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Blowing Smoke on the Water

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Another mailing has arrived from the office of Congressman Loomis Beechly of Minnesota’s 9th District – all the water surface area in the state. I’m not sure what he’s talking about here – it may be just a bit of morning haze. Sometimes an elected official needs to connect with his public, or a public that might someday become his!

Beechly at his "State of the Dock" address.

Greetings Constituents and Guests!

My sincere apologies to any fishing opener attendees who resent the way that bitter mid-May gale blew you around the beautiful 9th district last weekend. While you’re still getting over the chill, please allow me to extend the hand of welcome!

It was wonderful to have you in our territory, and I hope you come back soon! We 9th districters love the summer months when the population swells. And we also love the late fall, when everyone finally goes home. Nothing personal. You know how it is when you’ve got guests. So few people live on the water year-round.

Because the human population is so low, some people overlook the 9th district completely, but to me it is very real. I consider every thing that lives in the district to be one of my constituents – not just the voters. So every time you pull a walleye out of a Minnesota lake, it feels like a bit of a loss to me. But I saw that Lion King movie like everybody else. Circle of Life, you know.

Some have asked me if redistricting might possibly be done in a way that puts their on-land homes in the 9th district. As you know, redistricting is a total crapshoot, and literally anything could happen. We’re a little bit protected from gerrymandering because water surface area is an important part of our identity here, but there have been instances where a water main break has caused some people’s basements to be in the 9th district temporarily. If something like this should happen to you on election day, I hope you’ll come downstairs and vote for me!

The boundaries of the 9th are constantly being re-drawn by nature anyway. When it rains a lot, the district gets larger. In a drought, the opposite happens. Some small dams on Minnesota rivers are being removed – that shrinks the district too. But then some wetlands are being restored – that creates new areas.

One of our biggest growth spots for the 9th district is in drainage ponds around suburban shopping malls. A single thunderstorm in Maple Grove can make my district larger for two days! And I’m delighted to have more metro area constituents, even if most of them are ducks and geese. In support of these potential votes, I’m working hard to fight expansion of unfair municipal rules about pooping in the park.

With all the housing foreclosures in the Twin Cities, I’m thinking some enterprising people might move to vessels anchored in these drainage ponds. It would be great to have more year-round residents and some stability in our head count, but beware the financing issues. You don’t want to have an upside down mortgage in a houseboat!

If it should happen, please contact my office. We’re here to serve you!

Sincerely,

Congressman Loomis Beechly
Minnesota’s 9th District.

What would it be like to live on a boat?

55 thoughts on “Blowing Smoke on the Water”

  1. I have only one word for the experience-seasickness. Sorry Congressman Beechley as bad as things are here in the 6th District I think I will remain a landlubber.

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  2. Morning all!

    I worked with a woman a few years back who lived on a boat that docked over near Harriet Island. I gotta say that listening to her descriptions of all the things that went wrong with that boat, not to mention how far from the boat she had to park each night and then drag things like groceries to the boat, did nothing for me. I also just read a book by a woman who lived for a few years on a barge made into a houseboat in the Mississippi swamps — that didn’t help either. I think I’ll stay on dry land, thank you very much. Sorry Congressman Beechly.

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    1. Was that houseboat on a barge a book written by Gwen Carpenter Roland? The particular river involved was the Atchafalaya, which is making news now for flooding. I’m not sure how I feel about houseboats, but when I see photos of young Gwen it is easy to say, “Yup! I’d love to live on a houseboat with her!

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    2. Perhaps there’s a market for something like Simon Delivers for river dwellers. A boat pulls up once or twice a week and offloads a few bright green plastic bins of groceries for you.

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  4. I think the only boat I would want to live on would be the Queen Mary or Elizabeth or what ever the nicest, biggest luxury liner the Cunard line is sailing these days. I say this only speculatively, since I have never been on a cruise ship and only imagine what it might be like. A house boat would be so cramped and damp. It would be hard to plant tulips or hops or vegetables if you lived on a boat, even the Queen Mary. My in-laws are avid travelers, and I remember my mother in law complaining that on their last cruise on the Elizabeth (or Mary, I can never keep them straight), they had to eat cooked carrots too often. I think she loses sight of the big picture sometimes.

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  5. Many years ago, when I identified myself as an “outdoor writer,” I got invited by a fishing line manufacturer to spend a week in the Dry Tortugas doing experiments with fishing line that could become story material. What I didn’t know was that we would be living on a boat for a week. I had been aboard for two or three hours when seasickness began moving in, and I didn’t spend an hour of that week totally free of mal de mer. Only by exercising firm mind control could I keep from losing my grip and upchucking all over the boat.

    At the end of that week we pulled in at a dock on Key West. Twenty half-sick outdoor writers were desperate to check into a hotel room, shower and get used to life on solid earth with a drink in each hand. The hotel was exotic, with huge palm frond fans, like something from a Humphrey Bogart movie. When the management could tell how frantic we all were, they put out a special detail of maids to make rooms ready for us on an emergency basis. The maids were still in my room when I went to check it. They were flouncing around the room in dance steps while singing, in four part harmony and great Cockney accents, “All I want is a room somewhere . . . !”

