The Baboon Congress

Hat Dogs

71 Comments

Today’s guest post comes from tim.

Hats. I like hats. I always have. I like hats like Humphrey Bogart style hats. Fedoras. I like a hamburg, which is a bankers or a lawyers hat. I like the different style of western hats available. The way a cowboy wears his headgear tells you a lot about the character of the guy under the hat. That’s true of all hats – a bucket hat from Ireland or a newsboys cap, a racing style little cap or a kangol knitted golf cap. Today the return of the 60’s stingy brim fedora is all the rage with the kids but the panama hat and the Milan straw classics form the 50’s and 60’s is what I lean towards.

Dogs, I really like dogs. I always wanted one and when I was a kid. I have had one pretty much steady for the last 40 years but the old saying about if you feel like you want to get married just go find yourself a woman you hate and give her a house and most of your money and save all the other anxiety … does have a relative statement in dog world. Just go find a best friend who is going to die and rip your heart out out every 10 years. My lab basset and my wolf dog did my heart some serious damage when they died. Today I have a fistful of dog love running around and the knowledge the other shoe is going to drop is part of the deal but still you have to remember to make a point of enjoying the moment. With kids I tend to be a bit preachy and try to teach life lessons, some of it is acknowledged most is in one ear and out the other. Dogs get less preaching, more constructive direction and lots more toleration on not quite hitting desired goals. You have to catch a dog to give him hell, not so with kids. You need to praise a dog every time they get caught doing good. That may be what I’m missing with my kids.

Back in 1968 I went into Sears surplus and saw an item I will never forget. It was a band saw with a radio in it. It struck me as funny at the time and I started laughing in the store so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. I like a band saw and I like a radio but I had to question the guy who thought they should be packaged together. A band saw rarely gets used and while its not being used a radio sure would come in handy. But the notion of putting them together struck me as so unlikely I could not believe I saw it in real life production right in front of my face. When ever I think of it, I smile again.

This is also true of dogs and hats. I like dogs and I like hats but I don’t like dogs in hats. A simple search on google will show you there is a market for dog hats and on you tube the cats do not have an exclusive when it comes to odd posts. Dogs with hats have a spot in the bandwidth also. I hope it is not the first thing intelligent creatures from another planet see when they discover electronic communication from mother earth.

What really stupid earth guy stuff would you have a hard time explaining to creatures from another planet?

71 thoughts on “Hat Dogs”

  1. Morning all! Up early relishing the prospect of a day when the heat isn’t quite so oppressive as it has been the last few days.

    Good blog, tim. I was wondering where you were going from liking hats, to liking dogs, and chainsaws with built-in radios, but you brought it all together nicely. Love how your mind flits about with unexpected twists and turns.

    Don’t know that I’d be very good at explaining smartphones to anyone, let alone a creature from another planet. Then again, since I don’t own one, and don’t have any desire to either, I’m probably the last person they would be in contact with.

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  2. It just occurred to me, a band saw probably isn’t the same thing as a chainsaw, is it? What they have in common however, is that in addition to cutting they are both extremely noisy.

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    1. yes but the vibration you woud have in a chainsaw would raise havoc woth the radio’s innards i suspect the band saw is a quiet little unassuming tool over in the corner of a tooll bench that only gets called on to make scrolly letters and gingerbread cut outs for the woodworker. the radio would be ok there.

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  3. Good morning. I don’t know where to begin. There are so many odd hobbies and toys. I think the top source of odd stuff would be TV. How would you explain old episodes of the Gong Show or some of those reality shows. I’m about to leave for the big seed saver gathering and will not be around here today. I will be interested in reading what all of you have come up with today when I get back.

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  4. This is an intimidating question, for what are the weirdest human activities that would be hardest to defend? If some elegantly dressed three-headed monster from Mars asked me to explain our hot dog eating contests, I would be at a total loss for words.

    And yet I’d feel more comfortable talking about that than if the Martian would ask me, “In God’s name, why do you folks on earth continue to do things you know are destroying your planet?” That would be an embarrassing question to handle.

