It feels like Technology week. Yesterday we talked about blogging being “over” as discouraged writers tire of nobody reading their carefully crafted words and they switch to the rapid fire expression of Facebook and Twitter.
Today we discover a new study that shows the transmitters in cell phones are jangling our brains. Results were published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, but the meaning of it all is entirely up for grabs.
Of course it drew the attention of marketing visionary and dealmaker Spin Williams, who sent this newsletter from The Meeting That Never Ends:
Great news about cellphones!
Researchers found out there IS an effect on the brain when you hold a cell phone up to the side of your head! That’s amazing!
Researchers had subjects undergo PET scans – one of those claustrophobic medical nightmares where they put you inside a massive, humming tube that’s so close you feel like you’re a Kentucky farmer stranded in a cave with spiders all around and the water rising from an overnight storm.
And then they tell you to relax.
The people who went into these tubes had two cell phones fixed to their heads – one on the right and one on the left. The phones had to be fixed there because there’s no way you can put your arm up alongside your head when you’re in one of those crazy-making PET scanners.
Then they had the machine look at the brain’s chemistry. They did it with no phones on, and with one phone on. Why they didn’t do it with BOTH phones on is a mystery to me, because that’s how I spend the bulk of my day!
Anyway, they found out when one cell phone was on, it was doing SOMETHING in the area closest to the phone’s antenna. Was it a spike in the “why-did-I-agree-to-be-in-this-stupid-study” lobe? We don’t know, but for some people, any undefined increase in activity anywhere in their brain is a huge step forward!
The brain tumor worrywarts have started in with their “I told you so’s”, but here’s the biggest news I take away from this landmark study.
We can make stuff happen inside people’s brains without having to cut a hatchway!
From a marketing perspective, that’s huge, because we already know at least two things about Americans and the quest for knowledge:
We hate book learning and smug smartypants professors.
We like feeling more intelligent than everyone else.
We love doing things with remote control.OK, three things. Which leads to the next question:
How can we get smarter without any effort? No idea. But maybe this study reveals one way to start. Since we don’t know what cell phone radiation does to the brain, it’s still possible that it makes you brilliant!
Why not assume the best? If we can talk our way past the Chinese, education-wise, let’s trash the school system and buy unlimited weekday minutes for everyone!
Maybe someday we’ll be able to use cell phone transmitters to pipe information directly into the brain with no need to go through the ear mechanism, which is unreliable and prone to waxy build up! And once we can transmit information, why not secret instructions targeted to specific areas? I predict Behavior Modification Hats! And there’s a commercial side, of course. As a marketer, I want to know how I can use a radio wave gun hidden above a convenience store ceiling to tickle that one section of the brain that controls cheese ball cravings.
Brain science was always interesting, but it just got better! I can’t wait to add “Harvard Business School Phd” to my cell phone plan!
Leave it to Spin to jump a few lengths down the track on this, though so much of marketing is about trying to get inside people’s heads, how can I blame him for wanting to rush through a freshly opened doorway?
Which of your brain functions could use an electro magnetic boost?
Trail Baboon 
The part that keeps me awake and alert. That could use a boost.
The good news regarding mobile use and brain glucose metabolism, I guess, is that many people, even when using the devices for actual conversations, use headsets, and then there’s the fact that talking on the phone seems to be the least common use of many of the handhelds anyway.
Morning, all.
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today, for the first time since i got it three years ago, i have to turn my cell phone ON and leave it on because someone may call me. (if “they” are so smart to make a cell phone why can’t they figure out how to make the phone turn itself on when someone is calling???) i don’t know how to answer the phone and i don’t know how i will know someone is calling – i haven’t chosen a ring tone and i had to look in Steve’s papers to find the number. i hope she doesn’t leave a message because then i’ll be lost because i don’t remember the PIN.
i know that doesn’t answer the question, but i am saying that the point is moot (or “mute” as my friend likes to say) for me. my brain will remain at it’s current level of function (not as good as it used to be but not as bad as it will be) thank you.
but good luck to you who love your phones and i hope it’s good news for ya.
a gracious good morning to You All.
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Met another lady yesterday who does not participate in the cell phone world. There are a few of you out there. Bless you and don’t be in any hurry
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biB, we have been “using” the same cell phone for the last 5 years-people now ask me if that is a real phone and does it actually work (yup and yup)-the numbers are worn off, mostly from time spent in pockets, I presume.
We got one on a shared family plan with a friend for emergency calls. I also am sometimes on the go with other people’s children, and it is nice to have one for movement coordination.
