I just finished The Last Mandarin by Louise Penny (5 stars). The main character has a tense relationship with her mom and early in the book came this: “My mother loves a monster. Now there’s the title of a Grade-B movie.”
It made me laugh and lead me to thinking about some other funny titles that I’ve read over the years.
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (Philip Dick)
The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat (Oliver Sachs)
How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting toKillYou (Matthew Inman)
The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating (Elisabeth Bailey)
The100–YearOldManWho Climbed Out a Window and Disappeared (Jonas Jonasson)
Everyone Poops (Taro Gomi)
Another Bullshit Night in Suck City (Nick Flynn)
Of course, there are a LOT of funny titles out there; I suppose authors think it will hook readers into picking up their books. It certainly works on me.
Here are a few others I found online…
No Matter How Much You Promise to Cook or Pay the Rent You Blew It Cauze Bill Bailey Ain’t Never Coming Home Again (Edgardo Vega Yunque)
And To My Nephew Albert I Leave The Island What I Won Off Fatty Hagan in a Poker Game (David Forrest)
The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake (Aimee Bender)
Shit My History Teacher Did Not Tell Me (Karl Wiggins)
Everything I Know About Women I Learned From My Tractor (Roger Welsch)
It’s been a few years since YA and I traveled together. This is a four-day weekend trip that we’ve talked about for a few years now. Here are some interesting facts about our location:
Nearly half the residents of the US live near here
The gate to hell is hiding underneath North Street
Part of the Berlin Wall can be found here
Woody Harrelson was arrested in this city in 1982 before hitting it big in Hollywood
The Anthony Thomas Company makes 50,000 pounds of chocolate here daily, including their famous candy named after a state tree
The NFL was headquartered here from 1927 until 1938
Jack Hanna is Director Emeritus to one of the largest attractions of its kind in North America here.
Where in the world are we? (Bonus points if you can say WHY we’re here!)
It made me laugh at the time but now I’m thinking that this has to be on purpose. Cereals have been in non-resealable bags for decades now. I can’t think of one single good reason except that not being able to re-seal the bags means the cereal gets stale faster and then we toss the stale stuff and buy new. YA and I have quite a collection of clips that we use for cereal, veggie sausages, pasta, marshmallows – all items that aren’t re-sealable. YA likes to sort these clips by colors on the hood of our oven.
Thinking about this of course led me to thinking about shampoo bottles. According to the internet, shampoo companies began to use the phrase “lather, rinse and repeat” in the direction sections of their bottles. I can’t find anything that specifies which company’s marketing department came up with it first but I’m guessing all the other companies jumped on that bandwagon as fast as their little feet would carry them. I don’t know when consumers caught on and probably caused an uproar, but in checking the shampoo in our bathroom currently, one kind (baby shampoo) doesn’t say anything about repeating. The Prell and the Head & Shoulders both now say “repeat if desired”.
So what will it take to get re-sealable cereal bags? Another consumer revolution?
I was out and about yesterday – a whole bunch of quick errands. Enough errands that I wrote them down and numbered them. Then, of course, I went in a different order, based on how fast I could get from one to the next. Typical.
This strategy led me on some back streets that while not foreign to me are not my usual routes around town. As I was coming up to a stop sign, the bicyclist ahead of me stuck out his left arm, but instead of straight to the side or straight down, sort of mid-way between. He did slow down a bit but then turned left onto another street. For a minute I thought maybe it was a “I’m slowing down before I turn left” arm signal but then just dismissed it as a lazy turn signal. But it stayed with me so you know I eventually looked it up on the computer and while there are several more than I was ever taught, there isn’t one for slowing on a left turn.
It also occurred to me that these days I don’t actually see many bicyclists using arm signals when they are in traffic. Are these not a thing any longer? Then I started a mental list of some of the things that have disappeared from the world during my lifetime: pay phones, rotary dial phones, maybe typewriters, encyclopedias, busy signals. There are probably a lot more that I’m either not remembering or still around but getting rarer as the days go by (typewriters should probably be in this category).
Things changing/evolving doesn’t bother me too much but I do think bicyclists would be safer if they kept up the arm signals when they are on streets with cars/trucks?
