Category Archives: News

News, Science, Travel

Embracing Rush Hour

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With so many people and (lately) nations agreeing that we have to reduce our carbon output to preserve life as we know it on this planet,  it is reasonable to expect that we will all be driving less in the future.

Except that there’s no way we’re going to be driving less.

Humans, especially American humans, are too much in love with their cars and the ease of personalized combustion-engine-powered travel to give up these convenient machines anytime soon.

Technology may make our cars “cleaner”, though even the most advanced electric vehicles simply trade emissions created at the tailpipe to emissions created at the power plant.

And while computer-driven cars will certainly be more fuel efficient thanks to the removal of the lead foot from the equation, there is some thought that unless we get the laws right, autonomous vehicle technology could result in more miles traveled (and gas burned), not less.

Here’s a startling look at Rush Hour from a director named Fernando Livschitz and his company, Black Sheep Films.  Livschitz did the opening credits sequence to Stephen Colbert’s new show on CBS.

RUSH HOUR from Black Sheep Films on Vimeo.

Hilarious and terrifying, in that it feels like someone is going to die but you’ve gotta love the music and the timing.

Describe a close call you had on the roadway. 

News, Science

Crows Got Tool Talent!

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Thanks to cameras attached to the tail feathers of some New Caledonian crows, researchers have now observed the birds building tools and using them in the wild.

These elusive creatures were seen fashioning hooked stick tools to root out food – a remarkable discovery that sheds a bit of light on animal thought processes.

Or if it doesn’t, at least it shows us animal thought as interpreted via the cranial processes of humans like study author Jolyon Troscianko of the University of Exeter, in England.

“In one scene,” Troscianko said, “a crow drops its tool and then recovers it from the ground shortly afterward, suggesting they value their tools and don’t simply discard them after a single use.”

This is a likely explanation. But it is only one, and it assumes crows think like us, which may not be the case! I can think of at least three other options.

  1. The crow dropped its tool, forgot about it completely, and then in an “aha” moment, picked a hooked stick it suddenly found at its feet.
  2. The crow dropped the tool on purpose to fake out the potential food, and then grabbed the tool again when the mistakenly relieved morsel slithered into a more exposed location.
  3. The crow dropped the hooked stick when it realized it had a camera stuck to its tail and it was giving away the company secrets. And then picked the stick up again when it thought, “oh what the Hell,” if I keep acting like I’m committed to the hooked stick, they’ll never find out about all our other crow-made tools, like the cawk gun.”

Hard to know exactly what is going on in the tiny mind of a clever crow.

If scientists pasted a camera to your tail, what tool would they see you use?

News, Poems

what am i saying

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Header image of epic poet Homer is from Homer and His Guide, by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825–1905), portraying Homer on Mount Ida, beset by dogs and guided by the goat herder Glaucus.   This image is in the public domain

Today’s post comes from tim

at concerts by daughters singing songs of the season
wondering if Muslims and Jews see the reason
that Donald is finding what Adolph would find
that solutions are easy if you disregard humankind

more dead in 5 weeks caused by hand guns it’s true
than have died due to terrorist since 2002
the NRA lobby owns the congressmen souls
with contributions gleaned from assault weapon holes

this ho ho ho season needs a bit of rethinking
while claiming peace love and unity what are they drinking
the world is messed up circa 2015
we’re right and were left but theres no in between

Americas crying out for a solution that works
get the others to think like me the stupid old jerks
it may be the most interesting of election
and cause centrist minds to rely on reflection

even if Hillary isn’t your lead pipe cinch
if the choice is tea party she’ll do in a pinch
Donald  Ben Ted and Marco have the pundits all pacing
troubled times we live in and the problems were facing

when news is for revenue instead of for knowledge
presented for grade school instead of for college
capitalizing on fears of the ignorant masses
looking through blinders not  rose colored glasses

the doors swinging open for change to occur
fixing problems by voting for him or for her
it’s never been easy being a tightrope dancer
can we put aside bickering and work toward an answer

the news is the thing that repeats in our ear
it’s driven by rating  points soars when it’s fear
how about working to find answers to whys
instead of the posture that points fingers and cries

