2020, Family, Food, Health, Uncategorized

Judge Not

88 Comments

Our local Cashwise store lines up carts in the front of the store by the checkouts for people who have ordered on-line and have requested curbside loading.  The names of the purchasers are displayed prominently on the carts, and it is easy to see what they ordered.  Several times in the past months I recognized the name on the carts, and have been aghast at the things they have purchased. “Really, Pastor Lisa? You ordered all that pop and chips? Is that what you feed your children?  No wonder they look so pale ,” I think to myself as I pass by with my organic skyr and healthy (in my opinion) food items. Oh, to not judge others is so hard.

What do you judge other people most harshly for? What would people think of you if they glimpsed your grocery cart?

88 thoughts on “Judge Not”

  2. Rise and Shine, Baboons,

    Most of my judgements right now are political and have to do with political yard signs. I find myself feeling warmly towards the blue signs and harshly about the big, red garish red and blue striped signs. However, it appears most of the red signs magically disappear . The few I have spotted here, I see only for awhile, then they vanish, which reduced my opportunities for harsh judgements. I realize this is not the case in rural MN.

    The last time we ventured to Iowa to see my mother, I expected to see many, many more red signs than I did. There were more there than there are here; however, many fewer than I expected. Senate signs for Greenfield outnumbered the seated Senator’s signs. Therefore, I judged Iowa much more warmly than I had earlier.

    Now I am judging crowded bars, and those who frequent them, harshly because they are probably spreading COVID. I suspect that epidemiologists have severely underestimated the number of alcoholics who frequent bars.

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  3. Morning.
    Oh how we try not to be judgy… but we do. Grocery stores I do notice what others are buying, but I try not to give it too much attention. It’s sort of the opposite of what you’re seeing, I look at the pizza rolls and things in my cart and hope that the bag of apples will justify the bags of chips. Spelling is a big one for me and I hate it when I get something wrong. Yep,
    Should’ve taken a minute to double check this and re-read. That’s one of the things I like about this group. We all know they’re, their, and there.

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  4. There is a leader at our company who is truly not comfortable with public speaking. While he has clearly had some sort of coach in the last couple of years, there are still a lot of “ums” and “uhs” peppered in his presentations, even now when we are all online. He is an otherwise smart, astute human being, but I have a difficult time sometimes seeing him as a “leader” based on his speech patterns presenting to groups. I know he is far better one-to-one. As someone who fights hard for redefining what leadership can look like (something other than a slick, sales-y, extroverted white man), this is something I struggle with. At least he has mostly quit talking to our large group as all “you guys” (because, well, a lot of us aren’t “guys”).

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    2. I’ve noticed that even some highly regarded radio and TV personalities have such quirks. I find them terribly distracting, and once I’ve noticed them, I have difficulty focusing on anything else.

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    3. “You guys” doesn’t bother me, but for some reason “gals” just makes me grit my teeth. Guess I just don’t consider myself a “gal.” And for god’s sake, don’t call me “young lady,” or I’ll likely take your head off.

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      1. Guys and gals don’t trip my meter even if I am not crazy about the words. However using the word “girl” to describe anyone over the age of 18 makes me insane. Last night I had on “How to Support Your Local Sheriff” and the number of times the James Garner referred to Joanne Hackett as a girl made me want to fling the television out the window.

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      2. To my surprise, my erstwife and daughter both use “gal” a lot. I’ve confirmed the reason they do. (Both are modern women who generally speak carefully.) Feminists made people nervous about using “girl” to refer to an adult female, and yet “woman” just doesn’t feel right at times. “Gal” used to be a western US thing but has been put to use in a new way.

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    4. I have asked the college girls about this because, as you say Anna, “You guys” seemed to me it should just be the males. And they always said it meant everyone and they use it too. So I am a little freer saying that now days, but it still doesn’t feel right.
      But I don’t know what else to say in it’s place? Never wanted to use “Gals”…. maybe I should say “ladies and gentlemen”.

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  6. When I was having groceries delivered in the summer, one morning the nasty interfering complaining know-it-all renter one morning stopped and watched what she could see in the bags that were coming out of the car and being put on the excellent cart the building provides for hauling things in and out. She stood right next to me to do it. The woman delivering the groceries asked her politely to move away and give me my privacy. She did but reluctantly. I give everyone their privacy when they are shopping, whether I know them or not, which sometimes irks people behind me because they think I should close the space I am leaving in the line.
    A checkout clerk in our Cub used to comment on what you were buying, sometimes denegrating a product you bought. You could see she wanted to make negative comments about some of my food choices. She was there quite awhile. I once saw her criticizing a woman who was buying many of several products, what she was going to do with all that. The shopper did not reply. She is the woman who cooks for our church’s Wednesday supper, which in addition to members who pay also serves free meals to impoverished downtown people.

