Category Archives: Uncategorized

Surrounded By Ideas

Today’s guest post comes from tim.

I was in the bookstore waiting for my wife the other day. I still use it for a meeting place but have begun to think maybe a park is as good a spot now with the internet serving the purpose that the bookstore once did. The diference being that the book store has stuff to put your hands on and touch and suggest that your brain would never come up with on its own.

Or would it? That is the question.

bookshelves

If left to your own design you would be able to come up with all the cool stimulation of thought to send you surfing into infinitium and off into uncharted worlds like a book store can do. You don’t have to do anything other than pick up a copy of whatever is on the shelf to see if you care. How many times have you picked up a book at the bookstore read 10 words and put it back down. A look at a cover an author a theme that takes you off to somewhere else where you see a realted idea you would never have googled but as long as it is this easy you just pick it up and browse for a minute. It may be that I am more of the mile wide and an inch deep than the average person but I love the ability to walk through the bookstore and breathe in all the possibilities for avenues to cast my brain into.

I think of the time I waited in barnes and noble in galleria to get jimmy carters signature on my book. I got there an hour or so before the book signing was to begin and found the end of the line was already a good ways back through the lower level of the store. Jimmy being the overly conscientious man that he is has anticipated the demand and was there over an hour early signing a book in a little over one thousand one one thousand to one thousand three with a pair of assistants on either side one ot place the next book in front of him, one to take the signed copy form him and prepare for the next and the next and the next. The line in this scenario kind of inched alone even ½ a mile back which is about where i believe when I began.

As I wound my way through the bookshelves I recognized all the authors topics genres as the went by. The line organizers did me the favor of running it through the fiction section and the Margaret atwood kickoff followed by the brontes the and so on past faulkner, hesse, hemmingay twain, Vonnegut, wolfe and into the genre stuff of travel and poetry western and I realized how much I enjoy the process of seeing the title and author and the idea that comes to mind with the snap associaton.

Today I was looking at dc comics and marvel comic section across from manga that new form of picture books that are action stories where the pictures tell the stories and the words go along instead of the other way around. I was looking for the brother of a friend who is a gifted comic book artist. And I came across anne rice who I had been telling my daughter about and suggesting she look into as kind of the grandmother of the vampire flying death angel genre my daughter is very into these days. I thought it was in the wrong place then I discovered it was a picture book version of the story and it did a decent job of telling the story. I looked next to that and there was a copy of farenheit 451 by ray bradberry. He had writen a preface about how farenheiht 451 came to be with a 50 year hindsight viewer as an aide he hadn’t been able to use before. He talked about how he arrived at farenheit 451 from a little incident that happened to him a couple weeks earlier and that he had always attributed that to the origins of the story only years later did he ralize that the story came from deep down in his subconscious and he recommended that when you write you allow the ideas to flow and follow them rather than thinking you have an idea of what you are doing,

Ray bradberrys close on the preface was this: if you had to memorize one book like the people in farenheit 451 did for preservation and to contribute to the furthering of the world, which book would you chose and why?

It’s a Bird!

I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to satisfy all the people who want something special to come out of the new Superman movie. But if one is all-powerful and represents Earth’s only hope for survival, one must try.

UltimatePowersSuperman

I haven’t seen the film, but I read a review that faulted actor Henry Cavill for giving us a Superman who is no fun. But that’s in his DNA (if he has DNA). He’s relentlessly able, stiflingly moral and thoroughly boring. I’m a top authority on this topic because I had a Superman suit when I was 10 years old. I didn’t have any super powers, except when it came to influencing one person. On the question of the suit, I used my pleading vision to shoot pity rays out of my eyes, which forced my mother to sew it. She did a fine job on the cape and the “S” emblem, though I would have liked a better pair of appropriately manly mid-calf high bright red boots.

And no, I did not wear the suit to school. I was an enthusiast, but not reckless. In fact, there are no photos that I can find, so you’ll have to take my word for it. If such a thing had happened at my house with my own son, there would be enough of a visual record of the Superman phase to fill several bookshelves. Perhaps there was an intentional effort made to spare me future embarrassment. Just like the real Superman, I guess my parents did everything in their power to protect me.

