When you and a friend go on a trip to an exotic faraway place, you will probably come home with a few photos of you standing by some historical monument or in front of a landmark or in the doorway to a famous place you are about to enter. That’s just human nature. So it’s no surprise to see NASA release this touristy photo from the current shuttle mission with Andrew Feustel climbing back into the International Space Station after spending 8 hours doing handyman work alongside the photographer, well traveled astronaut Mike Fincke. (Not to be confused with legendary Ohio River keelboat character Mike Fink, though both come from Pennsylvania).
In popular culture, I think it was Star Wars that first gave us a glimpse of space as a place where people would spend an inordinate amount of time fixing dirty, broken machines. Feustel and Fincke put in extra hours outside on Sunday doing just that – trying to grease a mechanism that’s supposed to turn without grinding, but doesn’t, unless it gets a lube job every now and again. Weekend mechanics were no doubt happy to hear that the space jockeys had to slow down to deal with bolts that were mysteriously popping off the covers that had to be removed to get the work done. At least one bolt was lost in the vastness of the universe. Up to this point my idea of a miserable mechanical search job was the time I spent trying to track down a loose fastener that fell in the grease pit while my father was working on his old Corvair! Finding a single bolt in a rapidly expanding cosmos? Infinitely more difficult. “Did you look EVERYWHERE?”
So this is what space travel will become, with several companies hard at work on the next step – creating routine off-planet tourist trips. Above the atmosphere, even mundane tasks become exciting and heroic. Perhaps someone will pay a few (million) bucks for the chance to do the next greasing on that fussy solar array.
And while you’re out there, don’t forget to tend the animals.
Goats in space!
I happen to have a long list of outside chores waiting to be done. I have every intention of getting to this work, but other things get in the way. If it ever comes to the point where humans are living away from Earth, your space ship will likely be your home. And there is no reason to expect that any of us will change our handyman habits.
You’ll be able to tell my vessel by the piece of cosmetic siding that’s falling off, the junk I’ve allowed to collect around the air handling equipment, and that loose railing on the external observation deck.
What will the neighbors say about the upkeep on your spaceship?
Trail Baboon 
Speaking of getting the work done, I neglected to mention that we will have at least a week of guest blogs coming up in the month of June. I hope to take a week’s break starting around June 6 and a long weekend later in the month.
Ben, Steve and Jim have already offered (and in some cases, submitted) guest posts.
Another 3 or 4 would put us in pretty good shape.
Any takers?
You can contact me directly at connelly.dale@gmail.com.
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Well I for one am expecting that there will be a different kind of “honey do” list. I’m quite sure that my very non-mechanical wife simply wont be able to describe the vast majority of the things that are wrong with our spacecraft, and like the modern transport of today (a MINI), she’ll rely on a computer to tell her that something needs to be done. So much like the common refrain I might hear today of “honey, will you take out the garbage?” I will no doubt hear “honey, will you talk to Ralph the maintenance computer about what you need to fix today?” I can hardly wait….
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maybe you could fix the screen on the computer to tell her scoleturbo must go and have a beer right now and invite 3 guys over to discuss guy stuff in the man cave every other wednesday night
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man caves in space-my imagination is going to have to go to work on that one.
also wondering how canned or bottled beer works out in low pressure (remembering all those balloon like chip bags in Santa Fe).
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it may take a lifetime to help her come to a full understanding. the beer is a challange but in the name of mankind… u can do it. one small chug for man a giant beer bash for mankind
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imagine the space farts
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but seriously-somebody with more physics than I have-how does carbonation work out in low pressure/low gravity????
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Well, mig, the song does tell us that, “In Heaven There is No Beer”…perhaps there is a scientific basis for this particular polka.
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ah-here I was looking to science for the answer and all the while the answer was in plain view in the Fine Arts.
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Speaking of carbonation in space I just read something about that somewhere. It’s a serious issue but fear not; scientists are working on it.
This is an old article:
http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2001/ast21sep_1/
I’m paraphrasing what I remember but basically without gravity you won’t burp because the bubbles won’t rise and something changes in our taste buds so beer tastes different too.
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Thanks Ben! My first thought was gratification that I actually had a good enough question for the experiment to be done, but my second was, damn! there goes my grant money!
