t think they ever have. Of course, we’re on a slippery slope when we try to discuss either in a thoughtful way.

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        2. WARNING. Moral, pseudo religious pseudo political personal tirade. Do not read.
          Huckleberry Finn asks which moral code de we follow. A set of societal rules, laws, folkways, mores. An ancient set of rules written for another time in the Old Testament, then replaced by an essential love, a feeling of connection and shared journey with other humans. Or an essential innate human decency, like Jesus new command but not tied to the Bible. The book says the later because that is Huck. But the human heart is seldom Huck’s.
          People used to tell me that they did not go to church because christians do not behave like Christians. I was approached by them. I was not out evangelizing., ever. When I knew the people it was clear they did not either. I will refrain from comment on that.
          Christ is teaching a moral code and truths about human nature at its best and worst. If I followec his teachings well, I would be healthier and more moral. But all that is not the point of his teaching. His point is what no w happens and what I do and he does with my failure.
          People mock Catholicconfession as a silly formula and moral game playing. But at least they have confession, unlike almost all other brands of Christian belief.
          Despite all that I am so,dismayed about the mockery that is made of religion by the fundies and their fellow travelers. I struggle to hold onto a belief, a sense of a purpose to church, a personal moral core.
          The church to which I belong does good things. But 6 years ago they spent over a million dollars to redesign the front of a terrible design. When I said and I say how unchristian that was, they get angry. Did a cathedral ever convert anyone? I suppose.
          We have also built and upgrade a school in rural Kenya, tied to a hospital we also support.
          No. The human heart is a mess. Those who should know better appeal to the worst and not the best. I am not an Obama fan, but he appealed to the best, as did Carter. Even Bush the elder. Trump appeals to all that is evil, which empowers people to be the worst.
          I know I should not post this sermon. Every so often I do post one.
          Forgive me. I could be wrong.

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        3. No worries, NS, post your occasional sermon when the spirit moves you. No need to apologize for simply expressing how you feel.

          Although I don’t personally have a religious faith, I have no trouble with others who do. I love that Renee found praying for a toxic and angry coworker helpful in dealing with her. I also love that she felt safe in saying that on the trail even though she knows that several baboons don’t share her religious faith. That tells me that she feels safe with us. She trusts that we wont ridicule or in any way try to invalidate her beliefs.

          As far as Catholics and confession go, I know that some people find it helpful. Personally, I never did, and what I had real trouble with was that it was mandatory. Eventually there were enough conflicts between the teachings of the Catholic Church and my own personal convictions that I could no longer reconcile them, and so I left.

          Tolerance and acceptance are two qualities I admire most in people, and some of the most tolerant and accepting people I know are deeply devout. Unfortunately the reverse is also true. Some of the most self-righteous, judgmental, and downright hateful people I know claim to be Christians.

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        4. I hope this lands under Clyde’s comment. With WP you never know. Old friend, you make a lot of excellent points. Our personal histories with organized religion have been very different. But here we are, and our hearts have a great deal in common.

          You end your comment by asking for forgiveness because you might be wrong. We are all wrong at times, and I don’t exclude myself, but few of us are humble enough to apologize for that.

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  15. I think we’re talking today about two different kinds of anger. And of course there are probably many variations of anger. I have lots of little angers. Stub my toe, I swear. Spill tomato sauce on a new white blouse, I swear a lot. I had a long long simmering anger when my first marriage was breaking up. Looking back, most of it was actually at myself and at the world in general because I was so broken hearted that “it didn’t last forever”. My favorite anger quote is the one that says being angry or trying to get revenge is like serving a slow-acting poison to yourself.

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    1. That’s the thing. We are aware of so many reasons to be angry—things we can’t do anything about, things that are distant to us or have already happened or are so diffuse as to be intangible—that if we reacted with vein-bulging, vase-throwing anger to all of them, it would ruin our day-to-day lives and relationships and taint the things we can affect. It’s understandable to feel disgust, dismay, even despair about events the news brings, but anger, except as it motivates you to act, is unhealthy and changes nothing.

