I’m sorry to report that I have lost that happy feeling about this being the Friday before a three-day weekend. I blame Bathtub Safety Officer Rafferty, who stuffed the following flyer in my mailbox:
Attention Civilians!
I strongly advise you to obey the following Safety Alert for the Memorial Day Weekend! We should all be in a heightened state of awareness.
I know the Department of Homeland Security has done away with its system of color coded warnings, but I’m not thinking of the terrorist threat here. I’m thinking of our personal self-threat level, which is always high, and on a three-day weekend it should be listed at Double Cherry Red.
We are our own worst enemies.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let your guard down just because you happen to be “on vacation”. As a CDR (Certified Day Ruiner) and PSS (Professional Safety Scold), I know that whenever people “relax”, “kick back”, “cut loose” or “let their hair down”, they are setting themselves up for a wide variety of self inflicted calamities.
We, who are in the business of worrying about the worst that could happen, consider three-day weekends to be the black holes of the yearly calendar. Our work increases in direct proportion to the speed in which your work melts away. And the three-day weekend that opens the summer season is the very worst of them all because it offers the widest differential between the fun people think they are going to have and the fun they are actually having. All winter long, minds race with dreams of outdoor recreation. When the season finally arrives, the urgent drive for summer fun takes over and outruns common sense.
For instance, just because you can picture yourself waterskiing from a barefoot standing start off the end of a dock because your brother in law has an extremely powerful new boat that’s he’s itching to try, that doesn’t mean you should run out and do it.
I can express it as an equation. Imagination + Anticipation + Water times “Look At Me!” = Emergency Room.
I heard a theoretical physicist say on TV the other night that time is just an illusion. That’s the way I feel about vacations. People who think they are on one are embracing an artificial reality that could lead them to step off a cliff, unawares.
Please, try to have a little less fun than you think you deserve this weekend.
Yours in Stability and Safety,
Bathtub Safety Officer Rafferty
I do think he enjoys this.
When have you rained on someone’s parade?
Trail Baboon 
Morning all.
First an announcement. I FINALLY managed to rent the sod kicker and get the sod removed last night! Woo Hoo!!!!
I’m actually not much of a parade-rainer. My father thought that everything was possible (he even encouraged me, a veteran vegetarian, to open a Church’s Fried Chicken franchise) and I suppose some of this rubbed off on me. But mostly it’s because I enjoy a parade in any weather – sun, rain, snow (yes, every year down to the Holidazzle). Bring `em all on!
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Go VS. In the fall, say mid-to-late October, we will hold our bulb planting tutorial!
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Good morning to all:
As a substitute teacher it was my job to rain on the parades of the kids that tried to have a fun day with the substitute teacher. I wasn’t much good at doing this and some of the fun makers had their way. Some of them didn’t because I sent them to the office. Once I was a little hard on a grade school girl who seemed to want to cause trouble. Later I realized that this girl was just having a bad day and I should have left her alone. I felt bad about that.
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Working in OBGYN I had a number of patients who got pregnant after tubal ligations. Unfortunately folks in social conversation were sometimes treated to the info about failure rates. I’ve rained on some parades with a little bit more uncertainty than folks want in their lives. I think BSOR would be proud!
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Ouch Beth-Ann. Those are big and very permanent rain drops!
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Rise and Shine Baboons!
I don’t purposely try to rain on parades, but sometimes when my “speak the truth as I see it without thinking of the consequences” mode kicks in (see April 11 entry) I’m sure I do. The big rain I was responsible for occurred many years ago when I asked my always happy, rarely responsible husband for a divorce. That was a big rain on his parade of life. The thought of having a job which paid enough to support his son was a tough one for him.
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when i got divorced the attourney asked me if i was the dumper or the dumpee. there is one of each in each divorce. 50% of the people in the 50% of the marriages that end in divorce are dumpees. i don’t think they have come up with very good umbrellas for that kind of rain.
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It is a painful rain even as the “dumper.”
