The Baboon Congress

Memories Are Made Of This

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Today’s guest blog comes from Madislandgirl

I have a genuine fondness and deep respect for those people known today as “seniors”, although I think of that as a business designation for tax purposes or something.

The folks I know are so much more than that. They have wit, wisdom, and killer sense of humor. They will tell that they are old, pure and simple. I always tell them that my rule is, once you turn 80, you get to do (or not do) whatever you like.

Many of them have detailed and crystal clear memories of things that happened decades ago … but they cannot recall what you just told them about when supper was going to be served.

They can still speak and understand the Korean they learned while serving there in the “police action” … but they cannot come up with their apartment number or find their way back to it.

I recently was made aware of the fact that the Pennsylvania Polka has lyrics- I had no idea, but the whole thing was sung for me by a person who could not remember what day it was. That’s ok, all I can recall of the Pennsylvania Polka is that it rhymes “mania” with Penn-syl-vania!

The really bothersome thing for these friends of mine is that they do know that they asked the question, and you gave them an answer, but they have no idea what that answer was. Some of them find this to be an intellectual curiosity. Some of them feel downright annoyed about the whole thing.

“We had no idea getting old was going to be like this-our parents were long dead before they got this old. Of course, I don’t know what we would have done differently if we had known, I don’t suppose we would have believed it anyway”.

How do you manage new information that you know you have to remember?

83 thoughts on “Memories Are Made Of This”

  1. on my i phone there is a little yellow legal pad and i keep lists on there. it helps me remember what i have in mind for later when i am trying to go down that check list.
    the best guy i ever knew at making sure he got things done was a guy who would by a nothing book and start on page one and on the first line he would put what he needed to remember to do and then line two and when he finished off an item he would cross them off. when he got 5 pages ahead he may move the item not yet completed forward or he may hurry up and get it done so he could get it off his list. it is so simple i have wondered why we dont all use it. i have my little yellow note pad and it helps but i dont have all my to do on there. maybe i should.

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  2. Writing things down is my only hope. I keep a planner on computer instead of paper, though. Makes finding things easier after I’ve written them down.

    There’s a grocery store not far from me that gives me a senior discount if I shop there on certain days of the week. I can never remember which days, though.

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    2. For some reason, Linda, the fact that you can’t remember which days you get a senior discount strikes me as very funny.

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        1. That’s true, PJ, but everybody forgets something once in a while. Even people with minds like a steel trap. On the other hand, you are probably correct and she is kidding. Either way, it’s pretty funny.

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        2. Edith, I agree it is pretty funny. Especially since we all know that Linda’s mind is as sharp as anyone’s on the trail, and she’s pretending we’ve all forgotten that.

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  3. Nice topic, mig.

    I’m trying to acquire the habit of recording all appointments on my computer’s calendar. It is not a natural thing for me, partly because the calendar is an alternate function of my email. I can’t have the email running AND pull up the calendar, which is a pain.

    Last week my daughter visited. I first recorded her arrival on my calendar a week early. I corrected that, and missed the real date by a day. Boy, am I glad the doctors always have their nurses call me a day ahead of an appointment.

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    1. FYI, gmail has a calendar that you can have running at the same time as your email. (No, I don’t work for gmail.)

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  4. Good morning. Madislandgirl, thanks for your thoughts on a topic that, unfortunately, is very familiar to me. I have never been very good at keeping track of important information and now I am having a little more trouble recalling things that I should know.

    I might be getting a little better at keeping records. My files that I use to store important information have always been a mess. Now I’m trying to get them straighten out. I still have lots of old files and piles of papers sitting around that I am afraid to throw away because that might be something in them that i should keep.

    I have a little note book that I carry in my pocket to write down various reminders and other information. When I get one of these little note books filled up I store it in a box and I never throw them away because there probably are some things in them that I should save. What I should do is get any information worth saving out of these note books and get rid of them.

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  5. OT Music Note: Radio Heartland is giving a lot of play to a song by a newcomer, Karen Choi. If you Google her name you land on her page, and there you can listen to a sweet song called “Minnesota Sky.”

