Sleepy Bear Makes Prediction

Today’s post comes from Bart, the bear who found a smart phone in the woods.

Bart Blackberry2

H’lo – Bart here.

Not really awake yet. Not asleep either. That’s hibernation – It feels like there’s this wet paper bag over my head. Kinda like the way some people look at the end of an all-day summer picnic at the campgrounds near here.

Yeah, I’ve been hiding back in the trees, paying attention.

Anyway, I rolled over and saw a news story about that groundhog that predicts the end of winter. Six more weeks, I guess. Unless there are less. Or more.

Y’know, animals pretty much agree groundhogs are morons. Amazingly dumb.

I get it that people have traditions that make them do things that they don’t understand or even think about very much, and I suppose this Groundhog ceremony is one of them. But I noticed that there wasn’t a whole lot of fuss made about it. Since I picked up this smart phone I’ve learned about Google and Facebook and Twitter and I’ve seen how some things can take over the conversation.
And let me tell you – yesterday, the Groundhog was not even the most-talked-about animal! Seahawks and Broncos were much more popular on every single platform!

In fact the greatest excitement about yanking a hairy rodent out of its burrow seemed pretty much limited to a few people in Pennsylvania. And they had some kind of script as far as I could tell. I watched the video. The Top Hat Guys pretended to talk to him but I didn’t hear Phil speak. They said he saw his shadow, but it looked dark and rainy. What’s with that? Reality programming with no real reality or personality – isn’t there enough of that already?

Which gave me this idea. I know more about the weather than a groundhog. Heck, I know more about marketing too. If you wanna bring back the feeling of spectacle to February 2nd, why not roust a bear? I have a burrow, and I can make a big ding dang deal out of waking up.

Wouldn’t it be a whole lot more tense and dramatic to have the Top Hat Guy poke a stick into my den to see if I cast a shadow when I come out to tear him to bits? Oh, I won’t hurt him, but I can growl and thrash around and even take a few swipes. I’ll eat his hat! If you smear some peanut butter inside it. Honest. I can be cranky when I just wake up, but I settle down after I’ve had something to eat.

I predict if somebody builds a celebration around pulling a bear out of his den next year, we’ll only have one more year of Groundhog Day. After that, the day will be known as Bear Scare Februare!

Your pal,

What are you like when you wake up?

33 thoughts on “Sleepy Bear Makes Prediction”

  1. Good morning. I always wake up too early. As result of my early wake up time, I never get enough sleep. My lack of sleep doesn’t have a negative effect on me when I first wake up. I like getting up early and I am usually in a good mood at that time of day. Later in the day I might not be in the best of shape due to not getting enough sleep. First thing in the morning I am okay.


  2. waking up is one of the things i do best. i make a cup of tea and run the tub, grab the computer and check in on my ebay accounts, emails and the blogs. by the time i have all that organized i am running on all cylinders and ready for the day. i loll around for a short while on occasion especially if the tv was left on and there is a good movie on. i do some of my best movie watching half asleep at 3 or 4. a couple days a month i have early morning breakfast meetings and i scrap the regular agenda for a get up feed the dogs put on my pants and head out the door. this time of year there are those 4 or 5 days when you have to factor in an extra hour for getting the driveway shoveled.


  3. i think scare bear febraire is a great idea. mr top hat reality tv like the romans putting the guy in the arean with the lions. great entertainment , march with the maneaters, kill in april, tear him apart my way in may, party with the baboon in june, ill make you cry in july, august is a sacraficial must , september with a critter to remember, gorilla october worth coming over, november annialation to remember, rip the legs off a tea party favorite with santa bear in the christmas tradition. and to begin next year in the proper spirit january fight with something hairy.
    first tuesday at 7 pm on fox. sponsored by great american life insurance, winchester rifles and the us marines. we only sacrifice a few good men.
    i think jay leno will be available to host. what do you think. we need to lock this idea up quickly and get to presenting it to the fox executives.


    1. George Carlin had a great idea along those lines: Stage live executions of drug kingpins and Wall Street bankers who tacitly finance the drug dealers by laundering their money. He said drug use would plummet and the crisis would disappear.

      Every Monday night. live TV, it’s the logical next step up from Monday Night Football,which is, let’s face it, a modern version of Christians, Lions, Gladiators,etc.

      Chris in Owatonna


  4. i think that the humans are easy to steer
    to the left of the right over there over here
    toward ice cream or bar b q soda or beer
    the ease of distraction is alamingly queer

    the notion of purpose is easily adjusted
    if their brain wasnt working id swear it was busted
    its slowed inactivity finds it synapsed encrusted
    any idea presented is apt to be trusted.

    prime time with bart is the new fox hit
    with blood guts and gore folks will flock to see it
    do you think sarah palin would be a good fit
    first guest to appear in lipsick mixed with bear spit

    video taped on an andriod out deep in the woods
    where bart and his guests can engage like they should
    bill oreily can offered up for the common good
    it will be number one in my neighborhood

    the trail baboon is not a passive spectator
    filled with ideas to improve from the alpha creator
    the mornings best daily idea incubator
    how bout chris christie wrestlin a big gator?????


