Today’s guest post is by 9th District Congressman Loomis Beechly.
Greetings, Constituents!
Two days ago, I posted some thoughts here regarding proposed Constitutional Amendments and my personal feelings about Vampires. Little did I know some people would actually read what I had to say and respond!
From your comments, you seem to think that Vampires should, perhaps, be allowed to vote. This is remarkable to me, and while I can’t agree with your sentiments, I am obliged as a public servant to show some respect for your right to be totally out of your mind on this particular question. Still, I find it intimidating to consider what political candidates might do to cater to the Vampire voting bloc. It would not be beyond some of them to throw open the doors of the blood banks to win a few votes. Seriously. Mitt Romney would do it, I’m sure.
And now comes fresh news from the Pew Charitable Trusts that many states keep sloppy records and over one million dead people are still registered to vote.
These are the ordinary dead, not Vampires, but I assume if you are in favor of voting rights for soulless bloodsuckers you would also extend that privilege to the dearly departed. At least I would hope so. I know a few of them very, very well and I believe they deserve it.
Critics will say that actual dead people never show up at the polls. True, but in this they are no different from most Americans. I think the dead should stay on the rolls so that parties and candidates will alter their tactics and policies in an attempt to win the dead vote!
Why? Because it would change our politics for the better.
* The dead are immune to fashion and frenzy and they have long memories. Candidates would have to focus on lasting solutions to long term problems.
* There would be less fear mongering. The dead, by virtue of being deceased, are difficult to frighten. They don’t run from terrorists and they aren’t bothered by homosexuals or immigrants. In fact, everyone is finally equal in the land of the dead. Wouldn’t personal experience in that culture be a great addition to our voting populace?
* Conservatives should be for this one – dead people can be easily identified with or without photo ID and once set in stone, their addresses never change. Finally, a stable, predictable population to participate in our elections!
* Also, dead people have a wonderfully mature perspective on the big issues of the day, particularly health care. Many of them were receiving copious amounts of it just before they died. If they were allowed to weigh in on the matter, they might insist we spend less on prescription drugs and more on faster ambulances.
* Finally, more votes from the dead could help us re-focus our priorities on the things that matter most. I think all dead folks are environmentalists. Or to be more exact, dead folks are the environment. They’re underneath our feet. They’re mixed in with the oceans and particles of them are even floating around in the air we breathe. I think being dead would help them serve as responsible, informed voters on all the “green” issues, especially those that have to do with maintaining clean groundwater.
In fact, when you think about all the ways being dead and voting responsibly align, it’s hard to understand why we waste our time trying to get support from alive people.
Accordingly, I will introduce legislation to protect the voting rights of these expired Americans. I hope you will decide that my efforts are worthy of your support.
Sincerely,
Congressman Loomis Beechly
Help Congressman Beechly – think of a campaign slogan he can use to win dead votes.
Trail Baboon 
Good morning to all.
Beechly has helped me understand where the name for the Greatful Dead came from. I have never understood the name for that band. Now I see that the dead are free of many things that are hard to take when you are alive and I guess the dead are greatful to be done with all of that. However, I think it is going to be hard for Beechly to get out his point about the value of the dead as voters and to find a way to get their votes. Maybe some of the remaining members of the Greatful Dead can help him by composing and playing some music he could use. and maybe Jerry Garcia, if there is a way to get in touch with him, can do some work among the dead to get votes for Beechly.
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You stole my idea – I was going to say that Deadheads would love this idea!
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How about this oldie, “I’d rather be dead than red?”
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Snort.
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My German teacher always said, “Besser rot als tot!” He’d grin at us.
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Rise And Shine Baboons!
I like this idea. We could also move voting day to All Saints Day–the day after halloween! It goes well with the “dead” theme. Instead of little beggars on Halloween begging for candy, politicians could dress up and beg for votes!
Slogan? “Deadbeats for Democracy!”
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Hmmm, I don’t think you will have much luck with getting this through a conservative Congress, Mr Beechly. They already think all the dead people on the rolls are voting for Democrats and are trying to put through all sorts of measures to further disenfranchise the Dead.
