Today’s post comes from Bart the Bear – the bear who found a cell phone in the woods.
H’lo Friends,
One of those tiny little mail trucks turned over in a stiff northwesterly wind the other day, and all the Christmas cards poured out. A few of them blew into the trees and I opened about twenty, all with chatty holiday letters inside. I didn’t know people did this!
Of course I like the idea so I decided to write one of my own.
Greetings Friends!
I hope this Christmas finds you fat and happy. I am both! I gained a bunch of pounds this fall storing up calories for the winter – just like last year and every year before it. It’s what we bears do, and I’m good at it.
In the early part of 2013 I had a swell den in a low spot where a tree fell and a dry creek made a hollow that was out of the wind and very cozy for most of January and February. But when things started to melt, it got a bit damp and I had to get up early to scout around for more food. I was lucky because somebody up here put a whole bunch of money into buying up the last of the Twinkies and the Hostess cupcakes when it looked like they wouldn’t be manufactured anymore. And later when somebody else bought the equipment and flooded the stores with “new” Twinkies and Hostess Cupcakes they took their investment and dumped it in the woods. I guess they were disgusted with their unsuccessful attempt to corner a market that was coming back around again. Thirty five cases of factory-made pastry! I ate for a month.
As far as travels go, this year I went up north to where that big highway crosses in front of the lake. Then I went as far east as the river, over west to the place where the trees thin out, and down south to the place with the campgrounds where I’m not supposed to be. Tranquilizer dart territory.
I wanted to make it to London and Rome and Shanghai this year just like some of the people in those Christmas letters I found, but I’m only able to get as far as the place in online reservations where they ask you for a credit card number. Of course I find credit cards in the woods all the time. It’s surprising how careless people can be! But when the name on the card doesn’t match the address I make up, airlines kick me off their website. My dream is that someday I’ll be able to book a flight at least. Actually getting through security and getting on a plane would be a tougher problem. I’m big, I smell bad, I don’t have a legal ID and I don’t wear clothes – all things that would make those Homeland Security people suspicious. But at least I wouldn’t have to worry about taking off my shoes or my belt.
Throughout most of the spring and the summer my time was completely filled up scavenging for food, hanging out around a couple of trails I know, and posing for pictures taken by hikers who can’t seem hold the camera still. Half the time they take the shot, then drop the camera (or phone) and run. I’m guessing there wasn’t a single photo of me that didn’t come out blurry. Some days I think I know how Bigfoot feels.
Speaking of other animals, there was a female in the area last Spring and I got a pretty clear idea that she was ready to connect with somebody and produce some cubs, but we could never seem to get on the same page about that. Our paths crossed a couple of times but I didn’t get the sense that she was interested in me at all. Personally, I mean, as a bear. Not a lot to talk about between us, and the woods are full of bears who are only interested in casual encounters.
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t have a problem with being alone. But if you’ve got a family to be with at Christmas time, you should be grateful even if you don’t like them all that much. Families aren’t there to make you happy, they’re there to make you aware of the world and your place in it, and to remind you of where you come from.
I have no idea about that – if I have any relatives in these woods it’s a mystery to me. I argue with almost every bear I see – that’s my nature. But if I knew for sure that some of them shared my DNA, I’d really give them a piece of my mind.
That’s what family is for!
Your pal,
Bart
What are relatives for?
Trail Baboon 
Hallmark Inc.
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I think Hallmark Inc. should share some of their profits with me due the large number their cards I have purchased from them to send to relatives of all kinds.
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Merry Christmas to all. Thank you for your Christmas letter, Bart. You are not far off the mark regarding relatives. They sometimes seem to be more trouble than they are worth. I would never tell them that. They are, in many ways, my closest friends. I can count on them for almost anything I need and I can count on them to remind me of my place in the world as Bart indicated. Although I don’t always like the way they keep me informed about my place in the world, they are a very important part of my life and highly treasured.
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3
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I had a many word comment typed in on my IPad and ten bumped two wrong keys in a row. So, well, mind thee never, but enjoy the day. We will spend parts of the day face timing our newest grandson
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is the ipad new? it takes a while to get used to but the technology is worth it. it is an amazing techno world out there. enjoy mr tuxedo today and report back with vignettes please
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Long tale about the two IPads I have owned the last five months. Love it. I brought it and not my computer to Evan for the week. The error was only my hands and my inability to control my fingers.
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yes the touch control is super sensative. try a stylus looking thing that does the job of fingers. i hear it helps
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Morning all! As a person who had built her life around non-relative friends and loved ones, I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer this question. Except Nonny, of course.
We do stockings this morning and then off to the movies. I hope everyone on the Trail has a glorious day!
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If I were cynical, I’d say that relatives exist to help us appreciate friends.