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  7. You’ve pretty much described my mom, mig, but she can still remember her room number if she stops to think about it. She’s getting very frustrated because she’ll call me, and forget what she was going to say while dialing… But as you point out, she can still remember all these details of her childhood, and what the kids sang when she put on a school program (she was a music teacher).

    I’ve never liked computer calendars, but someday I suppose I’ll have to try that out. I still rely on a pocket calendar, and try to be careful transferring that info to the “home base” calendar in the kitchen. I’m a list maker, but it’s easy to lose a scrap of paper. I think I might try the system tim’s guy was using…

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  8. I’ve never been able to get in the habit of writing lists. I use the calendar very sparingly. I suppose some day it will catch up with me. An interesting corollary to todays question is: when those of us destined to struggle with our short term memory finally lose it, what will be the long term memories WE recall. Not the Korean War and not the Andrews Sisters, but what?

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    1. Bill, you have exactly hit the thing that goes through my mind every time I share one of these moments with my elders.

      The doctor’s office will always call, the creditors will ALWAYS send another bill, but if I can only retain a bits of memory, and those in absolute clarity, what do I want them to be?

      I realize we probably don’t get to choose, and it is a sad fact that most of us tend to retain negative memories better than the positive, but on the off chance that a conscious choice could be made, what would I do my utmost to hang on to?

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      1. Wow, mig, I wonder if that statement is actually factual, that we tend retain negative memories better than positive ones. Do you, or anyone else, know of any studies that show this? I know that for me that’s definitely not true. While I have a good deal of negative memories, they are usually not the ones that come to mind most readily. Intriguing question.

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        1. I think that point has been validated by research. I understand the scientific study of memory has us closer than ever to being able to obliterate certain memories while preserving others. A great film: “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”

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        2. not sure about actual studies, but I know I’ve read it numerous times in articles and books (unlike our more organized Baboons, I never write down what I have read, so no idea where).

          I do know that for myself, I have a readily accessible boxed set of negative comments that have been sent my way, embarrassing experiences, etc. The good stuff, not so much. Might not be true of humanity in general, might just be something special for daughters who grew up in highly corrective households. I just know I am not alone in this. but I’m working on it :)!

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        3. For me, matters of the heart are insidiously likely to blur the painful parts and repeatedly reproduce the lovely feelings which were generated by the involvement. I’ve had to really work at recalling all the things that didn’t work.

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      2. i dont think its destiny to remember the negative vs the positive. i think it may be predetermined but a lot is who you are form within. i recently laked to my cousin who had an anurism two years ago. he should have died up there in fargo but he had a friend sitting with him as a monster headach hit. he told his friend to call the ambulence and they took him to the hospital and helicoptered him off to university of minnesota where he was the patient of wonder for a month or two while the tried to figure out why he didn’t die. they sent him off to renees part of the world to do a rehab and he came out with the ability to resume his life in a workable fashion. he is a gifted artist and he still makes beautiful paintings and drawings that people love and cant afford. a while ago i noticed he was starting to dwell on how hard life is. his hands and feet have some similarity to carpel tunnel and he is in pain and i suppose its hard to stay focused on the sunny side of life while old man arthritus is pounding on your knuckles but his entire demeanor is changed. i miss the old guy and know he will leave this world a crotchety old man. that wasnt true before his event. i think you at the mercy of the gods as to what the deal is to an extent but i also believe you are what you choose to be. lot of words to say hang on to those positive vibes huh?

