Today’s post comes from Wendell Wilkie High School’s “forever sophomore”, Bubby Spamden.
Hey Mr. C.,
Last Friday Mr. Boozenporn told us to imagine that we have been voted “Student Of The Year,” and that we have to give a thank you speech. Then he said Monday morning he’ll open up an envelope and announce the name of just one winner, and that person will have to stand up and give their speech.
Mary Ellen Nugent wanted to know what would happen to all the other speeches written by people who didn’t win.
Mr. B-porn said “Those speeches will be forgotten. Only the winner’s speech will be heard, and then we’ll all give that person a grade on it.”
He said it’s normal for people who win prizes to get criticized by the non-winners, so we should learn to deal with it.
Then I said “What if you’re pretty sure you won’t get named Student of the Year. Do you still have to do the assignment?”
He said “If you’re pretty sure you’re a loser, you don’t have to do any of my assignments. Because losers don’t know how to be grateful anyway.”
So I said, “What good is gratitude if somebody assigns you to have it? Isn’t it supposed to come from the heart?”
Then Mr. B-porn told me to be quiet and do my reading, which I did, ungratefully.
I went ahead and wrote the speech because I don’t want anybody to think that I THINK I’m a loser. But I’m pretty sure I won’t have to give it. That’s why I’m sending it to you. I can tell from your blog that on a lot of days you just don’t know what to say. Maybe getting a bunch of words and sentences for free will help!
No need to say “thanks”. Some people just aren’t cut out for gratitude!
Hey everybody,
I can’t believe I’m Student of The Year! I didn’t plan to be a student, so I guess I have to thank my parents for pushing me. I would have stayed home and watched TV for my whole life, but they saw something in me and realized it was something they needed to get off their couch. So they had the bus come pick me up.
I know I wouldn’t have won without all those teachers who saw that I wasn’t paying attention in class and didn’t ignore it, like Mrs. Kostner who came and stood by my desk when I started to fall asleep and Ms. Thompson who made me come sit up in the front of the room when I was joking around with the guys and Mr. Zeligman who threw erasers at me when I was drawing cartoon characters in my math book.
They helped me see how far behind everybody else I was.
Which brings me to all my fellow students who let me copy their essays and copy their calculations and their research and their test answers. I did it as a compliment because I really want to be just like you, but without working as hard as you do. It’s a long list – but nobody said gratitude was easy so here goes!
First, for letting me copy her biology report on red squirrels … hey, could somebody tell the band to stop? I have this long list of names and … wow! Pretty much everyone is giving me a signal to stop talking. At least I think that’s what that gesture means. so – I guess have to stop talking. But really, everyone, thanks!
What’s the greatest speech you never gave?
Trail Baboon 