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The Thing With A Tail

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Today’s post comes from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden.

Hey Mr. C,

Wow, I just looked up from this game I’m playing with my buddy Pete and I see that the Fourth of July already happened. That’s awesome!

Things sure do happen fast when you get to be old. I remember when I was in middle school, time moved so slow – it seemed like everything took forever! Now I only feel like that whenever my dad is talking.

Like yesterday, when he decided to explain to me how scientists discovered that our solar system has a tail. And the way he said it was like it was really important news that should matter to everybody, even though whether or not anything has a tail is a totally meaningless unless you’re talking about a super-fast animal like a cheetah or something, because they can use their tails to keep their balance so they can run as fast of rockets when they’re trying to catch you and eat you for dinner and you have absolutely no chance of getting away.

Cheetah_chase

I’m not so sure it would be different if they didn’t have tails, but you can always hope.

Anyway, the fact that there’s a tail on the solar system is something I didn’t really care about at all, but we cut a deal that if I watched this video from NASA and then talked about it with a friend for at least five minutes, I wouldn’t have to mow the lawn this time.

He’s always trying to get me to do stuff like that.

So I said yes and watched the video and yawned all the way through it to show him I was really Not Into It, even though the thing was pretty well done and kind of interesting.

So after watching the video I called Pete (dad made me) so I could tell him what I learned, but instead I asked him which animals are cooler, the ones with tails or the ones without. He said the ones with tails are cool because that includes Lions, tigers, kangaroos and dogs, but I said the ones without tails are better because then we’re talking about octopuses, spiders, slugs and bears.

But Pete said bears do have tails, and I said no they don’t – prove it, and then we got into this huge argument.

So my dad made me hang up and told me I had to write about it instead, which is why you’re getting this letter. So there it is. The solar system has a tail. Amazing.

And now I don’t have to mow, which is awesome. I still feel like I got away with something. Kind of like outrunning a cheetah!

Your pal,
Bubby

Which animals are cooler – those with tails or those without?

55 thoughts on “The Thing With A Tail”

  1. Cats have much longer tails in relation to their bodies than dogs do, so that means that cats are cooler than dogs. Plus, they don’t have to be walked, are self-cleaning, and are very quiet.

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      1. “Chirping” is usually only done while a cat’s gaze is transfixed on a potential living meal. Or do you own a rare
        non-stop chirper? I’ve never met one of those unless the owner also had a caged bird.

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        1. She chirps all the time. Sometimes it’s when she’s watching birds out the window, but she also chirps at other times, unless she’s looking at me as a potential living meal!!!! She rarely meows… just chirps.

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  2. Morning all. I have to side with Pete on this one… I like the tailed animals best. I probably wouldn’t even have THOUGHT of slugs and octopi as animals if Bubby hadn’t brought them up.

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  3. Good morning. We are one of the animals that doesn’t have a tail. Maybe that is why we might not be as cool as some other animals. I think there are some of our primate relatives that don’t have tails including gorillas. It seems to me that gorillas don’t need a tail to be cool. Maybe we should put more effort into being cool. Some of us seem to know how to be cool.

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  4. Tails on critters that have ’em serve to correct for errors made by animals as they rush about. Tails are counterbalances that keep us on track. People don’t hunt and forage for their food the way cheetahs do, so they don’t need physical tails the way (say) the big cats need them. Our tails are there, but are not visible. For humans, the “tails” are actually the sense of ethics we all use to moderate our behavior toward each other. I say: up with tails!

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    1. Yes, I think people do have a sense of ethics that we could say is our tail which acts to keep us in balanced. However, you do not have to look very far to see that some people are so far out of balance that they have either lost their tail or are stumbling so badly that their tail is not long enough to keep them from falling.

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  5. im a tail man. always have been. those things with no tails may be alright but they are not for me, i love watching a leapaod or cheetah run witht at tail shifting to counter the shift around the corner. as for universes with a tail, i think it is a wonderful thing. keeps you from focusing too much on where you are and look at where youve been and where youre going. thats the key. now can i skip mowing the lawn too.

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  6. Tails are not terribly important for animals that live on land, but they’re critical for those that swim. Dolphins really need tails, and dolphins are about as cool as it gets. Octopi probably developed all those arms to make up for their deficiency in the tail department.

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  7. Our orange cat has a corkscrew shaped tail about 3 inches long. He has 7 toes on each front paw. He walks like a duck or a ballerina. I don’t know if his tail is functional for balance purposes since it is virtually stationary and can only move slightly up and down, not side to side.

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      1. I don’t know if GInger is happy with his tail or not. Should I vote for or against tails? Hmm. It was always icky when lab rats would wrap their tails around my wrist as I carried them. I like to see our terrier wag her tail at the speed of light. I just don’t know.

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      1. Ginger is a Wild West cat from Medora, ND. Daughter’s best friend and her extended family had lots of these cats on their various ranches. They originated with Maynard, a large,short-tailed, polydactyl cat famous for using his very large paws to swipe gobs of mashed potatoes from an unguarded bowl one Thankgiving at Best Friend’s Uncle’s place.