Just saying, it is entirely possible to have one and know how to use it without it being a significant part of your life-just keep the number of people with the number really small and necessary.
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Barb,
Thanks for reminding me to turn my cell phone on.
I like your idea of the call-turns-it-on function. When my phone was new I was so startled by it the first time it rang, I hung up on the caller while fumbling with the buttons.
OK, that happened the first THREE times.
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ha ha–you’re right, barb–why can’t the phone turn on when someone calls???
how’s the goats, girl?
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p.s. for a couple folks who asked yesterday, i’m back in MN (since August)…job hunting (still)….
as for why i’m not on as much, blame it on the child (who still needs help getting up in the a.m.) plus that i still miss the radio connection (sigh)…..made it seem more connected to hear dale’s voice and people’s requests fulfilled…i wish RH played more of the oldies-but-goodies, i rarely hear songs i know on there anymore…so i listen more to the BBC now, since i can get that on the HD radio…
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Alba due in less than three weeks! yikes! de-worming the T again – second dose today. he LOVES the medicine. if he doesn’t have little “guests” anymore and gains weight and then gets even more peppy than he is, we are in trouble. 🙂 Niblet is ever patient.
Kona and Lassi plumping up; Lassi healed after trying to kill herself last week (too long story) and Dream is still biting ears and giving us 1.5 quarts of milk a day and increasing with the longer days (this is only in one milking – go Dream!)
Barn Awards coming soon – Steve is busy learning to photoshop even 1/10th as well as our wizard, Dale, so that we can dress the awardees up a bit.
sorry you asked? i do go on.
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To Kay H.
Sigh, yeh. I think many of us miss the voice and personality. But this has been a fun ride, too.
I still would like a 1/2 hour morning podcast to get me to work.
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I’m also voting for the function that turns the phone on when it rings. Or turns itself back up after church/concert/meeting is over!
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Early on in my cell phone days, I forgot to turn mine off when I was hurrying in (a bit late) for the funeral for a neighbor. Thankfully, I had the ring tone set on a Bach fugue and volume was low, so most people didn’t notice it…it went off right at the end of the homily. My mom (who was playing the organ for the service) mentioned it after the service, wondering who would do such a thing (she recognized the Bach, not surprisingly), and I had to ‘fess up…kicker was, it was my big brother calling and he didn’t know that the service was happening…(Me: “what were you doing calling me during the sermon at Milan’s service?” Brother: “Milan died?..What were you doing with your phone still on?…”)
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hey barb, i can never hear enough about the goats!!!
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Me too; when you have time, BiB, tell us the Lassi story…
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Rise and Shine Baboons!
I would like Spin’s phone to work on the part of my brain that allows sleep. Dreams are optional. Oh, to sleep like a baby again! 8 hours of uninterrupted snoozing between 10pm and 6 am without my brain waking up would probably allow me to be alert when I need to be the rest of the day.
Sigh.
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Count me in on that one, Jacque.
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I’d sign up for that.
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Me three.
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Yeah, I can identify with that too….so much so that just this morning I had an appointment with a sleep specialist and set up a sleep study in a couple of weeks….where they attach a bunch or electrodes to you to figure out what your brain is doing while you sleep. Maybe then they can prescribe a Sleep Modification Hat.
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The typing prompt in my brain could use some work as some of you may have noted over the last year or two ( I think I recall a comment). the fact that the cell phone kicks up your brain is a great relief. I thought maybe I was losing it for no reason but no I see it was an innocent side effect similar to the lung damage done from those innocent years when I smoked 3 packs of marlboros a day. Who knew there was a problem? I quit the cigs but I doubt that will happen with the phone. If you at and back and yell at it does that help? If we could figure out a way to have a device crank up the brain while I am needing help remembering what it is i am focused on that would be good. And spin… A Kentucky farmer in a cave with spiders all around and the water rising? Nice imagery.
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There are caps in your text. Is this the real tim?
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Computer is screwed up
Using band aid technology and too unconcerned to go back and uncap it
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my thoughts exactly, J – who is this imposter?? it’s difficult to read! where are the fun typos??
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What I wanna know . . . . do you dream in lower case?
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What does it mean that technology asks tim to work harder to be the REAL him?
And what Spin didn’t find room to mention – the Kentucky farmer had been out hunting, and crawled into that cave to finish off a wounded squirrel. Does that make him a brutal ogre, or too soft hearted?
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Well, now, do we KNOW it was a cave or was it maybe tim’s hose?