  5. I have been waking up, ready to go, at around 3:30am the last few days. I have a fluid build-up in my ears, and the doctor prescribed prednisone and Musinex-D, and wow, who needs to sleep? By the way, anyone have any idea when that post will be freshly pressed. Will WordPress let us know?


    1. The WordPressians were purposely vague on that point, Renee. Perhaps that’s what really drives the “Freshly Pressed” readership – it’s all the bloggers who have been told one of their posts is about to appear!


  6. Alas, some days I cannot wake up because on some nights I am unable to fall asleep. As a young person I never heard that one of the luxuries of being young is that you are usually able to go to bed and just sleep. And now I would say: don’t take that for granted.


  7. Bart, that’s an awesome idea! I love ‘Bear Scare Februare!’ Another option may be ‘Hairy Scary FebruBeary.’

    And other animals could get in on this too. You could tip over a cow and whichever way it lands could be some kind of intricate prognostication. Call it ‘The Prairie Dairy FebruQuerry.’

    Or you could have a ‘FebruStare’ with a cat. Whoever blinks first predicts the weather. (Hey, Puppy Bowl for dog lovers…crazy cat folks should have their fix too.)

    Or cross promote with the Super Bowl. Nothing like riding in on the millions of dollars spent on their promotions but without being specific enough to get sued. It’s easy…have some famous football player throw a football as far as he can. If it lands with laces up, it’s 6 more weeks of winter. Call it ‘Hail FebruMary.’


  8. About as affable and alert as Bart the Bear. It rarely pays to ask me to do or say anything coherent before 9 am. The only exceptions are that I do the NY Times Sunday crossword puzzle on Monday mornings while I eat breakfast (my record finish time is about 35 minutes.), and I’ll get up at 4 am to drive three hours to make a 9 am tee time. During summer weekends we usually tee off at 8 am, and I survive, but would much prefer to play after 9 am.

    Chris in Owatonna


      1. Yes, I prefer to do it myself, good brain exercise. Plus, my wife is spelling challenged and not much help with words. She’s a visual/aural learner.

        NYT puzzles were really hard at first, but with experience, one learns words that are common clue answers and can make educated guesses on some tricky answers.

        Who knows, by the time I’m dead, I may actually learn the names of all the Greek and Roman Gods, all the books of the Bible, and the darn list of Hebrew months!



  9. If I’ve had a good night’s sleep, which I usually do, I’m all bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning. I’m well aware that’s a blessing I shouldn’t take for granted, and I don’t. A nice hot cup of tea, a slice of toast with homemade Seville orange marmalade, and I’m good to go.


  10. “All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.”

    – John Gunther

    If I have something on the schedule first thing in the morning, I can pretty reliably get there on time and be coherent. I much prefer having several hours to get ready to face my day, though.


  11. ages 2-5 did not speak until up for two hours
    6-18 grumpy grumpy
    19-65 loved mornings
    66-now worst part of the day like tin man need a joint oiling today


    1. I identify perfectly with the tin man image. I don’t really talk in the morning, but that is no problem as there is nobody here to talk to. But I moan a lot and emit heartfelt sighs. What has me intrigued is why it is moans at times or why it is sighs. I haven’t found the pattern to explain that.


  12. I usually take advantage of my extra early wakefulness to get some reading done. However, I would rather sleep longer and get a full night’s sleep. I found a good book about sleep called “No More Sleepless Nights”. I’m going to try some of the things in that book in hopes of getting more sleep.

    Instead of going to bed fairly early, I am going to try staying up extra late to adjust my sleep pattern as suggested in the sleep book. I did sleep later when I stayed up late on one occasion. Hopefully, if I can change to getting up later by staying up later, I will be able to go back to an earlier bed time and still maintain a later wake up time.


  13. I’m a classic morning person. Even if I’m up earlier than I like (thank you very much, kitten) I’m up at at `em. On weekends I make it a point to get at much done in the morning, because by about 3 p.m., I’m done. Usually nothing substantive gets done by me after that – unless there is an outside stimulus (like a meeting to go to, or choir practice, gathering, etc.).


  14. February is bird month. Some birds start singing songs that indicate spring is not too far off. The messy weather is for the birds, not for us. Some of the retired folks in town turn into snow birds and head South. Other ones, who went South early, are shedding their snow bird plumage and returning to the North.


  15. Depends. If I’m awakened abruptly, esp. from dreaming, I am groggy all day, it seems. If I can wake up on my own, I’m good to go. Been trying to write down dreams and early thoughts before breakfast lately. It’s nice to get a cup of tea, head in by the “fireplace” and watch the day get lighter. Then I’m ready for about anything.


  16. Oh, I am definitely Bart-the-Bearish in the morning. And I would love to tear some of those cheerful people who talk loudly in the morning from limb to limb. It’s just not right to be so obnoxiously happy in the early hours. The only people who I could ever take that from were Dale and Jim Ed on TLGMS and the baboons on the Trail. Maybe because they don’t require a coherent response from me.


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