Poems

Death Complaint Haiku

39 Comments

My apologies, Baboons, for the absence of a fresh post yesterday. I mis-entered some information in the WordPress machinery and my tidbit languished, waiting to launch at 5:41 pm rather than its usual time at 2 am. This allowed for an extended conversation of Spring gardening plans, which turned out to be exactly the right topic for baboons to discuss on a snowy Tuesday.

The snafu also led to some speculation that I had met an early demise, which is certainly within the realm of possibility, but thankfully it was not true this time. As a human living on Earth, I have noted with chagrin the vast number and variety of possible exits from this life – most of them unpleasant and all of them unjust.

And yet, some days it seems like the universe wants to find memorable ways to demonstrate that it is inherently unfair, causing innocent people lose their lives in unfortunate accidents. I am reminded of this by the astounding case of Mr. Jeff Bush of Seffner, Florida.

Last Thursday, he climbed into his bed only to have a sinkhole open right beneath him. What are the chances?

Bush’s brother attempted a rescue as the bedroom was collapsing, but it was not to be. First responders looked and listened for a sign that the victim was still alive in the hole, but no signal was received. Authorities have determined the body to be “unrecoverable”, due to the awkward logistics of these unexpected openings in the porous limestone that undergirds Florida and several other states.

There are no “good” ways to go and every loss is a tragedy. But this one seems particularly capricious. In fact, an aggrieved person would be justified in lodging a complaint at the Pearly Gates. Though with so many new arrivals having legitimate gripes, a word limit on the appeals would be wise, no doubt.

Could you put it in a haiku?

I.
I had just started
“Now I lay me down to sleep”
What was your hurry?

II.
Piano movers
really shouldn’t text while they
are holding the rope.

III.
Never listen when
any photographer says
“Take one more step back”

IV.
Other times I ate
identical sandwiches
they slid down just fine.

V.
In retrospect that
pricey, stable stepladder
was a better buy.

VI.
That locomotive
was slower than my Harley.
Timing is crucial.

Speaking of timing, later might be way too late. Better write yours now.

39 thoughts on “Death Complaint Haiku”

  4. I always said that
    She would be the death of me
    Alas, I was right

    (or)

    Oh pooh, can’t reach it
    Pull cord just out of reach, argh
    Parachute lesson epic fail

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  12. In reference to the last two days: a squirrel sat on a branch outside my window nibbling on a tomato slice.

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    1. When I was a substitute teacher I often read that poem about being swallowed by a boa constrictor to the kids and they would usually ask me to read it a second time.

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  17. when I said I wish
    the ground would just swallow me
    I was just kidding

    Truly, this is the kind of story that children should never be told, if you want them to have peaceful bedtimes.

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        1. As if that weren’t bad enough, our old house (built in 1889) has a limestone foundation. I wonder what’s under the house.

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      2. My house sits on top of the Wabasha caves.

        For decades, companies were allowed to dig out the limestone as they pleased, to suit their business concerns. City planners blasted away a portion of the bluff after deciding that the bluffline should be the northernmost street in the neighborhood, instead of the yards of the houses facing the street to the north.

        Who knows if the caves could cave in?

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  19. Man’s long agony.
    The barrier was not up.
    Crushed to death in lift.

    (I stole the first and last lines from Nancy Mitford in “The Pursuit of Love”. Two of the younger sisters in the book would repeatedly chant “Man’s long agony, crushed to death in lift” just to annoy the grownups.)

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  21. Told you I was sick
    Maybe now you’ll believe me
    Put that on my tomb.

    Ladder is too short
    prop it on this box and chair
    lean further; almost—

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