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    1. I have never had a cashier comment on my purchases at the grocery store, thank goodness for them. I did once have a librarian say to me, while he was checking out a stack of books for me, that I had a very eclectic collection. I kind of liked that. I like librarians thinking that I am eclectic.

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      1. The only time a cashier commented on my food choice was when a young woman was impressed that I was buying four large containers of V8.. “Gee,” she said, “you must be awful healthy.” At the time I had a raging head cold. I was sneezing uncontrollably, spraying her conveyer belt with liquids and coughing in the manner of a seal, one cough triggering the next and the next: “Urf, urf, urf!”

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        1. vodka takes the health right out of it in the most delightful way
          pepper in asparagus or vodka itself with dill pickle and or pickle juice olive and or olive juice and of course the beer chaser

          i live tomato juice /v8

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      1. Never had to do that. Buying tampons was embarrassing enough. Which somehow triggered a memory of this story:

        A friend of mine when I lived in Cheyenne was an English woman named Anne. She was an extremely good looking woman, married to a career Air Force officer. At one point Anne caught a cold that she had a hard time recovering from. It dragged on for weeks before she sought medical help at the base hospital. She complained to the doctor that she was run down and fatigued and just didn’t have the energy to do anything. After examining her he asked a number of questions, and finally inquired how her sex life was. “Pretty normal,” she responded. The doctor decided to pry a little deeper. “How often do you have sex?” he asked. “Five or six times a week,” she answered. “For how long has this been going on,” the doctor wondered, and Anne told her since she was married, fifteen years ago. To this the doctor responded: “Do you think that could be why you’re tired?” Anne’s response floored him: “I don’t think so, I just lie there.”

        A few months later, Anne’s husband was in the hospital to be operated for a hernia. Following the operation Anne was dispatched to buy a jock strap for her husband. She went to a local men’s store where she slinked around, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. She finally worked up the courage to approach one of the salesmen and stated her mission. “What size do you need?” he asked, “small, medium, or large?” “Oh large,” came the prompt reply from Anne, she had no idea they were sold by waist size.

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        1. LOL!!
          Those reminded me we needed jock straps for middle school gym class. Another embarrassment that Mom had to buy me a jock strap. And how we ruthless teased the 7th graders to put it on the outside of their gym shorts.

          Liked by 1 person

  7. One of my pet peeves is people who dress like slobs when they go out in public. Mainly annoying are the people who wear pajama bottoms as pants, or they have flab hanging out all over the place because they think they look really sexy in clothes that are four sizes too small, or the guys who wear baggy pants that hang down below their ass cracks so their underwear sticks out five inches. I also don’t understand intentionally ripped and holey clothes that (especially) young women wear. How do really poor people feel when they see someone wearing that as a fashion statement, but the only pair of pants they own are torn and ripped and they can’t afford to buy new ones?

    I know that’s a bit judgmental, but people judge by sight, and if you dress like a slob, you’re telling me that you’ve pretty much given up on trying and I don’t want to know you.

    Chris in Owatonna

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    1. What about sweatpants? They’ve pretty much been my uniform since I got furloughed. Well except during the summer, when it was shorts.

      I will admit that many times if I am going out to the store with YA, I will change into jeans and a different top. She has standards.

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      1. Nothing wrong with sweatpants at home or for working out. But seeing people going into “nice” restaurants wearing them turns me off. Or when they’re worn in more “formal” situations. Of course, I’m the guy who still thinks we all should dress up in our “Sunday best” for weddings and funerals. But I’m old-fashioned that way. Go figure. 🙂

        Chris

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        1. Or go to the theater or the symphony. I’m amazed at some of the outfits some people would show up in at those places. We’ve come a long way, baby, but I’m not sure where we’re headed.

          Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL, sorry to scare you Steve. Looks like I hit a bit of a nerve with my comments. I should amend that to say I’m not so superficial as to pass complete judgement on someone based on their clothing, but I stll think how we present ourselves to the world is important. And I’ll admit that being comfortable in what you’re wearing is important too. I used to do the suit-and-tie thing and hated every minute of it. I would have much preferred being a “casual Friday every workday” worker bee back when I had “real jobs.”

        And sweatpants are still far better than ripped clothing as a fashion statement or TMI clothing that leaves little to the imagination.
        Chris

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        1. I think our collective comments on this issue is an indicator of the age group most baboons find themselves in. A twenty or thriry year younger cohort would, no doubt, respond differently. 🙂

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  8. There was a very talkative young man who was a checkout person at the Cashwise this summer who grabbed my left had when I reached for my receipt and exclaimed very loudly “Boy, someone really loves you!” as he looked at my wedding ring. That was kind of embarrassing.

