Dear Dr. Babooner,
Last week, people at my office became very upset over figure skating.
My cubicle-mate started a petition demanding that the United Nations, NATO, Interpol, the Red Cross and the International Monetary Fund look into the judging of the Women’s Figure Skating final at the Olympics. I didn’t sign it because I could see how potentially dangerous all this talk might become.
On Friday morning I was proven right when the receptionist got into an argument with a visitor about technical versus artistic scoring protocols and she hurled a stapler at the guest. I don’t know all the details but a witness says the guy who made the unfortunate remark did three full rotations and a somersault while jumping out of the way, which impressed everyone even though he crashed into the water cooler, which cost some points.
After that, our office manager sent around a decree that figure skating talk is not safe for work. He warned that anyone caught violating this new policy would be dismissed.
I was relieved to hear it because I think figure skating on the Olympic level amounts to child abuse. Extremely young people are relentlessly driven to give up what we consider ordinary lives to strive for some unobtainable “perfect” ideal, and then are forced by stern coaches to perform under incredible stress for cheating judges in front of a voracious, unsympathetic media.
This, I argued, exposes young, still-developing brains to a level of pressure and instant judgment that goes well beyond the trials and tribulations of holding an adult job, which is something the 14 and 15 year-olds out there on the ice are not even allowed to do.
Of course my cube-mate told the office manager what I said and I was fired immediately for breaking the ice conversation rule even though I did get credit for the originality of my comments and the dress I was wearing that day, which had a few sequins and just the right number of ruffles to be expressive and flirty without crossing the line into trashiness.
Dr. Babooner, I’m not denying that I made a technical error – I knew the rules. I’m proud that I gave it everything I had and didn’t hold back. But I’m not sure I want to re-enter the job market again, knowing how arbitrary and heartbreaking it can be even when you are very nearly perfect in everything you do. Friends have suggested that I was mistreated and should sue for every penny I can get, but I’m hesitant.
Should I complain, or carry on?
Yours truly,
Harshly Judged
I told Harshly that people who complain about unfair dismissal are often justified and sometimes vindicated but they almost always get labeled as whiners. Rather than sue on an employment claim, I suggested that she return to the office as a visitor and while waiting, try saying something that will set off that unstable receptionist. It might sting a bit to let the stapler hit its mark, but an assault charge is more winnable than a job discrimination claim.
But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?
Trail Baboon 