Today’s guest post comes from Donna.
July 17, 2103
Greetings Family and Friends,
School starts up again in less than a month so I decided now would be a good time to send out my (not a typo) Christmas cards. And because it’s been over ten years since I’ve sent cards, I’ve committed to a newsletter. And feeling like a fish out of water – which in my experience feels just as slippery as when it’s in the water – I’m following the advice from an online site called, Ten Tips For Writing a Holiday Newsletter, written by somebody named Richard, whose last name I can’t remember. So let’s get started!
1. Prepare your audience to be bored. No matter how hard I try, this letter will likely be a bit tedious and tiresome. However, the nap you take while reading it will improve your brain function, disposition and personality. Science says so.
2. Consider your readers. The conversation should include things you’d talk about if they were right there with you at your kitchen table. Since I don’t have a kitchen table, we’d be sitting on the floor amid the dust bunnies, chatting about whatever comes to mind, picking the occasional cat hair off our tongues.
3. Invite your children to contribute to the writing. I did, and they declined. All three of them.
4. Enjoy the process; don’t act like writing the letter is a duty or a chore. I’m here to tell you I’m having a ball! Anything to put off running the vacuum!
5. Be real. Mention setbacks as well as achievements. Well, let’s see …
Achievement: I joined a gym to qualify for reduced insurance premiums. Setback: I have to exercise to get the reduction. Achievement: I became a deacon at my church, which involves serving communion. Setback: Sometimes I have to go to church.
Achievement: After 35 years, next year I will retire from teaching. Setback: Yeah – I’m that old.
6. Avoid boasting. Indeed it can get irksome when people exaggerate about how talented, smart, successful, well traveled, and well groomed their cats are.
7. Don’t embarrass anybody. I remember our last family newsletter said something about middle child’s (then teenager) ever-changing hair color, and she did NOT see the humor. These days she sticks with her own lovely natural dark blonde. Granted, the upper body tattoos she acquired during college detract from the loveliness but that’s neither here nor there.
8. & 9. Read the newsletter aloud and proofread. I was as surprised as you are, dear Family and Friends, for the homework assignment. Please complete and turn it in by Monday. Apparently Richard So & So believes in graduation requirements.
10. Keep it short – one page or less. Leave enough space at the bottom for a brief handwritten personal note and/or a handwritten personal signature. I craftily included both elements in my closing. See below.
Until 2023,
What do you do that is out of sync with the season?
Trail Baboon 
Good morning. I wouldn’t say that I do very much that is totally out of sync. My problem is I am usually not timely enough to be completely in sync. I know that I should start shopping for Christmas gifts very early to be sure to not end up doing this at the last minute. That doesn’t work. I might buy one or two gifts early and then I will buy most of the rest of them at the last minute.
I have a calendar and sometimes I have notes in it that should help me get things done on time. I don’t look at the notes and then I give up on note writing for a while. Fortunately there are people in my family that are timely about doing things who remind me about the things I should be doing. That keeps me from being way out of sync.
LikeLike
One of the things I am already behind on doing today is remembering to thank you, Donna, for your great guest blog entry.
LikeLike
Rise and Shine Baboons!
What fun Donna–Christmas letters, even in season, are a challenge. We once received one boasting that so-and-so had now achieved a 6 figure income. It might have well have said “Stop Reading Here!” One of the best I ever received were of the two senders daughters wailing and sobbing, looking like little beasts. It said “Greetings from our Happy Family” the Grinches. An honest card, to be certain.
Meanwhile, all winter I try to grow things and winter over garden plants–geraniums, asparagus ferns, vinca vines, coleus. I coax them, and sun them and baby them. Then at Christmas I forget them in the other seasonal busy-ness. A few die, a few get long and leggy. In February the seed catalogs with the pictures of lush plant life arrive. My winter hold-overs look sick in comparison. In March I go south for a week or two, hiring someone to stay with the dogs and water the plants. Things in Georgia are lush and growing. We come home to almost Spring (except this year), then I plant my cold frame with the spring seeds.