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        1. Well, I went online and did a little research, here are some quotes that speak to this issue:
          “Positive memories appear to be more resistant to forgetting. All memories fade, and the emotions linked with them become less intense over time.[32] However, this fading effect is seen less with positive memories than with negative memories, leading to a better remembrance of positive memories.[32]”

          Negative memories generally fade faster than positive memories of similar emotional importance and encoding period.[32] This difference in retention period and vividness for positive memories is known as the fading affect bias.[33] In addition, coping mechanisms in the mind are activated in response to a negative event, which minimizes the stress and negative events experienced.[33]

          While it seems adaptive to have negative memories fade faster, sometimes it may not be the case. Remembering negative events can prevent us from acting overconfident or repeating the same mistake, and we can learn from them in order to make better decisions in the future.[31]

          However, increased remembering of negative memories can lead to the development of maladaptive conditions. The effect of mood-congruent memory, wherein the mood of an individual can influence the mood of the memories they recall, is a key factor in the development of depressive symptoms for conditions such as dysphoria or major depressive disorder.[34]

          31. ^ a b c d e f D’Argembeau, A., & Van der Linden, M. (2008). Remembering pride and shame: Self-enhancement and the phenomenology of autobiographical memory. Memory, 16, 538–547.
          32. ^ a b c Walker, W. R., Vogl, R. J., & Thompson, C. P. (1997). Autobiographical memory: Unpleasantness fades faster than pleasantness over time. Applied Cognitive Psychology, 11, 399–413.
          33. ^ a b c d e f Walker, W. R., Skowronski, J., Gibbons, J., Vogl, R., & and Thompson, C.(2003). On the emotions that accompany autobiographical memories: Dysphoria disrupts the fading affect bias. Cognition & Emotion, 17(5), 703-723.
          34. ^ Watkins, P.C., Vache, K., Vernay, S.P., & Muller, S. (1996). Unconscious mood-congruent memory bias in depression. Journal of Abnormal Psychology,

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        2. Somewhere I read that memory retention is very, very keen for experiences that we find humiliating. You forget anger, frustration, grief, feelings of hatred, and other kinds of negative emotions more easily than you will forget being embarrassed.

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        3. Oh gee, tell me about it! That time I went to Elise’s graduation party and forgot to wear clothes . . . I don’t think I’ll ever forget that!

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      3. Completely unscientific, but I would venture to guess that most of the memories you are hearing from seniors are of the positive kind. You know that not all of their experiences could have been happy ones, but that’s mostly what remains. I take some comfort from that.

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    2. I think it would good to keep a journal that could serve as a reminder about past events and other things we experienced. I haven’t done that. Several good books that I have read were at least partly based on the journals of the authors.

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    3. Perhaps, Bill, we will remember clearly the Viet Nam mess, whether at home or cursed to have been sent there, birth of R & R, assassinations, cars with big tail fins, the issues of occupation of Germany and Japan, although only Steve and I may be old enough for that (I bet none of you but maybe Steve and I remember those tacky gawdy bright-colored jackets with tigers embroidered into them that older brothers sent us from Japan), early B & W TV. But most of those are things most of the people on here will not have in their memories, I guess.

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        2. yep thats a good one tiger, i have one i was awarded for selling a bunch of something. it is a black on black with the beautiful red dragons swirling around on the back. i think the guy who put the award together was a guy about your age clyde who was picking something he thought was wonderful. my problem was that it was a medium and i needed a large. so when and if i find it again it will be pristine condition unless the mice get it.

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  9. My brain is stuffed with so much archaic junk that it’s a wonder there’s room for anything new at all. I don’t usually have too much trouble remembering appointments, and rarely miss one, but when it comes to remembering the names of new people I meet, forget it! Very, very annoying that. This isn’t a new problem for me, but it has gotten worse. I find it intriguing and somewhat mysterious what I remember. Oftentimes it’s information of no consequence whatsoever that remains, and the details germane to a situation are lost in a fuzzy haze. I carry a small calendar in my purse so I can write down appointments and such, and make sure I don’t double book myself (sounds like I have a busy social calendar, doesn’t it?). At the end of the year that calendar also helps me remember concerts I went to, plays I saw, and other highlights of the year.

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    1. I am also bothered by not remembering names and even not remembering faces. I’m sure I have offended people by not remembering them. I guess I should refrain from asking people their names and just wait to see if they know me. Sometimes I tell people that I think I should know who they are and they will usually tell me their name without being offended.