But back to the character’s lack of personality. The Superman I knew from comic books was one-dimensional, just like the the movie cowboys and TV cops of the day. Think about Sgt. Joe Friday’s monotone. To be human was to be imperfect. Competent in every regard and totally bland – that was the style. Remember that Superman’s vacation spot was called The Fortress of Solitude. That pretty much says it all. Not really a people person.

Part of Superman’s problem is that he’s always trying to win folks over by rescuing them from burning buildings, intercepting bullets and catching disabled airliners as they plummet groundward. You don’t really see him taking much time to sit and talk with people. He’s not interested in getting to know anyone. He’s always rushing off to save the world, never stopping to make a friend.

No wonder he’s dull.

Maybe we need a hero who’s extra powerful only when it comes to connecting with people.

What one super power would you like to have?

Riding A Rail

This is the anniversary of the opening of the Disneyland Monorail System in 1959.

monorail

I’m old enough to remember when monorails were the future of transportation. Back when I was nine I knew that by the time I became the age I am now, I would be zipping to and fro in a sleek bullet shaped train that glides on a single rail between gleaming skyscrapers that were all monuments to my greatness.

I never paused to wonder why such a great personage as myself would be traveling with the unwashed masses on the monorail.

Today, monorails seem to be doing all right in Asia and Las Vegas, but elsewhere, like at the Minnesota Zoo and in Sydney, Australia, they are on the way out.

Too bad, since I have a working HO scale model of Sydney’s Darling Harbor Monorail boxed up in my basement.

Most things, (the weather, the stock market, the Kentucky Derby, our transit choices in the next century) are hard to predict.

How will we travel 100 years from today?

One For The Record

I was intrigued by this article about the ongoing effort to document theater productions in New York by making archival videos. For many reasons this is a superb idea, and it would be great fun to have this as your job – capturing timeless performances to inform the work of artists of today and tomorrow.

videocam

Of course it’s one thing to do this as a line of paid work and quite another to attempt to make a video and photographic record of your own life and the lives of your loved ones. That can turn out to be time consuming and more than a little wonky. I am guilty of the Cam Dad Syndrome. I spent too much time watching my son growing up through a viewfinder rather than just watching him grow up. And now I’m left with many hours of videotape that must be transferred to digital memory and organized for posterity, though as a 23 year old man with important work to do and lots of obligations, I’m fairly certain he does not want to spend much time in front of the TV, watching himself cavort around the yard as a carefree 7 year old.

Not right now, anyway.

But there is a basic watcher/doer conflict there. You can record your activities for posterity, or you can do things worth remembering.

But you can’t do both at the same time.

What kind of visual record will you leave behind?

Friends Forever

Today’s post comes from living and loving expert and relationships thought leader B. Marty Barry.

Dear Readers,

I want to assure you that although I’ve never met you, I deeply care about each and every one of you very, very much! This simple act of caring is so powerful and life-changing, I’ve always been surprised it doesn’t get more attention at the highest levels of society – particularly among our governmental leadership.

But now I’m encouraged to see this changing with the latest news out of Washington that some national agencies are collecting data from our phone calls, Facebook posts and Google searches. I see it as a welcome sign that government has finally realized there is something crucial missing from so many lives – an expression of interest!

So many of us simply want to be acknowledged.

Listening = Caring
Listening = Caring

Oh, some presidents have said “I feel your pain”. Well, at least one said it. Critics poo-poo that kind of sentiment, trying to minimize the significance as a cheap gesture by saying it’s “just words”. But words are powerful! And it matters when we know someone is paying attention to us! Every day I see heartbroken, invisible people who want their voices to be heard, their posts to be read and their slideshows viewed! They’re desperate for someone to care.

In the coming days, as details continue to leak out about what was information was collected and by whom, I hope we discover that it went beyond the simple stockpiling of metadata and that someone, anyone, in the Intelligence Community or the Justice Department or the White House had the courage to simply reach out and “friend” someone. Or anyone. Or everyone!

In fact, with unemployment still so high, why don’t the NSA and the FBI hire young people to “friend” ordinary overlooked Americans, suspicious gun lovers, rowdy foreign nationals and even suspected terrorists? It needn’t be dangerous, since no one has to ever be in the same room together anymore.

