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Full Body Scam

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The introduction of a full body scanner at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport has drawn interest from travelers concerned about check-in delays and privacy advocates worried about a new level of unwelcome scrutiny, but to dealmaker and idea man Spin Williams, it’s a great opportunity.

Americans love attention!

I know a lot of them say they don’t, but really – they do! Once you understand that simple fact, everything else becomes clear. I’ve heard people worry that an unseen screener will laugh at their odd bulges, but I believe my fellow citizens hate being ignored even more than they resent being mocked, and basically most people are OK with a full body scan at the airport. And who among us is physically perfect, anyway? The chances are good that no matter how bad you think you look, the next person to step into the box probably looks worse.

And besides, the images I’ve seen make everyone look like the Silver Surfer, who was one of my favorite comic book heroes!

But if you happen to be one of the rare attention-haters out there, safeguards are in place. The software automatically blurs your face so the screener can’t pick you out of the line and laugh at you directly. AND, the machine erases your full body image completely just as soon as you are cleared as a security risk. That’s where I think a great opportunity is being literally thrown away!

Here’s my BIG idea to make it all work out fine.
Sell the images to their owners as a keepsake.

Why not? Look at Facebook – people there are letting it all hang out every day. And wouldn’t you like to own a full set of naked portraits of yourself with your arms over your head? Standardize the angle and the distances from camera to subject in every booth, and you could use multiple images taken at different airports to track changes in your shape and weight – a federally subsidized fitness program that would inspire millions to skip that candy bar until after they pass through the screening.

And with a little digital manipulation, you could easily insert your TSA full body scan into a greeting of some sort. How about Christmas cards!
Here’s a mock-up!

After all, there is nothing we find more interesting than ourselves, and this is a photo taken during a memorable experience that can be discussed for years if it is properly packaged and celebrated. So TSA, take a hint from Disney World. Sell people their full body scans at the airport!

From the Meeting That Never Ends,
Spin Williams

I wrote back to Spin to suggest that he needs to proofread his mock-up greeting card. But he might be on to something here. I have several arms-over-head, open-mouthed screaming-in-fear amusement park photographs that I paid way too much for, but they do a good job of capturing a moment in time.

At the end of the ride, do you buy the photo?

29 thoughts on “Full Body Scam”

  1. Rise and Shine Babooners:

    Spin! I am impressed. What a creative way to generate capital for the federal government — the TSA in the photo vending business. Featuring the photo on a Christmas card should even further the cause. The TSA could place an ID chip in the card and automatically require more postage to garner even more money! That could save the post office.

    However, I never buy the picture. I’m not photogenic in most situations. The thought of a photo with my mouth open and my eyes closed, careening toward the finish line does not prompt me to open my wallet and purchase the thing. So the thought of buying a fully body scan picture produces an inner cringe.

    Comment on the anthem theme of yesterday’s blog. Tim, the Hat Trick of poetry was so impressive. I particularly like the cyber-anthem. It was so … right! Now to set it to music that pops up as we log on…

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  2. i have a coffee cup from the mall of america going down the rollercoaster with my then 5 year old screaming in ecstasy as we zoom past the planted camera. the picture is blury and faded but we don’t do that stuff anymore now that he is 17 and too cool. i have lots of disney pictures at the tower of terror and in front of the castle that changes the celebration of the year, yearly. from the 25th anniversary of walt disney world to the 50th year of walt disney parks , to the 75th birthday of mickey mouse. if they just put the year up there then i wouldn;t have to try so hard to figure out how old everyone is. lets see… emmas hair is still sticking straight u in the air and she only did that until she was two so that must be 2003.
    pictures are wonderful memory joggers and the fact that people have cameras with them everywhere is a cool new phenomenon. its so common to see a group with their little phone cameras out shooting the event of the day. i just had someone shoot my son and me on the sidelines of the minnesota vikings last weekend with the cheerleaders before the game. ah a moment to remember. it gets harder to buy the picture when pictures are everywhere . i don’t value them less, but i tend to ask the guy standing next to me to take a shot that will allow me to pass on the poor photographers livelihood.
    so is that dale on the left and nancy on the right? looking good there silver surfer.

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    1. I’m not the one who usually takes the photos and I am impatient about allowing extra time to take pictures on a trip. I do like having pictures from trips and if I am alone on a trip I will take some pictures to show when I get back from the trip.

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  4. I’m with Beth-Ann, I mostly don’t do the rides, so I don’t get the photos. I take photos myself on calmer, more sedate attractions like the merry-go-round.

    Off for a blustery day – might be a day to weight down your small ones! (What was that product from TMS? With the weights for kids at bus stops?…)

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  5. Good Morning to All,

    It’s good to be back home. Well, it isn’t so good to return to such a wet place and some other things I had to take care including wading out into part of my garden to harvest some vegetables that were under water. We had some suprises on vacation as well including 4 inches of snow in Glacier National Park. We did take time to tour Theodore Roosevelt park as some of you suggested and took lots of pictures but didn’t buy any at the end of any rides. We saw some beautiful scenery and a very interesting series of unusual large sculptures on the Enchanted Highway in N. Dakota.