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finishing off a wounded squirrel? that means he deserves every spider he gets (unless of course, said squirrel had decimated his apple tree by taking one bite out of each and everyone of the apples when they were still green-and even then, he might be going toooooo far and earned this karmic predicament)
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tim is being nice to us on his birthday, which Anne and I know from facebook.
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So tim, a happy 29th bday is in order? HB!
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Sorry, Spin but there already is a device that transmits info directly into the brain. It’s called a cochlear implant.
A cochlear implant (CI) is a surgically implanted electronic device that provides a sense of sound to a person who is profoundly deaf or severely hard of hearing. The cochlear implant is often referred to as a bionic ear.
As of April 2009, approximately 188,000 people worldwide had received cochlear implants;[1] in the United States, about 30,000 adults and over 30,000 children are recipients.
The implant is installed in the brain and dumps info straight in. It can stand some improvement and we can leave that to Spin and Company.
I would like the opportunity to reorganize my brain’s information files-deleting theme songs from 1960’s sitcoms and leaving room for more functional information.
Wishing the congress a smart day on the trail!
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Can it be used like speakers and tuned to a favorite device for good sound. Who needs speakers? Tune in your ci to radio tv movies mp3… I like it
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not for the info on what a cochlear implant is, but for the added stats – i award Beth Ann the “Cliffy” for the day.
please keep your acceptance speech to less than 10 minutes.
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And if you thank god, your parents or your agent, we take the award back right on the spot.
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Well, in a society where ignorant is the new smart, I think it would be a good thing if my shock and amazement (or WTF) center could get a little break.
Seems we don’t need a lot of technology here-just yell loud enough and in a snarky enough way that you are smarter than all those educated know-it-alls and enough of the mob will believe you and vote accordingly.
And Spin, there is no such thing as “controlling” the cheese ball craving center-it is a rampant and unstoppable force-thanks for bringing those up first thing in the morning!
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For me it’s chips
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same thing-salty, fatty crunchy goodness
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You crack me up!
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So the idea is that we can directly introduce stuff into the brain via portals? Cool. I’d let others have all the glory of that just so long as I control access. Imagine you could put eight years of hard practice on folk guitar on some little chip and just shoot it in sort of like how the vet shoots a name ID chip into your pooch. I wouldn’t charge much for that, but I’d want a little something for each transaction.
I’m thinking of all those wretched mornings when I had to get up to to run across campus to practice speaking German when I could have stood in bed instead, having had German competency on a chip shot into my head. Or I could have a “This Old House” chip shot into me and then I’d be able to astonish Norm and Kevin and Tommy with my ability to transfer measurements from an old bookcase to a new portico; and Kevin would say, “We’ve never done this before, but we want to show you Steve’s brilliant trick with the pencil a SECOND TIME!” And, speaking with quiet confidence, I’d say, “Just don’t forget to run a bead of caulk before you try this at home.”
And maybe the first thing I’d do would be to turn the gun on Spin Williams and give him a big chip in the amygdala where it would turn him from a tedious marketer into a brilliant reformer seeing ways to turn empty designer water bottles into clean fuel to power cars.
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Good ideas, Steve. Too bad the chip won’t give your guitar playing fingers the sort of callouses you can only get through long hours of practice.
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The good news, Dale, is you can do that with a wire cheese cutter.
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Dam Cleaver,
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you stand in bed? hope you don’t have a ceiling fan.
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Steve reminds me of George Alec Effinger’s Buyadeen novels, in which people can not only slot in abilities like language fluency, but override their personalities with, for instance, that of their favorite fictional character. This month I could have used an auto repair moddy and fixed my own ruddy radiator!
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I’m intrigued… I see that he wrote a lot. Should I start w/ the Buyadeen series?
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I would want to ramp back up my small muscle control, my fingers in particular. AND I would want to ramp down my pain center.
This morning I am going to reduce my library by about 2/3. So maybe I could ramp down my sense of emotional attachment to things.
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Ouch, Clyde – you have my sympathies. Saying goodbye to books is hard.
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Oohhhh, wish I could be there to help you offload.
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“I know kung fu.”
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this blog entry reminded me of an old vonnegut story that centered on a device that sent out waves of euphoria….wonderful, but so powerful people forgot absolutely everything including eating, staying warm, and so forth….but i could use a daily, controlled dose of euphoria 🙂 bring it on!!!
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What I really need is a teenager ESP boost. That part of the brain that can somehow tell when the roller coaster is about to take a free fall into the depths of teenage crabbiness. Apparently I am a monster; when we pulled into the school parking lot and she discovered she had left her phone at home, I didn’t volunteer to drive back home and retrieve it for her.
