Today’s post comes from Captain Billy, Skipper of the Pirate Ship “Muskellunge.”
Ahoy!
Me an’ me boys was enjoyin’ a pleasant mornin’ readin’ th’ Sunday New York Times out loud to one another on th’ poop deck when we was thunderstruck by this story claimin’ that Russian President Vladimir Putin has vast amounts of hidden wealth!
Accordin’ to th’ account, U.S. officials did a very unusual thing, leavin’ a broad hint that they knows th’ whereabouts of Putin’s gold – that he stashed it in a commodities tradin’ company called the Gunvor Group.
“… buried in the Treasury Department announcement were a dozen words that President Obama and his team knew would not escape the attention of Russia’s president, Vladimir V. Putin. “Putin,” the statement said, “has investments in Gunvor and may have access to Gunvor funds.”
When me an’ the boys read this, we realized right away what them Obama administration investigators was up to. It was th’ “Red Weasel” scenario.
See, we once had this pirate on th’ Muskellunge who we called th’ “Red Weasel” on account of the fact he had these little tiny rodent-like eyes an’ was painfully affected by th’ merciless sun. An’ th’ boys got this notion in their heads that th’ Red Weasel was skimmin’ wealth off’n the top of our plunderin’ an’ pillagin’ an’ stashin’ his ill-gotten gains in a trunk what was secreted away in a dark corner of th’ hold, far below decks.
So they let it be known far an’ wide that they was suspicious! Far an’ wide enough t’ be certain the Weasel would find out! An’ in the rumors that was spread, generous details was offered about th’ Red Weasel’s fortune bein’ inside said trunk hidden in aforementioned hold. Then the boys stationed lookouts an’ waited, an’ sure enough before long th’ Weasel came creepin’ down t’ th’ hold t’ be sure his riches was safe!
Needless t’ say, th’ Red Weasel was keelhauled an’ flummoxed an’ de-pantsed and subjected t’ every indignity we could imagine, before he was tossed overboard an’ forgotten about until now!
Lesson: Makin’ a cheater think you knows th’ location of his gold is a time-honored way t’ get him t’ lead you t’ his gold!
So hats off t’ th’ Obama Administration fer tryin’ this traditional ruse.
An’ also a head slap – what are ya thinkin? Nobody in his right mind would fall fer such a traditional ruse! You’ll have t’ up yer game if’n ya thinks this Vlad is gonna take yer bait.
Of course another option would be t’ hire consultants from th’ pillagin’ an’ plunderin’ industries t’ help ya chase down Putin’s treasure. Either oil company executives or pirates would be fine, though them oil company fellas has busier schedules than me an’ th’ boys, who is available on a moment’s notice.
I’m just sayin’, that’s all.
Yer piratical pal,
Capt’n Billy.
How are you at hide and seek?
Trail Baboon 
Rise and Shine Baboons!
I am writing from Edinburgh, Scotland, mostly to tell Dale, MY EMAIL WON’T SEND! I hope you received an email with my gmail address which I use only for commerce and coupons.
We are in the land of Harry Potter. And I am in love with this city. Scotland is really quite dramatic and lovely. No wonder it conceived all those writers! Must go tour the castle now.
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We just adored Edinburgh. I know this is a little unusual, but we had nothing but spectacular weather. And since we showed up during the famous Edinburgh Festival (purely by luck) we got sensational photographs of highland dancers, police bands and other delights. What a lovely town.
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Yes. All my Scottish Ancestry hums here!
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I’ll bet there would be some great hiding places in the castle, Jacque!
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Aye. Cap’n Billy would love it. We visited the castle prison this morning which had some mighty dim dungeons.
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No telling what might be hiding down there.
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This is a day I only wish I could hide safely among my blankets with a couple of thick books and thick quilts. Even the crew of the Muskellunge would agree with me today.
As a confirmed introvert, I am a good hider. Having a relentlessly curious mind, I am an excellent seeker.