LikeLike
nice job donna, the post today is perfect. i was having a garage sale last week and this young lady came up and asked if in all the vinyl i had for sale there was any christmas stuff. i told her i didint know (i now know there is) and asked why she was loooking for christmas stuff this time of year. she said she was going to a christmas in july party and they needed some music. i told her i was a christmas fiend and had a personal stash of christmas music and if she would promise to bring it back i would give it to her on loan,
where do you begin? barbara streisand of course, elvis, nat king cole and the firestone album with anna maria albrighetti and johnny mathis. 17 in all and last night they came back as i was covering the piles with tarps to protect them form the reain that may happen before we reopen for business this week. i found a perry como christmas album in my collection i didnt know i had and that was a treat so i played it and had my own christmas in july, perry como, fiddler on the roof london origianl cast, and tommy dorsey introducing a new young singer named frank sinatra, it was fun to get to listen to the records that usually sit collecting dust. i have been collecting records for a long time. they are starting to make a comeback so i hear but they have gotten out of control for me i stopped into a garage sale a couple of years ago and the kid who was coming with two big tupperware containers each holding 50 records looked surprised when i asked him “how much for all your records?” he looked at me through a scrunched up face and said “all the records?” i said “yep” and he looked over his shoulder and yelled “maaaaaaaaaaaaa” and two doors down a lady obviously helping with the sale poked her head out the door. “this guy wants to know how much for all our records” she repeated “all our records?” ” yep” “well cmon” she said and walked me to her garage where she opened the door and revealed a car stall completely taken up buy box beside box beside box of lp’s “my husbands father died and he owned a radio station that wnet thrug a number of transitions over the years like little am stations do. country, easy liestening, rock, even a whole section on quadrophoic recordings (did they hope to broadcast quadrophonic sound over the am waves?) there were thousands of them and i made a flat out offer for the whole kit and kaboddle and have that here at the sale for the first time out since i purchased it. i believe i am missing some that are hidden in my warehouse waiting for me. a lot of stuff i dont care about but how else would you pick up a collection of jim neighbors , eddy arnold, dolly parton, a new mud slide slim and the blue horizions and all linda ronsteads, anne murry and helen reddys stuff form the 70’s and 80’s?. with that said i told my banker my story and she said her dad was a big band nut who collected thousands of albums and had been on the radio in mankato doing old jazz stuff. i think his name is bob peterson, hers isnt. well bob needed to downsize form his 4 bedroom t his townhouse in the old folks community and he had all these albums stacked on the side of his garage would i please talk to him and see if there was a way to hep him let go. well he let go and i opend wide and now i have the world largest ted heath collection and the ted heath fan club has my email address to discuss recording made during the golden age of lp’s. everyone loved my lp’s at the garage sale and remarked how wonderful the sound of vinyl is compared to the thin mp3 and cd sounds today, the large speakers form the 70’s tha tline the wall of the garage made an impression but no money at the sale. i had a dad buying speakers for his daughter and they wanted smaller and newer rather than bigger and wonderful.albums take up lots of space so do speakers sometimes i feel like i do too. lost in the ozone again
LikeLike
Wonderful post, Donna. I don’t know if this is out of season, but I have started scanning my pantry and the grocery stores for julekage and stollen ingredients (should I buy the citron now, or wait. Last year Hornbacher’s in Fargo was the only source for citron I had). Do I have enough sliced almonds? What about the cardamon? What about candied peel?
We rarely send out cards, much less a Christmas letter.
LikeLike
I find myself stockpiling cardamom this time of year, too – or fall. There was one December when I could not find cardamom anywhere – at least not at the half dozen grocery stores and a couple of co-ops that I tried. That was probably 20 years ago. I still get twitchy about making sure I have cardamom for my julekage. Good to know I’m not alone.
LikeLike
every year I think I am going to make fruitcake. I love the stuff, cannot get enough of it. Anyone who gets it and does not like it, just let me know, I will be happy to relieve you of it (please, nothing over 5years old 😉 )
Thing is, it is one of those things you have to know you want well before you want it. Maybe Donna’s post will actually get me moving on this in time this year?
LikeLike
I am a four-bites-of-fruitcake-a-year kind of gal. What I really need is a fruitCUPcake!
LikeLike
I’m with you, mig, I love fruitcake. Have only made it three times myself, but it was the best. Collin Street Bakery in Texas make a very good one. It’s a bit on the pricey side, but good fruitcake isn’t cheap.
