Today’s post comes from a pirate wanted on all 7 continents, Captain Billy.

Ahoy landlubbers!

Me and me boys is glad t’ be buccaneers what  fills our days sailin’ down th’ seacoast pillagin’ villages instead a havin’ day jobs like th’ rest of ya does.  We is truly blessed t’ have such a congenial lifestyle.  ‘Twas never more clear t’ me than it was just after I read this here article about the weird science of naming new products.

Didja know th’ name “Viagra” is crash between th’ words “vigorous” an’ “Niagara”?   Why they puts a name what’s famous fer falls in  somethin’ what’s supposed t’ be all about goin’ “up” hydraulically is mysterious t’ me.

 Th’ writer tells us about this here boyo who sits around all day strainin’ his brain t’ come up with words nobody ever thought of before t’ slap on products what needs a name.  An’ he’s come up wi’ some famous ones!  But also a lot that ain’t too well known, like:

 Avaya, Enormo, Fanhattan, Freescale, Homestyler, Kixx, Mylo, Pause, Rig, Scribe, Spontania, Valchemy, Wanderful and Zact.

 Th’ amount o’ work he as t’ go through t’ develop names is mighty discouragin’.   Lists an’ lists o’ ideas an’ word parts,  all mashed t’gether an’ taken apart, then presented t’ th’ clients, then re-worked an’ shaped an’ explained an’ re-presented.  An’ then he’s likely as not t’ get shot down, because as th’ writer says,

“Having asked for a whole new identity, the client is terrified to accept it.”

Terrified about commitment.  Finally, somethin’ we pirates understands!  What a horrible job.  Gimme th’ open skies an’ rollin’ sea any day, ain’t that right, boys?

Actually, though, we did somethin’ very similar when we named this here boat of ours.  What I did was I split th’ boys up in two groups an’ told ’em t’ brainstorm around words what described us an’ what we does.

Me boys is strong in th’ “storm” part, an’ not so much in th’ “brain” area, but each group came up wi’ some good ones.

Group number one said “Musket” was a word what sounded “manly” an “violent”, which is how we sees ourselves.  An’ they said “Lunge” was another one what captured us, on account of it bein’ “violent” an “manly”.  They was the ones what said we should name th’ boat th’ “Muskellunge”.

Group number two, on th’ other hand,  said “Musky” was a term fer th’ way things start t’ smell ’round here, ‘specially below decks.  So they  figured “Musky Lung” was a good name fer th’ boat on account of that’s what yer bound t’  get by ridin’ around in it.

After ’bout 5 seconds deliberation, we went with group number one, unanimous-like.

An’ that’s how th’ Muskellunge got her name!

Yer word-lovin’ swashbuckler,
Cap’n Billy

What’s your favorite made-up product name, and why?