And a simple “Whassup?” can uncover worlds of information.

You can spy on people and learn a few things, but I’ve discovered they will tell you absolutely everything you want to know (and then some) if you simply put an arm around their shoulder and ask!

Your for-always friend,
B. Marty Barry

Would you make a good spy?

Big Splash

Big screen star Esther Williams died yesterday at the age of 91. She had an unusual career in films, most of them built around elaborate water scenes where she swam for the camera.

Screen Shot 2013-06-06 at 5.10.21 PM

Like a scuba diver caught in a dolphin net, Esther Williams became enmeshed in a Hollywood formula. There was little hope that filmgoers or movie moguls would accept her as anything other than a cheerful waterborne sprite. She suffered injuries and endured typecasting to hang on to her distinctive version of success.

I think it was a lot harder than it looks for Williams to “swim pretty”. Maintaining a graceful form, keeping your face turned towards the camera, remembering to smile and having bright, open eyes are all challenges that would defeat an ordinary cinematic swimmer.

I know when I’m in a pool, I squint. And that’s just where the aesthetic challenges begin. Once I get a little chlorinated water up my nose, the flailing starts and there is nothing going on in my area that a poolside observer would want to see.

Esther Williams was a star, and she earned it.

How do you fare in the water?

Ask Dr. Babooner

Dear Dr. Babooner,

ann_landers-baboon-2-copy

I attend a lot of political fundraisers because I love getting some proximity to powerful people. But once I’m there, I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut and I do have a tendency to heckle them a little bit.

Congressmen, Senator, Presidents, First Ladies. I hector them all!

I figure if I pay 500 dollars for a plate of dry chicken, cold green beans and lumpy mashed potatoes, I should get to shout my opinions at someone famous while they’re giving a speech. What they’re saying is totally predictable anyway, and the fact that I contributed an outburst is the one thing most people will remember from what is otherwise a completely packaged event.

I consider my spontaneous eruptions a form of art.

Experienced public people know how to handle it. They make a little joke or they pretend to listen and then offer some kind of First Amendment-y comment to argue that I should shut up and pay attention to them.

I decide on a case-by-case basis how far I will push it. About half the time I get escorted out, and on a good day I’ll get a little bit of ink for my cause.

I decided long ago that it’s a win-win-win proposition to be a loud boor. It’s all in a day’s work.

But at a recent fundraiser I started shouting at a Very Famous Person and she refused to follow the script. She left the podium and got in my face and in front of the whole group she made like it was a choice – the people at the meeting were going to have to listen to her, or to me. And if it turned out to be me, then she was going to leave, which I thought was rude and totally selfish. After all, they all came to the event to hear her in the first place. Unfair advantage!

Dr. Babooner, I was minding my own business simply trying to shout her down when she made the whole thing about me and left me feeling belittled and humiliated. I wound up leaving with my self-esteem badly damaged, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to heckle again.

Sincerely,
Will You Confess Your Sins Or Are You Ready To Admit Your Guilt?

I told W.Y.C.Y.S.O.A.Y.R.T.A.Y.G. it’s certainly a change in the status quo when a principled person can’t hijack a public event to promote their cause without being subjected to the indignity of criticism. Public attitudes in cases like these do seem to be swinging towards support for the event holders rather than the event disrupters. Perhaps the thing to do is stage your own dog-and-pony show and then arrange for someone else to heckle you. If you can plan a stylish response that resonates as well as the one that silenced you, you might be able to get the attention you seek AND some sympathy at the same time.

But that’s just one opinion.
What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

Don’t Look For The Label

Today’s post comes from Dr. Larry Kyle of Genway, the supermarket that specializes in genetically engineered foods.

I’m very disappointed in Connecticut.

It’s a nice, wealthy eastern state that’s full of educated people, so why don’t they show more creativity when it comes to addressing concerns about Genetically Modified foods? The state legislature just passed a bill that, when certain conditions are met, will require GM foods to carry a label identifying them as such.

A label?