LikeLike
When we lived in Chicagoland, I often golfed in December, January, and February. Only out of season for northerners, I guess, but some courses were open and, hey, it’s 35 degrees, sunny, and no wind! A great day to tee it up.
Chris in Owatonna
LikeLike
Morning all. Fabulous post, Donna. Very funny.
Well, I’m the person that everyone else hates. I have all my Solstice projects started already, except the Ukraininan eggs (although I do have the patten selected). Cards, family gifts, calendar pages, kid ornaments and yes, I have started the newsletter already. Getting everything done ahead of time is important (long story involved) and it allows me to really relax and enjoy the holiday season.
I do love holiday newsletters. I love the braggy ones, the sad ones, the ones written from the dogs’ perspective, the online ones. Bring `em all one!
LikeLike
Well, I’ve been a ‘grinch’ type since I was a teen and really started to get put off by the whole commercialization of the Christmas season. So, I generally haven’t put up a Christmas tree or decorated the house. Historically, I was always at my in-law’s, my sister’s, or my folks’ place for Christmas anyway, so I figured, “Why bother?”
Just back from a 3 week vacation. One week up in Duluth at my folks’ place with my brother that’s got borderline myeloma. Sounds like he’ll have to start treatments before the end of the year. Then a 2-week road trip with my sister and my folks. We crossed into Canada at the Soo. Then to Montreal to see St. Joseph’s Oratory, the work of recently canonized Brother (now Saint) Andre, who was my Dad’s great uncle. Then, some back roads to visit some churches where my family’s roots come from (my sister is into geneology). Then to Quebec city, Niagara Falls, Mackinac City, then back to Duluth.
LikeLike
That’s some serious roadtrip, tgih. The whole commercialization of Christmas is why I do what I do. I make all my own cards and gifts because it’s more important to me that way. And by being done before the crush of the holidays, I can really fling myself into the holiday spirit! And sit around on the sofa watching my holiday movies and eating cookies!
LikeLike
I drove the whole time. Lots of driving. Thank goodness for XM’s Radio Classics channel. We spent most of the time listening to Jack Benny, Suspense, Green Hornet, etc. Even heard some episodes of some shows I hadn’t heard of. I Was A Commie For The FBI. Murder By Experts. Some other pretty good classic radio shows.
LikeLike
I don’t remember “I was a Commie for the FBI.” Do you possibly mean “I Led Three Lives?” That was about a guy who was a Commie for the FBI.
LikeLike
Steve, nope.
Check it out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Was_a_Communist_for_the_FBI
LikeLike
sounds like a great trip!
LikeLike
The Oratory is impressive and wonderful. I love Montreal.
LikeLike
This is the time of year when I start thinking I really need to plan my garden 🙂
It is also Christmas stocking knitting season, so the green and red yarn is much in evidence.
It is usually too hot for me to even seriously considered standing over a hot stove making jam from all the incoming berries and later grapes, so into the freezer they go, in the hopes that when it gets cooler, that will sound like a better idea. This year, however, I have no such excuse.
LikeLike
My failure to do things in a timely fashion really breaks down when it comes to planning. When it comes to garden planning I am slowly getting better because I can see the need to do it and gardening is one of my favorite activities.
LikeLike
You mean – some people actually plan their gardens? Strange.
LikeLike
Husband is terribly fussy and particular, and we find ourselves out measuring garden spaces and dimensions in December after the seed catalogues arrive. I am Dutch, afterall, and I whip out the tape measure and we draw elaborate blueprints for rows, and spaces between rows. Husband is very particular about the varieties of veggies we use.
LikeLike
i make jam to give out as holiday gifts, and I find it’s better to freeze the berries and make the jam in December. The berries make a lovely deep red jam even after having spent several months in the freezer. If you make the jam right away and set the jars aside a few months, the jam starts to darken and loses its vibrant color.
A replacement excuse. You’re welcome.
LikeLike
brilliant, Linda!
LikeLike
Great letter, Donna! I haven’t done a Christmas letter or cards for years. Since just about anyone who would get a card now keeps up by FB, it probably won’t happen in the future, either.
