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The Twinkie Conundrum

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Just when you thought you had adjusted to life without Twinkies, they’re back!

ENTERTAINMENT FOOD FUN JUNK SWEET CYLINDRICAL ELONGATED BAKED GOOD KIDS

And what’s more, they no longer come with the simple sugar = pleasure / fat = punishment choice you had to make in the old days. Now each Twinkies-related decision will be a statement revealing your personal theory about management, bankruptcy, and the role of organized labor in today’s economy.

Hostess went out of business after a labor dispute with the people who made the snack cakes. It was a management decision to scuttle the company rather than give in to what corporate leaders saw as unreasonable demands by an organized workforce.

This brought out harsh criticism from union-bashers. One tweeting critic decried the fact that bakery workers who had been making the Twinkies had pensions. How sweet would a lavish retirement be, knowing you got there by pushing creme filling into spongy cake for 45 years?

But never fear that buying your next Twink will cushion the twilight years of an undeserving wastrel. After going through bankruptcy, the Hostess brands were sold to a new owner, and presto! The new company has no labor union to deal with and Twinkies are already tantalizing the snack-loving shoppers at Wal-Mart.

What will come of this? The whole snack cake ethos was about happiness – thus goofy names like Ho-Ho’s and Ding Dongs. Will you now have to cross a picket line to buy a Zinger?

And union members aren’t the only ones who are bound to be sore. What about the hoarders who spent recklessly to stockpile huge backlogs in advance of the Twinkie apocalypse? Is there still a chance for their dream of using packaged desserts as currency, or have they been viciously undercut? Or will it turn out that their Strategic Snack Cake Reserves will prove to be our only source of genuine, un-tarnished Twinkies, now and forever?

I’m afraid all the potent political and economic issues swirling around the new Twinkies will make it impossible for me to eat one without getting a stomachache. Unlike the old days, when I didn’t get a stomachache until I opened the fifth package.

What food are you unable to eat?

58 thoughts on “The Twinkie Conundrum”

  1. Morning all. I’m pretty much an omnivore, though obviously there are some foods I like better than others. Offhand I can’t think of a food that I’m unable to eat, with the possible exception of tripe. I’ve never tried it, there’s just something about its appearance that sends shivers down my spine.

    Yesterday I was gifted with a quart of raw milk, today I’m turning it into fresh ricotta cheese and I’m pretty sure that’ll be entirely edible.

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  2. Good morning. I can eat anything. Actually, snack cakes are one of the foods I mostly don’t like with the exception of twinkies and I didn’t eat them very often. Those snack cakes seem to be filled with all kind preservatives and other additives to the point where they don’t have a very good flavor other than being very sweet. How about sushi? I might do like Pat Donahue did in his song about about this food. But, I might like sushi if I ever decide to give it a try.

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    1. I have tried sushi, and while I did not wind up like Pat Donahue, I don’t think I need to give it a third try. I’m not a huge fan of fish, so fish wrapped in seaweed holds little appeal.

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    2. Unsolicited advice: if you’re not quite sure about the fish (not all sushi is raw, btw), try kappa maki (cucumber) or some of the other vegetable sushis, and inarizushi, which is packets of sweetened vinegared rice (which sounds awful, I imagine, but is delicious). That’ll get you into eating seaweed, and then you can try other types as you prefer. Just make sure it’s fresh, fresh, fresh!

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      1. Thanks for the suggestions, CR. I have had the sushi that doesn’t contain raw fish and I like it. The thought of eating raw fish keeps from trying sushi containing that ingredient. I should try it and I would hope that if I do try it I would not be served raw fish that isn’t fresh, fresh, fresh.

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        1. My friend who spent her young adulthood in the Bay Area, will not eat raw sushi anywhere in the Midwest. I don’t think she feels that flown in is sufficiently fresh enough, though I don’t know if that’s an issue of flavor, prejudice, or sad experience. I, of course, stick to the lovely vegetables.