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i am remembering a memorial day about 40 years ago. my moms family had a spot on leach lake and we decided to go up for the weekend. i was 13 or so and the oldest. brother 11 sister 9 sister 6. we were not the interinvolved family of the day where we all played well together. we all had our own deals and our own friends. we went up for the weekend to the cabin of an aunt and uncle who were … frugal is the nice way to put it, we sat in a 12×24 cabin with the wind howling and the rain horizontal on a 37 degree weekend and were ready for straight jackets by the time the ride home was graciously granted monday noon. my dad said that was the last time we would ever do that and we installed an in ground pool in upon returning home. we enjoyed it forever after and hated to leave it in 2003 or so when i finally sold my parents house and moved into the current abode. the kids (older ones ) still have warm memories of lounging in the pool on hot july days and crisp september mornings. sometimes rain reminds you it may be a good idea to go out and get a rain barrel.
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This is a hard one. And I can’t fish up a funny story. I don’t easily adopt the lofty smugness that enables BSOR Rafferty to talk down to people. He is entirely too sure of himself.
I did recently try to gently show a friend that she was courting trouble by becoming infatuated with a new email friend. He was sort of a fantasy boyfriend, but I could tell she was beginning to buy into the fantasy. In her defense, I think any woman would have found this guy irresistable: he is an Australian beach-combing artist (makes jewelry) and musician, one of the world’s top 50 sailors, a rich man who owns several eco-tourism lodges and a guy who is so gorgeous that if I could post his picture the Baboon Trail would fill with drool. Chris has an Olympic swimmer’s body and a face that reminds me of the young Warren Beatty. With reluctance, I helped my friend see that she was falling for this guy when his life and hers are just not open for new romances.
My more usual mode is to encourage people to dream. I often find that people are suffering and yet are incapable of believing that things can be better. So I often try to convince people that they have the power to deal with their dragons and move to a happier place.
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It may very well rain on my parade this weekend, since we want to finally plant our garden, and it is pretty muddy with more rain predicted. I notice that I am more optimistic about my plans than about other people’s plans, which perhaps speaks to overconfidence on my part and a general lack of confidence about the ability of other people to do things “right”. It also means I end up doing too many things for other people and stressing myself. I think I’ll work on that.
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I’ll be thinking of you, because it looks like I will also be planting in the rain. I’m off at noon, right when weather.com says it’s supposed to start raining. Sheesh.
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My husband has a question for BSOR. What is his opinion regarding washing the sand off one’s feet in the bathtub when one has been at the beach? My husband has always wondered about the wisdom in doing this as he spent a lot of time around beaches in his youth. I don’t know what has got into him this morning but he’s fascinated with BSOR and his admonitions.
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I asked BSOR about this, Renee. He says:
“Why is this man walking barefoot on a beach? Beaches are full of pointy things, and lake creatures have sharp fins and ghastly protrusions. I don’t have to tell you that near any body of water in Minnesota, there are discarded, rusty hooks! I am against all bare-footedness, for all these obvious reasons. I even have steel-toed slippers for walking from the bathroom to the bed. Stepping into a bathtub with sandy feet is asking for trouble, especially if you intend to wash them while standing up. DON’T! One should never stand up in a bathtub! Water, soap and gravity are a terrible mix. I gradually slide in and out of the tub sideways, like a high jumper slowly rolling over the bar, and you should too. Be sure to draw the window shades though, as it would violate most local standards were anyone to see you doing this in the nude.”
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Thank you, Dale. My husband will be so glad to hear the answer at last.
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Snort
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Raining on people’s parades is my job. I’m the “Department of No.”
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Accounting?
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Alas, part of my job is to rain on parades. I try to be gentle, but I do need to be firm as some of my parade-raining involves pesky things like trademarks and copyright and liability and if I don’t provide some rain my employer could wind up in hot soup. Apparently my rain was not gentle enough earlier this week though as I really ticked someone off (a surgical removal on my part was interpreted as lopping off an arm instead of removing a mole on the elbow). Ah well. Part of the job. Just like the occasional rain that must fall when you are a parent. I’d rather have parades all day.
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Btw – I will be on the trail less this weekend as I am heading north shortly. There is a lakefront chair on Gull Lake with my name on it, and I shall be installed there (or nearby, if it rains) until Monday.
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Have fun Anna!
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Sounds wonderful — enjoy!
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I say go ahead and have the parade, as long as you’re willing to sweep up the confetti.
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Harder to do if the parade includes horses or elephants.
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Morning–
Oh, I’m sure I’ve rained on some parades… I can’t remember any specific examples and they’re not usually big important things; rather the ‘Hey Guys Watch this–‘ type thing where I stepped in and said ‘Oh no you don’t–‘
Oo– how about this: I’ve driven up on cars parked in our secluded driveway or farm fields that had couples in them trying to, uh, you know, Get it on? They don’t call me ‘Mr. Coitus Interruptus’ for nothing . 😉
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Ben, IS that the name on your church nametag?