I do enjoy the letters though. My family used to make fun of my oldest cousin’s letters. They always began with a reference to an intriguing trip they had taken, “The sun rose slowly, revealing the beauty of Machu Picchu…” and closed with a wish for peace in the world. I don’t think that even they do a letter anymore.
LikeLike
Favorite quotes from two different Christmas letters: “this year we decided to mow the lawn diagonally instead of straight across” and “wife got a promotion at Target, but it’s expect more, pay less”. Hope my friends do not mind. I love all Christmas letters!
LikeLike
Mow the lawn diagonally? Good grief! As we say in the Midwest, “Well, that’s different.”
Welcome to the Trail, Phyllis (although I’m praying you weren’t the Phyllis I dated in 2005).
LikeLike
Diagonal lawn mowing is exactly how those with lawn pride do it out here.
LikeLike
Excellent Phyllis. Welcome to the Trail!!!
LikeLike
Great post, Donna. The erstwife and I used to issue our Christmas letter in late March or early April. We always felt it looked bad if the Christmas letters landed in people’s mailboxes after Easter. Why so late? Well, when we got married we were both college students and we had Final Exams right when we should have been issuing Christmas letters. Then when we were late, people told us they loved getting Christmas letters after the snow had melted, so we were encouraged in our bad habits.
Our letters had three salient qualities. First, they were way too long (six pages was the norm). Second, they were written by the whole family (when Molly was old enough) because we couldn’t agree on what to say otherwise. Third, they were candid. I remember starting one with these lines: “This was a tough year for me. I flunked the Pepsi Challenge and then a day later I went to the store to buy a bottle of wine and got bit by an Arctic fox.” In spite of it all, the letters were wildly popular. We had strangers asking to be put on the mailing list.
LikeLike
Good Morning Kids! What a nice surprise to see my post on the trail today. I missed the July 15 deadline Dale set, naturally, but now I’m a happy camper knowing I don’t need to take his deadlines serious anymore!
Am typing on my smartphone from the cabin today. Sitting at the end of the dock, shivering, & being very careful not to let this phone fall into the lake like my last one did. It’s true that I’m terrible at getting cards sent, let alone a newsletter, but its not my fault. It’s the school district’s doing because they insist on ending the semester at holiday break & I’m frantically working at getting report cards done & shopping for my cat all at the same time! When I retire I swear I’ll be on time with cards of all manner & if I don’t I won’t have failed entirely for surely I will have still done some swearing throughout the year.
Am having a giggling good time reading your testimonies. Besides doing Christmas cards in July I will admit to drinking vodka slush in the winter.
LikeLike
Well, If I were writing a real bragging Christmas letter, I would have to include the news snippet that son just got his first post-graduate school job today as a counselor at a large, regional university! Whoo hoo!
LikeLike
whoo hoo indeed! Congratulations son of the north!
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
Congratulations! That’s a major accomplishment, and, I’m sure, a great relief.
LikeLike
We are excited and relieved.
LikeLike
You are on a roll, Renee. Thelma and Louise made it home safely and now this.
LikeLike
It has been a little stressful around here the last couple of weeks.
LikeLike
Wootie hootie! Fabulous news!
LikeLike
What is even better is that he will be only 70 miles from my parents, which is a great comfort for us all.
LikeLike
Yay! Definitely worth bragging about.
LikeLike
Laughing out loud at so much of this,baboons! In mid-September, thousands of Minnesotans will go to their first choral rehearsal of the season. The air will be warm and dry, the leaves will be starting to turn, and they will force themselves to start singing whatever new carols are scheduled for the Christmas concert.
LikeLike
I think of a good, crisp gin and tonic as a summer drink – but have been known to drink them mid-winter when I need a taste of summer. Daughter’s winter jacket & snow pants are often not washed until well into spring (oh, um…wonder if I ever washed them after the last snow – whenever that was…May?). Swapping out my closet has ceased to exist as a seasonal activity simply because I kept getting later and later with the swaps. The way my summer is going it will be fall before I get to swim at a lake and winter before I have time for an outdoor concert or play (ooh – Shakespeare in the Snow…that sounds like it could be fun).