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  6. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    Alien: Apparently dog poop is of inordinate value to you humans. You spend so much time and resources encasing it in plastic. Further, you hire people to pick it up out of your yards, then those people stockpile it and save it. Where does it go? A bank? A museum?

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        1. Jacque, had you been swimming anytime prior to feeling sick? Just heard that people with symptoms similar to yours had contracted e-coli from area lakes.

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        2. Thanks for your concern PJ, but no. This bug is making its way around the office. It is vicious and respiratory, lasting about 2 weeks and starting with a headache. One of my office mates ended up with pneumonia. Ugh. I missed most of the work week. Today only required 1 nap.

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  7. Morning all. Nice start tim! As the mother of a Teenager who delights in trying to put hats, ribbons and bows on our two dogs and two cats, I can gravitate to this topic!

    My guess is that most of the items that are sold on “As Seen on TV” will be a mystery to future archaeologists. The PedEgg, the WaxVac, Tummy Stuffers (just saw these over the weekend… stuffed animals that you can ball up and stuff into their own tummies) and (sorry Linda) the Robostir.

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      2. dale cuts me enough slack to send him stuff any way i need to. i wrote this one up in word doc and that gives me upper case stuff to deal with. he cleans it up in the mode i send it an we have a presentable bog for the day. i feel like i should go back and un uppercase my stuff but the idea behind my lower case identity is ease of use. fixing it up is anti ease of use just for presentation. my fingers get dancing and in a minute or two the deed is done. i usually do this in the reply box but i was away when i wrote this one so i cut and pasted it to him knowing the clock was ticking on his getting his house in order before it was off to the lax land of his summer break so i let er rip. and dale printed it pretty much the way it was sent.

        i thought you may all get a bit of a kick out of the basis for todays topic. when dale asked for some guest blog help i got accused of rallying the troops by jacque so i figured i had better commit to partake and i dropped dale a not telling him id do one on hats and one on dogs. a while later he wrote back and suggested i do one on dogs with hats. it had been sitting in my in box for a while before i realized it was there and time was runnign out. i chuckled and the post took form in a couple minutes and dale had it in his in box within an hour. great stuff today trail mates. thanks for the thoughts.

        renee whats not to get about victorias secret? its pretty straight forward, kind of like chocolate in a different sensory perception.

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      1. Oh! It’s not that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny, Steve. I would just have a hard time explaining him to martians. Especially now when Cadbury Creme Eggs are out of season.

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        1. Especially hard to explain those Cadbury Egg commercials where various animals wear bunny ears!

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        2. Not to mention the out of season Cadbury Mini-eggs, the yummy chocolate ones with the pastel colored sugary outer shell…

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      1. I can live with the metric system as long as I have a conversion chart in front of me.

        PJ, yesterday you asked how old my daughter is. Hard to believe she’ll be 32 next week. Would you believe I had her when I was 11?!

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  9. Football. When reading Stranger in a Strange Land, I remember the main character trying to explain a football game to the Martian visitor – it was hilarious.

    And bariatric surgery (not that I haven’t had passing thoughts about this), cosmetic surgery & breast implants (except the reconstructive kind)… I’ll think more on this, there are tons more!

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        2. People tend to think of Andy Griffith as an avuncular country bumpkin. It is easy, looking at the old TV shows, to miss his intelligence and keen sense of satire.

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        3. too funny steve and pj. i had seen the andy doing football before it is wonderful but explaning baseball is new and equally wonderful.

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  10. American language idioms, cricket (the game), why we can’t get rid of prejudices in society (well, from an academic standpoint that is explainable, but certainly not excusable), LOL cats, Cheez Whiz and why you can’t get a decent Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster this side of Betelgeuse.

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  11. Bottled water, vitamin supplements, matching purses and shoes, Broadway Musical Theater, Rambo movies, beauty pageants, Victoria’s Secret.

