Yesterday was the anniversary of the establishment in 1607 of the Jamestown settlement on a swampy, isolated, mosquito infested site in a place now known as Virgina.

That means today is the 406th anniversary of the Jamestown colonists’ “what now?” moment, in which a feeling of reality-based dread that eventually settles over many jubilant proceedings – a reaction also known as buyer’s remorse.

Not that they had actually purchased anything. The native people who were already in the area apparently weren’t using the Jamestown site because they recognized it wasn’t good for agriculture. But the natives could be wheedled and cajoled into handing over supplies. Things changed when the needy visitors proved unable to care for themselves and became even more demanding of support in this harsh new environment.

That’s not a way to win friends and influence people.

In the ensuing years, most of the colonists died from sickness and starvation. Their replacements resorted to cannibalism, documented in firsthand accounts from long ago and recently confirmed by archeologists who dug up the skeleton of a 14 year old girl. She had apparently died, been buried, exhumed, and finally had her brains scooped out for sustenance.

Ugh.

Never underestimate the power of hunger to make you do bad things.

It is easy at this distance to look down on the unprepared-for-survival people of Jamestown, and to tut-tut over the failure of their leaders. But with only a moment’s reflection I realized that I am in no way qualified to provide useful guidance in several key areas:

• The growing and harvesting of food.
• The killing and butchering of wild animals.
• The construction of buildings that could withstand more than a light breeze.

Were they clueless and lazy? I suppose. But given the chance to provide survival tips, I could only show the people of Jamestown a couple of things.

• How to surf the Internet.
• How to sit in front of the TV.
• (Internet and TV not included).

Not only are these totally useless skills, they do absolutely nothing to support healthy brain development. Which means I wouldn’t even come in handy at suppertime.

Dropped into the wilderness, how would you survive?