I’m all for getting facts into politics and insofar as you want to trust this link
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_people_have_died_in_the_history_of_the_world, a fine campaign slogan for the voting dead would be We Are the 93.4%!!!
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There’s no vote like a dead vote.
A good voter is a dead voter.
Honor your ancestors, let them vote.
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Let souls in the polls!
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my concern would be that if dead people can vote can dead people also run for office. ronald reagan could go on forever as the most electable gop candidate. he would do exactly what the gop told him to do which is identical to what goerge bush did.
ronald reagan abrahma lincoln would be tough to beat sort of. dems could run kennedy and fdr but the question would be who is vp.
motto should be: vote for me. i cant be intimidated. im dead.
vote for an america where you can even become president after you are dead . what a country of opportunity.
i can be your grandfathers president… again .
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and Harold Stassen could continue to run!!!!
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The living dead will become useful as campaign workers for Beechly.
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Our politics are already so rotten we have nothing to lose by letting the dead vote!
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“It’s mourning in America”…
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🙂
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Snort!
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Ha ha!
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teehee
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“Let the Dead’s voices be heard!”.
I wonder, though, what the Dead’s position would be on estate taxes.
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what do they care?
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They might want their heirs to get the estate without having to pay toio much inheritance tax.
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Does this mean that women who died before 1920 would get to vote for the first time?
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I love that idea!!!!
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They would be allowed one vote for each past election in which they could not vote. First woman president elected immediately after policy enacted.
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Got a full day ahead of me, so I only have time for the first five that leap to mind:
Beechly – He’s just as stiff as you.
Loomis Beechly – Rigorous vigor through vigorous rigor !
You may decay but your rights won’t. Vote Beechly.
Be part of the Corpse Corps. Beechly!
Loomis Beechly – The Undergiver.
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As always… fabulous. I’m particularly fond of Loomis Beechy – The Undergiver.
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bravo tgith
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I think Beechly’s proposal doesn’t go nearly far enough. How about allowing the surviving children to inherit their parents’ right to vote? That way, the dead could continue to exert their wise influence on how the country is run, guaranteeing that the 1% could maintain the desired plutocracy. It’d also be easier to transfer all those votes to actual living folks. I say, let them inherit the right to vote!!
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Our Man Beechly, He’s Got the Spirits
Bodies for Beechly
The Moribund Motion
In England 200 years ago they used to refer to Rotten Boroughs, which was a voting district that had very few real voters because everybody had died off or moved off.
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Here’s one I like: “Vote Beechly, He’s Dead Right!”
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Beechly brings the timeless wisdom of our ancestors to the polls!
Loomis looms large!
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New parties: Deadocrats, Requiemlicans, Interredents and Grounds.
Love everyone else’s brilliant ideas on the subject!
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tee hee
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Just when you think the Trail can’t get much wierder… 🙂
It’s hard to top these! I esp. like Loomis Beechly – Rigorous vigor through vigorous rigor !, thith. will keep thinking…
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…or much weirder, either.
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“When it’s a grave matter, Beechly is your man.”
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Ashes to ashes and dust to dust we hate to vote but we really must!
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On a very sad note, the Legislature just passed the measure to add an amendment to our constitution for voter photo ID. I watched the live streaming of this totally unnecessary law and heard multiple problems with it that just came to light. Not the least of which is that, due to MN casting around 500,000 “provisional votes” in each election cycle, it will now be required to add tons of extra election judges, cost a lot, and result in an extra 10 days (minimum) before Minnesotans will know the election results! That will apply to every elected position from governor on down to dog catcher! It will also apply to our contribution of votes for the president. Oops – I guess no one thought about this little problem?! The whole country will now have to await Minnesota’s vote tally to learn who’s president. IMO, far too many folks just aren’t informed that photo ID will negatively impact up to 3 million legal voters across the nation and will likely see nothing wrong with a “Yes” vote on this amendment – all for a mere .00003 voter fraud rate?
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Bad, bad and more stupid.
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It’s so unabelievably stupid.
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Stake out bad amendments!
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I agree. We need to start a “Just Vote No” campaign. What’s scary is that most people truly don’t know how convoluted and far-reaching this law would be. It sounds so reasonable until you actually study the issue.
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