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I’m going to repeat a story told before, but it is too good an answer to today’s question to be avoided. Of all baboons, cunning though you might be, I am probably the champion hide-n-seeker!
In 1956 I spent two weeks at the Larry-Jo Dude Ranch in Boone, Iowa. We little dudes got to ride horses twice a day! It was also one of the most turbulent, confusing years of my life. Well, I was 14.
One afternoon the whole crew rode about two miles from the ranch to play a game of hide and seek in a thick oak/maple woods. I was thrilled because it was my turn to ride Diablo, the largest, fastest and whitest horse in camp. But speed wasn’t going to be an issue. Diablo was lame that afternoon, so I had the largest, whitest and slowest horse in central Iowa.
At a signal, we scattered and began hiding in the woods. I couldn’t gallop, so I walked Diablo a short distance from the starting point. I found a steep little ravine, so I dismounted and held my white horse under some trees and bushes. For a while I heard horse hooves pounding and kids screaming, and then it got quiet. I went on hiding until it got dusky. By that time it was clear that the leaders of our group had forgotten about me. Diablo and I were alone in the woods.
Out of courtesy to my lame horse, I walked while leading Diablo back to the ranch. When we got to a big hill overlooking the ranch, I could see dudes running in panic to get horses saddled. Three Boone cop cars sat there with spinning gumball lights. The camp had obviously discovered I was missing.
I walked into the ranch full of pride. To my indignation, everyone insisted on referring to me as “the lost camper.” Lost?? Hell, I’d found my way home on my own. In the dark. In my mind I was the guy who overcame long odds to win the hide and seek game.
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Love this story. 🙂
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Good morning. If Putin has a hidden fortune in a special account, he is only following the example of some big business people in our country. Most of us don’t have a lot of money to hide partly because certain powerful people in our own country are making sure they have more than their share. I guess I am being one of those older cranky people that were discussed on the Trail yesterday.
I am fairly good at hide and seek having played that game many times with my children and grandchildren. I usually try to pick a place to hide where they can find me. It isn’t much fun playing that game if you hide where no one can find you.
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Champion money hider in my family was my sainted grandmother who squirreled away the money from egg sales in town in an account of her own, back when married women did not have such things.
After her death, the banker called her husband of over 60 years to find out what should be done with this considerable chunk of change.
Grandpa had no idea what the man was talking about.
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My mom read an article that said you should keep money in a conspicuous place so thieves who broke in would see it, grab it and run. The notion was that a thief with $20 in hand wouldn’t hang around the house for an hour. When I asked Mom how her plan was working, she was disgusted. “The only thief I have caught is George, and I keep catching him over and over.”
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Our Welsh Terrier loves to play hide and seek. Daughter throws a ball down the hallway and the dog chases it. Daughter hides in closets or under blankets or behind chairs and the dog returns to the living room and starts looking for her, not stopping until she is discovered. After she finds her, daughter throws the ball again and hides, and the dog systematically hunts her down, visiting all previous hiding spots.
My dad and I drove to Luverne on Friday and packed up more of his stuff to bring back to ND. He assured me there wasn’t any hidden treasure in the house, but asked me to check between the mattress and box spring in the guest room bed. Nothing there.
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My parents cleaned out a house for an aunt and uncle. They kept finding little bits of money hidden in books or odd places. It wasn’t a lot but it was enough for them to go out to eat a few times while cleaning the house.
My wife has been stashing money in a similar fashion. ‘That bit is from Mom. That bit is from Uncle Bill’… I’m afraid she’ll forget about it and my kids will have a treasure hunt of their own some day!
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LOL at the dog story, Renee!
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Great story, Renee! We used to play a hide-n-seek game with our young hunting dogs, Brandy and Pukka. We would tell the dogs, “Go hide your eyes, you puppies!” They would curl up in a dark storage closet under a stairwell and wait, shaking with excitement. We would walk around the house hiding Milk Bone biscuits. Finally we’d have them hidden and we’d call out, “Where’s the Milk Bones?” The dogs would come flying out of the closet with skidding feet like Bambi on ice and systematically comb the ground with their noses. When a dog found a Milk Bone it didn’t last ten seconds. We imagined we were improving their sense of smell this way, but it was just a big fun game for all of us.
