Normally I don’t click on things like “Worst Sitcoms of all Times” or “Hollywood Actors with Surprising Kung Fu Skills”. But for some reason, while waiting for a client call yesterday, I clicked on “Bad Movies We Love Anyway”. I hardly had the site open two minutes but it was enough time to see “VelociPastor”. No that is not a typo.
When I logged off work for the day, I couldn’t resist… found it on Peacock and within a few minutes had it going. It was dreadful. The basic story is that a pastor goes hiking and manages to hike into China (no discussion of WHY he was doing this), runs into a Chinese woman stabbed through the heart who gives him what she says is a “dragon tooth”. He cuts himself badly and apparently is infected with dinosaur DNA. Like Bruce Banner/Hulk, when he gets enraged he turns into a velociraptor. Initially he doesn’t remember these episodes but eventually learns to control it somewhat and becomes a crime fighter – a scaled crusader!
Very bad acting, some of the characters were dubbed, horrible dialog, every stereotype on the planet, unbelievable scenarios (the scumbag who murdered his parents comes to confession and the pastor kills him in the confessional). Of course, all the mayhem never leaves a drop of blood on him once he transforms back to human. Oh and he falls in love with the hooker who witnessed his first transformation and eventually dies in his arms. Half way through the movie, we also get ninjas bent on global domination and I’ll never forget the scene where the pastor and the hooker beat up all the ninjas in their underwear. When they eventually do show the whole transformation, it’s in a rubber dinosaur suit that doesn’t look anything like a velociraptor.
It was so awful it was kinda funny. Wouldn’t you have to TRY to make a movie this bad? Was this a “The Producers” situation, where they wanted to make a bad film so they wouldn’t have to pay investors back. Hard to imagine any other way this movie could have been made. Yet another bad movie that curiosity has driver me to that I will most likely never watch again.
What’s the absolute worst movie you’ve ever seen? And why?
The end of another year, pretty fitting that it happens on the last day of the week. It just fits the calendar so nicely and it feels so right that the last day of the year, the last day of the month, also ends on the last day of the week. And then we begin another month, another week, another year on the first day of the week. No open squares, it just all seems better that way.
The end of the year, all the old hackneyed, banal phrases of closing out another chapter, turning the page, another chance to try it again. But they still apply.
On the farm I will collect mileage from all the vehicles and the hours on the tractors and the lawnmower, the four-wheeler, the gator, and even the total gallons on the diesel barrel pump. I put all the data in my spreadsheet to compare with the other years. (At one point I believe we had to report the mileage to our accountant and there must’ve been a deduction for farm mileage or something. Now it’s just all under the standard deduction but I have always enjoyed keeping track of things like that). I also have our farm balance sheet that I will spend the next month working on. It’s fun for me; I like compiling the data and seeing the changes, adding pretty colors, and formatting it.
During 2022, I kept track of how many dozens of eggs I moved out of the house. It was easier keeping track of the dozens going out then it was the eggs coming in. The last few weeks I haven’t actually moved very many, so counting the eight dozen I have on the counter now, I moved 320 dozen eggs. That’s kind of impressive. That’s 3480 eggs. Which averages 10 eggs per day for an entire year. Back in October I only moved about 10 dozen, while between March and August it was upwards of 30 per month. If you count all the chickens around here, which is somewhere between 40 and 50, 10 eggs per day doesn’t seem like enough. I never said I was looking for efficiency, I’ve always said it was a chicken retirement farm.
I’ve also been getting crop inputs finalized for next year. Prepaid some fertilizer, locked in prices on some other products, and finalizing my seed orders. It’s discouraging that fertilizer and chemicals are as expensive this year as last. Hope for another good year of crop production and prices. I expect prices will have to crash and we’ll all take a loss one year before things will come down again.
A lot of the stuff we do before the end of the calendar year so that I can take the financial expense this year. There’s also typically a discount on pricing when you order sooner. My seed company discount goes until mid-January, and I expect to be driving again by then so I will get that done at that point. We paid off all of this year‘s crop loans, paid off another small loan on my truck, and paid a good chunk of an operating loan. Also, at the end of the year the equity checks come in from the various co-ops that we belong to. March 2023 will be 19 years since I sold the milk cows. The dairy co-op that we sold to, AMPI, has a 20 year payback on their equity and so for the last 18 years I’ve been getting a check for a few hundred dollars from the dairy co-op even though there has not been a milk cow on the farm. The check this year was for $200. There’s $2.48 remaining in my equity. Seems to me it would’ve made more sense to just add it on too this year‘s check. But whatever, one more check from the milk cows.
