You may have enjoyed a peaceful holiday, but for trend watcher and idea man Spin Williams, the work never stops. He is firmly focused on a future too far off for most of us to see clearly. His brain has been churning since before Thanksgiving with the news that military minds are hard at work on the next leap forward. Spin’s New Investment Techno Weekly Internet Transcript (NITWIT) arrived on schedule, early this morning.
I pass it along as a public service:
Here at The Meeting That Never Ends we were thrilled to see that our own Department of Defense is studying the Flying Snakes of Asia. Never mind why! All Defense Department research is Top Secret, or ought to be. Let our military leaders issue their usual bland denials about what they’re up to. They’ll never tell us what it’s really about, and they shouldn’t. Besides, it’s more fun to make something up!
Here’s a video of the snakes in question, just to show you what we’re talking about. I have no idea what is being said. It might be a foreign language or just people muttering nonsense syllables sparked by tongue paralyzing fear, but if you look at the images it’s obvious the snakes aren’t flying, they’re just falling in a very, very creepy way.
Simply terrifying. But a simple thing can be more than enough to change the world. Or if it doesn’t change the world, it can be enough to send the world running for its life into the underbrush, screaming and blubbering with panic and astonishment. I know that’s how I’d respond to a flying snake!
You may say “Why, Spin, would our Department of Defense want to be involved with such a mortifying creature?” I say “Why not?” It’s the Defense Department, after all. Horrible stuff is their business.
And next you might say, “But Spin, why are you sharing this grotesque news with me?”
Because, dear reader, we at The Meeting That Never Ends believe this is the first step in the eventual design and construction of military Slithercraft. I say this because I know scientists are already studying all the different ways nature has shaped animals to create the most efficient systems possible. In fact, some researchers are now convinced the most economical kind of flying machine will be rounder and stubbier than our current air fleet – something shaped more like a fluffy robin than a sleek missile. But when it comes to building a potentially pants-wetting fighter that would be hard to shoot down, the Slithercraft is (or will be) man’s most unbeatable rip-off of nature ever.
Ultimately, Defense related technical advances lead to commercial uses (Velcro, anyone?) At T.M.T.N.E. we think Slithercraft technology will find its way into our commercial air fleet, and within 30 years we’ll all be wiggling our way across the sky in large, very flexible vehicles. In fact, within 100 years I predict that our atmosphere will be crowded with writhing, speeding air carriers – so much so that from a distance of several thousand light years, it will appear that our planet is nothing more than a spinning ball of serpents.
What does our Department of Defense know that would lead them to try to create such an image for distant observers? Let your imagination run wild.
The question of the moment is this: What does the Slithercraft mean for today’s investor? Plastics, of course, and Dramamine. Any company specializing in one (or both) of those areas is one you should look at very closely.
Your Insightful Pal,
Spin
Although Spin has lots of experience and a great imagination, I’m not ready to put all the family savings into motion sickness stocks. But would I bet against Spin’s vision?
No I would not.
Other than man, what is the most terrifying natural creature?
Trail Baboon 
Well, Dale… you already took the obvious one!
For me… in second place (WAY in second place) is the octopus. They’re fascinating and completely alien at the same time. And apparently quite smart!
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Ugh.
How will I be able to sleep, hearing the “smook” “smook” sound of sucker laden tentacles on the roof?
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I am surprised that NITWIT didn’t mention the inclusion of Parseltongue as part of the R&D process. We need experts who can talk to snakes (and octopi) so we can avail ourselves of this technology.
Bring back SAS-Snake Air Services
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had to look parseltongue up (i am embarrassed to say i am hopelessly out of Harry Potter).
i think we already have plenty of politicians that maybe don’t speak parseltongue, but certainly speak with split tongues!
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after flesh-eating bacteria and all those resistant strains of staph, etc. i would vote for the black-legged tick or deer tick. 1 mm in size and looking like a harmless freckle or fleck of soil. our old eyes can’t see them. give me the nice, big wood tick, wolf, cougar, any day. you can see these critters and remove them (or yourself) so no worry about getting an incurable or chronic disease a month from now.
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When I was a kid, so many critters were presented as horrible and dangerous: lions, moray eels, gorillas, sharks, wolves, bears and so forth. And then we learned more about those critters and came to understand that they are terrified of us, and with good reason.
For something really scary, give me (or please DON’T give me!!!) the Spanish flu virus that was responsible for killing as many as 100 million folks in the early years of the 20th century.
Whoooo! I’d ruther think of something happier. Have a happy, healthy week, fellow baboons.
