Today’s post was discovered on a soggy roll of parchment stuffed into the foot well of a tiny boat in Ye Olde Mill at the Minnesota State Fair. The markings appeared to be the frantic scratchings of some kind of caged animal, but after separate examinations by an INTERPOL agent and a State Fair poultry judge, it was determined that the document is indeed a message from Captain Billy, skipper of the pirate ship Muskellunge.
Ahoy, Landlubbers!
I has it on good authority (th’ cursed Internet) that the Chinese is toyin’ wi’ th’ idea of developin’ some kinda super-fast submarine what would zip across th’ ocean in no time, travelin’ in a ‘air bubble’ under th’ waves.
Needless t’ say, me an’ me boys is highly alarmed.
Super-fast subs would be one way t’ move passengers an’ goods from one shore t’ th’ next shore real smooth like an’ well out of reach of low-tech, wave-tossed low-lifes such as ourselves. Th’ scheme what’s bein’ described in th’ press would make these here submarines as remote an unreachable as a jet airliner is, flyin’ overhead.
Naturally, such a scheme would cut into our profits from boardin’ an’ robbin’ conventional, slow-chuggin’, surface-huggin’, sea-going vessels, unless we was able t’ somehow force these here underwater missiles t’ come t’ th’ surface fer th’ occasional pirate-swarmin’ an’ pillagin’.
Therefore, me an’ me boys hereby demands that all seagoin’ powers sign a compact what commits them t’ keepin’ all commercial ocean traffic within reach of th’ international pirate community! Doin’ otherwise would risk upsettin’ th’ global balance of larceny, otherwise known as th’ creative stress of imminent danger, otherwise known as hooliganism, otherwise known as our livelihood.
Ain’t that right boys?
Seriously, why ruin a good (fer us) thing?
Yer iconic buccaneer,
Capt. Billy
The Captain makes a good point about a technology that could turn out to be quite disruptive to the status quo, though his position on this new transit option makes him somewhat the opposite of the typical foe who demands that the latest innovation go somewhere that is Not In My Back Yard (NIMBY).
Is he a NABMBY (Not Anywhere But My Backyard)?
What latest piece of technology could you do without?
Trail Baboon 
Good morning. Captain Billy is worried about having his less than honorable ship boarding activities disrupted and I am worried about having my much less than perfect writing skills messed up. I am talking about computer programs that are not under my control which automatically correct my writing.
I make many mistakes when trying to put my thoughts down on paper. I like to use programs that help me check for mistakes. I don’t want those types of programs to run automatically without my permission. The automatic programs are nearly as bad as I am at making mistakes. When they are running I have to proof read my writing for mistakes that I didn’t create myself. Why are those programs running without my activation?
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I hear ya, Jim. The auto-correct feature can be a royal pain in the posterior, and goes completely wild if you try to insert a word in a different language.
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Yup. I’ve posted some pictures on Instagram and when I’ve posted a description with the name Bei Fei – it changes it to Being Fei. As if Being Fei makes more sense than Bei Fei?
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Rise and Grump about techie stuff Baboons!
I don’t know if this is technology, but it shows up on part of technology. Facebook drives me crazy and I can and do live without looking at it anymore. I cannot figure out how to delete my account.
Sorry to offend those of you who love it.
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I like Facebook, Jacque, and I’m not offended that you don’t. Just as I’m not offended that ljb doesn’t like liver, or CG hates architects, part of what makes this group interesting.
I’m reminded daily that we’re all different, and although some of those differences drive me crazy, they are also what gives me my daily lesson in TOLERANCE. God is that a tough lesson to learn!
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What is WRONG with you, Jacque? I like Facebook; therefore you should, too.
Just kidding. I like it, but feel no need to make you like it, too.
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I understand as well, Jacque. But I wonder – if you don’t like Facebook and don’t go there anymore, why is it necessary to delete? You’ve already deleted it in the place that matters most – your mental habit menu. Does it harm anything to let your Facebook self remain, untended? Or are you worried that she will somehow come to life and take up with your friends behind your back?
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What if it is overtaken by alien beings posing as me and they buy stuff in my name?
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To delete your facebook account: 1. log in to your account. 2. In the drop down menu at the top of the page, click “Visit Help Center” 3. In the menu on the left side of the page, click on “Manage Your Account” 4. Click on “Deactivating, Deleting & Memorializing Accounts” 5. Under “Deleting Accounts,” click on “How do I permanently delete my account” and follow the instructions.
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AHA!