Labels are boring. The only reason to insist on labels is because you have Absolutely No Idea what gene manipulation can do! If I were passing laws to control Laboratory Based Manipulation Of Our Diet, I would make useful rules. I would require all food finaglers to Do Something Inventive that would make it Obvious we are Dealing with A Product That Did Not Originate in the Natural World!

They're Delicious Hot or Coiled
Delicious Hot or Coiled

Like the Genway COBRAnana!

Our COBRAnana is a tightly wound nutrient-rich package coiled and waiting to strike you numb with its tasty goodness. Yes, it senses your presence and although it does nothing to outwardly indicate that it knows you are near, when you least expect it you will find yourself with a face full of high-potassium fruitiness!

And yes, it carries a label, but slapping a tiny sticker on the produce is for cowards. You don’t need something like that to let people know they are about to eat A Banana That Springs From The Mind of Man!

I’m surprised that I have to say it here in the Land of Innovation, but this is what the Connecticut law should require. Not labels or the participation of neighboring states.

Creativity!

Dr. Kyle has a point – if you can’t use genetic manipulation to make your produce look instantly recognizable to even the most casual shopper, then what good is it?

What is distinctive about your style?

Cool Summer Job Shortage

Today’s post comes from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden, still not quite graduated from Wendell Wilkie High School.

Hi Mr. C.!

Well, I didn’t get that actuary job I’d been hoping for.

There was never actually an actual actuary job available, but I was hoping someone would find out I was interested by reading your blog and then they’d contact me. I guess your dumb blog isn’t as popular as I thought, or it has the wrong type of readers. Jobless ones, like me.

Either that, or people don’t want good employees very much these days.

The funny thing is, there seem to be more jobs around this summer than there were in the past few years. A bunch of the kids I know from school are working at fast food places and movie theaters and as babysitters and stuff like that. And that’s fine but I was really counting on having something cool to do.

Looking to be Wrangled
Looking to be Wrangled

Like being a wrangler on a Llama Ranch.

I think wrangling llamas would give me a chance to run across an open field and get a flying headlock on wayward livestock in a way that would be really fun. They have lots of neck footage, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find a place to grab on. Then it’s just a matter of pointing their faces in the direction you want them to go.

That’s what I imagine, anyway.

It would be awesome, though I hear they spit. But that’s OK. I can spit too! It would be extremely cool to start next year by telling the kids in my homeroom that I spent the summer llama wrangling and spit dueling.

So, are there any overworked Llama Ranchers with some extra money in your audience? And if not, what sort of work do they do? I’m starting to wonder if me networking with you is ever going to pay off.

Your pal,
Bubby

P.S. – I don’t want to have anything to do with actual baboons. I’d rather babysit human children, if it came to that.

Ever spend the summer around livestock?

A Totally Safe Room

The recent spate of large tornadoes striking the southern plains has emphasized a frightening and humbling fact – there are few shelters that can truly protect us from the destructive power of 200 mile per hour winds.

Just last Friday, Oklahomans who thought they could drive away from an oncoming storm found that the combination of rush hour traffic and a sudden influx of other panicked citizens clogged the escape routes and left everyone more exposed than they were before they left their homes.

When I was growing up in Montrose, New York, in the 1960’s, my father decided to build a fallout shelter alongside the house. It was his response to the ongoing cold war with the Soviet Union. The walls of our shelter were made of thick, poured concrete, reinforced with iron. Air shafts went to the surface so we could breathe. A dehumidifier, bunk beds, and a few cases of water and dehydrated rations were in place. We were all convinced a nuclear attack could come at any moment, reducing our house and the entire world, really, to a smoldering, radioactive wasteland unable to sustain life.

I will always admire my father for his determined effort to protect us, but there was no real plan for survival after the first strike. We just wanted to outlive our neighbors, the McInernys. When the air raid sirens went off, I wasn’t sure how we were going to tell them they couldn’t come in and share our dank hole in the ground, but I knew that might be necessary.

Fortunately, it never became an issue, and the fallout shelter wound up being a very secure home for spiders. I assume it’s still there, and will probably be the one piece of construction I was associated with that will last long after I’m gone.

But I pray nobody ever feels a need to use it.

Where is your safe place?