Ask Dr. Babooner – Is It My Face?

We are ALL Dr. Babooner.

Dear Dr. Babooner,

I’m having a problem related to the shape of my skull and from your picture (lovely!) it seems to me that you are the one advice columnist out there who might be able to understand my predicament and advise me properly.

I have always had a very hairy and prominent brow ridge, so when I meet people they instantly assume I’m some kind of cave man. Many of them appear genuinely surprised when I open my mouth and use language to communicate.

And now comes a new study that claims, after an examination of more than 1,400 ancient and modern skulls, human society advanced socially and technologically when skull shapes morphed away from heavy brows and towards more rounded, softer, feminine features.

“… people started being nicer to each other, which entails having a little less testosterone in action” says a press release.

I suppose humans will always instantly judge other humans based on their appearance and I don’t want to get into an argument with anthropologists, but this kind of research only makes my life more difficult.

People tend to like and respect me after we get to know each other, but only after we go through a process.

First, they make some kind of Flintstones joke or give me a pretend compliment about how my eyes are naturally shielded from the rain and the sun. Once it’s “out there” about my Neanderthal brow, I can speak openly (but not aggressively) about skull shapeism and gradually convince them that I’m nice, and I am not going to pick up a club and throttle them.

Although between you and me, I sometimes do want to pick up a club and throttle them.

Dr. Babooner, I can’t change my face and wouldn’t want to, but I do get tired of how long it takes to win people over. In some cases, soft-faced folk are so timid it takes months for them to say the kind of insensitive thing that makes it possible for me to address the real issue.

Should I continue to wait for their misstep, or should I bring it up myself?

Fred (yes, that’s my real name)

I told Fred he is exceptionally kind hearted and optimistic to wait for others to mention the proverbial “cave man in the room”, but there are probably subtle ways he can use humor to move the process along so the necessary reckoning can happen sooner. For instance, uttering an occasional “yabba dabba doo” might help, though he should be careful to say it softly and sweetly.

But that’s just one opinion. What do you think, Dr. Babooner?

31 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner – Is It My Face?”

  1. I’ve always thought my testosterone was a good thing but maybe it is the cause of my problems. I had a friend who had the brow look and he was a big guy. His main concern was his opposite of a receding hair line…. His beard grew in thickly under his eyes and covered his cheek bones. His forehead had every indication of losing ground. The planet of the
    Apes makeup department could have done minimal work to get him up to speed
    He is strong as a bull as and gentle as a lamb and looks a little like both of them


  2. A little self-deprecating humor can diffuse an awful lot of discomfort. Beat your new acquaintances to the punch (as it were) and make light of your prominent brow – perhaps you could make mention of serious studies in college (or grad school) that had you scowling like Beethoven and it left you with the pronounce brow ridge (remember how parents used to say, “your face will freeze like that?” play on that…). With a story like that you can sound witty and a bit cultural – not at all caveman like.


  3. Morning all. I’m a big proponent of the “beat them to the punch” school of thought. But mostly because I can’t stand the tension in the room up until the first guffaw!


  4. My dad had a friend in high school who looked just like Alley Oop (a reference that surely dates me). He was a huge guy with a Neanderthal skull and a unibrow, but he was actually a sensitive man who read poetry.

    My only advice to Fred is to relax and quit worrying about other people’s shallowness. People are foolish to obsess about the superficial way others see us. People are stupid that way, although being considered a caveman is not as toxic as being the poor girl who is first to develop sizable breasts in junior high. That can lead to a lifetime of misery.

    Be the person you want to be. Don’t bully little folks, light farts or pee in the shower. If you are a sensitive, considerate man whose lifestyle is not driven by testosterone, sensible folks will see that and respect you for it. You shouldn’t waste energy fretting about the way idiots persist in being idiots. That’s their problem, not yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One more thought, Fred. Since people judge you by your appearance, be clever with your appearance. It wouldn’t hurt to wear a t-shirt with that famous picture of Albert Einstein sticking his tongue out. Or have some t-shirts printed to say, “If you are an INFP too, let’s have coffee.”

      Liked by 2 people

    2. dont pee in the shower? thats one im going to have to disappoint you on steve. i havnt run into too many fart lighting opportunities of late but peeing in the shower is another story


  5. Listen Fred – the world needs homely people just as much as it needs the pretty ones. Otherwise, how would you tell them apart?! Besides, haven’t you ever heard that old saying, “He’s so ugly he’s cute”? I bet that’s true about you! Now go throw that throttling club in the lake and run away real quick before you catch sight of your reflection.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tried to reply earlier, VS, but didn’t get to posting before I had to shut down my phone. I was in the waiting room at urgent care – the mama of the twins was too tired to drive, so i took her and the kiddos to urgent care. we thought for sure they were sick – not eating (well, hardly anything), refusing their bottles and pacifiers (the latter helps them sleep), screaming for hours at night (and during the day), all the teething remedies don’t help…but apparently the doc was extremely condescending – it’s teething and it’s just a matter of soothing them. Right. Why don’t you give it a try then.


      1. anyone who refers to it as “just” teething should not be taken seriously, even if they are right about the teething.

        Some kids even run a temp and get diarrhea with teething.
        “just ” teething. bah.

        poor babies, mama and grandmama, I am so sorry. Does it help to know it will eventually get better.


