The Baboon Congress

The Maturity Fairy

50 Comments

Today’s guest post comes from Beth-Ann

My son received his diploma from the University of Minnesota this December-after a mere 7 and a half years. This was not the speed at which I imagined his academic journey would proceed. It certainly wasn’t the speed that my journey took.

Before you ask, it wasn’t because the classes weren’t available, or that he changed majors (note to Ben and Anna – A few semesters were trashed when he built sets instead of doing classwork), or even bad advice or financial problems that slowed him down. This past September my son called me after he ran into the Dean and Chancellor of his college along with the new president of the University. They asked him why it had taken so long to graduate and with total honesty my son answered, “If you don’t do the work, you won’t pass the classes, and you can’t graduate.”

When I heard these words I knew that the Maturity Fairy was at work. You may not have encountered her but after this 7+ year slog I AM a believer in this force that brings growth from out of the blue.

In addition to his academic under performance my son was a jerk for a good part of the time. You can imagine the various forms of irresponsibility his behavior took (and no, you cannot substitute spraying Febreeze on your dirty clothes for doing laundry). More heartbreaking was his rude behavior to me and all those who loved and supported him.

I turned to a mantra that got me through a rough stretch of potty-training – IF he wears diapers to Kindergarten it will be his issue not mine. I stopped trying to train him and waited for the Maturity Fairy to inspire him. One day she waved her wand and my son asked for Mickey Mouse underwear and never was wet again.

This Fall my son actually called home to ask for advice. With silent gratitude I provided 2 sentences of guidance and said that I was sure he could figure it out because I was busy. The change was out-of the blue and defied rational explanation The Maturity Fairy is still my heroine and I love it when my son notices his cousin is a brat on Facebook and says, “Was I that obnoxious at 14?”

I feel the Maturity Fairy waving her wand over me as I decide NOT to cite chapter and verse.

I hope she sticks around for a little while longer. He still doesn’t have a job …

Have you seen the Maturity Fairy at work in your life or in the lives of others you know?

50 thoughts on “The Maturity Fairy”

  1. Good morning to all. That maturity fairy looks a little scarey, Beth-Ann. If I was your son and saw that I guess I would get to work. I can completly identify with your frustration in raising your son and I think it is great that you have shown a lot of patience.

    My parents were also very patient. I’m not sure that fairly ever completely caught up with me. I should have used more patience with one of my daughters who was very resistent to taking directions. Both of my daughters have put some effort into gardening in recent years and I couldn’t get them to do much or any gardening when they were young. As a devoted gardener I am thankful to the maturity fairy for getting them going on gardening.

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  2. Wow, Beth-Ann, that is an original and beautifully written post. I’m not gonna say anything cute about the illustration, for it occurs to me that that could be your head that Dale PhotoShopped on an angel’s body.

    Now that I think of it, I have a maturity angel too. She is fond of slipping into the shower in the morning so she can goose me when I bend over to pick up a bar of soap that I dropped. My maturity angel is deft at making lip fart sounds and she can buzz her lips to emulate the sound of a bigger release. In company I am forever yelling “That wasn’t ME!” after she does that. And since nobody else can see her, they just giggle at me. I think she has too much time on her hands now that my daughter has left the home and the Maturity Fairy has apparently given up on me.

    That’s okay. She can have her fun now. She was a godsend back when my Molly was such a brat I wondered if I could send her back to where she came from. Thanks for the morning’s entertainment!

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  3. The picture of the Maturity Fairy came from Dale. I’ve never actually seen her, so I deferred to Dale’s vision of her.

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  4. Love this story, Beth-Ann… I am smiling from ear to ear. I am glad to know this Maturity Fairy exists, and I will show this post to my sister who needs her desperately. Sue is the adopted mom of 15 year old Evan, who is a really fun kid with a great sense of humor, andhe is ADHD. In many ways Evan is somewhat less mature than most 15 year olds, and it’s gonna be a long 3+ years till he’s old enough to be on his own. I don’t suppose there’s any way to invoke this MF to a particular place, Beth-Ann?

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    1. My nephew as ADD and the last few years have been a struggle on several fronts. The Maturity Fairy must have visited him this last fall, though – all of a sudden he is doing homework voluntarily, asking about college options, seeing if maybe he can still qualify for AP classes during his senior year…he’s a sweet kid, so I am glad he has gotten through his rough patch (and I’m sure his parents are, too).