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  3. In 1969 I was 14 and concerned about Vietnam and the draft. I knew I wasn’t going but was concerned about what that involved. Canada? Jail? Hiding out? I was paying attention to the news and had my brain working.
    Dick Gregory was a comedian who was also an activist. Bill Cosby with an edge. He was on public television talking about the drug companies making 12 million pills a year when they only had sales of 8 million a year and pretending they didn’t know the other 4 million were being sold to drug dealers . David frost or dick caveat were interviewing him and they got to talking about how dick Gregory was vegetarian and his kids ate lots of fruit and vegetables. They were laughing about how given the choice of fruit or vegetables kids take fruit … And bingo it hit me… If I became a vegetarian for philosophical reasons and did it as a demonstration of respect for and in celebration of life they could throw my ass in jail as a draft dodger and I would be ok with it. From that moment on a hamburger brought a vision of a cows big eyes and I was done with meat fish and fowl. Eggs and dairy may be cruel and unusual punishment for gods critters but I am not a vegan. Life is hard enough without trying that. Being a veggie never has felt like a burden and when I go out to dinner with others it alway amazes me that after the salad the veggies and the bread they still have room for an 8 oz steak. I’m able to sub a potato and be overly full. Stone crab is my exception to the rule. You don’t kill the crab. You harvest the claws ans allow them to grow back. If a stone crab fisherman brings up a crab wit one claw they throw it back. If the took the remaining claw he would die not being able to defend himself. I didn’t really like salads when I turned veggie and I still don’t have them call out to me but I’m getting the hang of eating them as a survival instinct. My last twinkle was sometime in the 70’s. I remember mike Kennedy pointing out that twinkles mate for life in that little celephane package. They are always eaten together. I hadn’t noticed that before and haven’t missed it since.

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    1. I could give up eating meat having had many good vegetarian meals that I prepared for my vegetarian daughters or that were prepared by my wife or my daughters.

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    2. I didn’t remember that you were vegetarian, tim! I’m the same way about salads–too many people expect veg*ns to live on nothing but salad, and are completely thrown when I want pasta or something else hot and substantial. But, being vegan isn’t as hard as you’d think, though it really helps to like or at least tolerate cooking for yourself and to have open-minded–or at least non-hostile–friends/family. Living in the Cities makes it surprisingly easy for me to shop and to eat out; in comparison to even 20 years ago we’re completely spoiled. Oooh, oooh, time for a random book rec! My current favorite cookbook is “Please Don’t Feed the Bears!”, a death-metal vegan cookbook. The recipes are pretty good and it’s at about my level of culinary expertise…but really, even if it wasn’t, how could I possibly resist a “death metal vegan cookbook”? I don’t own any of the playlist, so I’m probably not getting the full experience of the recipes, but that’s okay.

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      1. Please Don’t Feed the Bears looks fascinating… I just asked for it from Interlibrary Loan. I am moving towards veganism so am enjoying finding cookbooks with different ideas this summer. Don’t know if I’ll ever make it 100%, but we’ll see!

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  4. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    There are several categories of things that must not be eaten:

    Intolerance–too many milk products.
    Allergy–anything with mold such as bleu cheese
    Moral objections–things that might be household pets or sweat shop items such as Twinkies
    Items which recall drunken episodes of poor judgement at ages 18-19 years which still turn my stomach–Mogen David wine (eew) and cheap hotdogs in a cornfield.

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    1. I’m with you on the moral objections issue, Jackie. I will not eat veal or foie gras. I have tasted both, and they are delicious, but I just can’t abode the force feeding of the duck to create the fatty liver or slaughtering calves. I have said before that if I had to kill my own food I’d not doubt be a vegetarian, though I would eat fish. Logically that probably makes very little sense, but there you have it.

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  7. I was heartened to learn from my cousins in Oslo that Norwegians in Norway to do not eat lutefisk (at least in my generation of Norwegians). I know that it is just dried torsk that has been soaked and prepared. And it’s not even they bit about the lye that makes me squeamish. It’s the consistency. I am resigned to continue to accept the “by” I got from Mom as a kid when I went to lutefisk dinners in church basements: eat the Swedish meatballs instead. With an extra piece of lefse, just in case…

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  8. People who are critical of modern times have a field day when it comes to criticizing the neurotic, sentimental, irrational problems people have with the foods we eat. The whole thing is bleepin’ crazy.

    My family used to eat a lot of wild game meat here and (less often) fish that I had caught in Lake Superior. When Molly was small she once decided to boycott the wild game. “I won’t eat anything that was ever alive,” she said. When I pointed out that part of her beloved McDonalds cheeseburgers had lived as cows, she was confused. To her, a domestic cow had never been alive, and in a sense she was right.

    I have friends who try to eat only game and fish they have harvested. Rather than feeling guilty about the loss of life involved, they relish the fact that these animals once led vivid, real lives (and of course, wild game is free of hormones and other chemical gimmicks, although wild fish are not so lucky). You have to live in Montana to eat only wild game, and it helps to be young and very fit. I enjoyed the fact they gave a name to all the critters they bagged. The antelope John shot in September might be Mikey. “Should we have some Mikey tonight,” they’d ask, “or maybe Lewis?”

