animals, pets, Uncategorized

Trust

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The breeder from whom we got our dog said that a road trip was one of the best ways to bond with with a puppy. Kyrill was pretty scared, at first, but by the time we got him to our first night at the hotel, he was happy and perfectly content.

Kyrill is very attached to us, so much so that he follows us everywhere and can’t bear to be away from us. Our experience with other terriers is that they are independent souls who want to explore the world on their own terms. Kyrill’s terrier breed, on the other hand, has a pack-mentality and only wants to be with the leaders of the pack. I had to set some limits with him regarding his feeding, as he only wanted to eat if the food bowl was underneath my feet as I sat on the sofa. He trusts us implicitly to provide everything he needs, and that is a little daunting at times.

Kyrill loves to help us in the yard. Here he is helping us plant bare root strawberries.

I admit that I have encouraged much of his dependence on us, as I let him sleep with us, but, in his and my defense, he is a perfect sleeping partner and only stirs once a night after about 5 hours. He then goes right back to sleep for another 4 hours. . He is crated during the day when we are at work.

How do you get animals or people to trust you? How can you tell if you can trust someone? Have you ever known anyone with a trust fund?

35 thoughts on “Trust”

  1. I build trust in me with The Birds by treats and routine. Moving cautiously around them is important. Avoid disruption of the aviary. No loud noises.
    Trust, by dictionary definition, is the “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something.”
    This can come with experience, observation and research.
    This saying is practical, “The ear itself makes a test of words, just as the palate tastes when eating” (Job 34:3). Test people’s words and actions before swallowing them.

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  2. A repeated tale. 30 years ago we had a Samoyed cockapoo cross. Pure white, like a smaller Samoyed really. It worshipped Sandra. It was not allowed beyond kitchen but it learned to follow her reflection in glass of pictures.

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  3. I always let a dog or cat sniff my hand before I try to get close or pet them. Kind of the same with humans – I ask questions but try to leave spaces where they can do the same. And similar to Wes, I watch to see if actions match a person’s words, to see if I can trust them.

    I do know someone who has had a substantial trust fund. She said it hampered her in some ways from learning to rely on herself – her life path would have been very different, of course, without it, and she would have had to find a “real” career path.

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  4. I think it starts with a gut feeling, and observation. Animals take time. Interesting isn’t it, watching an animal learn to trust us as much as we need to learn to trust them.

    We’ve got the farm set up in a trust for estate planning purposes. Estate planning is a big deal. We’re “land rich but cash poor”.

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    2. I love how you so consistently find some pretty interesting videos related to our daily topics, Wes. Thanks. In this case I’ll add that I think Disney, Hollywood, and several writers of old children’s literature have contributed significantly to giving some wild animals, like snakes and wolves especially, a really bad rap.

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  6. Rise and Shine, Baboons,

    We had a challenge building trust with our little dog, Bootsy, who came to us as a 2 year old traumatized dog in 2011. She was afraid of all men, doorways, and the feet of anyone, especially near the doorway. She had nightmares that caused her to yelp and scream in her sleep. We concluded she had been kicked by a man as she moved in and out of doors. She liked me immediately, so developing trust with me was pretty easy. But my poor, gentle husband and son cued up so much fear. She did not know what treats were, so we started by introducing smoked turkey which she loved. For a year we recruited every male in the neighborhood to feed her smoked turkey until she associated men with smoked turkey which muted (but did not eliminate) fear of men. She now loves attention from both Lou and Ben, issuing forth little groans of satisfaction when they pet her. (VS, this would be the exposure techniques you and I discussed).

    Bootsy really did not like the walker I used during the first week after my hip surgery. She reverted back to some of the fear with this apparatus around. After I folded it up and stopped using it, she relaxed again.

    RE: trust funds. Usually people with trust funds don’t tell that about themselves because that is an invitation to exploitation and judgement from others. So maybe I have known people with one, but who knows? When I worked in CD treatment many of our wealthy clients, which worked to their detriment because they had an unending source of drug money. To successfully recover, they usually needed a conservator who would limit spending and hold them accountable. But putting that in place was up to them to institute and revokable. So it took so much commitment to their sobriety to make it work. After that experience I concluded that limited trust funds–those designated for education/training, healthcare, or housing–are pretty useful, but that trust funds that have no limits actually create harm and dependence.

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  7. I am good with animals who do not know me, although I seldom apporach other peoples pets. As Ben says animals take time. Slow and careful then put out hand slowly. Back of the hand is better I think. I did that with the cows and horses everfy day. All animals came to my father. Always in a rush Looie was very patient with animals. When milking you always tell the cow you are about to step into the stall with words and touch. They will turn and look. I always wanted to let them lick my hand like they did when I approacheed them from the front, but of course not before your hands start milking.
    They ads I see on streaming and at Sandy’s include those ads for cashing in your trust fund now, “Structured settlement,” always arouse four questions: 1) why can you do that? 2) are there that many people with trust funds for them to do those rather high production ads? 3) how big a ripoff must that be? 4.) what does it say about the people with trust funds that they would do this, I mean were they needing to have money in trust?