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scoleturbo’s post raises an interesting and (for me) thorny issue, namely the way married people ask each other to do unpleasant things. My experience here is limited to the one person I managed to marry, a woman whose normal verbal pattern for a request was, “Do you want to clean up that mess the dogs made on the dining room carpet?”
The only honest answer was, “Heck no! That thing is so disgusting I can barely look at it. And your dog did at least 50% of the damage. At least!” But the first few days of married life taught me that honesty was not an acceptable response.
Which meant that not only did I have to agree to do something nobody in the house wanted to deal with but I had to say words indicating that I “wanted” to do this. I think this represents a new wrinkle on the techniques of propaganda and mind control. I’m just amazed at how some folks can get other folks to do their bidding. My former wife was a genius. “Celebrate Thanksgiving early this year?” says the turkey. “Oh, sure! That’s what we all want if it is what YOU want!”
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and i did it twice
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Rise and Shine Baboons!
The neighbors of my spaceship will say that she has lovely flower pots in the windows and window boxes full of geranium(s. Or is is geranii?). These visual foci distract away from the mess in the bubble of personal space outside of the ship where stray dandelions and clots of crabgrass float. And then there is the darn dog, tied up in the bubble, barking away at any movement anywhere near the spaceship. Would she PLEASE make that darn dog shut up! And would those people please finish the unfinished projects that just set there?
And now I would like to vigorously squelch the unfounded rumors which landed in my email box this morning! A certain summary of BBC opined by our resident gossip columnist, Anna, stated that a certain Jac Que` who did not care for the literary selection, persistently distracted the conversation away from the topic. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!!
This was sparkling banter worthy of Dorothy Parker. Harumph! I have an elephant in my front yard this morning. You should see it!
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i dont think the fact we picked a book jacque would read this time had anything to do with her distain for the last two selections. it was just a coincidental circumstance.
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Just an observation m’dear…I was amused by your Dorothy Parker-like attempts to keep us talking of things not related to the book. It seemed noteworthy since you did it with such skill. 🙂
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A skill we all seem to have!
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j chose hostas as my theme in the garden because you cant kill em. maintance in my garden is basic, this time f year i go out with a shovel and a knife and dig em up, split into four or so and put them back in the garden. my space shp will be the airstream with the big cooler on the back and the space garden being pulled along on little space platforms the options for hammock designs is opened way up. i think all you need s a hitching post. can you tote a space bubble to go out and hang in? kind of an ice fishing house mentality?can you have a smoking area in space? a cigar a bottle of wine turn on the tunes and pull out a guitar or a set up for watercolors. kind of like the old vw bus and the picnic table at the national parks except floatier. would this be the 10 district? opportunity for dale to be the senator of the district that has no connection to anything else. how long does it take for sox to dry on the clothesline in space?
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Space bubbles ALWAYS have hammock hooks!
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I’m not looking forward to having to run out in the meteor shower to grab all that laundry.
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But the Solar Wind makes your clothing smell so good. A good clothesline between the cab and the tail on pulleys should let you bring your laundry in in a jiffy.
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As I hint below to MIG, as fast as you can get the stuff out and back it is dry and good to go. You have to be a little careful with navigation. Some solar systems (not the Milky Way, thank god) have snotty zoning regs on clotheslines.
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Good. I want my space sheets to smell like fresh ether.
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I dunno, I’ve seen the map and we are out in the ‘burbs of the Milky Way, and you know how they can be about clotheslines (AND tomatoes AND goats)
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What was that TV movie with Peter Schickle music and Joan Baez singing and 3 little robots named Huey Dewey and Louie? Guy saving the last plants in a spaceship….
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I think you’re talking about Silent Running — in the future and all the plants have been killed off, right?
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yeah that must be it.
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I’m sure my neighbors will say… “Nice, but how can one woman get so dirty keeping up her spaceship?”
tim – I’m with you on hostas. Those and lilies… they look good, and they come up every year no matter what!