Are you still holding onto anything that is starting to disappear?
I’ve done the math before about how many cards I send out so I won ‘t bore you with the numbers again. The biggest category is birthday cards – that averages to about 14 cards per month.
For quite a few years, all birthday cards got the same postage stamp:
The post office also did a “Celebrate” stamp but I used those for anniversary cards and other momentous occasion cards. Then five years ago, the postal service broke my heart when they announced they were discontinuing both those stamps. Aarrgghhhh.
I had a nice supply on hand and I bought a bunch of the Happy Birthday before USPS ran out. A close friend of mine also gifted me with three sheets of them as well. I began to use them a little more sparingly. Six cards a month go to folks in one of my stamping groups – they got moved to the non-HB stamps right away. Then “outer-ring” folks stopped getting my special stash. Then the next ring in went to “regular” postage. I limped along like this for FIVE YEARS. I used the last one the first week in May.
So I was ripe for the on-line voting that USPS instituted last fall. They said they were going to bring back some older stamps and let the general public vote. The site did not have any limits about how many votes you got… .not even any limits on how many times a day you could vote; you gotta love a good loophole. I spent the entire month of September going online every morning and voting for the Happy Birthday option 20-30 times; it only took about 10 minutes a day.
My persistence paid off. They made the announcement the first of the year that my favorite stamp would be returning. They released it on April 18 although the pre-sale went up in March. The big surprise is that they did a completely new design – it’s in the header photo. I’m not sure why – it probably cost them more, first for the design itself and then for whatever it takes to produce a new stamp. Maybe after five years, the old design specs didn’t work anymore. Who knows. But no matter – the new design is fine by me. Technically I like the old look better but I’ll take what I can get.
We won’t talk about how many of them I’ve already purchased.
When was the last time you actually went to a post office?
I think it’s really interesting that aluminum foil in the oven doesn’t get very hot. I can pull it out with my fingers. So I googled it. And learned this:
Extreme Thinness (Low Mass):Standard foil is incredibly thin (about 16 micrometers). Because there is so little metal, there isn’t enough total heat energy to warm up your thick, water-filled skin. The instant you touch it, your cooler fingers absorb the tiny amount of energy, dropping the foil’s temperature immediately.
High Conductivity:Aluminum is an excellent heat conductor. Heat passes through it and dissipates into the cooler room air almost instantly.
Isn’t that interesting!
Wednesday was my first day of half summer vacation. I work half time at the college until June, then I’m off for a couple months. I worked at home ALL DAY Wednesday.
I had my annual performance review at the college the other day. As I prepared for that and looked for a paper copy of last year’s review I found a phone book on my desk. I guess I kinda knew it was there. I haven’t opened it in a while. It was from 2014. I put it in the round file finally.
This is a phone book, kids!
I finished planting soybeans last Saturday.
Sunday I drove over it all with the drag. The fields look great! Smooth and even. Hopefully they get lush and green soon.
It was sprinkling late Sunday evening when I was out with an old hand cranked seeder spreading grass seed on one of my new field boundaries.
This thing has hung in the basement as long as I can remember. Asking my siblings, we all played with it but no one remembers seeing anyone actually use it. I’m thinking dad used it to seed grass around the house after it was built. But I’m sure I’m just making that up.
The directions are on the bottom:
I have a few thoughts. I don’t know what 2.5 MPH is when walking, and a spread of 18 feet?? You gotta really be cranking that thing to get 18 feet! Man, I don’t know how the old guys did it back in the day seeding acres and acres with this thing.
I am planting ‘BLM #4’. It’s a quick growing pasture mix commonly containing ryegrass, tall fescue, and Kentucky bluegrass.
At home Padawan and I got a lot done this week. Cleaned out the seed and power washed the corn planter. Parked it outside for the moment and pulled out the seed wagon. Cleaned that off and parked it away. As we were rounding up flowerpots for Kelly, we got sidetracked by crap in a corner of the old shed and ended up hauling out a gator load of scrap iron and a gator load of garbage.