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      1. i have the good fortune to not remember that i dont remember. i am introduced to people and say its nice to meet you and they remind me where we met before. i not only dont remember it i have no ability to pull it out of the memory file once it has been prodded. i either get it or i dont. i guess it makes the world go round but it would be nice to be able to train your brain wouldnt it.

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        1. Then there are people who seem to think they know you, but it turns out you aren’t the one they know. I don’t understand how anyone could mistake me another person although this does take place. I suppose this happens to all of us.

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      2. I’ve learned a sad lesson in life. It can be a mistake to have a beard because wearing a beard makes it really easy for other people to remember you. Especially if you are female.

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    2. My brain is stuffed with random junk as well, useless for anything except trivial pursuit and entertaining myself at times. Most of it is nothing I can share- nobody else is interested.

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    3. I heard recently that the average human can only retain something like 140 names for people they know and readily access them – that’s not many, when you really think about it. It also explains why I might remember someone’s name 10 minutes after we have completed a conversation and we have both continued with our grocery shopping…

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      1. That’s interesting, but I think it must be more complicated than that. Maybe it depends on what one means by “people you know.” I’m sure I have at least 140 names of people from my family genealogy that I carry in my head, along with their relationship to other family members. Do I know them? Or does the 140 only apply to people you have personally met and might meet again? Active associations like that are multi-layered, usually including the context in which you know them and what they looked like. When you meet them again and before you can recall their name, you have to adjust for any physical appearance changes and different context.

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  11. I worry less about stuff I can write down to help remember – it’s more the stuff like walking into a room and not remembering why, that’s dicey. I suppose I could just keep a little white board with me and write on that so I would remember to send that email once I got downstairs instead of getting distracted by something along the way. With my dad, I think he got most frustrated when he started to lose connection to the words he needed or when time started to come loose in his head a bit (which lead to things like brushing his teeth rather than washing his hands before dinner – he knew he needed to do something in the bathroom, but the timing of what didn’t stick, so the “what” was a not always right…).

    Today’s memory trick: getting a short speech memorized (at least mostly) for an Easter Vigil tonight. I might not get it fully committed to memory – thankfully, it’s a section that’s just me, so no one is relying on hearing the “right lines” to trigger theirs…

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  12. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    Write it down; right it down; rite it down; wright it down. Sigh.

    my once photographic memory is a broken camera.

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  14. I write it on a post-it note or other scrap of paper and put it on the office floor so I virtually trip over it every time I leave my office. If it’s more than a sentence or two, I will probably forget it sooner or later no matter what I do. 😦

    Chris in Owatonna

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    1. I don’t think I could employ this method due to an overabundance of free-floating cat hair. The Post-It wouldn’t stick, and then the cats would bat it around till it disappeared under the furniture and would never be seen again.

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  15. Like many, I have the why-did-I-walk-across-this-room problem.

    For remembering, I use Stickies (the Macintosh version of Post-It notes on the computer desktop. I have a to do list, books/movies, a calendar in the form of a vertical list of dates. I have a paper calendar and a work Outlook (email) calendar too. It’s important to keep them in sync so I don’t double book.
    The nice thing about the Stickies date list is that I can list events that I may well not attend but which would be too indefinite to clutter up my paper or work calendar. That way, as they approach I can be reminded of something to do if I have the time. For example, on 4/27, there will be an unveiling of a huge mosaic at a nearby park. I don’t NEED to go but just might.

    The to-do list is problematic because there are things on there that just never get done ’cause I don’t really want to. Currently, one old list reminds me to write thank you notes to my brother/sister-in-law and son for a visit that was at least 2 1/2 years ago. Another says “curtains/blinds” because I have hardly any since windows were replaced over the last 4 years. I don’t like most window treatments and don’t want to go through the process of working with a salesperson and saying, over and over, “no, no, no”. I’d love to have it disappear from my list, though.

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  16. Looking on the bright side, if I go out an hide my own Easter eggs tonight, I can spend the better part of tomorrow looking for them. I had better write down how many I’m hiding so I can be sure to retrieve them all.