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You can infer the look of my spaceship from the fact I actually got an actual lawn abuse citation from the Saint Paul Police Department last year for excessive grass height. Now, please understand that I dispute this. The lawn was a willing partner in what happened between the two of us, and more to the point someone had to stand on a stepladder in the alley to see my back lawn, which is protected from view by a nine-foot hedge (and now a mortar field).
Because I have a wonky heart, I cannot mow my own lawn. That leaves me dependent on those commercial lawn companies who practice a scorched earth chemical toxin program, OR . . . I could rely upon my neighbors. My neighbors are angels. But even angels must be approached carefully. Between the efforts of the father (Jeff, built like a bull) and the son (Wiley, slender and artistic), people who climb stepladders to stare at my weeds are going to have a lousy year. The key to the negotiation turned out to be pies and my piano. The piano is (as Barb in Robbinsdale learned) mostly tuned although with one key that causes whales to breech on Mexico shoals and birds to drop from the sky. Wiley wants to add piano to his list of accomplishments. So we’re gonna swap.
I’ve already been mowed once. I owe the family an apple pie plus I owe Wiley a little Handel. I am blessed.
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Well done, Steve! Glad you found such a harmonious alternative to Astro-Turf (insert registered trademark thingy here).
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Handel and apple pie beat Atrazine any old day.
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I worry less about the outside of the spaceship (though there is likely to be at least one ongoing yard project that Husband will be working on in the exterior space bubble) than projects inside the ship. I’m bound to have stuff floating all over that should have been put away and at least one half-done something sitting in the basement waiting to get finished. And, similar to Scoleturbo, I would have “honey do” list that periodically expanded (especially if plumbing is involved…always pleasant to be awakened with the wake up call of “the toilet’s backed up, can you fix it?…” – especially on a Saturday when you were hoping to sleep in…).
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Are there dandelions in space? What about lawn ornaments? My husband insisted on buying a cement Scottish Terrier on Saturday as a poke at our neighbor who hates our terrier and phones us when she makes the least woof from the back yard. He placed it by the front steps so the neighbor sees it every time he is in his front yard. My space vessel would have lots of flowers, but the grass wouldn’t be mowed as frequently as the neighbors’ yards.
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renee, the opportunity to have a recorded terrier bark coming for m the back yard with the terrier in the front yard behaving would be too much for me to resist. maybe you can move the cement lawn ornament to a location where the speaker can act as a ventriloquist. have the neighbor call the law on your statue.
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I’ve somtimes thought about putting the real dog at the vet and playing a recording of a barking dog on for an extended period with our windows open, just to see what would happen when the police would come to the door and I could in all honesty say that my dog wan’t here but that I was playing a recording. I don’t know if there is a statute about playing annoying recordings in the privacy of one’s own home. I know there are loudness statutes. If the recording wasn’t above the legal decibel level but the neighbor could still hear it, there might not be much he could do about it and he would be so annoyed. In real life, however, I could never do such a thing, but revenge fantasy can be so sweet.
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if you want to set it up so it can be done remotely and then leave the house with instructions on how i hit the go button from a remote location, i could do it for you.
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It would be really fun to set something up like that to go off intermittently when we were on vacation so that there would be no dog and no people to deal blame. I believe there is a time limit for barking so that if a dog barks continuously for less than 10 minutes it is not considered nuisance barking and is therefore not actionable. I should mention here that I am against barking dogs on principal as I believe it means that the dog is being neglected and needs more care. My dog barks for less than 30 seconds at a time and our neighbor has fits about it.
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Living across the street from a neighbor whose dog barks, loudly, for hours on end, I don’t take this subject lightly. This morning the dog was at it again from 8 A.M. till 11 A.M. I finally called animal control, but if the dog isn’t barking when they show up, and who knows when they’ll show up, it’s not actionable. Very, very frustrating. I don’t blame the dog, and the owner may not even be aware of the problem, but for every neighbor within earshot it’s a royal pain in the butt.
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Good morning to all:
Keeping up with yard work has never been one of my strengths. I’m sure that even in space I would manage to fall behind the higher standards that would probably be set by some of my niegbors. Certainly there would be some nieghbors who would be way ahead of me due to their investments in various kinds of equipment and services.