I hope we find closure with the best woman or best man
poor republican candidates becoming inside out yes men
or Donald who seems to enjoy shock value tactics
making political gymnasts do poll response back flips

the front page of world papers as the USA pigs
haven’t been seen since w left after he finished his gig
Donald Ben Ted or Mario all are so lame
Hillary should take it with match set and game

republicans stop while for whom the bell tolls
when decision popularity is measured in polls
the worlds a mess and Fox News a main reason
we all hate it again when its campaign news season

instead of 8 minutes before weather and sports
news has become cancer prime time with warts
the world is connected with social media dude
so get used to the idea of politically rude

Obama found out and Hillary will too
that an agendaed opponent hopes that you get screwed
they’ll do what they can to make straight lines go curving
then site your inaction as why they’re deserving

I think Donald Ben Ted and Marco will rewrite the Way
Americans view the right to vote on this day
it’s no longer a privilege that makes you feel proud
it makes you resort to a whimpering sound

I hope the world heals, be a shame if it doesn’t
the possible wonderful mess that just simply wasn’t
here’s hoping that holiday cheer will promote
the view that a pleasant feeling will emote

if only we try to let concern stay on track
and stop trying to heap ugly stuff on your back
if hatred and fear are the topics we lead with
it’s sadness and division we can be guaranteed with

look to the people who want to make good
on the promise to their kids hat life will be good
the golden rule spoken is all that need to be said
peace on earth to your fellow man now go to bed

News, The Baboon Congress

How Does This Change Things?

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Header image via Flickr,  copyright Moyan Brenn (CC by 2.0)

Today’s post comes from Barbara in Robbinsdale

I have just come across this article by Kerri Westenberg in Sunday’s (12/6/15) Star Tribune Travel section about a woman (Catherine Reid Day of St. Paul) who was in Paris during the November 14 attacks on the City of Light. She, her husband, and daughter had spent the day being tourists – been to Notre Dame and the Louvre – and were back “in their hotel by 9:30. The terrorist attacks at restaurants, a stadium and a concert venue began at 9:20.

She found out about them via a text from a friend back in the States, asking if they were OK. Then they turned on the TV.

The next day (Saturday) they ventured out and found one store open, a book store – appropriate, she said, “because education is the antidote to all of this.”

To have the attack in San Bernadino, CA, happen on “our own soil” almost three weeks after this event is unsettling, to say the least. One of the saddest outcomes of this random act of violence is, ironically, how much it will hurt the Muslim communities throughout the US and the world.

A Washington Post article re-published Monday, 12/7 on msn.com contains this quote: ‘ “The purpose of terrorism is to make ordinary people afraid to do the ordinary things that make up their lives,” said Janice Rutherford, a member of the [San Bernadino] county Board of Supervisors. “We can’t be afraid of our lives, of our community, of our neighbors, of our coworkers.” ’

It seems from all the rhetoric around these two events that this is being considered another “watershed moment” in our history, the way that 9/11 was – we will remember a before and an after.

What, if anything, do you think has changed in the world?

News

Hello Eyeball House

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The twisted celebration that Halloween has become boldly invites us to go overboard, and many people oblige.

That’s how we get the annual Zombie Pub Crawl in Minneapolis and that one macabre house in your neighborhood where the front lawn looks like a mortuary supply truck crashed into Dracula’s estate auction.

Hey, that would be a good theme for next year!

At our house, we’ve adopted the self-limiting tactic of declaring that the place shall not be adorned with any Halloween decoration that can’t go up the day of the actual event, and can’t come down the next day.  That has the wonderful effect of lightening the work load and reducing Hallow-stress.

As for the creepiness factor, I’m far too squeamish to decorate with skulls split by bloody hatchets and mutilated corpses.   My dear and clever wife, who shares my feelings about gore, hit upon the idea one year that eyeballs are sufficiently creepy without being  totally repulsive.

Thus was born the Eyeball House.

 

Eyeball House 1b

All in all, aside from some exotic and (usually) invisible internal organs, I would say eyeballs are the body part that best represents Halloween.  They generate a certain quality of undefined menace.  Yet they are completely approachable –  not totally horrible, like feet, or inexplicable, like ears.

As the proud lifelong owner of two completely natural eyeballs, I’m delighted to be able to collect new ones for our annual display.   And yes, I’m always on the look out.