    Anyway, it was one indication to me that I wasn’t meant to live on boats.

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    1. The image of the maids flouncing around singing “All I want is a room somewhere” made me laugh and forget my own troubles for a minute.

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  7. Good morning to all:

    One of my favorite books is Shantyboat by Harlan Hubbard which tells about his trip floating down the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers in a shantyboat with his wife. I think the trip took 3 years. In the summer they found places to tie up on the bank and to do gardening. Harlan was a carpenter and built his own boat. They just drifted, no motor. It was a great adventure. There are a lot of good drawings in the book that were done by Harlan who was also an artist.

    You might be able to find this book about the santyboat trip in a library. There is also a book about Harlan by Wendell Berry that is very good. Berry’s book is more about the the life of Harlan and his wife in their hand built homestead on the Ohio River that they lived in following their shantyboat trip as well as being about Harlan’s work as an artist.

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    1. Hennepin County has Shantytown but not the Wendall Berry. We’ll see if I can find it in interlibrary loan!

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      1. The name of Harlan Hubbard’s book is Shantyboat: A River Way of Life. It was first published in 1953 and there might be a 1977 version published by the University Press of Kentucky. Wendell Berry’s book is called Harlan Hubbard and was published in 1990 by Pantheon Books

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  8. Ahoy landlubber Baboons!

    I love water, and living on it would be a dream come true. Especially this morning when a neighbor’s dog has been barking incessantly for over an hour and, I suspect, will continue all day. It’s locked in the house with an open window so the whole neighborhood gets to enjoy this racket. Aaaargh, city living!

    But seriously, I’d love living in a houseboat. We’d certainly have to simplify our living and most of our belongings would have to go, but I’d do it in a heartbeat. I say we, as if my husband would agree to this, but that’s another story.

    I’ve spent considerable time in boats and on ships of all sizes, my dad was a sailor and an avid fisherman. We owned a fishing boat with a small cabin, and he and I would spend days on end fishing. We both loved rough seas and the salty spray of sea water on our faces, and though I remember getting wet and cold, I was never miserable enough to want to quit. Of course I realize that a houseboat in the Mississippi isn’t exactly the same thing, I might have to move to Duluth where the lake is large enough to seem like an ocean. Or perhaps I could get a job cooking on one of those river barges. See what you started, Dale? I’d have to take my laptop along so I could stay in contact with you all. Anchors aweigh!

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    1. Margaret – I had a barking dog in my neighborhood for almost an entire summer. He/she started early (as in waking me up early) and it was a similar situation to yours – the dog out on the front porch. Finally in the middle of last summer I made a spreadsheet for two weeks, listing when the dog started to bark and when the dog finally stopped, which was often more than an hour later. I wrote a nice letter saying that I was sure they didn’t realize that their dog was barking and that I hoped they could take care of it. Anonymous, of course. Left the note and spreadsheet in their mailbox on morning and I haven’t heard the dog since!

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      1. Thanks vs, it’s worth a try, though I don’t have much hope it would work in this case. The house is a run down rental property that has been a constant source of grief in the 30+ years we have lived here. No sooner one problem tenant leaves than another moves in. Loud parties, garbage all over the front yard, fights, kids tearing up the neighbor’s lawn with their bikes and skateboards, police raids, and now a barking pit bull, you name it, it’s all par for the course for that property.

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      2. Margaret, welcome!

        You have my sympathies regarding your neighbors. Your description sounds exactly like my next door neighbors: rental property, garbage, dogs, domestic disputes, parties, drugs, a perennial cycle of new faces but the same noise level, especially between 12 a.m. and 4 a.m. I’ve often thought it would be quieter to live in an apartment building!

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    2. We had a dog that did too much barking when we were away and we were able to stop the barking by putting out a device that made a short burst of loud noise when the dog barked. The dog learned not to bark to avoid hearing the loud noise. This bark stopper didn’t work for another dog, but that dog didn’t bark when we were away.

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      1. We have two dogs ourselves, so it’s not that I’m unsympathetic to the fact that dogs can and do bark. I’m happy to report that after only three and one half hours, the barking has stopped. Oh blessed silence!

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  9. Morning–
    I can’t imagine life on a boat either. Now if I had got that steward job when I was 18 I would have had some stories for you.
    I would have talked about the crazy passengers I had to deal with and the annoying jerk of a boss. But how cool it was to discover all the shows and technical things onboard that I wasn’t aware of. And how the crew quarters were dingy and cramped compared to paying customers. I would have talked about that one big storm with the ship rolling and people being sick.
    And the places I’ve seen that I had only read of in books but how Bermuda really is just a tourist trap especially after 4 visits…

    Oh, and there was this one girl….. red hair, beautiful smile… married her.

    That’s what I would have talked about.

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    1. I think it’s kinda cool how you didn’t need to actually do that to tell us all about it!