Christmas letters in my house generally are sent out roughly on time (though some have been New Year’s letters due to their timing) – as often as not that is due to a lack of inspiration vs time (“letter” is a loose term for me – I have sent poetry, short prose, essays…newsy letters, as such, aren’t really my style). Baking happens on time because I schedule it in. Wrapping of presents is usually a last minute affair because the shopping usually is, too. Good thing Husband is insistent on having a tree up early or we wouldn’t have a Christmas tree decorated until Boxing Day.
LikeLike
“A taste of summer” sounds like a line from the Greg Brown song, “Canned Goods.” If he had been writing about his grandmother knocking back gin and tonics, it would have been a somewhat different song:
Taste a little of the summer
Taste a little of the summer
Taste a little of the summer, my grandma’s really in her cups!
LikeLike
Let those December winds bellow ‘n’ blow
I’m as warm as a July tomato.
[Chorus:]
Green limes from the store
Tonic in the gin
Drinks are ready, everybody come on in
Taste a little of the summer,
Taste a little of the summer,
You can taste a little of the summer
Grandma’s really in her cups.
Well, there’s Bombay and Boodles and Tanqueray
Cheaper stuff as well, have it your way
And there’s
[Chorus]
Maybe you’re weary an’ you don’t give a damn
Just be wary of that fourth one, it’ll hit you – wham!
LikeLike
Brilliant, Anna, brilliant!
LikeLike
Love it, Anna!
LikeLike
Excellent!
LikeLike
My objection to Valentine’s Day, aside from the fact that I have no party of the second part with whom to celebrate it, is that it comes at the wrong time of year. It is impossible to find fresh flowers in Minnesota in February, so floral shops have to buy flowers flown in by the plane load from South and Central America. I propose moving Valentine’s Day to August. Then you could get a nice locally grown bouquet at the market for a reasonable price. And August needs a holiday anyway. Let February be content with President’s Day.
LikeLike
One of my first jobs was working at a floral shop – every beau I have had since then (at least beau who was around in late January) has been instructed not to spend money on roses during the month of February. If they must buy flowers there is a short list of better options that are allowed, though frankly I prefer a locally made truffle or three for Valentine’s Day.
LikeLike
I used to love Christmas but now find it difficult to sustain my enthusiasm for the duration of the commercial onslaught that starts around Labor Day. I’d like Thanksgiving come and gone before I start thinking about Christmas. Does that make me a grinch? I love the Christmas letters I receive, even the letter written by the husband of a former boss of mine who fancies himself a clever and witty writer amuses me. That letter is usually 5-6 pages long, and describes in excruciating detail his wife’s travels throughout the year. Seems like she’s constantly flitting about from Beijing to Shanghai, Tokyo, and Hong Kong, opening and closing offices while he is having another suit tailored. Or perhaps he’s driving in his new black Mercedes convertible to a vineyard to buy a few more cases of wine. Then after a couple of weeks of skiing near their home in the Bavarian Alps, she jets off to Warsaw, Prague, Moscow and London. You get the picture. How do you respond to a letter like that? The year she had breast cancer he didn’t even mention it in the letter!
LikeLike
PJ – I am of the same frame of mind about how long the retail push for the holidays takes. Although I work on my projects throughout the year, I am steadfast about waiting until the day after Thanksgiving before playing any of my CDs (I probably don’t have as many as tim, but I do have quite a collection) or my many holiday movies!
LikeLike
Well, I’m even more of a grinch than you, PJ. I wait until December 1st to do my Christmas preparation – which involves hauling a box or two of Christmas books down from the attic. And since I am such an excellent procrastinator, it is often close to mid-December when that happens. I hate shopping at the best of times and shopping for gifts in December is the worst of times. And why the h*** do we hafta buy gifts for people who already have too much stuff anyway? I hate the pressure of being obligated to get presents for people by a certain date; I would rather that gifts be spontaneous, more of a thing where you see something you know someone wants or needs and you get it then, regardless of whether or not it’s Christmas or their birthday. Humph.
LikeLike
Global climate change offers the Earth herself the opportunity to slide out of sync. She’s probably still giggling to herself about what May was like for her in the Midwest this year. Who knows what she’s going to dream up for this fall and winter. Stay tuned.
LikeLike