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Maybe you should just install a vending machine next to the driveway and see if there’s a profit to be made there.
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Gee, Ben. Why?
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Oh come now, Ben, you have never been in the production meeting where some wild-eyed director has the Great Idea that is going to take the theatre-going world by storm and make everyone (especially the wild-eyed director) A Star???
I’ve always wanted the t-shirt with the picture of Mr. Scott from Star Trek on it saying, “Captain, you can’t change the laws of physics” on it for just such occasions. Yup, when it is my fingers and/or my good night’s sleep at stake to bring someone else’s glorious vision to fruition, I can be a real killjoy.
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The t-shirt that I want is from Mythbusters: “Gravity – it’s not just a good idea, it’s the law!”
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yup, love that one too. Will have to check out Mythbusters-we are always on the lookout for good geeky t-shirts!
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Also look at mentalfloss.com is you love geeky t-shirts. And neatorama.com as well.
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I don’t know why today’s topic made me think of this, one of my all-time favorite songs, but it did. Hope it doesn’t rain on anyone’s parade…
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Why can’t I get it to embed?
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Nice, Krista – thanks.
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I’ll never forget having to tell parents of one little non-English speaking kid that he should repeat kindergarten… wasn’t anywhere near ready for first grade reading, etc. Uffda, Parent Teacher Conferences are one of the biggest parade rainers around.
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It is no picnic to tell someone they have dementia, either.
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or that they’re fired. Even worse, to lay someone off, not because of misconduct or poor performance, but for lack of work. It’s also no fun telling a job applicant that they didn’t get the job they wanted. So glad to be retired.
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Also no fun to tell a very nice little Russian woman that she has to go home and clean herself up because she smells too badly to work in the back room of the bakery with the rest of the staff. Actually the worst thing I ever had to do as a manager. Just one of the reasons I am happy to not be in management anymore!
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I know the feeling. I once had to tell a secretary that she had bad body odor. Turns out she had a leaky bladder, and my telling her resulted in her having surgery to fix the problem. I’ve also on two separate occasions had to give an ultimatum to an alcoholic secretary and a proofreader, rehab or lose your job. Both chose rehab, and I’m happy to report, are both doing very well. So even though these were tough conversations, they were worth it. A third intervention at my last job had no such happy outcome, so I’m still happy to be retired.
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Retired from what? What sort of company did you do your management with?
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In the case of the secretary with a leaky bladder, a medium sized local CPA firm. The proofreader, a very large international CPA firm; the secretary, a medium size local law firm. In the case of the unsuccessful intervention, a private alternative school. Firm policies and employee benefits do make a difference.
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For some reason I have going through my head “A Truckload of Art” – It wouldn’t have been any fun to tell those east coast art people, if there were ever anbody around.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txSLBtjw5K8
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Dale, just read your above comment to Renee. 🙂
I was just out by the street weeding flower beds, and some local service truck went by, had something like BNSR printed on the side. For a split second I had the illusion maybe it was BSO Rafferty!
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Completely OT. If you get the e-mail today from MPR discussing BK retiring and you take them up on their offer to call in with your thoughts about this good news, know before you call that the answering machine is collecting up your phone number. AND, if you leave a message, they’ll call you back for more “input”. Luckily I’m more than happy to rattle on about shoving RH over to digital, pushing Dale out the door and dumping diversity, etc. etc. But just so you know you won’t be anonymous.
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hmmm……! I haven’t received that as yet, but good to know. MPR already knows my displeasure about pushing Dale out the door (and several other issues as well), so they won’t be a surprised if I give them an earful. Probably think of me as a cranky old fart, good for nothing but $15.00 a month. Don’t mind if I rain on their parade.
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There’s a Hoyt Axton song, first part of which goes:
When it all comes down/
I hope it doesn’t land on you/
When the truth is found/
I hope it will be true to you.
All I’m sayin’ is have a nice day/
I hope it doesn’t rain on your parade/
An’ when it all comes down/
I hope it doesn’t land on you.
hoyt had some good tunes
check em out i am having a hard time linking to them this mrning but it is worth the effort if you have a chance
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