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      1. Hm, if vein-bulging, vase-throwing displays of anger is how you think of anger, no wonder you won’t claim it as a perfectly normal and healthy emotion. I wouldn’t either. Perhaps it’s a matter of semantics, but I see disgust, dismay, despair, annoyance and irritation as all falling under the umbrella of anger. But we can certainly agree on that if you walk around in a perpetual state of anger, it’s not doing anyone any good, and you’re probably not a lot of fun to be around either.

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        1. That’s how the conversation started, with Renee’s tool-throwing, hair-pulling relatives and a question about one’s personal extreme of anger.

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  16. I do like most musicals. And I like them for exactly the reason that ljb doesn’t. They’re just little bits of escapist fluff that make me feel better. That being said I don’t care from for stark depressing musicals. I don’t like Porgy and Bess at all. And Oliver doesn’t do it for me either. The very first musical that I saw on the stage was Finian’s Rainbow. So I have a very soft spot for How Are Things in Glocca Morra. I’ll try later when I get home to find a copy on YouTube and put it up for everyone but right now I’m sitting on a balcony in Madison looking at Lake Mendota and cannot figure out for the life of me how to copy a YouTube link into WordPress.

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  17. From emails I receive almost daily, I can report that Nancy Pelosi is Outraged! Furious! Livid! and apparently her anger can only be assuaged if I send her money. I just want to tell Nancy to settle down.

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        4. To avoid the potential toothpaste squeezing conflict in our marriage, I switched to tooth powder. He can squeeze his toothpaste however he likes without enraging me.

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  18. I like some musicals, and I love opera, but obviously, in most cases, the plot lines are pretty basic. I have no problem with that if the music is good. The very first baboon field trip I participated in was a trip to the Guthrie to see H.M.S.Pinafore; a delightful musical romp.

    I’d love to see Hamilton. Theater Latte Da in Minneapolis puts on some excellent musical productions.

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      1. I may have confused you, Steve. I didn’t mean to suggest that Latte Da is putting on Hamilton, I don’t believe they are. But Hamilton will be at the Orpheum in late August early September, but tickets are awfully expensive. Don’t know how I can justify over $500 for a ticket.

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  19. I mentioned yesterday that I’d describe a time I got angry.

    But first, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that I live with almost no anger these days. I have no spouse, no job, no boss and no obligation to deal with people I dislike. I live on friendly terms with my relatives and friends, including the woman who divorced me. There is much about my life that is unfortunate, but at least I live almost totally free of conflict.

    It was different in what I call my “Match-dot-com days,” that time I was dating (urgh!) in my sixties. For about eight years I got to know what the Chinese mean by that curse: “May you live in interesting times.” For eight years things were very, very interesting!

    Most interesting of the women I dated was Priscilla. She and I had a lot in common. She had taught English in college. She was a pretty widow who owned Lake Superior shoreland just a few miles from my daffy old cabin. Her politics were progressive. Our first date was short but pleasant. We agreed to meet again.

    Shortly before that date, she asked if I’d accommodate her by starting the date at a meeting she needed to attend. We’d just stop by for ten minutes so she could do some sort of business, then we’d go out.

    What group was this? She told me, “The Forum.” I like to cooperate with people, so I said yes. Then I did some research. She was referring to the Landmark Forum, a group that sells “self-improvement” experiences. It started under a guy named Werner Erhard. The name change (I think) might have been triggered by controversy. The Forum is something like a cult and something like a multilevel marketing scheme. My warning sensors were blaring, but I said we could start our date with a quick visit to this meeting.

    The warning signals became frantic when I got to the meeting. I was given a large name tag in spite of my preference to sit anonymously in the back of the room for our visit.

    When the meeting began those of us with name tags were asked to stand. And suddenly it was clear. The whole point of the meeting was to convert tagged folks like me, convincing us to sign up for Landmark courses. The meeting was a sales pitch aimed at me and the other tag holders.