I would probably not have power tools for cleaning the outside of my spaceship and my nieghbors might laugh at my foolish attempts to do cleaning with a bucket and sponge. Perhaps while I am trying to clean my solar panels with windex, all of the other spaceships near me would have spotless panels professionally cleaned by a local service. I might even get a visit from the local authorities asking me to dispose of excessive amounts of space junk.
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I’m with you on the DIY aspect, Jim.
Actually, given that whenever I am home and have a moment, it seems to be raining-it’s a jungle out there.
I’m thinking goats.
I’m sure they would love my apple tree.
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MIG, I’m retired and still don’t seem to be able to get to all those jobs. I also might consider bringing in some goats.
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If I tried to live in space, I’m pretty sure the thistles in the back yard would find a way to follow me. They are indestructible.
My house seems to have a strange gravitational pull that draws things toward it – my space capsule would probably have a similar quality…space junk would afix itself to the hull and I’d have to continually try to pry it away.
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If those indestructable thistles are able to follow you out into space, Linda, I think I might be followed into space by some of that quack grass that is always giving me problems.
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I’m hoping that Creeping Charlie doesn’t like high altitude.
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The creeping Charlie in my yard creates its own altitude!
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After the thistles, the next-most-likely thing to follow me would be the phone calls from Rachel in Cardmember Services.
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you can have fun with that too. if you start asking them about their favorite authors and what they use in the pie dough recipies and what their birth order is. make them think you want to talk about eerything other than the card and they go crazy. do a study in whack job acting. it can be very entertaining taking on a role for these pests.
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The thing about Rachel is – and this is why it’s always Rachel – she’s not actually there, she’s a recording. I’m completely defenseless against her.
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Do you think the guys with the mowers who take care of my townhouse lawn would see the spaceship as simply an extension of their responsibility?
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Possibly, but what would that do to your association fee?
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Morning–
The last couple days you all have been even more enjoyable (and delectably wicked!) than usual! Thanks! Keep it up!
Space… I love all the images you have Dale and the links to things are just great. Thank for all that.
I’m afraid I’m more reactionary than prevention based. So I won’t deal with that cracked gasket until air is leaking out and and I’ll be doing the repairs wearing the space suit without the proper tool and just trying to ‘Get by’ so we can sleep tonight and then I’ll fix it in the morning.
A farmer friend told me yesterday ‘People don’t realize how much work it is farming with junk’.
Yep; anybody can survive in space in the big fancy new space McMansion. The rest of us with the used / rental ships and the left thruster doesn’t work and the parking brake sticks… well; now there’s a challenge!
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you’ve seen my car?
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I’m hoping that my space abode would be far from one of my current neighbors and the pile of junk they’ve stashed between their garage and our fence. Broken down lawn mowers, snow blowers, and swing sets. Old car tires and batteries, rusted out barbecue grills and dilapidated lawn furniture. Despite repeated visits from city inspectors and the ensuing clean up, stuff seems to materialize out of nowhere. Perhaps it is the gravitational pull that Linda spoke of that’s to blame, I’d always thought that it was because my neighbor is a hoarder.
On our side of the fence, I’m reasonably sure the garden hose would be perpetually snaked through the flowerbeds rather than hung on the hose hanger thingy on the wall. This, and the empty flowerpots stacked in a corner by the fence, would, no doubt, continue to be a source of irritation for my husband who seems to expect a different standard of neatness from me than he practices in the basement and garage. Some things just never change.
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if its your fence. tell them you want to paint it. all the stuff has to move. my dad built his fence 6 inches on to his property and told people to ask nice if they could attatch a vine to it.
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Tim, if for one second I believed that would work, I’d even be prepared to paint the damned fence. But we put it up in the first place, 30 years ago, because we wanted to be able to enjoy our own back yard without looking at all their junk. Little did we realize that we merely created an oasis where they felt safe stashing even more junk. We also naively believed that their five kids, ranging in age from 8 to 18 when we moved in, would eventually move out. We were right in the case of four of them. The remaining 42 year old petty criminal, never married father of five, is a constant source of frustration/amusement. It’s an ongoing saga to which there’s no simple solution.
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To hell with the spaceship. My neighbors will say, “Wow! How does SHE keep herself UP like that??”