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Morning all. I have a real love/hate relationship with cell phones. So much good from them and also so much bad. Handy and convenient yet intrusive and rude. But that being said, I don’t want to give MINE up!
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It’s really not the technology that’s at fault, vs, it’s the oafs that have no clue. As I see it, technology is merely giving us ever more proficient tools with which to demonstrate that a lot of people really don’t give a damn about anyone else. Me, me, me…!
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On a recent flight, the old man next to me opened up his flip top cell phone. l looked at him and said, “lt must be our age group?” iMy only concern is that these relics of the past may cease being produced.
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Yep, I have a flip top, too. And it’s not programmed to take messages…
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I don’t suppose it counts as technology, but I could certainly do without the bloody Vikings stadium. Funding shenanigans aside, the Audubon Society has been trying to get them to use bird-safe glass, as the stadium will be in the migratory pathway for many species. According to the report I heard this morning on KFAI, it would take only about $1 million from a billion-dollar project…but they’re refusing on financial and “aesthetic” grounds. Yeah, it’s going to look real pretty with drifts of dead birds lying around it…
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I’ve hated architects for years, long before that one decided a cantilevered…thing…to drop ice on the heads of passersby was exactly what the new Mpls. library needed, but I’ve never hated them quite so much as I do right now. Actually, I think I just hate humanity in general today (present company excluded, of course). Case of the last straw, I suspect, after everything that’s been going on in Missouri and elsewhere.
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I can relate. I had a string of some days like that a couple weeks ago.
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Thanks for listening to KFAI, CG. I’m not sure why the stadium builders seem to be so blase’ about the predictions of Audubon and other bird enthusiasts. We will see soon enough if the building will be as lethal as some fear. Worst case scenario – a bald eagle at halftime of the 2018 Super Bowl. Even worse – the eagle is wearing a flag pin!
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Fitness trackers (FitBits and their kin). They are serenely hanging out on wrists everywhere in all sorts of colors, tracking movements and sitting time and sleeping time and heaven knows what. I don’t need to get buzzed by a bracelet to remind me I haven’t stood up in 20 minutes – ish. I am not a cow, I don’t need to be prodded. And, dear owners of them, I do not wish to be proselytized to about them, either. I’m sure you think they are the bees knees, but I don’t need another piece of technology to tell me I need to move more and that perhaps I don’t sleep well at night. Online charts and graphs based on my personal data aren’t going to help that. I have seen too many owners become slaves to them, comparing stats, becoming competitive about those stats, feeling sorry for people like me who refuse to follow the One True Path of Tracking. I will remain one of the great un-tracked, thank you.
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Anna – you’ve hit the nail on the head. So many people think that everyone needs to be onboard. I have two people in my life who are affronted by the fact that I am not available whenever they want me. They complain that I don’t answer my cell phone (I don’t always have it with me) or complain if I don’t pick up at home when “they’re sure I’m there”. Telling them that this isn’t going to change any time soon hasn’t lessened their angst, but it’s just not my job to be available to the world 24/7.
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I must be hanging out with the wrong crowd, Anna, had not idea such a device existed. My Silver Sneakers group is much less ambitious.
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Or – you’re hanging out with the right crowd, PJ.
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My father’s mail order pharmacy drives me crazy. He thinks the buck or two he saves by having his prescriptions filled this way is worth it, but little does he know the hassle involved. In theory it is a good idea, but in reality it ends up in delays and mistakes. Like many in his generation, he is terribly affronted by having to pay much for medications, and think that his Medicare part D should cover the cost. Well, ever since the mail order place was so slow getting his prednisone mailed out, he is more willing to have me get his meds in town.
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For a change, this question is easy to answer. I mostly avoid high tech toys, although I sure love my Kindle Fire HD. But some modern technology comes at me and will not be avoided. What drives me batty are robotic phone messages. As bad as they are, they get worse when the robo voice is allied to a triage system that attempts to force me into making choices that make sense to it. I become a gibbering, cussing freak when a robotic voice offers me five responses, none of which is remotely allied to my issue.
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l don’t know if this is the same Kindle that l gave you after getting this as an Xmas gift from my kids, but the only reason l passed it onto you was that it was too difficult for me to figure out!
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Hmmm, my response doesn’t fit Dale’s question. It isn’t technological devices that bug me, but some of them empower jerks to have more access to me than used to be the case.
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I sure hope that Dale isn’t offended when we don’t answer the question precisely. I know that, on the few occasions when I’ve written a guest post, that I sure don’t mind if people come up with other stuff to say, no matter how remotely connected to the question of the day. I just think of it as a conversation starter.
