We are ALL Dr. Babooner

Dear Dr. Babooner,

For years I have been following the old dictum about drinking 8 glasses of water every day.  I know others have moved away from it, saying no rule is iron-clad.  But I enjoy the healthy feeling of being well-hydrated, so it’s no hardship for me.   Also, I’ve become something of a public restroom hobbyist, so  I know how to find relief just about anywhere.

And I drink just about every kind of water – from bottles, water fountains, sprinklers and the kitchen tap.  I feel lucky to live in a country where I can do that without risking my health or even my life.

But I’m not so confident when it comes to food.  I’m suspicious about everything  and I always, always check the “use by” dates so I don’t wind up putting things in my mouth that are in the process of going bad.

I have this recurring nightmare that I’m watching myself eat a meal in a restaurant and I can see that the food that arrives at my table had been dropped on the kitchen floor just moments before.  The cook stepped on it, picked it up, flopped it back down on the plate and sent it out without telling anyone.

In this nightmare, I’m a silent observer so I can’t tell myself not to eat it .   I just have to watch.

Ugh.

At least I know the water is reliable.  But just last week I heard a rather alarming thing – that there is a lot of water on Earth that is remarkably old – and in many cases it is even older than the Sun!

Dr. Babooner, I can’t quite stomach the idea of swallowing something that was floating untethered around the universe that many billions of years ago.   I don’t know if space aliens have feet, but now whenever I take a sip of liquid I wonder who (or what) might have stepped on it or brushed up against it in the pre-solar system days and who might have swallowed (and excreted) it before me.

The very thought of it makes me shudder.

Friends tell me to stop being so weird and they say I’m overreacting.  But I think the age of our water matters.  Do you?

Sincerely,
Feeling A Little Parched

I told F.A.L.P. that there is no way a modern person with a lively imagination can comfortably ingest anything these days without turning off their “what if” engine. Lots of things could have happened to your water before it got to you. Much more will happen after it leaves you. The only way to maintain your sanity (and your weight) is to eat in the here and now, without supposing anything at all about where the food and water came from.

But that’s just ONE opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?