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  10. I prefer the solidity of a house in a designated spot. I am a homebody. I might be convinced to travel on a large boat (Renee’s suggestion of the QE2 or something similar – though I think the QE2 is a retired ship now…). But live? Nah. Unless Colin Firth could be convinced to be a cabin boy for me. 😉

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      4. Goes back to Mr. Firth’s portrayal of Darcy in “Pride and Prejudice” (or “Wet Darcy” as he is sometimes referred to…). His stint in “Love Actually” didn’t hurt either. 😉

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  11. I was on one of Winona’s boat houses on Latch Island back in the day, when I’d first met Husband and he was showing me his stomping grounds. It was a tiny studio apartment, basically, nestled in among others (some with two rooms!), floating on big barrels, tied up to a dock. Had a ramp to get on, and then it was like a one room cabin. I’m with Margaret – there is the allure of getting rid of most possessions, and I’d do it in a warmer climate, as winter would be anothers story. And it would have to be bigger – I couldn’t imagine two people in that small space.

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  12. By the way, for everyone who chimed in yesterday about the tulip planting, the teenager thinks this is a grand idea and is already planning where she wants them!

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  13. Wonderful topics, Dale! I’ve been so busy – always busy in May – that I haven’t had time for posting. I’ve had a little time for reading and I just got caught up.

    Regarding spring: I’ve had such an array of lovely birds this year. I have two pairs of Baltimore orioles that seem to be nesting somewhere nearby, a pair of cardinals, rose-breasted grosbeaks, dozens of goldfinches and house finches, mourning doves, an indigo bunting, warblers, and now hummingbirds! I’ve mowed the entire lawn once, including the steep hill in the back, and have begun work on the garden. The herb garden outside the back door is yielding rhubarb, chives, spinach and Swiss chard. I planted six new Annabelle hydrangeas (from Jung) and transplanted some hostas and daylilies. Next week, a tree guy is going to come and cut down the huge black walnut that hangs over my garage. I’m more than a little nervous about all of that.

    Live on the river? You bet I would! I’m a natural born romantic – I’d love it! I love water and I don’t remember ever having any motion sickness. I’d love to travel; I’ve never been able to do much traveling. Living on a houseboat would be ideal. I also love the idea of simplifying my life and being free to wander. Actually, simplification and freedom are my goals for retirement.

    I’ll be a little less frequent here for awhile but I’ll keep up on reading. Happy, sunny spring, Baboons!

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  14. Margaret, I am with you-would love living on the water (but in my case, speaking from NO experience). I know people who have done it, and it sounds very fine indeed. Of course, I would expect to also have a completely different lifestyle that did not involve issues with parking and hauling groceries and such. I’m thinking some kind of roof garden on my houseboat, and lots of pots of geraniums.

    I’m wondering if any of you Baboons can help me with a quest I have been on for years. In 3rd grade, our teacher read the Augustus series of books to us, about a boy and his family who I believe lived on a houseboat on the Mississippi for most of the serie. Those books were old then (probably written in the Depression or earlier), but I remember loving the idea.

    I also wanted very much to live in most of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s homes too. Have seen 4 of them (or their reconstructions).

    Anyway, if any of you fine Baboons have even heard of this series and can help me track it down, I would be ever so grateful.

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      1. Thanks! I also see it can be had at the MHS library, but I bet they don’t let you check things out.
        Anyway, now I have an author-I’ll have to see what interlibrary loan has for me.

        Also-VS, my copy of “One of Our Thursdays is Missing” has just come in, simultaneously with the work project that has been dragging its feet since the first of the year suddenly needing to be finished N*O*W!

        Life is truly not altogether fair.

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  16. Greetings! The idea of living on a boat seems really cool. My final summer of college I worked on The U of MN Showboat when it was docked on the East Side of the Mississippi below the U of MN hospitals. I was Assistant Business Mgr and Cast Understudy — basically I was a glorified ticket taker and sold concessions and would have to perform if one of the girls got sick. No one got sick, but it was a really fun summer performing on the boat — except when it got really dry and the boat settled on bottom and started to list. During the show I would wander around the boat (outside theater part), singing along with the songs. The technical director lived on the boat during the summer to keep it up. The top wheelhouse was all windows and that was his bedroom/living area.

    About 10 years ago, my cousin and her husband and kids took a year to travel by sailboat down the Mississippi/Missouri(?) river and she wrote a blog about their journey. Quite fascinating. They home schooled the kids during that time, lived on the boat, docked in a town at night usually. She would find a library every few days to make her blog entries.

    As I said, it seems romantic and cool for the short term, at least.

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    1. The picture of the University hospital that I use in my teaching slides includes the showboat. It’s out of date but so much more charming than the view from the non-river side.

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  17. all a matter of placement. san fransisco or the bays of st martin might make it a bit more tolerable. hawaii or san diego. a place to sleep with your degree of imitation housefulness is a formula to make you a landlubber with a dock outside if you desire. id be willing to give it a shot. fun conversations the last couple of days.
    clyde was that your poem yesterday? beautiful!!

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