A few weeks ago we heard from Dr. Cozy Futon of Physicians for Bedrest, promoting the idea that sleep is an important activity and that Americans should do it with pride. Baboons were supportive of the idea, though the readers of this blog are hardly in the mainstream when it comes to prevailing attitudes about unconsciousness.

I think it’s fair to say that America is suspicious of those who get sufficient sleep. We wonder about their work ethic and their taste for fun.

Last month the National Sleep Foundation released the results of a poll indicating that almost two thirds of those surveyed report their sleep needs aren’t being met during the week, and virtually everyone questioned reported involvement with some sort of electronic communications technology in the hour before bedtime.

Coincidence? I’ll text you at midnight with my answer.

But evidence is building of a growing appreciation of the value of sleep, and even that the tide is turning with regard to the cool factor of afternoon naps. Professional basketball players in the NBA are said to be unreachable at 3pm most days for reasons that would make sleep researchers glad.

Marketing wizard and Big Idea Man Spin Williams feels the shift and sees an opportunity. Here’s a tidbit from the most recent newsletter to come out of The Meeting That Never Ends:

Where is the activism for better sleep? They do a great job at The National Sleep Foundation, but we at TMTNE agree that better sleep promotion needs an energetic boost, and should go 24/7.

The problem – people don’t have enough respect for sleep because you rarely see anyone else doing it. And when you do, it’s happening on a park bench, an airport gate or a city bus and it is not attractive.

Our idea – establish a corps of healthy, enthusiastic, great looking people who will go into public places and Sleep For America! They’ll sleep in the malls, at office parties, in factories and at sporting events. The bigger and more important the venue, the better!

How great looking should they be? For obvious reasons, each SFA volunteer, men and women both, should be a genuine knockout! They should also be thoroughly screened to verify that they don’t snore, snort, talk excessively while unconscious, or drool. By snoozing prettily in public, these sleep models will change our thinking about the appeal of not being awake.

They should also not carry any cash.

But just imagine an America where sleep is respected, and getting a sufficient amount of rest is a sign of winning in the game of life. Once Sleep For America gets established, we can organize group sleeping events, culminating in an annual sleep-in called the Stupor Bowl!

How about it? Are YOU willing to Sleep For America?

The public safety downside of Spin’s idea is daunting, though I admire his optimism about changing behavior and his excessive faith in the general public. Role models can make a difference, though their leadership should come naturally from the good things they are already doing, rather than as an assignment.

What would be your most comfortable role model role?

I’m so exhausted, I’ve turned over the blog to an advocacy group today.
It’s Infomercial Time! This guest blog is by Dr. Cozy Futon, Executive Director of Physicians for Bedrest, a non profit health care group advocating completion of the Job of Rest – America’s most pressing national duty.

Are you one of the 1/3 of all Americans who can’t concentrate because they don’t get enough sleep?

Sure, I can repeat it. I said, “Are you one of the 1/3 of ALL AMERICANS who CAN’T CONCENTRATE because they don’t get enough sleep?”

You may have heard me the first time, but you weren’t able to process it because your brain is fried from excessive awakiness. Just yesterday, the CDC revealed the results of a new survey – the finding is that far too many people shortchange themselves on sleep, and their health is affected.

A major part of the problem – Americans don’t see sleep as an important component of good health care. But the truth is – sleep can be a great tonic. Things happen inside the body during sleep that we still don’t understand. And why don’t we understand? We’re too tired to figure it out.

Physicians for Bedrest believes sleep is a key to solving many of the world’s problems:

* Turmoil in the middle east? More sleep for dictators!

* Labor strife in the Midwest? Everybody take a nap, you’ll be less cranky!

* Unbalanced budgets? Sleepers spend less than money and use fewer resources than people who are awake.

Let’s take a closer look at that last one.

Everybody knows we’ve got a money problem in our state capitals, at the federal level, and even in our homes. There is simply not enough money to finance all the things we want to do! And this ever increasing “wanting” is something that only comes from people who are awake. Awake people want goods, they want services, and they want security – in many cases they want these things as a way to ease distress brought on by sleep deprivation. By contrast, a sleeping person has most of their needs satisfied, by definition! They are at rest!

The CDC report says 70 million Americans get less than 7 hours rest, when the recommended amount is between 8 and 9 hours daily.

Look at the numbers!

If you get 6.5 hours instead of 8.5 hours, you’re 24% under your sleep target!
70 million people who are 24% more awake than they should be translates to an additional 16.8 million people driving on our roads, eating our food, picketing our legislatures and insulting our public employees! Our physical, political, and emotional infrastructures can’t stand the strain!

And if those numbers don’t seem right to you, what do you expect? Your brain is foggy from playing Angry Birds all night. Just accept my statistics and take a nap, you knucklehead!

The situation seems dire but we can get through it if we only close our eyes (make sure you’re not operating heavy equipment) and imagine a better, more well rested future. C’mon, America. Let’s sleep on it!

Thanks to Dr. Futon for her soothing, swimming words. When I briefly scanned her text, that’s what the words appeared to be up to – the backstroke. Impressive. I wonder how she makes them do that? To save time and energy, I’ll simply agree with everything she said and move on.

Promoting healthy sleep is a good idea, and as Dr. Futon suggests, it could be patriotic. But like any marketing campaign you have to make sure you’re reaching the right audience. What we don’t want is to miss the mark and accidentally persuade those who are already getting enough sleep, to sleep more.

Are you one of the people who needs to Sleep for America?

I hope Steve Jobs recovers quickly from whatever health problem led him to take an indefinite leave of absence from Apple yesterday. I know when I’m sick I think it should make global headlines, and usually I act like it has. If you want to talk to me about anything other than my scratchy throat and the weird ache in my right knee, see me next month, because right now my miserable condition is The Most Important Story In The World. That’s how it seems, anyway. In Steve Jobs’ case, it happens to be true. Apple’s value on Asian stock markets dropped with the news of his leave. The same type of reaction is expected today in the U.S., once markets open after having the day off yesterday.

Everybody wants to be told they are valued for the work they do. Usually a bigger-than-average pay increase will do the trick. In lean times, even a kind word from the boss is a morale lifter. But what must it be like when a company worth 321 billion dollars loses a large chunk of its value because you appear to be ill? That’s got to feel good, but in a very, very bad way.

If you were Steve Jobs and you happened to own a lot of Apple stock, such a market reaction to your illness would only make you feel sicker as you watched your net worth plummet alongside your downwardly spiraling vital signs. What’s wrong with you Wall Street people! Have you no compassion? We should be buying Apple stock to help finance whatever treatment Jobs needs to feel better. And that goes for you too, magazine publishers! This is no time to hold a petty grudge.

In the absence of real information, speculation is rife. Mr. Jobs had a liver transplant 2 years ago, so some suspect there are rejection issues. I hope not. With all the money that could potentially be lost during an extended episode of Joblessness at Apple, some of the company’s most passionate enthusiasts might resort to leaving their own livers as get well offerings at the corporate headquarters. No doubt the app for that is already being developed.

It is odd and weirdly comforting, though, that in a time when a common complaint is that individuals matter too little, we can have a situation develop where an individual appears to matter far too much.

Speaking of indispensability, I’m planning to take a week or so off in early February, so guest bloggers are welcome! Let’s fill the dates from February 1st to the 12th with entertaining and informative guest blogs. Let me know you’re interested by sending an email to connelly.dale@gmail.com.

Global stock markets and the world’s press are poised to react to word of how you’re feeling today. What do you tell them?