And while there’s no element of political commentary in this bit of seasonal decoration, whenever I go out to the street to see the window eyeballs looking back at me, the surveillance society feels very real.

I know we’ll get a lot of Ninja Turtles and Disney Princesses this year, the kid who gets two candy bars from me will be dressed as Edward Snowden.

How do you decorate for Halloween? 

 

 

News, Poems

A Vocal Point

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Every now and then a bit of research comes along that turns commonly accepted wisdom upside down. And so it is with a recent study of howler monkeys and chimpanzees.

According to the New York Times, the researchers concluded that to gain a mating advantage, species evolved either to make very low frequency sounds, or have much larger testicles.

But none had both.

For human men, the possible ramifications of this conclusion are world-altering, even though the Times article clearly states the research examined differences between species and so it has no application to human beings.

But our imaginations are not limited by such inconvenient facts.

When I mentioned this to Trial Baboon’s Singsong Poet Laureate, Tyler Schuler Wyler, he was moved to adjust his rather snug jeans, and pen a few timeless lines to extrapolate the findings:

It’s obvious, when all’s compared,
that “E” equates to “MC squared.”
And likewise, with a monkey’s calls,
A sexy voice means teensy balls.

If human beings follow suit
the big-balled man sounds like a flute.
and deep voiced guys (like Barry White)
can wear their trousers extra tight.

While penny ante Pavarottis,
(Never seen by girls as hotties)
Make their trade-off down below –
With every squeak, cojones grow.

So fellows with a treble voice
must favor baggy slacks by choice.
Though baritones may get romance,
the tenors need room in their pants.

How do you like your clothes to fit? 

 

Music, News, Songs

A Song After the Binge

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Header photo via NASA Ice / James Yungel

The hits just keep coming in the climate change parade. Most recently a new NASA study predicted that an Antarctic ice shelf the size of Scotland could collapse by 2020.

Favorite quote from the Washington Post story:

“What might happen is that for a few years, we will have the detachment of big icebergs from this remaining ice shelf, and then at one point, one very very warm summer, when you have lots of melting of the surface, the whole thing will just give way, and will shatter into thousands of smaller icebergs,” says the Jet Propulsion Laboratory’s Ala Khazendar, lead author of the new study.

My understanding:  While the ice shelf is already in the water and its collapse alone won’t appreciably lift global water levels, it will open up the way for melting land-based glaciers to flow more easily into the sea.

That’s not good.

The ice shelf in question is called Larsen B, which immediately reminded me of this song about the unpleasant after-effects of an unfortunate and ill-advised binge.

We’re melting the Larsen B
with every added degree.
As tall icebergs fall into the foam.
Liquefy snow.
The glaciers let go.
Well, the ice shelf broke up
Submerging my home.

I hope that our fins evolve
As quick as the ice dissolve.
Antarctica wants to flow
over my home!
Soaking the loam.
That is the point of this poem, yeah yeah.
When the ice shelf broke up,
submerging my home.

Like ice cubes to a drunk
we’re hypnotized by each chunk
a prize, Scotland-sized, floating away.
Sea levels rise
You can predict the demise.
The ice shelf broke up
Submerging my home.

Add some lyrics or describe a night drinking with your grandfather.

News, Poems

Less Air Apparent

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Header photo by Frankileon from Flickr

I asked Trail Baboon poet laureate Schuyler Tyler Wyler to craft an ode to sports figures who, more probably than not, cheat.

Of course he wanted to know who I was talking about.

“No one in particular,” I said.  “But everyone, sort of.”

Naturally he wanted to know what sort of poem he should write, which was a funny question because STW only writes one kind of poem.

“Just give me some immortal lines that deal with taking advantage of a situation and lying about it afterwards, ” I told him.  “If it means you have to steal someone else’s poem,  just don’t tell me about it.”

Within the hour, he had produced this:

If you can grip footballs when all about you
With jealous stares are criticizing you.
If you commit such fouls that tall men doubt you,
And call your claims of innocence, “Untrue”;
If you’re a pitcher who is fond of scuffing
Or muscled batter – super steroid size.
Or a striker –  injured?  No, but bluffing!
Who fakes so well he even cries:

If you can bet on games and not have fans desert you,
Or ride the Alps while chemically enhanced,
And still the masses want to wear a shirt you
signed and wore while pedaling through France.
If scandals sprout around you, and get covered,
just pray your own malfeasance never shows.
There is a chance your sins won’t be discovered.
But – if it is – Hey, welcome to … the pros!