Who remembers Jim Ed’s summary of, In Heaven There Is No Beer, as “a very very sad song”? FYI – if this is ever proven to be true I’m going to request cremation because I won’t even care whether or not I have a throat.
My brother was here from northwest Iowa early this morning to drop off his very very talkative wife at the airport. Afterward, he took me out for breakfast and then to the liquor store. I came home with a six pack of Summer Shandy – Leinenkugel’s carefully brewed blend of select malted wheat and barley, lemonade flavor and hint of Wisconsin honey, creating the ideal summer refresher with an adventurous taste perfect for summertime fun!
Here’s a weird astronaut trying to get hammered on the moon.
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had several of those Summer Shandys last sunday, Donna, when my talkative sister-in-law (she could out-talk yours any day – she can talk breathing out AND in – there are NO pauses.) came to visit. by noon, i had two shandys and was in the mood to listen.
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I’m a Creamy Dark woman myself.
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i think those are among your finest attributes
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space beer
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If you want to drink flat beer, you could probably find some a little closer to home.
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OK, off topic, but tell me this-Why is my dog who is planning to attack one of the cats currently cornered under the computer desk, scraping her feet on the carpet like a bull ready to charge? She scrapes, charges, and then retreats and scrapes her feet some more and retreats again. My dog is so weird!
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I think it might be territorial marking. She is proving her dominance over the kitty.
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That sounds right on.
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The neighbors might be a little annoyed with my spaceship maintenance efforts today. I’m having a huge, half-dead black walnut tree and five large dead elm trees cut down. The saws are sawing and the grinder is grinding as I sit here and try to write. There is sawdust covering three flower beds and I noticed that my Jack-in-the-pulpit is buried under cut walnut branches, along with some of my starry false Solomon’s seal. The neighbors below me weren’t too wild about my native plants anyway. They even used their lawn company to spray a large area of natives (weeds) I’d planted at the bottom of my hill. They have a very well-manicured spaceship. They prefer chemical compounds to native plants. We don’t speak the same English.
I did talk with another neighbor and he was okay with it. He only mentioned sleep once. He said he was up at 3:30 a.m. and was hoping to sleep this afternoon. I think he’s out of luck. The grinder is even drowning out Dylan’s harmonica! (Happy 70th, Bob!)
It only took me a few years to figure out that I’m not really fond of exterior maintenance. My mechanical ability (and vocabulary) could be compared to that of scoleturbo’s wife. I am able to grasp the concept of half-dead trees falling on the roof though, so I took action to protect the hull of my ship (or should that be the starboard?).
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the walnut wood is of value. the elm no. i love wannut and black wanut is very very expensive. a single board and be 10 or 20 bucks. a tree would make lots of lumber if it still an option. if not forget i ever mentioned it.
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even here in Blackhoof there are some standards for yard appearance – and we do not fit them. the neighbors come over and sigh about “how nice it used to look here” when two owners ago used to mow right down to the edge of the pond and every other square inch of grass/pasture. we don’t. but in trade for a more *ahem* rustic look, we have scads of wildlife to see and hear. and we think it is beautiful.
in Duluth our yard was again not fitting the neighborhood standards. we didn’t spray our dandelions – i think they are pretty – and we had a chaotic flower/shrub garden on the slope in the front of the house (who wants to mow that hill all of the time????).
my biggest sin, though, was that i did not wash the windows spring and fall, as did others nearby. i wash the windows when we are going to sell the house. clean windows means we are moving.
and to those who think goats are the answer to a neat yard – fugeddaboudit! – unless you think those little round pellets everywhere (on the picnic table, e.g.) are charming and decorative. again, we think so. 🙂
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Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
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amen and amen.
happy summer, Ms. D
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i love people who tell you what they like and how you could do things differently to satisfy their wishes. sometimes i am on it enough to think of something they could do to make my life better too but often it is one of those things you play back in your mind 20 minutes after they leave and all the cleaver snappy comebacks and ways you could respond other than to sit there and go yep yep yep to the rude thoughtless oafs who tell you they like the old people better than you.
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so dale the garage sale from hell is over. i day of weather and 2 or 3 of 36 degree rain and wind. great timing. have you cleaned up your area and gotten the launching pad ready for the next mission?
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