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    1. OT: in a reluctant nod to gravity, I am hemming up some more pants, which makes me think of my mother and people like Robin. Just the ability to handle the cloth before you do anything to it is a skill. My mother used to complain about how simple cotton cloth could sometimes be resistant to what you wanted to do with it.

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  8. What a cute puppy! What fun!

    I’m usually good with most animals. Like others, I approach unfamiliar dogs with my hand out first and allow them to take their time sniffing. I have a neighbor who has a large, male pitbull mix dog which is often out on their deck when we walk by. He is usually quiet and docile and appears harmless. Pippin is the one who gets all worked up. He would gladly charge this big male and end up in very serious trouble. I try to control his impulse to protect me because he really doesn’t understand how foolish he is. This morning the big guy was excited though and started barking at Pippin. Pippin got riled up of course and went nuts, even though I had him on a short leash. So I talked to the big dog saying, “It’s okay, Pippin won’t hurt you. You’re such a big brave boy! What a good dog!” He quit barking and started wagging and grinning a big, slobbery grin. So Pippin stopped his crazy behavior too.

    I really wish I was good with humans. I’m a gullible fool about my fellow human beings. I always believe that they want what I want: peace, safety, kindness, love. It turns out that I’m wrong. That is a erroneous assumption on my part. Each time I am presented with an opportunity to be more sensible about my expectations of other people, I just go straight back to believing the best about them. I guess I have a learning disability in that regard.

    As far as I know, I don’t know anyone with a trust fund. I would think that people with trust funds would have some trust issues of their own. But I don’t know.

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  9. Kyrill looks like a delightful little dog. So glad you’ve decided to let him sleep with you. I was wondering how long you’d hold out with the kennel.

    Trust is such a delicate thing and to me, an important part of relationships with both people and animals. Once broken, trust can be very difficult to rebuild, and many relationships fall apart because of it.

    I tend to trust most people gradually, I think most of us do. Unlike Krista, however, I don’t believe that most people want what I want; the evidence is overwhelming that a lot of them don’t.

    In my circle of friends, however, most of us share some core values, interests, and beliefs, and that’s fertile soil for building trust. Even so, I have friends with whom I don’t necessarily share something I want kept in confidence, either because I know them to be a gossip or because they tend to blab about everything. Not that I have any big secrets, but I’m not fond of being fodder for the rumor mill.

    Over the years I have known quite a few people with trust funds. One of them was a direct heir to the DuPont fortune, and that’s serious money. A smart, kind, handsome, and well adjusted man who lived a very normal – albeit, privileged – family life with his Swedish wife and two children. He was a pediatrician. Wasband and I used to babysit regularly for their two little kids when he and his wife would drive off to Aspen or Vail for a long weekend of skiing. They also took us along on a couple of trips to the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs.

    Another was Patty, a former next door neighbor and good friend. In addition to her millions in a trust fund, she was smart, “blessed” with really good looks, and a dysfunctional family. Patty had a rough childhood, and by the time I met her in her mid-twenties, she had been in and out of drug rehab several times. Unfortunately, several of her old “friends” were drug dealers, and whenever they came around, Patty could not be trusted, and we both knew it. I have lost contact with her, and I’m afraid there’s a good reason for that. I don’t think she wants to be found.

    I also worked for a number of years with a young woman who was an heir to the Mears – as in Mears Park in Lowertown St. Paul – family fortune. A pretty average young woman. Carol’s main concern was whether men attracted to her were interested in her or her money; I think that was an issue for Patty as well. That’s at least one worry I’ve never had.

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  10. OT – Wes, quick, I need that phrase from Monty Python that you’ve been translating into Danish and other languages. Something about hovercrafts, I think?

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      1. :-). Thanks, Wes, I needed that to respond to TJ, Renee’s cousin, who asked on FB if anyone could translate the hieroglyphs on the base of some Egyptian monument. My guess is that this is as good a guess as any.

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    1. The only quote about trust that immediately springs to my mind is the one that was popular during the hippie era: “Don’t trust anyone over 30.”

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  15. Trust is an interesting thing if you’re trying to establish it it usually means that it isn’t earned
    The best way to establish trust is to be trustworthy

    I run into problems every now and again where am I initial presentation leads a new acquaintance to judge me as less than 100% sincere and trustworthy

    well I stopped to think about it there’s a little truth in that statement in that in a world where decision makers and policymakers have the ability to be Trump like in their self interest and self importance they may be correct in assuming I will not be their best ally

    no trust fund buddies or acquaintances I did admire the way warren buffet set it up so that his kids could have a fun to go out and do whatever it was that they saw as important in the world and have the fun over shit it was not a blank check it was a ticket to opportunity

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    1. Thanks tim. I spent all day trying to figure out how to say this. Couldn’t have done better than you did!!

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