    One unfortunate woman wearing a tag was forced to get before the group to explain her life and answer questions about how happy she was. A skillful marketing/debating guy interacted with her using high pressure sales techniques I’ve witnessed before. Confused and embarrassed, she ended up saying she probably needed Landmark’s help realizing her personal goals.

    By the time they declared an intermission I was shaking with rage. I told Priscilla I was leaving. And, yes, I was angry!

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  20. Goodness! Baboons never cease to amaze. I thought we would have a weekend of show tunes. Instead
    we have fascinating reflections on emotions. How fun!

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  21. We can switch to musicals if you like. I never said I disliked musicals, although I’ve found some excruciating, the film version of Chicago being one of them.
    When my younger daughter was in high school and participated in theater, Robin and I undertook to assist in costuming several musical performances. After sitting through numerous rehearsals and designing and constructing the garments, we got really attached to some of the musicals.
    Pirates of Penzance was a special favorite. The director tried to get as many students involved as possible and Robin and I stayed up late one night making dozens of policeman’s uniforms. Making the Major General’s uniform was especially fun.

    We costumed Guys and Dolls, following the directors concept of emulating the look of the film Dick Tracy, with suits made in broad stripes and polka dots to resemble a comic strip.
    Here’s your show tune from that musical:

    We also did Fiddler, HMS Pinafore, which let us recycle some of the Penzance costumes, Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat, Damn Yankees, and Oklahoma. I never really liked Oklahoma.

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    1. Fun. May I never see Oklahoma again. Have seen four local productions and college productions because students of mine were in them. The whole dark guy, what’s his name. “What’s his name is dead.” is so contrived. About the same with Guys and Dolls too often. Reading Damon Runyon is worht it, better than the musical. But the musical is clever. Opening number is among the best starts to a musical. I like Oliver. Moody was born for the role. Guiness did the role in a non musical version. Yuck. But I hate most of Dickens. However, I like the musical version of Scrooge with Finney, with an over the top Guiness. It was filmed on the same set as Oliver. Oh, my heavens, shame on everyone for that terrible musical of Goodbye Mr. Chips. Go to the the Donat, Garson version. Roar of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd is interesting.

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  22. I think I better refrain from posting for a week. I am preparing for two tests, both requiring a special diet. This week week will be the time for the taking of tea and toast. Whit toast. No butter. I think I will be too bored-hu Gary to make rational statements. 🙂

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  24. Speaking of show tunes (again) my ear worm today, for some inexplicable reason, was Disney’s ‘Be Our Guest’. Not sure where it came from. Might have been the snippet I heard at a dance recital practice on Friday…
    Todays dance recital on my stage is ‘Tippi Toes’ and it’s all the mind-numbing toddler music. None of it will stick thankfully.

    It’s the time of year all the dance schools do their recitals. Today is my third group through the college theater in the last 3 weeks.
    Plus three others at local high schools. It’s quite amazing the sheer number of dance schools these days. And the number of teachers / helpers they all have. Are they all former dancers or wanna-be dancers?
    The costumes! The balloon and flowers sales they do in order to make some profit. The kids pulling huge rolling suitcases of costumes. They all have their own version of enterprise and it’s really something.

    I’m not intending to diss any of them; it’s good to see the little kids interested in dance and the older ones showing such promise. And I can’t stand on my tippi toes so good for all of them. It’s just amazing at the ‘enterprise’ it’s all turning in to.

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    1. We played that on hand bells on Friday at the Eastern Star convention in Jamestown, ND. The convention was a pretty funky experience.

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  26. I’ve been unable to identify much with musicals. They always seem to reflect times and cultures I don’t enjoy. (West Side Story is a classic example of that for me.) But for musicality and spectacle and clever lyrics, My Fair Lady is splendid.