We are all glad the weather has finally warmed up. The ducks finally got out of the pond and actually came back up in the yard. Chickens, squirrels, pheasants, and lots of birds are out and about and enjoying it. The show has melted off the deck so I can go out there and walk around a bit.
I am getting along very well on my knew knee. (Gnu G-knee!) And the 37 staples were removed from the incision on Thursday. The doctor gave me a good report. A few days prior to that Kelly took me out for a ride in the gator, it was just nice to get out of the house. She even took me over to the shop and I got up in the tractors. Just to say I could. Again, after all the trouble I had the spring and summer, I didn’t really think this would stop me, but it still felt good to get in there. I sort of expect to be driving again this weekend and I may have to take over snow clearing duties soon.
Prior to the surgery I had to remove the two earrings that I wear. I asked daughter to put them in. She doesn’t have pierced ears, and she’s never done earrings before and I thought this would be good practice for her. As a guy, I can’t get them in myself, I generally ask Kelly. Daughter got one in and Kelly got the second one.
Years ago when I was giving a farm tour to some elementary school kids, a little girl asked me about the ear tags that I put in the calves ears. I was kneeling down and face-to-face with her and I told her it was like getting your ears pierced. I have a very vivid memory of her looking to my ears at the same moment I Iooked to hers. I had earrings, she didn’t and I thought to myself, this is a fascinating little discussion and I wondered if she’s going to go home and ask to get her ears pierced.
One of the movies I watched this week was ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’. One of those movies I’ve heard about and seen bits of, but never seen the whole thing. I enjoyed it. I also watched ‘All That Jazz’ for the 349th time. I was home alone so I had it loud to make it the best it could be. And I picked some new bits out of it. I never get tired of that movie.
“He lived in chambers that had once belonged to his deceased partner. They were a gloomy suite of rooms, in a lowering pile of building up a yard, where it had so little business to be, that one could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide-and-seek with other houses, and forgotten the way out again.”
One of my favorite metaphors from one of my favorite books – A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.
Most years I try to re-read this little classic some time in December. It’s a quick, satisfying read – a great story of redemption if ever there was one!
Yesterday was the anniversary of the publication (1843). For the first time in my memory, I had an absolute day of leisure. Past years I either had to work or I was deep into party prep; with the party behind me (it was wonderful!) and new to my retirement, this year is different. I decided to celebrate by watching every movie of A Christmas Carol that I like (there are more than you can imagine and I don’t like them all).
I didn’t plan my viewing schedule ahead of time… just went with the mood of the moment whenever one ended and it was time to select the next. Started with the Reginal Owen/Gene Lockhart version then headed into the Alistair Sim version. Needed a little lighter fare after that so did Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol. George C Scott was next followed by Mickey’s Christmas Carol. Patrick Stewart was next, then Scrooged with Albert Finney, rounded off by The Muppet’s Christmas Carol.
Thought about American Christmas Carol with Henry Winkler but just wasn’t up for it after 10 hours of Charles Dickens. I don’t know if I’ll celebrate this way next year but it was a relaxing and enjoyable day for me.
If you had a free day to celebrate/commemorate something, what would it be? And how would you like to celebrate?
You all know that I am a little obsessed with Murder on the Orient Express and Death on the Nile by Agatha Christie. Just recently I finally splurged and purchased the David Suchet as Poirot version of Death on the Nile. I’ve watched it repeatedly since it arrived and despite having seen it previously, I was surprised to find the Simon Doyle character saying “Bob’s your uncle” in the market scene. From context it clearly meant “there you have it” or “easy peasy”. I was fascinated so headed to the internet to figure out exactly what it meant and where it got started.
The more prevalent explanation is that it came about when Robert Cecil, the Conservative British prime minister appointed his unqualified nephew Arthur Balfour as Chief Secretary to Ireland back in 1887. Since Arthur was clearly not fit for the job “Bob’s your uncle” became the explanation about his selection. Of course, this account is controversial as the phrase can’t be found in any print reference until almost 40 years later. But this is the etymology that I like.
So imagine my surprise when just two weeks later, in a restaurant in Chattanooga (during my trip to Nashville), I stumbled upon Bob’s Your Uncle Hard Cider on the menu. I almost never do alcohol at lunch but I had to make an exception this time. I even managed to remember the source of the name.
