Today’s post comes from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden.

Hey Mr. C,

Wow, I just looked up from this game I’m playing with my buddy Pete and I see that the Fourth of July already happened. That’s awesome!

Things sure do happen fast when you get to be old. I remember when I was in middle school, time moved so slow – it seemed like everything took forever! Now I only feel like that whenever my dad is talking.

Like yesterday, when he decided to explain to me how scientists discovered that our solar system has a tail. And the way he said it was like it was really important news that should matter to everybody, even though whether or not anything has a tail is a totally meaningless unless you’re talking about a super-fast animal like a cheetah or something, because they can use their tails to keep their balance so they can run as fast of rockets when they’re trying to catch you and eat you for dinner and you have absolutely no chance of getting away.

I’m not so sure it would be different if they didn’t have tails, but you can always hope.

Anyway, the fact that there’s a tail on the solar system is something I didn’t really care about at all, but we cut a deal that if I watched this video from NASA and then talked about it with a friend for at least five minutes, I wouldn’t have to mow the lawn this time.

He’s always trying to get me to do stuff like that.

So I said yes and watched the video and yawned all the way through it to show him I was really Not Into It, even though the thing was pretty well done and kind of interesting.

So after watching the video I called Pete (dad made me) so I could tell him what I learned, but instead I asked him which animals are cooler, the ones with tails or the ones without. He said the ones with tails are cool because that includes Lions, tigers, kangaroos and dogs, but I said the ones without tails are better because then we’re talking about octopuses, spiders, slugs and bears.

But Pete said bears do have tails, and I said no they don’t – prove it, and then we got into this huge argument.

So my dad made me hang up and told me I had to write about it instead, which is why you’re getting this letter. So there it is. The solar system has a tail. Amazing.

And now I don’t have to mow, which is awesome. I still feel like I got away with something. Kind of like outrunning a cheetah!

Your pal,
Bubby

Which animals are cooler – those with tails or those without?