Today’s post comes from Bart, the bear who found a smart phone in the woods. His message has been translated from its original language, Ursus Textish.
Yo. Bart here.
Yes, I can stream videos, but it does not make me happy.
This is it – a big weekend for us in the woods. The tourists and vacationers are getting their last licks in before they have to go back to school or get serious about their work. Four-wheelers are roaring through the forest, Jet skis are buzzing across the lake, and half-eaten bags of Doritos are everywhere.
It’s almost like there is some primal frenzy that takes hold of your species, to play and thrash about wildly in the final hours of your imagined freedom, before everything around you changes.
I would sympathize, but starting today I’ve got my own problems to think about. Things will get quiet pretty fast after this.
Before long the cycle starts all over again. If I’m lucky.
But this is not a complaint. I can take care of myself. Or at least I can take cover. I know that other animals have it much worse than I do. Ferrets, for example, and parakeets. Circus bears. And house cats.
I see that there was just a gathering down in Minneapolis where thousands sat on a hillside and watched images of house cats being tormented by vacuums and metronomes and the bleak reality of their own confinement. And this was considered entertainment for the people! They voted on which episode of feline exploitation they enjoyed the most.
That’s sick.
The winning entry is extra sad, but I hear that people laughed. Out loud.
If you search for “bears” on You Tube, what you get is even bleaker. Mostly it involves dumpsters, trampolines, salmon and hairy men.
Very discouraging.
It makes me glad I’m still free, even though I’m spending far too much time playing with this phone. When will the battery run out? I’m afraid to put it down.
I guess maybe I have already been trapped, and simply don’t know it.
Your Buddy,
Bart
I don’t know if this is a tongue-in-cheek entry by Bart or not. He has a pretty big tongue and not that much cheek, so I’m guessing the stress of the Labor Day weekend is getting to him. But if the unfortunate tale of Henri gives some fresh perspective to a bear in the woods, what’s the harm in that?
Trail Baboon 