And as if “Bob’s your uncle” hasn’t fallen into my path enough, last week one of the YouTube channels that I follow did a list of popular idioms and it was titled “Bob’s Your Uncle”. Apparently the phrase is fairly common in Britain, but crossing my path three times in a month seems remarkable. I keep telling myself it’s just a coincidence but….
I tend to have anxiety at the best of times, but my trip to Maryland has been one for the record books. I haven’t traveled much during the pandemic, and I haven’t flown anywhere without Husband for many years. I think Husband acts as a distraction, and his absence left me lost to my own awful imagination. I had a lot of sleep problems the two weeks before I left. My professional tricks for anxiety reduction were only marginally helpful.
I have fretted about countless small things, like was my hotel reservation ok since the confirmation email never arrived after three attempts by Marriot to send it. Of course, a weather system moved into our area bringing the first snow of the season the day I had to head to the airport. I have to drive 100 miles to the airport. There was slush, but I traveled safely. I spent the night in Bismarck since my flight left so early in the morning. I spent the night worrying whether it would be icy driving to the airport. It wasn’t.
On Tuesday I didn’t realize until after I checked my bag and went through security that the ticket agent forgot to give me a baggage claim check, so I worried all the way to DC how I would find my bag if Delta lost it. To cap the whole experience, the guy sitting next to me on the plane out of Minneapolis watched a movie about two women climbers stuck on top of a cell phone tower. I am really afraid of heights, and I tried to not to peek over at his screen, but I just couldn’t help myself. I could hardly stand it!
Well, I wrote this in my lovely hotel room in National Harbor that was waiting for me with my reservation. . My suitcase arrived when I did. The heroine was rescued from the cellphone tower, but not until she killed a vulture that attacked her and she ate it raw to give her strength to keep going. There is good weather predicted for Bismarck when I fly back. Why on earth was I so worried?
What about travel makes you anxious? What are your strategies for anxiety management?
Well, it has happened again. It seems that every other year I am called for jury duty, and I received another letter from the Clerk of Court while I was in Minnesota, telling me I am yet again in the pool of potential jurors for the Southwest District Court for the month of July.
I have never actually been seated on a jury panel. I haven’t even had to go to the court house while they choose jurors for cases, as the cases seem to be settled before the date of the hearing. I also can’t imagine any attorney would want me on a jury, especially if it is a criminal case. It is really hard in a small community to serve on a jury if one is a health care professional. If asked if I know a defendant, I have to say “I am prohibited by State and Federal law from answering that question unless ordered to do so by the court” if I know the person from the work at my agency. That statement is, of course, a tip off that I know them from my work, and everyone in town knows where I work, but that is what our legal department has told us to say.
I expect the same thing will happen this July, and I will wait for a letter from the Clerk of Court telling me that, yet again, I won’t be called for a jury panel in July and that I am still in the pool of potential jurors for the next round of cases if my name is picked at random. That is another problem living in a sparsely populated area-there really is a limited number of people to do things, so the chances of being picked for these typed of things are high.
Would you want to be a judge, a defense attorney, or a prosecutor? What are your favorite movies or books involving court hearings or lawyers?
This past weekend was a “comfort tv” weekend. After a LOT of hours gardening and then recuperating in my studio while it rained, I was all about watching some of my standard oldies but goodies.
WarGames. Looking at the technology that was over the top when the movie came out, it’s a little laughable now. Rotary phones. Dot matrix printer. Oh, and Matthew Broderick makes a call from a phone booth. Except for the ones that they keep around in London for tourist photo ops and the one that Dr. Who uses, are there phone booths anywhere anymore?
Hopscotch. Walter Matthau types up his anti-CIA memories on an old typewriter, which he drags with him through the movie. It’s not even an automatic return typewriter. Phone booths in this movie as well. Also, all the information on agents and criminals in on paper in a file room: when Matthau shreds his personnel file, they don’t even have a photo of him any longer.
Romancing the Stone. At least Kathleen Turner is typing on an automatic return typewriter. There are a few calls from phone booths in this one as well which is interesting since most of the movie takes place in the Colombian jungle.
Jumpin’ Jack Flash. Whoopi Goldberg works in a bank on a data terminal (not even actually a computer). She doesn’t have a phone on her desk – although there is one for the whole department of workers that they are only allowed to use in an emergency. This means she ends up in a phone booth down the street. (Then she gets dragged in the phone booth all over Manhattan but that’ another segue.)
