The weird news of group bird deaths in Arkansas and Louisiana has me thinking about the ways birds (and other creatures) adapt to changing conditions in the name of survival.

It led me to a great avian idea whose time came (and apparently went). Scientists have uncovered evidence of a kind of ibis with clubs at the end of its wings for bonking predators and other birds over the head. The scientific name of the beast is Xenicibis xympithecus, which I believe is Latin for Thumping Headache Chicken.

For our purposes here, let’s call it the Jamaican Alleythug.

The thick bones at the end of the Alleythug’s wings have been described as nunchucks, and scientists have expressed amazement at this brief evolutionary departure from the more typical bird defense strategy, a four element toolkit-for-battle known as SP squared – squwaking, pecking, scratching and pooping.

One might expect a bird armed with this new kind of weapon would soon become dominant of the SP squared crowd, and might even ascend to King of the Birds. But no! The Jamaican Alleythug is no more. Extinct for unknown reasons, even though it coulda been the champ!

I expect peaceful baboons to sympathize with the more delicate winged birds and conclude that the Alleythug’s demise is biological evidence that violence is not a good long-term survival strategy. But really, consider the mismatch! How would you deal with that?

Describe a time when backing down was the better part of valor.