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  8. Barney looked at me with his big brown eyes, thumbed his tail – I think I’m to vote “tails.” But that would exclude chimpanzees, which are pretty cool animals. But really, how can I say no to a critter with soft, droopy ears and a tail that wags when he hears my voice or sees that I’m home for the day?…

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  9. Tails are cooler. How can you go wrong with an appendage that serves as a steering rudder (birds) stabilizer (kangaroos), grabber (lemurs and some monkeys, onto tree branches), emotion indicator (dogs and cats), foot warmer (most felines), and fly swatter (cows, horses, etc.) among its many uses?

    Chris in Owatonna

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    2. I’m waiting with baited breath to see what Holly or perhaps some other baboon can come up with, musically, to fit this category. I know I’m stumped.

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  10. A big moment in the early years of my marriage was when she and I both bought hunting dogs. I did research for about a year and decided my dream dog would be a springer spaniel. Kathe couldn’t accept that for herself, as she was sure a dog should have a tail. She got a Labrador. Now, having lived with dogs with and without tails, I’ll point out that the absence of a tail can be cool. As a toddler, our little Molly learned to throw up an arm when the Lab went by so she could take the whack of the tail on her forearm. It was pure instinct (plus experience). And I can sure remember the Labs we owned coming into the room with a big goofy grin and wildly thrashing tail that swept everything on a coffee table on to the floor! I used to monitor the location of my Labs by the different sounds their tails made as they whacked furniture or fridges or chairs.

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      1. Well, actually they do have tails, but humans for whatever reason have decided that they look better docked. In Denmark, and several other European countries, it’s considered animal cruelty to dock tails and ears of dogs and it has been outlawed.

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      2. They are born with tails, although most have short tails. The no-tail look depends on “bobbing” or “docking” the tails when the pups are young. Several breeds feature docked tails: springers, Brittany spaniels, boxers, etc.

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        1. PJ: I think the practice of docking tails might have started to prevent dogs that hunt in brush from suffering tail wounds.

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        2. Steve, that would explain the docking of some tails, but certainly not others. The Pembroke Welsh corgi’s, for instance have their tails docked, as do rottweilers, and neither is a hunting dog. I think it’s interesting that the Pembroke Welsh corgi’s tail is docked, while the Cardigan Welsh corgi’s is not. While I don’t think that docking, if done early, rises to the level of animal cruelty, I’m sure there is some pain involved for the animal. But then, we routinely spay and neuter both cats and dogs, and I’m sure that hurts too. I guess I just don’t have much use for practices that cause unnecessary pain, such as cropping of dog ears and tails, that are done strictly because of looks.

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        3. And you are right: most of those alterations are strictly cosmetic. I just wanted to point out that working dogs can have problems with full tails. My setters often suffered with bleeding tails.

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        4. A friend of mine had a lab/retriever mix named Jimmy Dean. He was extremely sweet and friendly and had the longest thickest tail I’ve ever seen on a dog. When he was really excited to see you, you had to be careful of you’d end up with bruises. Poor Jimmy Dean actually broke that poor tail a few times in his life!

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  11. OK, Dale is asking us which is cooler, so if I choose tails, it doesn’t necessarily mean I like them better, right? I choose tails – it just makes the animals that much more interesting. And the animals I know and like the best – cats, bunnies, deer, squirrels – all have tails. But I hear you, Renee, about rats’ tails.

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  13. The kittens are pro-tails and so am I. Tails in our kittens are used for expressing oneself and are darned amusing. You can chase your friend’s tail, absent that, you can chase your own.

    You can give fair warning with your tail, although not all humans are smart enough to heed said warning.

    When children are playing at being animals, you want some sort of improvised tail in most cases.

    Holly hasn’t checked in yet, so I’ll offer this:
    http://youtu.be/2AkLE4X-bbU

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  14. ()details()
    entail, retail
    swallowtail, dovetail, fantail
    foxtail, cattail
    taillight, tailpipe, tailgate
    curtail, hightail, fishtail,
    whitetail, tailspin, tailwind
    pigtails, ponytail, ducktail
    cocktail, straight up!

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    1. I’ve seen this video several times before, Linda, and it moves me every time. This is filmed in the Sea of Cortez, not far from Bahia de Kino where we’ve been lucky enough to spend some winter-time several years, last in 2011. Watching whales and dolphins, along with birds, is a major pass-time when we’re not busy identifying plants in the desert and finding the occasional arrow head, digging for clams when the tide is out, or walking on the beach. Collecting shells, and identifying and cataloging them is the late afternoon preferred activity. I’m pretty much the only person there that ventures into the water, everyone else seems to think it’s too cold.

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  19. Missed you guys today… but everyone who lives in this part of the world should be happy. It was 102 in Dallas today. Glad it was a quick trip in and out!

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