    In my present circumstances I try to eat fresh produce and a limited amount of chicken. Of course, the chicken I consume was (in Molly’s phrase) never alive, and I have a world of guilt about that. Officially, I do not eat pork, as the way we raise pork is indefensible. But I’m like the “non-smoker” who only smokes in guilty little moments in privacy, not admitting it to anyone. At least before eating pork I will beg forgiveness from the clan of pigs before taking the first forkful.

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  9. This is a story my mom tells. I don’t remember it. When I was five, my grandmother came to town and took the family out for a nice dinner. A seafood restaurant was chosen, the kind that has the tank of lobsters in the front entrance. At some point early on, I figured out that the lobsters in the tank were the ones being served up on people’s plates and I made such a fuss that they had to take me out of the restaurant.

    I have a story in this vein for when I was six (lamb), seven (venison), eight (turkey) and so on. Then when I was 16, at which point I was down to just ground beef and hot dogs, my Spanish teacher ran the movie Death in the Afternoon. I had to go sit in the hall with my head down to keep from tossing my cookies and when I got home from school I announced that I was becoming a vegetarian.

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  10. I won’t eat shrimp because I don’t like the taste or the texture, and I also believe the way it is procured is unhealthy for the environment. I usually don’t eat much seafood unless I am on the coast and I know that the fish is local. I won’t eat food that has been imported from China, since I have serious doubts about Chinese food purity. I also won’t eat much deep fried food since my nonexistent gall bladder still objects at times. We ate lots of sea food in Nova Scotia and PEI. It was fresh and local and wonderful.

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  11. Morning!
    I don’t like olives; I have tried them and I just don’t like them. Same with tomatoes; the texture just grosses me out.
    And I’m not big on sea food; things in shells are just too much trouble to eat. And all them little bones. In the right place it can be good. Last summer, down in Mississippi, we had catfish that was REALLY good. But up here…. no.

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    1. Ben – I lived a “no olive” childhood. Then on a vacation in Toronto at the age of 24, I visited the St. Lawrence open air market. One of the vendors had big tubs of different olives. Wasband bought several kinds, although just a few of each kind, since I didn’t like olives. Something about the picnic that day and the smells of the cheeses and olives made me pick one up to try it. Ephiphany City! I’ve been a convert ever since!

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  14. Liver (and, no,cooking it with bacon and onions does not make it taste better). Bleu cheese and Gorgonzola (I know I will never be a true foodie because I will never be able to eat mold without wanting to puke). Canned tuna fish.

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    1. My grandfather on my mom’s side had some serious OCD issues. When my mom was growing up, there were 7 evening meals. Only 7. Every Monday was liver and onions night. And my grandfather believed in kids eating what was put in front of them. My mother says that she and her siblings had to force down liver and onions every week, even though none of them liked it. Suffice it to say, liver and onions was never served in my house when I was growing up. Not once.

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      1. When my kids complained about the food, I sometimes threatened to serve them liver so they would really have something to complain about. But I never did it, mainly because I never had liver on hand, and also because I would never managed to cook the vile stuff (apologies to any liver lovers).

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      2. In husband’s childhood home, fried herring was served every Friday. He hated it, but had to eat it for years. As an adult he has extended that hate of herring to include fish, all fish, except canned tuna, as has his middle brother, On days when I want fish, I cook him something else.

        At the Catholic boarding school I went to as a child, during the winter months the nuns would make us take a teaspoon full of cod liver oil each morning with breakfast. What a horrible way to start the day! Some mornings when I was feeling particularly obstinate, I would refuse to take it, so I’d sit there with my spoonful of cod liver oil and wait for a chance to dispose of it. I’d quick drink my cup of milk, and when the cup was empty I’d pour the cod liver oil into it. This, of course, caused a major stink, literally, when that cup was put in the dishpan for washing. Ah, the sweet memories of childhood!

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        1. There are down sides to being an adult, but having the power to choose what you put in your mouth makes up for a lot! Many of us remember childhood as long, grim struggles at the dinner table, being made to consume some food our parents thought we should like.

          The bane of my childhood years was milk. The milk lobby successfully persuaded the nation that milk consumption was the first requirement for health. For reasons not worth repeating, I came to hate milk, and the fact I was obliged to drink a tall glass of it with every lunch just made my disgust deeper. I finally learned that if I held my breath, I couldn’t taste the awfulness of milk so much, so I would take a deep breath and knock down my tall glass of milk. Then I would exhale, which would cause my little sister to howl, “He HOOFED on me!” (Are you remembering this, CB?)