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      1. i fought like hell to keep my kids from being proclaimed adhd during my divorce. their mom is in education and she knows like the writer of an article on college athletics in the strib recently that if you have adhd you can almost never fail a test. you have an excuse for everything. the drugs messed them up though and we came to the conclusion that my adhd genes may have had just a wee bit to do with the kids stuff. i have maturity issues in my life everywhere foem the mirror to the stair step children in my family oldest to youngenst it is a process that is exasperating familiar reassuring in my parental need and as i have stated many times good for my children to watch on lessons of how not to behave.
        glad to hear he turned the corner ba. congrats on making it over that hump. my dad used to say he thought he was going to be done being a dad when we turned 18 . he discovered it just changes when you turn 28 38 and 48.

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  5. BIR in my experience mothers have no power to conjure up the Maturity Fairy. Maybe adoring aunts have a special channel….

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  6. The maturity fairy probably should leave Steve alone and also leave me alone, because we are lost causes, and put more effort into you sister’s son, Barbara.

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  7. I was granted a bit of insight from my father (who maybe knew a few of the Maturity Fairy’s secrets) when I bought my first house. I said something about now that I had a mortgage I probably needed to be a Responsible Adult. My dad assured me that, no, I didn’t need to go that far – I just needed to pay the bills on time. 🙂

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  8. Thanks Beth-Ann, this is very good.

    You do have to watch out for those theater elves; they’re sneaky and unreliable.

    I read an article recently citing that 25 years old isn’t always old enough for kids to be inheriting money. And how it’s becoming more common to split an inheritance into three parts with the last being distributed in the 30’s. Evidently the Maturity Fairy takes her time getting around.

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  9. Nice post, Beth-Ann. I have seen the Maturity Fairy’s work in lots of people, including both my children. It is a strange and wonderful thing. Sometimes I worry that my son is getting a tad bit too serious, but this will pass, I hope. My daughter probably wishes that the Maturity Fairy would give me a follow up visit, as she thinks I do such dumb things that embarrass the heck out of her, sometimes even in public! She believes my participation on the Trail is simply too juvenile for words. I told her at least I don’t drool and pretend to be lame in one leg, like her paternal grandfather used to do when he was at the mall with her father. The Maturity Fairy tried and failed with my father, who, at 90, still likes practical jokes and loves to tease and be absurd. He was mature in all other respects of his life, so I guess the Maturity Fairy is ok with silliness and goofiness as long as you pay your bills on time and do your work.

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  10. Renee, I too hope she doesn’t go overboard. One of the things I missed during the bad times was my son’s sense of humor. Last week I told him I had gone picketing and his fb response, “What downtrodden group are you standing up for now? I hope it’s not the paraplegics.” struck a chord somewhere north of drooling and pretending to be lame.

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  11. You deserve a better (more mature) response, Beth-Ann, than the one I wrote early in the AM. My daughter went from being a delightful pixie to a truculent troll when she turned about nine. I remember thinking, “My god, if she’s this difficult at nine, I tremble to imagine what she will be like when she hits 13. I remember hitting 13, and it wasn’t pretty.”

    We fought and fought with Molly, who almost always seemed to be in a mood. Most battles were about food, but we fought about almost everything. I finally saw that the core of the fight was power and control. Molly was desperately trying to control her life (where she went, what she did, what she ate) while her mother and I were trying to raise a child who was civilized and pleasant to be with. The fights weren’t really awful, but it was tedious to do anything as a family since one of the three of us could be counted upon to have a different agenda and a different mood from the others.

    I now realize that every child has to assume responsibility for herself and to make her own decisions. And I think that bright and willful children do this at an earlier age than I did. Looking back, I can see how all of this was necessary and positive. Man, it did not look that way at the time!

    And then the maturity angel paid a visit. Molly might have been about eleven on that day when she and I were standing in the checkout line at our local grocery store. A kid in the next aisle was being bratty in a voice that echoed all over the store. Molly caught my attention, then rolled her eyes as if to say, “Isn’t that kid just AWFUL?” I thought, “YES! She’s back! My good-natured child is back!”

    And she was. Molly had worked out her own accommodation to the bullying she got from her parents. She had a scope of things where she was boss, and she was comfortable knowing that ring would continue to expand. She had also learned that smiling and cooperating allowed her to control her life better than pulling moods. Believe it or not, we only had one significant disagreement in her teen years, and she eventually yielded gracefully on that. Thank you, maturity angel. Thank you.