I told STW this was such a blatant ripoff of Rudyard Kipling it was an embarrassment and even I couldn’t look the other way. “What is more”, I said, “you didn’t even steal the whole thing. If this lousy poem was a football, it would be deflated by about half.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. “I’m an artist. Where’s my money?”

How far should rules be allowed to bend?

News

The Tale of the Mail

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Today’s post comes from 9th District Congressman Loomis Beechly, representing all the water surface area in the State of Minnesota.

Greetings Constituents,

Getting out ahead of the inevitable demands, I’m releasing all my e-mail to the public today.

In terms of the amount of text produced, I’m not nearly as prolific as the former Secretary of State, but I hope I’m in better political shape than she is by being more open more quickly.

Hillary released 55,000 pages. I think I’ve got about 235, total. That’s not a lot, until you start reading them. Then it feels like Moby Dick. Say what you will about the varied talents of politicians. Some have a literary gift, but there’s a reason I kiss babies for a living.

Anyway, anyone who wants to is fully entitled to read through everything I’ve written. I’ve got absolutely nothing to hide, and there are a few things I can’t find in the e-mails that I wish someone would locate for me.

  • The address of my second cousin in Minot. Aunt Sophie sent it to me about two years ago and I thought I put it in the “Relatives” folder but apparently not.
  • My Linked In password. I kept forgetting it so I got cagey and sent it to myself in an e-mail message that had no outward reference to Linked In. That’s the problem.
  • A recipe for making a Crock Pot chicken that looked so good I made a special effort to save it, but now all the chicken recipes I can find look incredibly boring. Was I dreaming?

Seriously, pore through the texts and give a shout if you find anything interesting. The better you know me, the more you’ll realize I’m just an ordinary, good-hearted guy who bumbles along from day to day and struggles to keep track of things.

Maybe not just exactly like you, but close enough for government work.

Your Congressman,
Loomis Beechly

Influential critics have demanded you turn over all your correspondence, electronic and otherwise. Will you?

Movies, News, Science

Overlapping Shadows

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Time now for an occasional (OK, this is the second one, ever) feature of Trail Baboon – Connect Three.

Three current news stories share a common feature – in this case the linkage is anything but obscure – it’s a simple shadow.

The first one has to do with a particular portrait of Bill Clinton in the National Portrait Gallery. Artist Nelson Shanks says the canvas he painted of President Bill Clinton in 2006 includes the shadow of a blue dress, a reference to the famous Monica Lewinski garment which, having been smeared by Clinton himself, left a permanent stain on his presidency.

This, I suppose, is where being an artist trumps having political or financial muscle in that you get to make a lasting commentary. It’s not clear why Shanks would reveal this particular artistic choice right now. Perhaps it’s a bid to set his Clinton image apart from at least 54 others in the Portrait Gallery.

Ah, the Shanks Portrait. That’s the one with The Dress!

Credits: ESA/Rosetta/MPS for OSIRIS Team MPS/UPD/LAM/IAA/SSO/INTA/UPM/DASP/IDA
Credits: ESA/Rosetta/MPS for OSIRIS Team MPS/UPD/LAM/IAA/SSO/INTA/UPM/DASP/IDA

Meanwhile, far out in space at the constantly moving intersection of comet science and human ingenuity, the Rosetta spacecraft has taken a picture of its own diffuse shadow on the surface of Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. This news is getting enough play to suggest that we retain our ability to be amazed by simple things. Not only could we locate, chase down and go into orbit around a comet – we’re able to throw a little shade on one too. Fascinating. We are enthralled at any bit of evidence that hints at or own existence. Does this light make my butt look big?

And finally, Disney Characters shadowed shoppers in a mall in Massapequa, New York. I’ve been to Disney World and believe me, it’s just like this – you walk along minding your own business while a duck follows your every move just a step behind.

Close enough to reach into your pocket.

How are you as a mimic?