2021, Business, Fifty Words, Health, Stories, Uncategorized

Overheard at the Grocery Store

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Standing in the canned vegetable aisle (wondering why nobody has turnips right now, either fresh or canned).

Woman #1:  Just feeling blah all the time.

Woman #2:  Are you drinking enough?

Woman #1:  Water?

Woman #2:  Liquor.

I couldn’t help myself; I laughed out loud.  Then they laughed too.

Any good belly laughs lately?

39 thoughts on “Overheard at the Grocery Store”

  1. I am NOT going to mention tractors today. Even John Deeres. I promise.
    My in laws, John and Sandra, believe that if a tree has been struck by lightning, the wood will not burn. It smoulders enough to produce a lot of smoke, but will NOT burn. They’ve proved it, and it’s true. Luckily, we haven’t seen the proof. So if John says, take that wood, it’s been struck by lightning, I take it. And we burn it. They never stop with it. Theg had a load tipped outside the woodshed, and I went up to put it inside. Sandra said, “pick out all those black ones, they’ve been struck by lightning. We’ve proved, etc, etc. I going to ask the guy to change them”. I did wonder how he would do that, as apparently he’d sold them his last load. Didn’t matter though, because I forgot her instructions immediately, and didn’t pick them out. I suppose we ended up with all the rain-blackened ones though.
    Well, this is going on, as usual. But they’re always on about this. Sometimes we get impatient. Sometimes we think it’s funny. It’s summer now, so they aren’t thinking too much about firewood. Yesterday we had some rain. Isaac (twelve now) and I pulled up outside J&S ‘s house, where Jane was on the porch, French polishing their dining table. I looked across at a pine tree, and said, why’s that tree got black patches on it? (Only lived two thirds of my life in the country). Isaac grinned and said, “it’s been struck by lightning.” It took me a second or two for it to sink in, and we fell about, and went in the house laughing. We’ll be able to have that tree, I said. I whispered Isaac’s joke to Jane, and J&S had no idea what was going on as Jane laughed too.
    It’s black because it’s wet, you idiot, my son said

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  2. In honor of all the people who have had a Cat (CT) Scan lately:

    One morning, Kevin wakes up to find his dog dead, lying next to his bed. He can’t quite believe it, so decides to take him to the vet. The Vet takes one look at the dog and says, “Kevin, I’m truly sorry, but your dog is dead.”

    “No. He can’t be dead. I demand a second opinion!” replies Kevin.

    The doctor nods and agrees. He goes into the back room and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog, bites it, looks at the vet and says, “Meow.”

    The vet again says, “I’m sorry but your dog is truly dead.”

    Kevin says, “No!, I don’t believe it, I want another opinion.”

    The vet nods and brings out a Labrador Retriever, which then begins to jump all over the dead dog, tugging at it before barking, “Woof roof woof!”

    The vet says, “Sir, your dog is dead. That will be 400 dollars.”

    “To tell me my dog is dead?” asks Kevin.

    “Well,” the vet replies, “I charge 50 dollars, the cat scan is 200 and the lab test is 150 dollars…”

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  3. I’m just bragging now. Jane had a little French polishing business when we met. She is trained and highly skilled at that. She ran our junk shop at the recycling centre, for a while, and sold more stuff every week to her adoring customers, than anybody before or after. Then she trained as an occupational therapist, but as a control freak, inevitably went up the management chain until the failing health service sucked her dry. Now, in Spain, she’s slowly making a success of teaching English in an academy, though for poor wages. Only things she’s bad at, are making tea, which she drinks in quantities, and washing up. She’s just in too much hurry with both.

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  4. Rise and Shine, Baboons,

    Forget conversations. Why on earth do you want turnips, canned or fresh? (I don’t like them). I think you are probably 2-3 weeks early for fresh turnips. My beets are just forming the bulbs and the harvest date should be similar, but Renee should know since I think they grow them.

    I can’t remember any overheard conversations right now, but this eavesdropping discussion is how LJB got her knickname after overhearing a snippet on the bus.

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    1. Your beets sound a tad late. We are just starting to harvest our orange beets, and planted more seed for a late crop. Husband saw some really nice donated local grown beets at the food pantry last week.

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      1. The beets and carrots did not germinate during the hot spell in early June. So I planted more. Now I have beets and carrots coming up en masse. And I do think they are late.

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      1. I’ve gotten this far in my life unaware that you could get canned turnips. Maybe you can’t, since you didn’t find any. Seems a poor candidate.

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        1. Yes you can. And also canned rutabaga. But these days Exotic stuff is a little harder to find.

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        2. I can’t think of canned turnips and rutabaga as exotic ( and I actually like both in their place). Far-fetched would be closer.

          Liked by 1 person

        3. These days about the only thing you can find in the canned vegetable aisle is corn, peas and green beans.

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        4. Canned rutabaga, much to my regret, disappeared rom Minnesota grocery shelves a few years ago. There are probably some places in the South where you can still find it, but not in my neck of the woods. I don’t recall ever seeing canned turnips, though. As far as I can remember, I’ve never bought any turnips that were not in the fresh produce aisle.

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  6. We have been chortling with delight at the news that son and dil had their offer accepted to buy their first house. It is not an easy time to buy a home. The house is only 3 years old, and has only a grass yard and no landscaping. Son wants a Japanese or Korean maple tree in the front. Since he works at a land grant university, he consulted with a professor in the plant science department, who is strangely prejudiced against maples of any kind. Son then consulted with a retired professor who runs a greenhouse and landscaping business. He had a more balanced view of maples and gave son ideas for good options. I thought it funny that there could be such passion about trees.

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    2. Yes, a difficult time to buy a home. My daughter and her family just bought and moved into an appealing home in Apple Valley. They had bid on several smaller homes with great charm, but those all went for far more than the asking price. The home they bought has seven bedrooms and many fine features, and yet they got it for less than the asking price. It seems the market is moving strongly toward smaller homes.

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  7. I get a little thrill every time I give my mom the giggles.
    It might be as we try to discuss her finances and sometimes I can’t figure out exactly what she’s asking. I finally asked “Do either one of us know what we’re talking about??” She giggled.
    The other night I was helping her off the floor. We both fell backward onto the bed and I thought I might be stuck there or have to push her on the floor again. Later, safely tucked back in bed, I told her what I thought. She giggled. I told her I wasn’t calling the cute firemen again for her.
    Mission accomplished.

    Kelly and I make each other laugh often. Many times it’s just the circumstances and inside jokes that do it and it wouldn’t make any sense to explain.

    Texting messages with my niece and her husband have given all of us giggles with tears running down our faces. Again. Wouldn’t make sense to explain. But it sure is fun.

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      2. Actually I kind of like being in on the lightning joke. When you said a little bit ago but I suppose now it won’t burn, I chuckled to myself.

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        2. I liked the underlying lightning delusion. Seems so representative of so much lately. Maybe if you get struck by lightning you can’t get Covid.

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        3. I think I’ve got herd immunity to lightning. Either way, Tucker’s telling me not to get vaccinated.

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  9. I may have told this before, but I giggle whenever I think about it. A few years ago I was consulting in a public school preschool classroom. I noticed a little boy who was all over the room. No matter where I looked, there he was. I made a mental note to ask the teachers if they had any concerns about his activity level. I saw the teacher take him to the bathroom, which was on my left. I immediately turned my head to the right, and there he was! It then dawned on me I had been observing identical twins, dresses alike. I blurted out “There’s two of them!!” The teachers laughed at me.

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