Tired
I’ve wanted to clean up that corner, just didn’t intend to do it then. It was clean back in 1968 when we were living in the machine shed, then it turned into the tire storage corner. I’m down to about 5 old tires to get rid of, and 3 good spares I store there. And once you start a spare tire corner, it becomes a junk corner real quick. Padawan cut the top off a tote while I was cleaning the planter so we can use a second tote for scrap iron. I forgot about a zoom meeting on Wednesday. Had it on my calender… even knew about it in the morning. Then got a text from someone asking if I was coming to the meeting. I joined from the tractor.
Padawan and I made a fence and got the adolescent chicks out.
We put mulch around the seedling trees and starting making a, sort of, ‘tent-fence’ to keep the deer from eating the tree’s and peeling bark off the tiny little things. Stupid deer! These little tree’s are costing us a lot of money! Water totes, pump, hose, fencing, Mulch was free, then more fencing and more posts… jeepers. And who knows how they’ll survive next winter. I don’t have high hopes.
I need to clean out the grain drill yet.
Oops. Forgot to turn on the drill in time there.
Right up at the end of our driveway there’s this gap in the oats field.
It’s the first thing you see driving in. I’ve seen it coming all spring, I need to get out there and replant that. Course it will always be a month behind. But a bare spot allows weeds to grow. And I have several bushels left in the drill to clean out so I may as well go plant that and fill in a few light spots in another field.
Padawan has gotten a new job. He’ll be working 11:00 AM – 8:00PM Tuesday – Saturday. I’m gonna miss him. He and I have really connected the last few months. I enjoy having him around and he kinda likes having us as his surrogate family. In fact, he listed me as “Family Friend / Dad” on the job application. Awwwww…
There’s never any warning. Trader Joe’s Fearless Flyer doesn’t have a set schedule – without any notice it shows up in my Inbox. In the olden days (back when the dinosaurs roamed the planet) it would appear in the snail mail box. It’s the same document these days but I have to admit that I enjoyed relaxing with a cup of coffee or tea and leafing through the hard copy.
But this is not a rant about the death of print. I swear. It’s more a rant about how YA and I are completely helpless in the face of this flyer. It’s unbelievable; we are both completely drawn to the new (and probably never-to-be-seen-again) products that are featured. A little bit like the seasonally colored items that I can’t stay away from.
The theme of the flyer and the seasonal items this time is “strawberry”. While I love fresh strawberries and I practically live on my strawberry jam, I’m not otherwise a massive strawberry fan. But YA is. And there are certainly lots more items featured in addition to the strawberry-laden stuff. We made a list and I headed out. Managed to find everything on the list with the assistance of a customer service gentleman who went to the back and found two items that were out on the shelves. Here is a partial list of what I came home with:
Pickle Potato Chips: these were primarily for YA – she’s also a fan of Pickle Pizza at the fair.
Parmesan Tapenade: I love all kinds of tapenade, so this looked promising. It made a great pizza topping on Tuesday.
Potato Cheese Stix: like it says. Cubed potatoes, mixed with cheese, frozen on a stick. YA says they’re pretty good.
Spicy Taco Sauce: This turned out to be a great sauce for the afore-mentioned potato-cheese stix.
Strawberry Gummy Bears. Completely for YA. I never even liked jujubes when I was a kid, so no gummies for me now.
Turkish flatbread with cheeses, spinach and onion. In the freezer section – can’t wait.
Spicy Spuds. Another freezer options – spicy roasted potatoes.
Oat Bites. There are two kids – PB&J and Raspberry. Bitty little muffins with filling.
Strawberry Snickerdoodles. I might try this although YA will probably eat most of them
Garlic Salted Mixed Nuts. They also have little garlic toasted chips in the can. Quite nice.
There were several other things, including a six-pack of San Pellegrino; we splurge on this a couple of times a year. None of these items were necessary and neither of us had a plan for any of it, although I did get a pizza dough while I was there, thinking about the tapenade. I’m of two minds about this silliness. One the one hand, it was a lot of money for nothing that we had a plan for. On the other hand, it’s food; we have to eat regardless of the absurdity of the food items.
Tried anything new (food or otherwise) the past couple of weeks?
