Tag Archives: high school

Uncategorized

The Scottish Ploy

43 Comments

Today’s post comes from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden of Wendell Willkie High School.

Hey Mr. C.,

Well, school has been going for a couple of weeks now and so far no real surprises, except that Mr. Boozenporn moved his “Nations of the World” unit from January up to Right Now.

It ends with a “Nations of the World Festival” in the gym. We get assigned a country in a random drawing and we have to write a report about it, and make a display, and dress up in a traditional costume and then all the parents (well, not ALL) come on a Tuesday night and they poke around and kinda quiz you about your project while you stand there, sweating.

But I don’t worry about it too much because I’ve been a sophomore for a lot of years and I’ve done enough nations that I’m starting to get them a second time, which is really cool because you can kinda re-use your work and who’s gonna know?

Except last year I got Egypt again so I handed in the report I did back in 2005 and Mr. B gave me a “D” and held it up for the whole class to see because now they have a different president and everything else I said about Egypt was pretty much wrong too, except that they have pyramids and the Nile.

“Follow the news!” Mr. B. said. “If you don’t know the latest happenings in your country, you will get a ‘D’ for ‘don’t know anything’.”

So this year I drew Scotland.

I’ve never done Scotland before, but I took Mr. B’s advice and checked the news, and boy was I ever glad I did! It turns out they’re having a vote (today!) to decide whether or not to be an independent country. Which is funny because I thought they already were! (And so did Mr. B., I guess, because otherwise why would it be a choice?)

Doesn’t matter, though, because I feel super lucky. The way I see it, Scotland is a free pass on the “Nations of the World” assignment since the Festival is next Tuesday night.  I’m counting on Scotland to vote for independence so the festival will happen on what will only be the fifth day of existence for their country.

That means I get to make a super short report.  Maybe I could get away with just a shrug! Who coulda guessed that Scottish independence would set me free, too?

After all, it’s not like the Scottish people have history that goes much past last week, right? So it should be smooth sailing for me – nothing to worry about unlike those guys that drew places in, like, Africa. I hear some of them are going to have to wear dresses!

At least Scottish guys don’t wear silly clothes like that, just goofy, poofy hats. As far as the rest of the wardrobe, somebody told me anything with a pattern would work. Is that true?

Your pal,
Bubby

What is your greatest miscalculation?

Uncategorized

Role Models

61 Comments

Today’s post comes from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden.

Hey, Mr. C.,

The school year at Wendell Wilkie High is off to a great start. I really, really love my Political Science class with Mr. Boozenporn.

US_Capitol

He started out the year being all stern about how the rules were going to be enforced this time and EVERYBODY had to have ALL their work done EVERY day. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Mr. B. said it was necessary because the big test next April will show whether we’re able to learn anything or if we are as dumb as a Target end cap full of Miley Cyrus CDs. “Your futures hang in the balance,” he said. “Will you be a success? Only YOU can decide.”

It was a good speech except I’ve only heard it two thousand times before.

But some kids got kind of stressed over that and a couple of them were actually talking about working hard this semester. That’s how intense it was. But then Alicia Nugent spoke up and said “Mr. Boozenporn, would I be a success if I got elected to Congress?”

Mr. B. assured Alicia that he would consider her a success if she did that.

And then she said “Mr. Boozenporn, what will happen to YOU if we boot that test in April?”

Mr. B. admitted he would be in serious trouble if his whole class booted that test.

Then she said “I’m sure I speak for most of the class when I say, Mr. Boozenporn, that you are not in the best bargaining position to make demands. Rather, we have demands for you since we control the only variable in this equation – namely – our performance on said examination.”

Alicia went on to explain how she could, with the help of just a few of our brainiest classmates, totally ambush the school by choosing to perform poorly on the test. And they could pull it off, too. Because it’s easier to get a question wrong if you know what the right answer is to begin with!

Mr. Boozenporn considered this for a moment, and then lectured for the rest of the hour on integrity and the importance of trying your best to do the right thing and blah, blah, blah, blah and boogety boogety and something about the opportunities we’ll have (or won’t have) in the future.

I didn’t hear too much of it because I was kinda falling in love with Alicia Nugent right then.

But Mr. B went on. Booting a test on purpose, he said, especially that big test in April, would be like the carpenter who recently shot himself in the chest with a nail gun. He seemed pretty sure we wouldn’t do that to ourselves and undermine our chances at success.

But then Alicia said … and this is why I kind of have an enormous crush on her … “But you already said I’d be a success if I got elected to Congress. Are the people in Congress the ones who got good grades, or are they the ones who were willing to wreck everything just to get their way?”

We all jumped out of our chairs and did a standing ovation. It was a totally awesome moment, like in one of those Spunky Teen movies, except one that’s really, really cynical all the way to the end.

Mr. Boozenporn gave her an “A” right there on the Machiavelli unit, and then told her to be quiet.

Still, I really love that class and I’m thinking of asking Alicia go to a movie with me. Should I?

Your (still a) sophomore pal,
Bubby

I told Bubby he should definitely ask Alicia out, but he might not be bright enough to hold her attention for long. Picking a good movie is key, but consider the showtimes and locations carefully. After all, the theaters are likely to be full of furloughed Federal workers.

Seen any good movies lately?