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Rise and Quake Babooners:
A miracle occurred this morning. I am in Iowa after driving my mother back to my brother’s home in Ankeny where she lives. I slept until 7:36a.m. this morning. This is a rare thing.
I found the flying snakes fascinating. The octopus, on the other hand was somewhat terrifying and slimy-looking. Blech. Generally, any large animal can be terrifying and dangerous under the right circumstances.
My late father-in-law once stationed me at the cattle gate with the instructions, “Don’t let the bull get out.” He was doing some chore, so he did not elaborate on how this was to be done. I was the only barrier that I was aware of that would prevent the bull from straying. I stood there with determination until the 2000 pound bull, with short horns sharpened, trotted towards me wanting to get out.
My father-in-law did not know that my uncle had been gored by a bull in his own farm lot. But I knew that. Willing to risk nothing but my father-in-law’s disapproval, I turned tail, and ran. Of course the bull got out but I was not gored, my only personal goal in the situation. A toreador I will never be.
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what was he expecting?
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He was vague about expectations! He did not want the bull to get out. That was it.
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Now see, that’s kinda typical for a farmer; leave the son, daughter or spouse at the gate and simply say ‘don’t let the cows get out’… as if you’re all supposed to inherently know what that means. Of course it means ‘Don’t Let the Cows Get Out’!
It’s right up there with expecting everyone to understand the ‘universal hand signal’ language; speed up, slow down, turn it on/off, raise the head, tip the spout, more twine, switch rows, circle back around for that bale, back up (” ‘mon back”), tip, raise, go home and get the cows and do chores, turn on the bunk, plug in the fencer, cows are out!
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i got to hear the story about my girlfriends mom on the cattle ranch down toward winona where the dad was out on the ranch somewhere and the bull from the pen near the barn got out and was standing in the middle of the road. well she went out with a rope and attached it to that ring in his nose and told him to get back into that pen. she said she had to pull pretty hard and yell pretty loud to get that bull back to where he belonged. the husband got home and she told him what she had done and he about dropped his teeth.
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My Mom has pretty good stories of not understanding Dad’s hand signals… to me it was a matter of listening to the syllables and figuring out what he might of said compared to what we’re doing and deducing from that what his hand signal’s meant.
I remember shipping cows once and there was a Father /son hauling team. Son came in all gang-busters, got everyone and everybody all excited and got himself run over by a cow in the process.
He eventually got loaded, slammed the gate and pealed out of the yard.
Dad said let’s give them a break for a bit… then calmly backed in, walked in real gentle like and talked and the cows walked into his truck and he closed the gate and we had a nice chat before he drove slowly away… honey over vinegar…
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i like your dad
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i like your Dad too, Ben
way true. so, can one stay calm and catch 31 chickens without losing it?
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BiB- no.
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for me the answer is obvious. way scarier than man… woman
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Present company excepted?
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of course. you’re family
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yes of course. you’re family
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I think that the flu bug my daughter has so graciously shared with me is pretty darn terrifying. I am going back to bed!
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heal up renee
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i can visulie the mtc in flying snake mode. a platform where you ctch the bus then fling down toward the next bus stop. the platforms would be like the space neeedle where you can take in the sights and then take the bus to the next stop. i have a vision for the express bus that would be a wonderful swing your partner kind of doe see doe catapulting across the burbs into the urban centers. you would need all these bus lanes or rails. just a pole every so often and we can bill the phone compaies for their installation with antennae needs tied in. then go to rts new rent a bicycle program and take that to the next level so you could be mobile without the need for a vehicle of our own. if you do’t like snakes we could do it with a big long slithering woman. i am about even on that.
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Morning!
I’m kinda OK with snakes… but if they come flying at me I’m out of there. Same feeling with spiders; I’m getting better at not screaming like a little girl at them, but if they fly at me…….
I tried ‘calamari’ once… it was kinda rubbery. Was that normal or a bad cook?
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both
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Right now I’d be happy to never see another louse. Ever. They may not be scary but they are a darn nuisance and they are rampant at Darling Daughter’s school. Bah.
Other than that, I think I’m with BiB on the tick thing. Oooh, they give me the willies. Flying snakes I’m likely to see before they’re on me, but a tick…just thinking about that tickly feeling as they crawl around on you makes me squirm.
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Speaking of bloodsuckers, a leech is also rather off-putting. But then so few creatures of any sort can be said to have attractive mouth parts.