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    1. it sounds like the maturity fairy hit you in the nick of time steve. ill bet molly is glad.
      fun post today
      hey its 70 and sunny on march 24th
      life is wonderful

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  12. Daughter sang in the ND All-State Mixed Choir concert today in Bismarck. The Maturity Fairy was dusting everyone as the choir sang and the All State Orchestra played. Fairy Dust at this age takes for a short while, and then they regress to the tolerance of toddlers. but I can see gradual maturation taking place and it is wonderful.

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  13. My daughter was born 35; my son will die 4.
    This is not OT but it will seem like it: Took a break to run to SD for my sister’s 70th birthday celebration. They asked people to write memories of her and they put them in 70 envelopes (They got exactly 70!). She was surprised. She opened and read them to us (a few not word for word), meaning her children, husband, and I, all a fully involved audience. It would have been misery for anyone else to listen to them all for 2 hours. My niece, who led the task and collected the responses, said the first seven they got back mentioned my sister and her great passion in life–ironing. She admits that wrinkles are her enemy. A total of 17 of them mentioned her ironing. 42 mentioned her extreme organization skills. 23 mentioned her memory for details. 18 mentioned her observation skills. So I think she is the Maturity Fairy. Her three children by the way had no idea how to organize the 70 into a logical order, so they just stuck them at random in numbered envelopes. Only later did they realize how funny that was.

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    1. And who is the Organization Fairy that talliled the number for each of the skills? Or would that be the Accounting Fairy?

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  14. Greetings! I’ve been blessed with the MF for my kids during most of their lives. Other than the usual few temper tantrums during their 2’s and 3’s, they are remarkably serene, well-behaved, thoughtful and polite. My oldest is smart, disciplined, hard-working and on-task (the former Marine) — though quite opinionated. The middle child is a bit lazy, considerate, highly talented — and confident enough to teach karate to adult classes at age 16. The youngest, my special boy with autism — is compliant, polite, hard-working, helpful, and loves to read and learn.

    Actually, it’s my husband who could use a serious dose of Mature Fairy whack-upside-the-head-with-wand treatment. He does bear the classic symptoms of Adult Child of Alcoholics and has improved over the years. But a Responsible Adult should not spend several hours a day playing online computer games — IMHO. Or maybe i’m an over-controlling wife with no sense of fun or playfulness. And I do tend to be a serious and intense person a lot of the time. Can there be too much MF?

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  15. I’m finally catching up on reading. You guest bloggers are doing a great job.

    I have no comment on the maturity fairy, other than if there was one available when I was younger, I might be married now.

    As far as animal sightings go, 7 or 8 sandhill cranes flew over my house this morning. They nest here now and their numbers are growing. Once you’ve heard their call, you will never forget it.

    A few days ago, mn firefly included a link to a video done by John Cross of the Mankato Free Press. Thanks, firefly. The speaker was a man I’ve written about here a couple of times. In those writings, I called him “Francis,” and described him as the most dedicated state employee I’ve ever worked with. His real name is Bruce Pittman. For the entire story, see this link: http://mankatofreepress.com/columnistjcross/x1437238707/Cross-DNR-Waterville-Fish-Hatchery-helping-to-create-green-lightning-w-video. In the photo are some of the guys I work with.

    Enjoy the day, ‘booners.

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  16. Good Morning!

    My life’s been kind of upside down and sideways for the past year. I think the MF only comes my way when I’m out on my own. From the end of August to a couple of weeks ago, I was living with my parents again. It’s strange. I get home and I feel like I’m 16 again (except for no school). I applied for jobs, but I felt like a kid again. I was watching TV and playing video games all day. Not the way I usually spend my time. Because I was at home, it was like I didn’t have anything important to do. Very strange. Now that I’ve moved into my own apartment again, the MF has come back. I try to get all of my important things done (chores, bills, etc) before I do anything for fun. It’s just so very strange.

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    1. Allana – I remember feeling that for a brief return home when I was 29. It was just for a few months after I’d left a distasterous marriage and NYC, and I was doing some substitute teaching, but I could hardly wait to be on my own again and get back to my self.