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You beast! You just don’t understand! You should have given her your phone so at least she would feel a little better all day. I bet you asked her to clean her room, too.
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She is right. You are a terrible monster mother. Cell phones are vital to High School learning. Now it is all your fault.
Does that help?
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If she has absolutely no social life for the rest of her life after this, well– I hope you’re happy!
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I have an 8-year-old grand-daughter who is perpetually happy, which her whole body shows much of the time, and who shows amazing resilience when she is not. If things go very wrong, she cries for awhile. Then you asked her if she can be happy now, at which point she wipes away the tears and starts smiling and doing something she likes. Soon the dancing body is back. We all wonder where this comes from. If from anyone, then my wife. Her principal has twice asked if she is ever not happy. The early elementary kids did a basketball skills demo at half-time of a HS game. The video while be priceless because she dances the entire time when not involved in a skill, and even then some. So we all really fear those teen years when that will change.
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45 years ago I read a sf story that has made me remember it well (except the author or the title) and think about what it may mean, if anything.
It is set in a future world in which at key ages learning is zapped into the brain in a flash. So children go to “school” for a day at say ages 6, 9,12, and 15. The computer analyzes the child’s brain and then shoots in, say reading, and math, and music, etc. at each of the levels. The big moment is for age 18, when the computer analyzes the person’s brain to decide the career. They each hope for certain careers, such as what the main character wants, to be an inter-galactic pilot. But the main character is analyzed and told he cannot be trained for anything, that his brain is unfit for any career. His friends all ask, when he comes out, what his carer will be. He does not answer but runs off in shame. He secretly watches his friend board the shuttle to go off to have his brain zapped to be a pilot. Then as he wonders around lost in the “big city,” he realizes he is being followed by a man. He tries to run and hide, but the man catches him. The man explains that instant learning freezes the brain, that the person cannot then learn anything else or design/invent/create/problem solve. He tells the young man that his brain is one of those that will be able to do the advanced skills. But to develop those skills he has to go to college the old-fashioned way, with books, and study, and writing and speaking, etc. But the rule is that he cannot tell anyone this because other people will get jealous or suspicious about such people, who are vital to survival of the culture.
Anyone want to suggest an interpretation to fit 2011 America?
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Sounds like a long form editorial in support of the value of a good liberal arts education (vs. say, going to “business school”). Might have to see if I can find what this story is and give it a read.
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Good morning to all,
Any thing that could be done to help my brain work better would probably just confuse me, unless there is some change that would just help me get my life together. What I need would be almost like being born again, but I’m not religous. I think it would be best not to tinker with my brain. I’m having enough trouble keeping it functioning as it is.
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I am with you, JiCG, don’t want nobody zapping my brain.
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Right now I’d like something that would give my brain a little kick to keep it on track, so maybe I wouldn’t get distracte….squirrel!
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That’s funn . . . . .what was it now?
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Don’t ask me.
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Morning–
Rather than something affecting my brain, I want to jump right to the part where I can effect others’ brains; like having a ‘idiot’ buzzer or something… when ‘Idiots’ approach I can just zap them into another time zone.
… and to be fair, the ‘dope slap’ buzzer for myself might be helpful to happen sooner rather than later…
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I like it. 🙂
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Ha ha! I was with a client once on a trip and during a particularly relaxing afternoon (read “wine, lots of wine”), we decided that we would make stickers to give to idots we encountered in our daily lives. A little picture of Albert Einstein with the red traffic slash across him. We went so far a couple of weeks later to mock this up on PowerPoint, but never did actually make any.
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I would so buy those! tim, I bet you can market those, right?
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Does this mean we finally will be able to do the Vulcan mind meld?
Well, the memory sector comes to mind. I like the idea of being able to focus on tasks long enough to finish them. Is there a device that could prevent interruptions??
How about adding a chip that would make me want to exercise, and crave only whatever foods would make me lose 30 pounds.
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It would be nice to have a little ‘sleep switch’ installed. Flip the switch when it’s time to go to sleep; flip it off when it’s time to wake up. Maybe then I’d actually wake up with some energy (without an entire pot of coffee!)
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I’d like to order one of those Babelfish translator chips, please. I am too slow to learn languages the old-fashioned way.
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We,, so long and thNBKJS FOR ALL THE FISH.
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42.
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42?
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The ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything: 42. (This, along with babel fish and the reference Clyde made all come from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series – excellent fun reading.)
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