A few things are clear. #1. Phone booths and typewriters were clearly a lot more prevalent 30 years ago than they are today. A bit of research reveals that you can still buy a typewriter (Brother and Royal are the top manufacturers out there) but they’re not a cheap as you would think they would be. #2. The plots of a lot of the movies I like would really have to be punched up if there weren’t phone booths and typewriters abounding. #3. All my comfort movies are way too old.
Over the weekend, I watched “Bunny Lake is Missing” with Lawrence Olivier and Carol Lynley. It’s about a woman whose daughter has disappeared and many folks seem to think she has made up the daughter. I hadn’t really intended to watch it but the opening credits listed a handful of characters and then I noticed “The Zombies”. My curiosity about how you get American actress Carol Lynley, British legend Lawrence Olivier and The Zombies into one movie got the better of me.
At one point, Olivier, who plays a police inspector, takes Lynley to a pub to get something to eat. The tv above the bar is tuned to a channel playing a broadcast of The Zombies. They are not identified at all. Then in another scene, they can again be heard on a radio playing in the background. There is no reference to the band at all – and no indication of why The Zombies. I looked it up after the movie was finished and apparently 3 of the songs in the movie were written by them. But I couldn’t find anything that suggests how Otto Preminger (producer and director) hooked up with the band. I guess since the movie was shot over 55 years ago, we’ll probably never know.
How long do you think you’d survive in a zombie apocalypse?
I’m a Star Wars Fan. Not a rabid fan and I have to admit that I haven’t even seen the last few movies because they haven’t come around for free yet. But I will always remember when Star Wars IV came out in 1977. I went to the first night it opened at The Grand Theatre in Northfield; I hadn’t heard anything about it but some other friends were going so I went along for the fun. When the curtains pulled back and the screen filled with stars and the music blared out, I felt as if somehow my life had changed.
Night 2, Night 3 and Night 4 found me at The Grand again, each night with a different group of friends. I was a bit like a CGI proselytizer – trying to get as many people as I knew to see and fall for the new special effects that were on the screen. By Night 5, my friends were starting to give me grief, so my streak ended. (There have been only two other movies that got the Night 1, Night 2, Night 3, Night 4 treatment – Blazing Saddles and Princess Bride. Oddly enough Blazing Saddles was also at The Grand.)
Over the years I’ve watched IV, V and VI over and over again. The others not as much. I’ve never been to a convention, although I’ve certainly thought about it. When May 4 began to be known as Star Wars Day, I noted it but didn’t go crazy over it. YA did give me a book a few years back on May 4, William Shakespeare’s Star Wars: Verily, A New Hope. Kind of my wheelhouse, right?
I do enjoy all the memes and puns that are associated with Star Wars – and there are A LOT of them. Here’s a new one I found a couple of weeks ago.
Q. Why isn’t Leia married in A New Hope?
A. She’s been looking for love in Alderaan places
Where is this going, you all ask? This is where it’s going. When I found the phrase “May the Horse be With Ewe” last week, I fell off my chair laughing. Almost immediately I started thinking about making a card and ended up with the design you see above. On the inside of the card, in the Star Wars font (yes, there is such a thing), I do have “May The Horse Be With Ewe”. I couldn’t help myself. So far a couple of folks who have received it have called and laughed with me. I’m pretty sure that Nonny is not going to get the joke. I’m not even sure if she has SEEN Star Wars.
I was clicking around last week, looking for some good background noise while I addressed some cards and discovered 2001: A Space Odyssey available. I remember seeing 2001 in the movie theatre when it came out and I remember a good deal of it; but even 5 decades later and a lot more science fiction under my belt, it is still weird.
Research led me to things I didn’t know. First off, 2001 was a collaboration between Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C Clarke; it was not first a book and then turned into a movie. The movie actually came out first followed by the book, although by the time the book was published it only had Clarke’s name on it. I also found out that all the colored lights and psychedelic effects at the end were Dave becoming a “star child” after going through a star gate. Of course I’m not sure what a star child is – I haven’t actually read 2001 (although you all know it’s on my short list now) – and the movie certainly doesn’t elucidate any of this.
It seems as if Stanley Kubrick got a little lost in his special effects. And for 1968, they are great. And the whole Hal sequence is, of course, fabulous:
I’m hoping the book will make a little more sense than the movie. Fingers crossed.
Any special effects that you particularly like? Cinematic or otherwise?
Trail Baboon 