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when i was a kid i thought they called it leach lake because of the leeches . we would go swimming and there would be leaches looking like long leafs swimming out in the lake. my mom told me that her gradfather used to catch them and stick them on his arms and scare all the little granddaughters with them. i said can you really do that and immeadiatley went out and caught a couple and stuck them on my arms and started chasing her around. it still worked.
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Well, yes, but then there is Natalie Portman. Excellent mouth parts.
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Steve– agreed!
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pyranate a 200 is one of my least favorute experiences.
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Someone just pointed out to me that Clyde left a pair of truly sad posts on yesterday’s thread, late in the evening.
Clyde, if you are out there, we care and are holding our breath, hoping things are finally going a bit better.
Good luck to you and Sandra!
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yep
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amen and amen, Clyde and Sandra. glad you are a great advocate, Clyde. keep on them.
this embarrasses me, having worked in health care so many years. hospitalists are an abomination (sorry if any out there – they are not bad people, but the concept is bad.) it seems the purpose is not to make health care better, but more profitable. with a hospitalist, your doc can stay in the clinic and keep on sending “through puts.” (keep on admitting people to the hospital) ish da
sorry this is happening to you
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Yes, Clyde – wishing you and your wife the best. I hope you’re both OK. I’m sorry to hear you were treated so badly. Good luck!
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Well, there are some really strange and scary looking fish way down at the bottom of the deepest darkest ocean, but for me it’s still bats. They fly right at you, silently, with their teeth bared. What could be worse? I remember describing doing battle with a bat all night one night a few months ago.
Snakes don’t attract me or anything, but they don’t completely freak me out either. I have some living around my yard, around the foundation of my house and in my compost pile. I know they’re there, so they don’t bother me too much anymore. I’ve been trying to create habitat here and they are good evidence that I’m succeeding! If they started flying at me now… well, that’s another story.
I’m off for practice! I hope to have a little more time to spend here tomorrow! Good night, Baboons!
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Thank you for the prayers and good wishes, as you prefer. I am trying to stay awake to deal with daily things and track my wife, who is still very tired and somewhat confused. This is pretty much the way lupus goes.
I am not blaming anyone but these bad professionals we encountered and the system for which they work, the local Mayo Hospital, Immanuel St. Joseph, is famously bad. Has been cited many times my whoever oversees hospitals. Somehow one expects much better out of the name Mayo, but as a couple of friends who work elsewhere in the Mayo system, which owns most of southern MN, they really do not care about having a bad rep except in Rochester.
I will try to check in now and then to read and report.
Thanks again.
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Clyde, I also think that Mayo should pay better attention to the quality of care they are offering in the hospitals they run in some locations here in Minnesota, other than their facilities in Rochester.
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peace
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Greetings! Clyde – best wishes for a healthy and restful day for the both of you tomorrow. I hope you find the right, caring doctor to take care of your wife (and yourself).
As to the question at hand, I don’t see why people hate snakes — I’ve always liked them. There’s far creepier critters than that. Try this one on — the candiru fish.
I read about it one of Ben’s action/adventure books. It’s a nasty fish in the Amazon, only 1-2 inches long and 1/4 inch around, also known as the toothpick fish. Supposedly attracted by urine or blood, it can wind its way into narrow — ahem, cavities of the body. Once there, it hooks its spiny toothpick appendage into tissue and commences gorging on tissue and blood. Very painful. If that’s not enough, if it can’t dislodge the “toothpick,” it will continue feeding until host hemorrages to death. In the book, the evil bad dude raised thousands of these fish in a shallow pond with slippery, high sides with no escape as the ultimate torture. Now that’s a nightmare scenario.
Sleep tight, Baboons!
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A late greeting to all,
Having visited Glacier National Park not too long ago, I guess I would have to say that grizzly bears are at the top of my list of terrifying creatures. I didn’t see any grizzlies, but I was constantly aware that they were in the area and could be a very serious threat to my life. I think snakes and creepy creatures have nothing on grizzlies when it comes having the potential for creating a terrifying situation.
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my grandfathers wolverine story was a hair on the back of the neck scary story. he was deer hunting , snow started. he was trying to find his way back to the shack and realized he was being tracked by a wolverine. had only one bullet left and the wolverine was coming way faster than my grandfather could go and was coming on fast. he found his spot to stop got the wolverine in the sights and knew if he got him he was ok if he missed him he was done. he got him but it made quite and impression on him, he on my father and my father on me. grandpa never told it as well as my father. one of my favorites growing up.
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i have had to deal face to face with black bears a couple of times, if i iever had to deal with griz i think id have to deal with life on a whole new level.
google steve peacock out of livingston montana for the best griz experience.
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