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The terrier remembers where all the hiding spots are even when it has been months since the last game.
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I remember as a kid hiding in the spot in the kitchen where the dishwasher would go one day.
Apparently dishwashers were really big back then… I sure don’t fit in that hole anymore.
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I don’t suppose it is you that has gotten bigger, Ben?
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Huh! I never thought of that!
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Hide and seek was a favorite game dad used to play with my sister and me. No place in our house was sacred, and we’d hide behind furniture, wrap ourselves in the curtains, and even climb into the corner bench by our kitchen table in which our toys were stored. Dad would search, every so often hollering “kuk engang.” We’d obliged and respond “kuk-kuk,” making the call of the cuckoo until he found us. Then we’d do it over and over again until we tired or mom had had enough of it, whichever came first.
These days, the hide and seek is less amusing. I don’t deliberately hide stuff (well, usually I don’t), nevertheless I often have a hard time finding stuff. I have reached the age where I can hide my own Easter eggs!
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“Kuk engang” sounds like a charming game, PJ – gives me a new image of your dad.
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I don’t know how good I am at either hide or seek, but I love to play. Remember how much easier it is to hide in the dark (Kick the Can, etc., in the summer evenings, you older Baboons?). Well, we started playing Flashlight Hide & Seek at night when Joel was little, esp. when relatives were visiting. For us big people, it greatly increased the number of places you could hide. Our bathroom also housed the washer and dryer behind the door as it opened, so I would stand tall on top of the dryer, and it took them a long time to find me.
Another fun version is Sardines – when you find the hidden person and stay there with them, till finally the Seeker realizes he’s the “last one standing.”
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Kick the can, the same old Folgers can for years, under the back yard light.
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Hide `n seek was never a big game when I was a kid – not sure why. “Swing the Statue” was big and a game we called “Dragoons” (I have no clue why) which involved not getting touched by car lights at night!
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On a more sobering note, today is Holocaust Remembrance Day, and I just listened to two women’s stories, who managed to successfully hide in Poland and Germany during WWII.
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There was a hidden room underthe floor of my grandfather’s hog house where the previous farm owner had operated a still. My grandfather hid gallon cans of booze in his cellar for some Canadian bootleggers. My dad said the bootleggers would pay him and his brother a quarter to obsure their tire tracks by driving the cattle over the tracks as they came and went. I also found out I had a great uncle named Okke who would hide bottles of bootleg hootch in mulitple pockets inside a really long coat. People would go up to him on the streets of Ellsworth and pay him for a bottle and he would pull a bottle out of one of his many pockets.
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You have such a colorful family, Renee.
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That’s what I was thinking.
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Thanks. I take that as a compliment. My dad said that in the 30″s farm people would do just about anything to make an extra dollar. I also think my family is just good at telling about the things they did (and do.).
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Ah yes, the good old Underground Cache Hold.
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My cousins and I would play hide and seek at my grandma’s house in Roland, IA – there was a long, dark closet that Kenny would always hide in and then pretend to be a wolf when we found him. Scared me silly.
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ive been hiding all day and not one of you has found me.
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i think the answer to vladdy and the hidden agenda is to tell the rest of the world if they dont play ball with us they can go on after we take the ball and go home. if russia is feeling kind of reluctant because they would only have china as trading partners because china wont join us in the sanctions against russia i think we should just make new rules and say if there is a country who breaks our sanction stand we simply boycott all their products . i dont think china would trade us for them.
hide from that vladdy
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“One of life’s primal situations; the game of hide and seek. Oh, the delicious thrill of hiding while the others come looking for you, the delicious terror of being discovered, but what panic when, after a long search, the others abandon you! You mustn’t hide too well. You mustn’t be too good at the game. The player must never be bigger than the game itself.”
– Jean Baudrillard
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