Muscle memory is an amazing thing. On Saturday, YA and I had our next-door neighbors over for lunch. Just veggie burgers and corn on the grill. At the last minute, we decided it was a little too chilly to eat outside, so I set the table inside.
I set out seven little bowls in the kitchen. Onion slices, tomato slices, pickles and Boston lettuce to get started. Just as I started to squirt ketchup into the fifth bowl, YA walked in and immediately said “what are you DOING?” I told her I was putting the condiments in bowls and she pushed back with “WHY?” It took me a few minutes of standing at the counter, looking at the bowls before I realized why I was about to put ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise in little bowls.
When I was growing up, condiments went into little bowls. Not just for when we had company, but all the time. Even when we had dinner at my Nana and Pappy’s on Saturday nights, condiments went into little bowls. In fact, if condiments ever went on the table in their bottles, it was called “pinkert style”. It wasn’t until I was in high school that my mom told me why. When she was growing up, they lived a few houses down from the Pinkerts. Apparently the Pinkerts never put their condiments into little dishes… they always just set the bottles out willy nilly. So it turns out that my grandparents calling that “pinkert style” was actually quite pejorative – I never knew.
While I almost automatically put out little bowls when company comes over, YA and I do not do this when it’s just the two of us. Of course, YA and I eating a meal that requires condiments on the table is fairly rare.
On Saturday I put out the bottles; I really don’t need to be the third generation getting little bowls dirty in the name of shaming some family up the block from my grandparents!!
Any habits that have come down the generations in your family?
Claustrophobia, agoraphobia, hydrophobia, hemophobia, acrophobia, Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. There are a LOT of phobias out there. Luckily I’m only stuck with two that occasionally bug me.
Acrophobia bugs me the most. I don’t like to take the escalators at the Mall of America. I don’t like to stand near the edge of anything and a couple of those tall tall buildings in London did throw me for a loop. Three weeks ago, my next-door neighbors got a new roof and after a couple of hours, I had to take my book and move downstairs because watching them work out of my bedroom window was giving me the heebie jeebies.
My claustrophobia is milder and mostly manifests in my deep desire to not be underground or in a cave. Oh, and I don’t care much for curtains – give me a good valance any time. I’ve passed twice on the underground river at Xcaret in Mexico and doing the big cave on Gibraltar really got my heart going. I even stopped reading the Anna Pigeon series after a book set in a cave. Ish.
YA doesn’t have a titch of claustrophobia and years ago hung curtains in her room in addition to window shades (I am NOT a window shade kind of gal). Yesterday a package got delivered and she swooped on it immediately. Curtains. When I asked why she needed new curtains she said that her shades had started to curl on the edges and she decided black out curtains would be better. Black out curtains. I’m not making this up. If she only pulled these curtains during the night, when we have a lot of ambient light from living on a county street, I could kind of understand, but like her previous curtains, these have been pulled shut 24/7. It’s dark in there.
I’ve never wanted a cave of my own so it’s hard for me to get her desire for one, but it’s her room so if she feels the need to have a grotto of her own, so be it!
Any fears you’ll cop to? Do you like serious darkness for sleeping?
For quite some time, I avoided Hudson & Rex, a Canadian tv show about a cop and his partner, a beautiful German Shepherd Dog. But I’ve gotten hooked; it shows on a couple of different cable stations so when I find it showing, I’m all in.
I noticed a couple of weeks ago that one of those two stations plays a few ads A LOT. One of those is about a power washer. You know the kind where some guy says “after using this, I threw out my old power washer”. Blah blah blah. I mute it a fair amount.
Imagine my surprise when a box was delivered yesterday and I came downstairs to find YA assembling a little power washer. It isn’t the power washer from tv (thank goodness); she bought it with award credits from the merchandise side of her company’s business. No money actually changed hands.
She had it out yesterday afternoon, doing the side of the garage and the driveway where we had all the mulch piled up for the last couple of weeks. I guess it works pretty well; she informed me of a couple of other projects she is thinking about.
I’m glad she likes to take on these kinds of projects because it would never have occurred to me but I am a little spooked that the tv seemed to predict the power washer entering our lives.
Trail Baboon 