        1. Thanks so much mig. We know it will get better, it’s just living through it that’s wearing all of us down


        2. Wish I lived close enough and could just come iver a “walk” a baby for you.

          Help me out Baboons- isn’t ther a wonderful lullabye from the LGMS about an exhausted mama walking an angry baby?

          Liked by 1 person

      2. I can’t find a video for this song, so here are the lyrics. This might be the song about the exhausted mother taking care of a baby that mig mentioned.

        Baby-Rocking Medley Rosalie Sorrels:

        All right, it’s 5:30 in the morning. That kid has not quit
        howling now for six hours. You’re getting sort of desperate,
        breaking out into a cold sweat. Oh, God. All the paregoric is gone.
        It’s gone because you drank it. Things are getting awful bad and
        you need something else. Every culture’s got one: this is the
        hostile baby-rocking song.

        You just can’t keep all that stuff bottled up inside yourself. You need to let it out some way, or you’d get strange . . . and you can’t do that. So you take that baby and you rock it firmly, smile sweetly . . . and you sing the hostile baby-rocking song:

        This is the day we give babies away
        With a half a pound of tea
        You just open the lid, and out pops the kid
        With a lifetime guarantee.

        This is the day we give babies away
        With a half a pound of tea
        If you know any body who wants any babies
        Just send them ’round to me.

        There’s an island where out in the sea
        Where babies grow up on the trees
        It’s oh so much fun, to swing in the sun
        But you have to watch out if you sneeze, you sneeze
        You have to watch out if you sneeze.

        You have to watch out if you sneeze
        ‘Cause swinging up there in the breeze
        If you happen to cough, you might very well fall off
        And tumble down flop on your knees, your knees
        And tumble down flop on your knees.

        And when the stormy winds wail
        And the breezes blow up in a gale
        There’s oh such a plopping and flopping and dropping
        And fat little babies just hail, just hail
        And fat little babies just hail.

        And the babies lie there in a pile
        And grownups come after a while
        And they always pass by any babies that cry
        They take only babies that smile, that smile
        Take triplets or twins if they’ll smile.

        There’s an island where out in the sea
        Where babies grow up on the trees
        It’s oh so much fun, to swing in the sun
        But you have to watch out if you sneeze, you sneeze
        You have to watch out if you sneeze.

        Yes, this is the day we give babies away
        With a half a pound of tea
        If you know any body who wants any babies
        Just send them ’round to me.

        Liked by 2 people

  6. I have had a busy morning. I can take some time now to comment. Fred, I might be one of the people that tends to react badly to odd looking people such as you. If I’m the one making you feel out of place, tell me about it. I will try to change my ways and admit that I was out of line. Other people who react badly to your appearance may not be willing to change their ways. You need to develop a thick skin and learn to not let those rude people get to you.


  7. i am sad to say i am around… my son canceled my trip to ely today . we waited until yesterday afternoon to do it. i may go up by myself i was so looking forward to it.
    i kind of enjoy my own company so that is a distinct possibility.

    i am noticing that we are blogging about different reasons to dis someone this week. you have a black name. you fdont get in far in life as if you are to or marie. uni brow… your grandfathers looks cost you a chance at being able to step up a notch. there are some latishas and fred flintstones that can do things a darn sight better than i can and i am a pretty darn typical demographic.

    i hear the washington redskins are coming to town this fall and the u of m is asking that we not make any refference to the dispariging name the team has. i think we ought to reference the heritage of the owners and players in off color tones and have them explain the problem with that . a jew owner and bunch or black atheletes who dont get it? i dont get it.
    there is a reason not to like someone. ignorance arrogance bull headed indifference . but ugly guys not named tom? come on world. there has got to be a stand up routine in there somewhere.

    take my washington redskins owner… please


  8. Surfacing briefly.

    Someone has to say it.

    Anyone who thinks “people started to be nicer to each other” has anything to do with a more “feminine” appearance has never worked in a room full of women.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Some days I’m not sure how I do it either, except that the good times have outnumbered the bad times. Of course the unceasing and constant neediness of babies is exhausting even if they are healthy and happy. And if you’re an extreme introvert, it’s tiring just to know other people are in the house and could need you at any moment. Then there’s the other thing of my grown-up kids basically telling me what to do and how to run the household when all I want is to do stuff my own way, just for me. Better not go there.

      Whine, whine, whine…sorry, baboons.


  9. Completely OT. Somebody running for something has been showing an ad lately that #1 – brags about him taking his kids’ stitches out himself because he didn’t want to pay a medical professional and #2 – says to send him to Washington because “he can take Obama out”. Don’t you think somebody on his staff would have told him before now that this is Obama’s second term? Or am I missing something?


    1. Didn’t you know that President Obama is planning to become the dictator of this great country? He’s going to get a law passed that he can be president for life.


  10. No, vs, you’re not missing a thing. Mike McFadden is piece of work, alright. He’s running against Al Franken. He’s an investment banker, and I suspect that what he wants to cut away are those pesky regulations that are keeping bankers from robbing us blind. I shudder to think that he might suceed, we just can’t let that happen. If it does, our next coach will be leading a team of privileged white males who care very little about those struggling at the bottom of the pile.


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