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      1. I haven’t chewed gum since I was a kid. But I will admit that when someone is chewing gum to the extent that I notice it, I think about my mother who used to always say “you look like a cow chewing her cud”. A direct quote.

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        1. My mom said the same thing. I quit chewing gum a long time ago because I have TMJ syndrome and gum chewing made symptoms worse. Perhaps because I don’t chew, I notice when others chomp away and wish I had the nerve to quote my mom.

          Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh yes, smokers, for sure. I cringe whenever I see (or smell) someone smoking. Thankfully, that’s rare these days. I know very few people who smoke.

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        1. Our apartment building like all In MN bans smoking a detail some renters try to ignore. The fall influx for college season takes awhile to get the message. Couple people were deciding they could smoke outside the back exit by our apartment in September and smoke was blown right into our apartment. Now this started three days ago. Someone above us, which apartment is clear, smokeS on their deck, I presume. The person takes a used 16 oz. plastic water bottle, puts an indented aluminum foil cap on the top, and uses it as an ashtray. Then he/she throws down the butt and the bottle to landin front of our patio. I picked up two bottles this morning. Now another Just appeared.

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  10. Those pants, sagging to expose the underwear, are not so much a fashion statement as a political one, I think. Sort of the dissent collar of Black youth. The holey jeans thing is a bizarre fad, and the charm of it eludes me, as well.

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  11. I can’t bear to be around negative people. One of our neighbors, who recently passed away at ninety, was such a person. In over forty years, I don’t think I ever heard him say one kind, supportive, or charitable thing about anyone. He was forever finding fault and complaining about every little thing. He was not particularly bright, and he was a gossip, forever spreading rumors, no matter how unsubstantiated, to anyone willing to listen. I gave him wide berth. Can’t imagine that anyone misses him.

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  12. I like to think of myself as non-judgmental. However, the older I get, the more it seems that I know the best way to do SO many things, and find myself judging anyone who does it less __________ (efficiently, quickly, neatly, thoroughly…) . This of course usually means I find Husband at fault. I am trying to be better about this.

    The other one is the people who buy into all the conspiracy theories. Good discussion on Kerry Miller, MPR, this morning about what causes so many people to want to believe these things. We’ve learned that my step-son is not immune… : | I hope to write a blog post soon on this topic. (oh, joy)

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  13. When I hear someone on TV say “CUE-pon” my toes curl up and I shout back COUPON! COUPON!!
    “Nuculeer” is almost as bad but it comes out so fast and it’s a little more subtle so it’s hard to tell.
    Remember when we thought this man was an embarrassment?

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  14. Usually store clerks don’t make comments on my purchases, except occasionally someone will ask me to identify something from the produce area if they don’t know what it is. Usually it’s an artichoke. For some reason young people often don’t recognize a whole uncooked artichoke, although they have probably encountered it as an ingredient in dip.

    Other things they’re often unsure about are root vegetables. Surprisingly few people identify a rutabaga with confidence. They also will get confused by golden beets or carrots that are a color besides orange.

    I don’t know what they’re thinking when my grocery cart tilts heavily toward all things chocolate, but I don’t really care all that much what they think. Sometimes an ample chocolate supply is simply what is required to make me feel secure.

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    1. I think most of us make judgments, not necessarily in a negative sense, all day long from all sorts of cues we pick up from others. I don’t think it’s unfair to someone if I form an unflattering opinion of them, so long as I don’t act on it or say something offensive about it. I know there are perfectly fine people who smoke, I just don’t care to be around them. I know that chewing gum, being heavily tattooed, or having purple hair is not indicative of character flaws, but it does inform my overall impression of the individual. I also know that because someone’s grocery cart is overflowing with sweetened cereal, pop, and potato chips, doesn’t necessarily mean they are poor parents. We are entitled to our opinions, it’s how we act on them that can be problematic.

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  16. Out in public with someone with even mild dementia raises that issues. Almost all clerks who had to deal with my wife pick up the clues when she gets a bit confused. It is more common for other customers either to miss the clues or not care. Clerical staff at clinics must pick up the clues but maybe are tired of dealing with it, as happens sometimes.

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    1. When I used to take my friend, Ken, on outings, I had a business card that I could hand to a server that explained that my friend had FTD, a brain disease that could manifest in some pretty bizarre behavior. They were always appreciative of being forewarned, and his behavior never caused as scene, even when he did some pretty strange things.

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  17. I’m also talking about those traits or quirks that signal a worldview that one might be wary of—any of the manifestations of toxic masculinity, for instance, that might also indicate a tendency toward grievance and volatility, or hyper-religiosity might signal a degree of surrender of one’s critical faculties. The cues that alert you to these and other worldviews can be various and subtle. Forewarned is forearmed.

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