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        2. I just realized my comment might seem nonsensical to younger baboons. Our family ate every lunch at the dinner table, looking at each other. Not like now . . . people eating their own food off in corners all over the house in front of a TV or computer screen. Meals used to be social.

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        3. As a former dairy farmer, I love milk. We drink 2%. And I start with one big glass, drink it down standing at the fridge, refill the glass and move on to the rest of the meal. Ice cream, butter… it’s all good.

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        4. I’m with you, Ben. A day without dairy is a day without sunshine. Milk, cheese (stinky, moldy and not), yogurt, ice cream…it’s all good.

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    2. My mother hated liver growing up but got the idea that it would be good for us and so forced herself to make it for us. She grew to like it and we all loved it. We had it when my father wasn’t home for dinner (because HE didn’t like it) so it became a sort of special occasion thing. We didn’t have it with onions but with lemon juice squeezed over it. That was what made her finally like it.

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  15. S&h will not eat animals. Will look reproachfully at me for doing so. Has a hard time with people he otherwise likes and respects doing so, but says nothing to be polite.

    I can and have eaten pretty much everything that has been placed before me (early training as a minister’s daughter in small towns required this). I admit to having a taste for the strong stuff, wild game, liver, black strap molasses, moldy cheeses (just send all that to me, Edith) black licorice, herring, yum, yum, yum. Time in the dissection lab and knowing too much about meat that has never “lived” per Steve’s Molly has pretty much made a vegetarian of me on moral and ethical grounds. Financial considerations have pretty much completed the job.

    But a couple of things I just can’t get down. There is a texture issue I have with fresh citrus fruits that makes it hard for me to experience them on any level (taste is just fine, but cannot willingly bring myself to chew and swallow them-see minister’s daughter reference above).

    Then there is durian. Cannot even manage the fumes. I think I have finally purged the memory of them, but it took months.

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  16. Would that there were more foods I’m unable to eat! I will pretty much try anything once, but having read comments here, I might reject this durian out of hand. The things I try not to eat are those with a lot of preservatives and fillers, but you can imagine how often I break those rules.

    I’m like mig, and like strong tastes. With the exception of HOT – get me in and Indian restaurant, and I’m fanning the flames even at the “mild” setting.

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  17. Appropriate topic today. I’m roughing out a program and putting in the proposed menus. All KINDS of things I won’t eat.

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  18. Yes, Steve, I remember you “hoofing” on me. I also remember our parents awarding your dislike of milk by buying you all the chocolate milk you wanted! I won’t eat anything that goes “crunch” if you step on it. This would include all ectoskeletal creatures like shrimp, oysters, lobsters, and beetles. The mere thought of it grosses me out.

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  19. When I thought more about the question I wonder if it means literally, ‘can not’ eat as it makes one ill.
    Daughter has celiac’s disease so no wheat products for her or she’s doubled over with stomach pains.
    For me, if I eat too many potato chips I’ll get a stomach ache… not sure what that would mean other than not to eat so many potato chips.

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    1. If it’s “cannot” eat with dire consequences… pineapple. I like it, but it doesn’t like me. Also sodium citrate – the kind of sodium they use in citrus pop (7Up, Sprite, etc). This last one isn’t a huge problem; for many years I just didn’t drink clear pop, but I quit drinking all pop a couple of years ago.

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  20. Greetings! I eat just about anything but liver. I also find most cream of tomato soups rather yucky and also blue cheese I can’t abide. Anything else is fair game, so to speak.

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    1. A co-teacher of mine had never eaten at McDonald’s, and got so much attention for that, I know she never will, just to keep being so unique. Curiosity would get to me eventually.

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  22. Dang, I forgot to post this reminder for a singing gig tonight At Luther Seminary, just off Como Ave in St. Paul:

    On Monday, July 15 Ann Reed and Dan Chouinard will lead participants in songs from the book Rise Up Singing. The event will be held at Luther Seminary’s Olson Student Center, 1490 Fulham St., St. Paul. A social and gathering time will begin at 6:30 and singing will be from 7:00 – 8:30. We’re going.

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  23. Evening–

    Completely OT, but stumbled across a movie that I think people on here would be interested in:
    http://www.decodingannieparkerfilm.com/

    From IMDB: “Love, science, sex, infidelity, disease and comedy, the wild, mostly true story of the irrepressible Annie Parker and the almost discovery of a cure for cancer.”
    Came out just this spring, but I haven’t heard of it yet.

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