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  12. In response to BiRs comment last night — reminder that Blevins Book Club meets this Sunday at 1 p.m. at my house. If you don’t have my address, let me know. shelikins at hotmail. Book is The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers. Bonus book is People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks.

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    1. Hi Rico, Nice to hear from you. But give credit where credit’s due, today’s guest blog was written by one of the baboons, tim. Mr. C is off enjoying a brief vacation.

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    3. ebay sells those dowler/derbies in various states of vintage perfection for a fair price. i have a couple in my hat store from early 1900’s in wonderful shape. i think it would be the perfect identity for your early morning bike rides. aerodynamically designed. not much protection for the full face plant though. welcome back, this is your first time in the post 7 am hour isn’t it?

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  14. Disposables (made from plastic): plastic food containers, razors, to go coffee cups and lids, “silverware”, beverage bottles, and on and on and on… One theory I’ve read is that at the end, if/whenever the end comes, everything plastic will simply melt, and we’ll be left with only. real. stuff.

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  15. OT-Daughter and best friend just phoned from Winnipeg. In their hotel and made it safe through the border and rush hour traffic. Now I can relax (just a little).

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      1. Sure! You should see the formal itinerary they came up with. I don’t know if they would have any time for too much partying. The Winnipeg Fringe Theater festival is in full swing right downtown where they are staying.

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        1. across the street and 2 or 3 blocks toward the football stadium from the radison is a good night spot.kind of a meat market but a fun spot. and also 2 blocks out the back door of the radison and 4 or 5 blocks in the same direction is a nice dinner spot and a decent quiet night spot. cant remember names but its qiet enough up there walking wil tell you where the right spots are. the hotel right across from the stadium is a fun spot too

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  16. *from ‘Sail Away’ (1972)*

    *CAPO 3rd FRET*

    (Original Key: Cm)

    Intro:

    Am

    Verse 1:

    Am
    Cain slew Abel; Seth knew not why.
    Dm Am
    For if the children of Israel, were ‘sposed to multiply;
    E7 Am E7 Am
    Why must any of the child-ren die?
    E7
    So he asked the Lord, and the Lord said;

    Chorus 1:

    Am E7 Am E7 Am A7
    Man means nothing; he means less to me.
    Dm A7 Dm A7 Dm
    Than the lowliest cactus flower, or the humblest Yucca tree.
    Am E7 Am C7 F7
    He chases round this desert, ‘cos he thinks that’s where I’ll be;
    Am E7 Am E7
    That’s why I love mankind.

    Am E7 Am E7 Am A7
    I recoil in horror, from the foulness of thee.
    Dm A7 Dm A7 Dm
    From the squalor and the filth, and the mise-ry.
    Am E7 Am C7 F7
    How we laugh up in here in heaven, at the prayers you offer me;
    Am E7 Am
    That’s why I love mankind.

    Verse 2:

    Am
    The Christians and the Jews, were having a jamboree,
    Dm Am
    The Buddhists and the Hindu’s, joined on satellite TV.
    E7
    They picked their four greatest priests,
    Am E7 Am
    And they be-gan to speak. They said;
    Am
    “Lord, a plague is on the world; Lord, no man is free.
    Dm Am
    The temples that we built to you, have tumbled into the sea.
    E7 Am E7 Am
    Lord, if you won’t take care of us, won’t you please, please let us be?”
    Am E7 C E7
    And the Lord said… and the Lord said;

    Chorus 2:

    Am E7 Am E7 Am A7
    I burn down your cities; how blind you must be.
    Dm A7 Dm A7 Dm
    I take from you your children, and you say; “how blessed are we”.
    Am E7 Am C7 F7
    You all must be crazy, to put your faith in me;
    Am E7 Am Dm
    That’s why I love man-kind; you really need me.
    Am E7 Am
    That’s why I love mankind.

    CHORD DIAGRAMS:
    —————

    Am Dm A7 E C7 F7 C

    EADGBE EADGBE EADGBE EADGBE EADGBE EADGBE EADGBE
    x02210 xx0231 x02223 022100 x32310 132111 x32010

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