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  17. I also have a little system of “memory joggers” around the house for things that need attention. For instance: by the back door is a “station” for library books and DVDs that need to be returned to their place of origin; things I want to take upstairs land on the 3rd stair up; if a prescription needs refilling, the empty bottle (with all the info on it) gets placed by the phone if there’s not time to call right now; the spice jar of what I just used up gets tossed into the co-op bag… I also have a different cloth bag for recurring events – with everything I’ll need in there: a chorus bag, two folk dance bags, an Artwomen book club bag… (BBC only happens bi-monthly so it has a spot in a shelf.)

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    1. BiR, I used some of your tricks, too. When I have to pick up a prescription, I have been known to make umpteen car trips, completely forgetting to make the stop.
      So, as a forgetfulness preventative, I take the container from the old prescription and put it on my gearshift. That will usually keep me from arriving home without stopping at the drug store.

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  18. It’s real hit-and-miss if I remember new information that I need to remember. For instance, I am going to a concert next week and since I rarely go to concerts (last concert was 4 years ago), you would think I would remember to buy the ticket ahead of time…but I completely forgot about doing that until one of my daughters asked me about it. No harm done, it was not in danger of selling out even though I got the ticket at least a week later than I had planned to, but I now have an uneasy feeling that I might forget the concert itself – because, really, when do I ever do anything more exciting on a Friday evening than eat a bowl of popcorn for supper?

    So far in my life, I’ve managed to remember all my appointments, but lately I forget to make them. It always takes me by surprise when I’m told how long it’s been between things like eye exams. Things that are supposed to remind me, like my calendar (either paper or online), only work if I remember to put it on the calendar AND remember to look at the calendar.

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        1. Friday, April 5, 7:30 pm (doors open at 7:00), at Bethel Evangelical Lutheran Church, 4120 17th Ave. S., Mpls.

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        2. That’s how you put old folksingers out of business. You buy tickets to their performance and then forget to show up.

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        3. THAT wouldn’t put them out of business. As long as you BUY the ticket, they’re golden. It’s only when you forget to buy a ticket and forget to go that they’re in trouble. They don’t really need you to show up (except that a puny audience takes away some of the fun).
          I’m thinking of going to the GB concert too. Need to make up my mind and buy a ticket.

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    2. Edith, I think you should make plans before too long to go to another concert to get more practice at remembering to things like buying tickets. We thought you were serving time in jail. Since you are not in jail, I think you are free to make more concert plans and work not forgetting to buy tickets.

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  20. OT – There was a wonderful program on TPT this evening about vocal music, specifically choral singing. BiR, I bet it is a program your mother would just love to watch with you. It was recorded in 2009, so it’s not a new program, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you could get access to it somehow., either on-line or through a rebroadcast.

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      1. You should not be. I was looking it up in Russian for my Russian wife. Russians make a big deal of the Paschal greeting. It listed it in several languages.
        Christus ist auferstanden! Er ist wahrhaftig auferstanden!

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        1. Nevertheless, Clyde, I am impressed.

          Easter is a very big and solemn holiday in much of Europe, and Denmark, despite being in excess of 90% Lutheran, most of whom don’t attend church regularly, is no exception. Most stores are closed Thursday, and Friday, and today, Easter Sunday, everything, including movie theaters, and restaurants, is closed; you can’t even buy a newspaper. Tomorrow is also a holiday. God Påske.

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  22. in puerto rico there are holidays suppoeting all religions and cultures. i have heard there are over 100 govenment holidays during the year.

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    1. Whoever told you that, tim, was exaggerating a tad. As a US commonwealth they celebrate all US holidays, and in addition 9 local public holidays. On the other hand they probably average less “snow” days than we do in Minnesota.

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      1. my person said they have every religion in the world who has a holiday plugged into their schedule. we get easter good friday christmas and they get those plus a bunch of others, i got the impression it was a couple days every month that we dont get. you know… like being a school teacher…

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