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🙂
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relatives are screwed up but in a very familiar way. the rest of the world keeps surprising you with how many variations on a theme there are. humor and quirky stuff and reliving the moments and memories of years gone by are a great thing. it serves as a great tie to be thankful for the realtives you have that are ok and to be grateful that not all of them turned out to be like annie. other relatives do things that are a choice different than the ones you make and maybe you wonder if the 3 day rule could be adjusted os two is the max but annie is the person who says and does things that are mean and hurtful and you just want to learn how to live life by not being like that. i hope no one else has a lot of that but i know for some of the mens group things i have done that there are a lot of family traditions people dont like.
i am lucky. my family is great and its always a joy. we are lucky enough to be close enough to get together throughout the year and laugh and remember.
democracy is the worst form of government there is except for all the others… i feel kind of that way about family too but on christmas i do look forward to enjoying the day with those i love.
thanks for being my trail family and i wish you all the merriest of holidays and hope it is a day of smiles and cntentment for all the baboons out there. i will be thinking of you and bart today as i hark the herald angels and fa la la la la my way through the day. merry christmas to all and to all a good night. god bless us everyone
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Duct tape?
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duct tape could cure a lot of ills with therelatives.is that what your are inferring?
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My eleven year old grand daughter (birthday today) asked for rolls of duct tape as a gift. She got four big rolls and three small rolls in bright colors and patterns, plus a book on how to use the tape to make crafts. Apparently it is the current fad for that age girls. Grandson also got a couple rolls, one with angry birds on it.
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Daughter has been doing duct tape crafts as well – got two new rolls in her stocking (purple and a rainbow stripe). She has made purses, wallets, bowls, boxes and one pair of flip-flops (that don’t stay on well, but she had fun figuring out how to make them for herself). The only fallout was having to explain why she couldn’t use my scissors to cut the tape – sticky scissors makes Mama cranky. 😉
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Yes, a great-niece has made a little wallet for my mom… I bought some neon orange and plastered my current cell phone with it so it’s harder to lose… :}
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love those duct tape wallets. i have a few 20 year old models. beautiful duct tape silver was the only choice back in the day…. fun to see them create
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I feel fortunate to have a family that I genuinely like – we get along, we laugh, we support each other, we can count on each other. When I was out of work a few years back, my big brother found that he needed some help painting a house…something his kid sister could do and he would pay her in cash – because that’s what he could do as a big brother to help me out (along with connecting me up with friends of his that might have job leads). When my cousins and I get together we laugh to incontinence on a regular basis (including at our grandfather’s memorial service – well, after the service during the church basement lunch). My parents were the sort to support me in my endeavors, no matter how foolish (though my mother was relieved that I decided against an out-of-state masters program that I was clearly not going to be happy with, but she let me figure that out on my own because I was a grown-up and she was there to cheer me on however I needed cheering). Yeah. I have realized as an adult, with so many friends estranged from family or purposefully not spending time with parents or siblings because it just isn’t healthy or good, that I really am lucky. Not everyone gets a family like mine, and that is a crying shame. I am grateful for my family of friends and very very grateful for my family of relatives.
Enjoy the new snow Baboons!
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My Dad set a good example for me. He was always willing to do what he could to help his relatives and we also got lots of help from him. We have been involved in helping older relatives partly due to observing what my Dad did for his relatives.
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Relatives (at least my relatives) provide material for funny stories. We are a quiet household this Christmas, with only daughter home. I took the week off of work, and find myself resting and napping more than I intended (but probably needed to). Merry Christmas, dear baboons.
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I never was part of a larger family; just the nuclear one. All my Wetter relatives live out west, conservatives with a snotty attitude to the Midwest. In my recent trip to Seattle I made no contacts with cousins and uncles. My son has a new job in Bellvue where several of them live. I have no Birkholz family now that my last aunt died. There have been enough problems with parents and a sister and an ex brother. My wife grew up in extended families on both sides, including a great aunt half blood who was her part time mother. But she lost contact with her Russian family because of a few issues like religion. She had lots of close family right in the neighborhood, including our lurker Diane. The death of her sister implies to her more than the loss of a sibling, but loss of so much of her larger Nordic family in recent years.
But my sister and I were always close and have remained so despite things that could separate us.
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That’s good you still have your sister.
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I’ve always wished for a larger family. I’ve not seen my four cousins, aunts or uncles in over half a century, so there might as well be none. “Through the years we will always be together, if the fates allow” is a Hallmark myth of the past, at least for me. Between deaths, divorces, and remarriages, trying to split up the holidays into other families traditions is logistically impossible. Then, it’s further complicated by the toddler’s needs to nap all afternoon!
It seems that the only folks who can maintain a holiday tradition are those without children or those whose kids haven’t yet married. My family finally caved in this year to having it the day AFTER Christmas. And so, I’ll have extra time to wrap, lounge, and reflect. I may even compose a few clever poems to go along with the several gifts of money. It’s so not fun to be informed that this is all my grand kids value or want, but it also gets rid of the need to shop endlessly, only guessing what they want.
I do, however, miss the old days when our entire family gathered for the day. Perhaps most families with adult kids feel this way?