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If Dale has strong feelings about us staying on topic, I think his head would have exploded by now!!!!!
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No kidding, VS. Trying to keep the baboons on topic would be just like herding cats.
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Tell men about it, Steve. The Pioneer Press has an 800 number to call when your newspaper hasn’t been delivered. It starts with a menu of four or five options of which “problems with the delivery of today’s paper” is third, and it goes on and on from there. I guess they are figuring that if your daily newspaper hasn’t been delivered, you have nothing else to do but spending your time on the phone with their robot. Exasperating, to say the least, especially in view of how often I have to call that number.
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Damn it! I know it said “Tell me” about it when I pressed post.
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I was wondering which men Steve should be telling…
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If you need to talk to a real person at a company, I have had success with http://gethuman.com/ It tells you how to cut past the stupid automated menus and get to a real, live person. I have not tried it very often, but when I have, it really worked.
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Completely OT. Teenager needs to borrow a camera (recommendation of her professor) for her photography class. It needs to have a manual mode and adjustable lenses to focus. Anybody here in the Twin Cities willing to lend us a camera until Thanksgiving?
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Crumbs. I had one…but youngest daughter commandeered it.
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Does she need digital? I may still have a film SLR around here somewhere that she is welcome to, but it is decidedly *not* digital…
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l ran into a technical issue recently – the letter “i” would no longer work on my 8-year old Mactop. At the Apple store, l was presented with four options: replace the whole keyboard for $140; buy a new Mac for $1300; buy and external keyboard OR open up a tiny screen keyboard
that appears at the top of my screen and just insert the missing “i” into every text l write. This is the cheapest option, but clicking on the fake keyboard every time an “i” is needed has doubled the amount of time needed to write everything!
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Looking on the bright side, Cb, you’ll certainly become very aware of how many words have “i” them. 🙂
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I had a keyboard like that for awhile, with a faulty m key. I habitually copied an m from some pretyped text and hit command-V every time I needed an m. The only drawback was that if I needed to use the copy-paste for something else, I had to remember to copy the m again to put it back on the clipboard.
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Answering Dale’s question today would require knowledge of what the latest piece of technology is, and that, my friends, is beyond me. Have no idea, and couldn’t care less.
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Twitter. I just don’t get the appeal of it. I get the appeal of smart phones (especially now that I have one) and facebook and quite a few other things…but Twitter does nothing for me. Why on earth would I want to get tweets from hundreds of people? And why, why, why would I want to subscribe to the twitter feed of some store? Twitter just seems like Extreme Information Overload to me and I want nothing to do with it.
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OT – CB, I was at a thrift store yesterday and saw a framed picture titled “Crystal Bay.” I took a (pretty bad) picture of it, if you want to see the picture, email me.
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I used to use flip charts and a chalk board at school. Now I have a SmartBoard. But my SmartBoard projector just blew out a light bulb. These bulbs are very expensive; therefore my district does not keep them stockpiled. Will I get one by Tuesday? If not, will I be able to remember how to teach without one? Ah, life goes on.
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I don’t suppose you have any old flip charts or the easel they go on?
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I’ve been nodding yes to almost all these comments… I think Steve summed up my sentiments – anything that can “empower jerks to have more access to me” than they already have. I reserve the right to be an old luddite fogey.
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Oh, and electrically controlled toilets, and those hand dryers that sound like the world is coming to an end.
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Oh, yeah, those dryers. The “Airblade” ones actually make the flesh on your hands ripple.
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But my hands never get very dry with them.
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Technology geeze
I have been baffled by technology since my first thermos
If you fill it with hot stuff it keeps it hot
If you fill it with cold stuff it keeps it cold
How does it know?
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my problem with the new technologies is that they suck your brain away
I no longer have any idea what my moms phone number is. I don’t have ton remember who played artimus Gordon on wild wild West …I just Google it. My math skills used to be crisp and fast now I depend on spreadsheets to figure out what used to be my daily brain excersize
Remember the last time the internet went out and you were going to call the company to tell them but you couldn’t figure out how to look up the company without the internet. If the bad guys want to watch america die a painful death turn it off for a week and discover what a bunch of morons we have all become. Use it or lose it is nothing I have heard in a long time and then it had to do with lung capacity or muscle tone. No one ever referred to it having to do with your brain your soul your inner self
If the did it would require a major tweet Facebook yahoo Google viral explosion. Maybe we could pour nice cold water over our devices and challenge each other to get a life.
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