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  27. I just looked through my (mom’s) extensive collection of vocal scores from musicals, and wrote down my favorites to play on the piano. They are often the most obscure song in the play, the ones you won’t remember, and don’t show up in the choral medleys. Several examples:

    Out of My Dreams – Oklahoma (from that horrid dream sequence)
    An Ordinary Couple – The Sound of music
    Sabbath Prayer, Far from the Home I Love – Fiddler on the Roof
    I Loved you Once in Silence, Before I gaze at You Again – Camelot
    March of the Siamese Children – King and I
    Bali Ha’i, You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught – South Pacific
    It’s a Grand Night for Singing – State Fair
    What’s the Use of Wonderin’ – Carousel
    No Other Love – Me & Juliet

    And from the movie Hans Christian Anderson (played by Danny Kaye):
    Anywhere I Wander, Inchworm, Wonderful Copenhagen
    https://binged.it/2Hg4FYg

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    1. I am not familiar with the Alice in Wonderful cartoon musical, but I think I would like it. Thanks for posting, BiR.

      What musicals I enjoy depends to a large extent on the frame of mind I’m in when I go, and I much prefer to see a good stage production to a film version. There is just something about live theater.

      Some of my favorites are: Les Miserables, Cabaret, The Three Penny Opera, Irma la Douce,The Lion King, Into the Woods, Sweeney Todd, Fiddler on the Roof, My Fair Lady, Cabaret, and Cats. I had better stop, as I think about it, there are just too many to name.

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  30. Hello friend. I just read your post. I understand that we all get angry from time to time. However, we need to find ways to control our temper. My suggestion is that you try to start a relationship with God. When we begin a relationship with God, and begin to understand his word (the bible) and his ways, he fills us with the holy spirit. The holy spirit is a pure spirit. With the gift of the holy spirit, we become more joyful, have more self-control etc. God is an ever present help in times of need, he is willing to help you, but you need to work with him. You need to accept him and begin to work on a relationship with him.

    Say this prayer with me: “Father thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for the things that you have done for me that I am not aware of, thank you for the things that I am aware of. Father God, I want to become a better person. I want to become a better wife. Father please give me the gift of the holy spirit, and the will to obey your word and follow your ways. I want you to have mercy on me and help me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen”.

    If you wish to start a relationship with God (if you do not already have one), here are the steps that I usually recommend:

    1) find a quiet space free from distractions, a place where you can pray.

    2) imagine that Jesus is in front of you, talk to him the way you will with a close friend. Tell him that you are ready to accept him, invite him to come into your life and become your lord and personal savior. Ask for forgiveness of past sins. Tell Jesus that you want to die to your old self and be reborn as a new creation in him. Pray that you inherit eternal life and the kingdom of God. Beware of sudden distractions when you pray, this is a trick the devil uses to stop us from having focused prayers. You might also get the feeling that God is not there or that you are simply wasting your time, this is another trick that the devil uses to discourage us from prayers.

    3) If you have any specific prayers, or something specific that you need, you can ask it in Jesus name, and God would attend to the prayers. God usually has three answers to prayers: Yes, Yes but wait, and No. God has a reason for every answer, and his answers are usually what is best for you. When you pray, you need to have faith that you will receive. God does not like it when we pray but doubt his ability to provide what we want for us. Lastly, prayers and faith without works wont bring results. E.g. If all a person does is prays and has faith that they would get a job, without actually applying to jobs, they WOULD NOT get a job. God does not work that way, God loves hard-working people, and God rewards hard-work. If all Christians had to do is pray, have faith, and stay home all day awaiting a blessing, Christians would be the laziest people on earth. LOL. Your part is to pray that God should fast-track your success, so that you recieve your blessings quicker than people who are relying on their own strength. Your blessings might also come in a bigger way. Remember to thank God when you get the answers to your prayers.

    4) Read the bible and obey it. You can find free bibles online. You can also find free bible apps on google play. Keep praying all the time and maintain a connection with God.

    5) Trials and tribulations may come your way, sometimes these are designed to test your faith, and sometimes they are simply tricks from the devil to get you to denounce the religion. At times like this, you pray to God, you fast, and you maintain consistency in the faith, this way, God would lift you above all trials and afflictions.

    6) You can join a community of bible believing Christians. Having friends who are believers would keep you on track, and the conversations about the religion would be beneficial to your faith.

    7) Get a water baptism, and pray to God so that you can receive a baptism in the holy spirit.

    Have a blessed day.

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