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I should be writing poems to go with the cards with money, but got side-tracked a bit:
Twas the night before Xmas and all through the House
1.3 million people knew who was the louse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that the GOP would ever care
When out on the roof arose such a clatter
but congress declared; “you just don’t matter”
When suddenly a man appeared dressed in red,
bearing no gifts rather than keeping you fed
1.3 million people left hanging to dry,
the do-nothing Congress refused to try
To perpetuate suffering by the jobless masses
Congress earned its label of just being asses
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Well done, CB. What would happen if you printed that one off for all your relatives? 🙂 Save you some time…
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i like it cb. enjoy the holidays today with the family
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Merry Christmas to the Baboon family (and to you too, Bart).
I have extended family I enjoy sharing a childhood culture with-it has all the joy of being something that has the lovely patina of nostalgia washed over it. Everything about it is true, but edited enough to remain palatable.
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Today I would say relatives are for: Noise. Headaches.
Another day I might have another answer.
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How many grandkids are there? heh heh
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Four. One girl 2 and a half years old. She likes to talk a LOT. Three baby boys, two four months and the other one month old. And a few other people are very, very loud.
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Barb has some wisdom there, as do other baboons. I think George Burns said it well, “Happiness is having a large, close-knit family… in another city.”
That said, We had a great time at s-I-l’s last night, lots of good food, wine, and gag gifts… Day of reprieve, and tonight my sister and nephew fly in – always an interesting visit.
As has been mentioned above, I’m happy to have my baboon family here at the click of a keyboard.
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That was meant to be “Bart has some wisdom there…” sheesh…
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Barb has some wisdom, too.
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Had a nice dinner today with my closest relatives. My oldest niece has moved to Arizona and didn’t come “home” for the holiday, so the gathering was smaller than last year.
I suppose relatives help hold the threads together and keep you grounded.
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The topic of “family” brings up the fact that I’ve been anxious for my daughter. Molly and Liam visited me a year and a half ago, and the trip was stressful. Liam was terrified by the plane and then unable to relax in his new surroundings. Molly got tense about that, and the two of them fed off each other’s fears.That trip was saved by all the toys I borrowed from kind Baboon ladies, and it did end up being a good trip.
Molly and her husband John recently made a difficult decision to fly from Portland to upper Michigan for Christmas with John’s parents. Jack, John’s father, is in perilous health. He has advanced diabetes, and he has recently fallen seven times hard enough to break bones. His most recent fall was last week. Liam and his grandfather have never met. The feeling was it would have to happen this year, or it might never be possible. After the most recent fall, Jack has been confined to a nursing home. Jack would be allowed a brief trip home to meet Liam and open presents.
John’s parents live in an interesting place, in a 100 year old home that overlooks the St. Clair River. Canada is across the river. Huge freighters are always moving through.
Molly wrote to say that Liam was an angel on the flight. And then she described Christmas: What follows is Molly’s letter:
We had a truly magical day. Ice floating down the river, one flow carrying a great big snowy owl, my first ever to see in the wild and absolutely breathtaking. The Kelleys have never seen one either so I feel so lucky.
Freighters ran up and down the river and Liam slept til 11, waking just as Jack arrived home with Nancy and the boys. Jack confided to Jamie yesterday that he feared Liam would be afraid of him. He doesn’t look good these days. I coached Liam to give him a warm welcome and tell him about the freighters he’d seen. Liam immediately did so and it was so wonderful to see him eagerly and sweetly engage Jack all day. He also went out of his way to tell Nancy how nice his air mattress bed is and thank her for all sorts of cookies and kindnesses throughout the day.
Overall, Liam was an absolute delight – opening presents and relishing them, playing on his own quietly for an hour at a time, chasing or being chased by his favorite and much adored uncle around the house, delighting in the two inches of snow that fell throughout the day and shoveling with feverish industry. John, Liam and I walked up to the Port Huron lightship and back in time to watch the Coast Guard cutter, the Hollyhock, undock just feet North of the house and head up into the lake to bring in more buoys.
I went upstairs to rest for an hour, at which point the tree fell over, narrowly missing Liam and John who were putting together a train set. After that excitement things settled down again. Dinner was delicious – Swiss steak followed by cookies and a session of Lego building and listening to KSJN carols.
The whole day was unplanned, unstructured, nothing monumental and no single “Oooohhh Ahhhh” gift. And none needed. It was perfect and so special to experience it with my wonderful child. I am so impressed with his good nature, his delight in others and his flexibility. Taking a page from his book today, I went with the flow, like the ice down the river.
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What a lovely letter, Steve. Sounds like a lovely Christmas.
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Thanks, PJ. What you learn is that there is a huge range of potential behavior with an energetic toddler. It can be pretty difficult . . . or pretty wonderful.
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it is amazing what a year and a half will do for a kids comfort level in the world. hes growing up. what a great day.
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I agree, tim, a year and a half makes a HUGE difference at that age. Liam sounds like he’s growing into a delightful little and thoughtful little guy.
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