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    2. it amazes me at how we all fall into the tv video game slack jawed numbness. the mozarts of the old days have the benifit of having no distractions to derail the growth possible in an area of interest that vidiot activities tend to suck you into. now that you are on your own again bills and chores are a must but a list of stuff to accomplish before you are dead may be worth hanging on the wall to. bucket lists are the big stuff. i think im scratching mt everest but i still really do want to go in the most heartfelt way. i just think i would die with the attempt so maybe its not such a good idea. the list im talking about is one where you have do art projects reading mark twain or charles dickens learn to make pretzels. the spices more than the souls of life. the soul gets all the attention you need to add fun spice that you can try and continue or blow it off as a done deal that was tried and experienced and is not going to be a passion. not good during year long hiatus but great now that your back (actually not bad on hiatus either)

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      1. tim – I think there are some gems in there and I’m going to try to read it again. Have had a few glasses of wine with Lola’s mom, and it may actually make sense.

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  18. I can’t say that I was unusually mature as a kid. I can say that I was not a dificult kid to raise. I think most kids were fairly respectful of their parents in those days or at least were afraid to be disrespectful. I think it is good that kids don’t feel that the must show complete respect at all times for their parents these days. I do think that there are times when they could use a visit from the maturity fairy when they go a little too far with the back talk and difficult behavior.

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  19. I’ve been trying to ditch my Maturity Fairy for years… I’m willing to rent her out to any of you in need of one so that I can catch a break from being the ever-responsible one. Tips on how to hide from her would be greatly appreciated (although I’m not sure I want to make a clean break with her just yet).

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  20. Btw – although I can readily attest to a life in theater as a great way to dodge the Maturity Fairy (for good or ill), I will also attest to the basic life skills I learned whilst involved in theater at the college level (and beyond). Just this weekend I have used my painting skills to help a friend add fresh colors to a house she recently purchased, swung a hammer to fix things at my own house, used my theater budgeting skills to make Girl Scout cookie money match up (mostly), and borrowed from my stash of “how to get along with any director” tidbits to guide Daughter when she and a pal were butting heads.

    I apologize, Beth-Ann, on behalf of the theater community at large that your son did not complete his academic obligations appropriately while in the orbit of a theater project – but I can say he likely learned skills that are likely to be useful later in life once the M.F. has bonked him in the head a few times. 🙂

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    1. Anna, I truly don’t hold you and the theatre community responsible for most of my son’s irresponsibility. I encouraged his initial steps onto the stage and building sets. I have benefited from his considerable skill set but get frustrated when I ask for a better job and he says, “It’ll look OK from 50 feet.” I trust a few more bonks should do the trick!

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      1. “50 feet”? I always say ‘galloping by on a horse’… In other words, a lot of our work in theater is masking tape patching and remember, usually it only has to look good from the front.
        There’s a reason I’m a good rough carpenter and not so good at finish carpentry.
        I had a student working in the shop last week that made me laugh. He had just cut about a dozen boards to length and then asked me if he could get a degree in this. Yes! I said, but then, wait, did you mean in ‘theater’ or ‘cutting boards?’ He meant cutting boards… well… not so sure about that.

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  21. Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.
    – Kurt Vonnegut

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    1. perfect as always and by my favorite. kurt gets it. thanks linda. maturity may be what we wish of others but when we get it the change may have taken the best part. i am reminded of the cab driver in harvey talking to jimmy stewarts sister about what will happen to her brother after he takes the shot that will ” cure ” him

      The Taxi Driver: …I’ve been driving this route for 15 years. I’ve brought ’em out here to get that stuff, and I’ve drove ’em home after they had it. It changes them… On the way out here, they sit back and enjoy the ride. They talk to me; sometimes we stop and watch the sunsets, and look at the birds flyin’. Sometimes we stop and watch the birds when there ain’t no birds. And look at the sunsets when its raining. We have a swell time. And I always get a big tip. But afterwards, oh oh…
      Veta Louise Simmons: “Afterwards, oh oh”? What do you mean, “afterwards, oh oh”?
      The Taxi Driver: They crab, crab, crab. They yell at me. Watch the lights. Watch the brakes, Watch the intersections. They scream at me to hurry. They got no faith in me, or my buggy. Yet, it’s the same cab, the same driver. and we’re going back over the very same road. It’s no fun. And no tips… After this he’ll be a perfectly normal human being. And you know what stinkers they are!

      and another from his sister

      Veta Louise Simmons: Myrtle Mae, you have a lot to learn, and I hope you never learn it.

      on that desert island we all think about i would be fine with nothing but kurt vonnegut and harvey
      and a couple glasses of wine

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