    The only photo I can remember that we purchased was not at the end of a ride but was from one of the last Twins games at the Metro Dome. A photographer was offering to take pictures and we had one done. We have a copy of it displayed among our large collection of family pictures displayed in many parts of our house. We don’t go to see the Twins very often, but we always have a good time when we go and the picture shows this.

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    1. welcome back jim.
      i’ll bet 4 inches slows down going to the sun road to a standstill. but beautiful though. last time i was there was shortly after an big fire that started from a lightning strike, that was the first one they decided to let burn and it devastated the woods in the park. glad teddy was good for you. i love that park. enjoy the veggies. hope the plants make it this last week or two.
      i have the same baseball photo at wriggly with my sons. now we do it with the phone cams but back then the option wasn’t there.
      any pictures to post of snow in glacier?

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      1. I’m not very well informed about posting pictures, so I will not do that, sorry about that. We have some good pictures of snow on the trees on the mountains. They closed the Sun Road for two days and then opened it allowing us to go up it on the last day before they closed it for the season.

        We did find the sculptures on the Enchanted Highway to be extremely interesting. They can be found under the road side attractions at RealND.com . I think pictures of the sculptures do not give the full impact of seeing these very large unusual scupltures standing along a road side in rural N. Dakota at widely spaced locations along the road.

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  7. Morning–

    Seven inches of rain here but only some high water and mild erosion on the edges of roads…
    We’ve got one of the family on the water ride at the Mall of America. It’s a great picture and has been used in class projects and Christmas news letters.
    My son never had the stomach for ‘thrill rides’ beyond that… and my wife doesn’t either. Now my daughter; me and her are all over these! The new-ish ride at MoA; that blue one that goes straight up, then straight down and around and over and up and under and around and down again… we did that one about 6 times in a row last trip up there… My wife can’t even watch anymore… but we love it.
    I don’t think I could do the spinning things anymore…..

    Enjoy the day!

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  8. Ha! I don’t need no stinkin’ midway ride for an emotional trip. These days, if I want to scare myself I listen to Tom Emmer or open a bank statement. If I want a positive thrill, I contact (email or phone) a special friend or my daughter.

    That daughter, btw, turned 33 today. Molly is a lovely human being, a passionate reader of good books and the best mother I have ever seen.

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  9. Funny, Steve.
    Hello, Jim. I
    Don’t do rides, for the reason that drives much of my life.
    Everyone is asking me elsewhere, so I will explain here too: Efrafa is the highest point in Mankato (despite which we had a river running in our backyard for hours), and we do not have a basement. So no personal threat from all the rain, 10-plus inches they say.
    Sneaking out of works in an hour or so to spend the weekend with son and wonderful d-i-l. Have a good weekend all.

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  10. In high school, the marching band performed at Valley Fair. We marched around the park, playing music. Afterwards, we got to have fun on the rides for a few hours. A bunch of us went on Wild Thing, in one car, and pretended to be “at attention.” It was pretty hilarious 🙂 We bought a picture of it and someone scanned it into their computer and copied it. I still have it. Every time I look at it, I start laughing, haha. Good times 🙂

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  11. Keep your heads above water and out of the wind today, Babooners!

    I’ve been wildly busy lately – wish September wasn’t that way. I see it tumbling past me like all these leaves blowing down the street.

    No pictures, please. I’m just not the looker I once was ;)! It’s scary though – surprising that more people aren’t uncomfortable with those photographs. Would I buy one of me from the TSA? Probably. Only because I’d want to be sure that it was completely and utterly destroyed.

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      2. The next big thing-privacy knickers! Wonder if mylar would work or if it would have to me actual aluminum foil.

        I have a kid to send to college someday, I need to get working on this.

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    2. What if the scanner caused your tinfoil Privacy Knickers to spark?
      It could lead to a horrible scene. Or Lady Gaga’s next costume.

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      1. On the other hand, if they were made out the rught fabric they could double as flotation devices in the event of a plane crash over water.

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  13. I am so 1990’s:I think that if I am away from my computer that I am offline. I fly to CA to a cheap Comfort Motel that has four free computers with printers in the lobby. I come over to my daughter’s with my son, the computer game producer, and his wife, the Apple Rep. My daughter now has wifi at her house and now has 3 computers. My son and wife carry topline Iphones, and an Ipad, and a computer.
    At my age I am about ready for privy knickers–is that the same thing?
    Dale, the Chritmas card is one of your best.

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    1. That Christmas card is radical! Our Grand Poobahbooner has done it again!

      Dale’s mention of Lady Gaga made me think of David Letterman last night because his musical guest was Shakira. Did anyone else see it?? OMG – I’ve never in my life seen gyrating like that performed vertically. Seriously, she’s gonna need a pelvis replacement by the time she’s 40. And I think Letterman may need one too because it looked like he was having a hard time walking when he went over to shake her hand afterward.

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